perhaps ur right, but thinkin about shit doesnt help at all, its better forgotten in my opinon... my view on tolle isnt the greatest either, liked him at first but he is just makin common knowledge of thought & emotional process sound spiritual... hes a cunt, same as everyone who claims to be somethin, preys on the weak to make money.. but hey I DO IT TOO SO GOOD ON HIM.

and FACING UP TO YOUR PROBLEMS, ur twisting meanings there, that is a view on confrontation in a REAL WORLD RESPECT ... confronting problems in your own head ur merly fightin with urself...

spend 2 - 3 days in bed thinkin about it... get all ya thinkin out the way

then move on.. my advice

and why's this? You still havent explained why thinking about stuff doesnt help. I think it absolutley does, so long as he thinks on in positively and doesnt have some 'woe is me' attittude he'l be fine, he'l grow from it.

How is this twisting meanings? How is he fighting with himself is he's accepting. He's fighting with himself by 'forgetting'.

Now you've completley contradicted yourself here. All that talk of forgetting and now your saying spend 2-3 days thinking, are coming or going dude?

If you find yourself thinking about someone excessively just consider this.

Are they relevent to what your doing right now?

If not focus on what your doing and do it well.

Where memory dwells, Love takes throne.

ok phenom... i lik ehow ur tryin to play barrister.... so

THINKING ABOUT STUFF: envokes emotional response, in this case is negative... negative feelings are addictive, this fuels the thought process which in turn fuels the emotional response, this negative cirlce is a spiral and continual thought becomes depression. Old psychology tactics where about FACING the problem. now days since the introduction of NLP it is thought better to DELETE the problem, make it dissapear... the only reason he HURTS is coz he is thinking about it.

FACING YOUR PROBLEMS : This is not a REAL problem.. when people say face your problems it usually means a real life issue things that wont go away. This is not one of them, its in the mind. If he is sitting thinking of WHAT COULD I HAVE DONE BETTER... I WISH I WISH IF ONLY he is fighting with himself... if he forgets then NO FIGHT, its no longer an issue... ITS FORGOTTEN... which is when he realises how inconsiquention the issue is he will say.. OH THATS FORGOTTEN... then wonder why he didnt just forget about it.

FINALY, SPEND 3 DAYS IN BED.... if he wants to think about it so bad... let him! sit in bed untill he's done!! ... we all been there... its all gonna come to the same ending...

IT WILL BE FORGOTTEN

There is no thinker other than the thought

echkart darood

I think I should elaborate on my last post.

I went to a wedding party on Friday night. The girl I fancy was there with her BF (which I knew would be the case). I tried to avoid her, but she beckoned me outside for a cigarette (even tho I don't smoke).

A few of us were talking outside, her BF nearby. And there was a 10 min period where she didn't shut up about him (not saying how great he is, just stuff about his family, who he knows etc). Strangely (or not), this was the first time she'd ever really spoken about him infront of me (but she has a tendency to talk a lot after a few drinks). Which is fine, of course she's entitled to speak about her BF. But it made incredibly jealous and frustrated to the point of anger. Pathetic I know.

But I'm gald for it because it has forced me to finally take a different attitude, one of acceptance. Acceptance of the fact that I fancy her and like her, but that she has a BF that she must love, who've bought a house together and could be together for a very long time. But also acceptance of the fact that that's life, and more importantly that there are thousands of other women out there available who are probably better than her. This seems pretty obvious, but identifying with this viewpoint and placing total emphasis on it has been a massive struggle. But the natural inclination to want her badly despite the circumstances was unavoidable. If someone could tell me why that is, I'd be interested to hear.

Tremendous.

Thanks for the posts guys.

This is very good Maestro, it seems you have learnt a lot from this experience and i think this outlook on the situation is awesome. Good luck with everything in the future dude :)

Lets imagine your a caveman... u see a female u want to mate with, in the middle of this another caveman steals her... u accept the loss and look for another female to rape... your veiw is INSTINCTIVE to mate with whatever you can... this is animal..

now as humans we have grown PERSONALITIES, consisting of control issues, ego, fear of loss... and a multitude of new issues with media & sex

u want her so bad as by not getting her is loss of control on your part tied in with the idea that if you got her you would then be the best.

sometimes its not about who is the better person u or him, but circumstance.

so there is no detriment on your self. imagine you had got her, then let her go... you would not feel bad.... its only because it was out of your control!! we as males are predominantly control freaks... if you can learn to accept some things are just out of your control then it helps a massive deal...

GO TO GOOGLE, LOOK AT A PIC OF THE EARTH FROM SPACE... MAKES U REALISE HOW INSIGNIFICANT UR PROBLEMS REALLY ARE