I have a really weird problem with my internal state right now.

More often than not these days, I feel pretty good about myself. I have good fun when I go out, enjoy myself and have fun with social interaction.

Sometimes, though, I have times when things don't go well. Maybe something goes wrong at work, or I feel ill from going out the night before. The worst for producing this problem is when I see my ex-girlfriend with her new boyfriend on campus.

Whenever something like this happens, my internal state just cripples itself. I find myself withdrawing, and struggle to keep social interactions going. I find myself stuck in my own head. Whoever I am with can't help but pick up on my depressive vibe, and this just makes the interaction unpleasant for all of us, which in turn only adds to my negative internal state. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

Its like a switch gets flipped, and suddenly I go into a state of depression.

Escaping from the social interaction doesnt help either, as then I feel like I have failed, or feel unhappy through being alone.

I was hoping someone here with a knowledge of internal states might help me to deconstruct these feelings, and help me understand why they come about, and perhaps how I can go about solving them. It is pointless, its holding me back and its fucking up my game. I need to know how to escape depressive moods and how to get out of my head in social settings.

You should try meditating, it's done absolute wonders for me, and I haven't even really come any where near being able to meditate deeply yet. There's plenty of vids on youtube to give you an idea of what it's about and how to do it. There's also plenty of books that can help you immensely. I very much recommend power of the now, which I am reading at the moment. I've read a couple of self help books and whilst they have a reputation for being cheesy when you're suffering from depression they can really uplift your mood and put some perspective on things.

Or you could ask for professional help, though it sounds like you're just suffering the blues rather than having any clinical problems. It sounds as though you have your mind on particular things in your life at the moment that are causing you to feel down, which is not much of a problem really, although it can feel as if its the biggest problem in the world. Certainly getting out and meeting new people will help. You really just need to be able to get your mind past these things that are getting you down, and come to the realisation that the fact that you should be enjoying your precious time on this planet is infinitely more important than the fact that you got dumped by some girl, or whether or not so and so likes you. You should be the most important person in the world. More important than any celebrity or political leader. You control the world that you live in, not anyone else! You need to take your world by the balls and give it a good slap in the face!

Also, try not taking things too seriously. When something embarrassing or shitty happens to me I tend to just usually laugh about it. For example, now I think getting blown out by a girl in a supermarket full of people is fucking hilarious! I literally walk away pissing myself, and so do most people standing around. This is just an example of the type of mentality that you need to get through life. I'm not gonna start banging on about how hard life can be, because I'm sure you're aware of this fact. However, if you're going to make it to a half decent place in your life then you need to be able to think past through the trivial shite, and say "well this is shit, but hey that's life" and just carry on through. Anyone that is unable to do this will lead a very miserable existence.

Thank you for your post.

I think you are right; I am most likely depressed at the moment.

My problem with it is that it is sort of a self fulfilling prophecy; it prevents me having the fun I need to get over it. Particularly since what I enjoy most right now is doing fun things with friends and being social. Primarily, I feel forced into introversion, and it greatly upsets me when my main goal is to be more socially able (thus requiring extrovert behaviour).

Hi Whacksmith,

A lot of us guys have read "Power of Now" by Ekhart Tolle. He also has a book called "New Earth". Read them both. His basic premise is that we think too much about crap, which gets us depressed and even mentally ill. He describes easy and very quick ways to control this....you will improve within minutes of reading the first few chapters of "Power of Now", I certainly did. Then practice the techniques as much as possible. They are very simple concepts to understand, but takes concentration to put into practice.

Sometimes you are not going to feel great, I think when it's physical recharge your batteries, chill you can't be a pick up machine all the time.

If you have to be out for whatever reason, don't judge your night on your success with women judge it by having a good time whatever it is you enjoy at the time, that might even be listening to one of your friends talk and saying the odd thing.

As for work problems, you're out you're not at work you can't deal with that now so don't worry about it put it far from your mind, don't let it control you. Also if you let that get you down then you'll be in worse shape to deal with it later so going out and having a good time will actually help you deal with it because you will come back to it fresh, well maybe fresh is a bad choice of words if you have a hangover but you'll have forgotten about it.

As for the ex girlfriend it's time to move on she has and be happy for her if you broke up amicably you can go and play the field! If she was a bitch then why are you even giving her the time of day, she's not worth your time?

Tolle is ok but he goes a bit mental on the new ageness the main thrust is don't focus on past experiences, live in the now and be aware of your thought processes and learn which to ignore and which to keep (which I kind of mentioned in the work bit). I think he goes too far and puts too much emphasis on not thinking which if you fully went through with it might leave you a bit robot like but there is some good stuff in there just keep your wits about you (even though he tells you not too).

Anyway hope you're ok here's an internet hug *hug*

I will check out that book. Sounds cool!

Thanks for the advice Tom mate. I think that is a healthier attitude, and one which I shall try to adopt. I am definitely in need of a recharge though. I've been pushing it this last term, and I could do with some time off.

Power of Now is definitely worth a read, but I agree with the comments about it's slide towards New Age territory.

I think 'Feel The Fear & Do It Anyway' is also worth checking out.
It's quite simple and succinct, but easy to digest and lots of really useful practical take-outs to get you through some tough spots and laying the foundations for strong inner game.

Also obvious but worth reiterating, don't beat yourself up for having the days where you aren't quite rocking the vibe - everyone does, perfectly normal!

Hey let me add to that- I have 'Power of Now' on my desk and I first stumbled across it when I read Decibel's excellent Introductory PUA guide (free ebook)
And yes, as said in previous posts, just immerse in the moment . If you think about it, thats what Mystery's 3 second rule is about. To hell with worrying about transitions and rejections - accept them as part of the learning process and embrace them as learning opportunities. ..so yes - feel the pain and do it anyway...

Sounds great. I will check out that one too. Many thanks for this guys.

I don't think this is weird, I have the same thing. I have used the phrase 'switch' to myself before too.

Sleep (if I can), exercise and humour always help me when I blue. Also talking to a friend who is not involved in the situation helps.

I find using external sources such as the above work well. I try not to mentally defeat the negative feeling internally as it doesn't usually work for me (although hats off to people if they can change this. NLP etc just isn't stong enough for me in some situations).

I usually just tell myself there is a chemical in my brain caused by a random bad event. This chemical is the reason I feel bad, but it will soon be out of my system and then I will feel good. I know these 'events' happened before, but they do not seem as big a deal as the current event (even though they were at the time) as their chemical is dead.

Also remember you have had many 'good chemicals' in there too caused by 'good events' and the next one of those is just around the corner! In fact think of past 'good events' now - might help (hmm maybe 'NLP etc' does work!)

Oh and back to my point, sleep, humour, exercise, socialising with close friends all release endorphines, which to me is a good chemical too and why I think they help you feel happier sooner again! There are also many other things that do too, but these are usually the safest for me if I'm feeling down. Talking to a new girl for example could bring me up, but also has the potential to bring me down further. I usually like to improve my state a bit first.

Um, if you've not guessed by now I am by no means a scientist, so take my advice with a pinch of salt still please! Works for me though! Probably should give the books a try too, they sound quite useful.