Hey guys,

Enjoyed game a long time including a PUATraining bootcamp - pretty much nailed how to be alpha when dating... but I have to admit I tend to go AFC when in relationships - current one no exception. I have moaned, I have explained how I feel etc - yes SICK BUCKET!

Good news is I realise the error of my ways. Question is two fold....
1. How do I recover without appearing to have a split personality/to have changed
2. How do I treat bad behaviour

Question 2 is more pressing in my current situation. She is out tonight on a hen do...

Brief version of last contact over text are...
Her - Off out now, message when I can
Me - have fun hottie
Her - love you
Me - love you too (~10:30ish)

Its now 1:30am - she has been online every 10-15min for 1-2min at a time since 11:30pm - clearly able to message & obviously IS messaging someone.... not me!!

Previously when she has gone out she has messaged me all the time - but not tonight. I refuse to show her I am angry/upset by this, but I have to question why!

How would an alpha deal with her behaving in a way that is unacceptable both for this particular occasion and others...

Thanks guys

Welcome to the forum mate, but the general etiquette is to post a message in the introductions thread before anywhere else.

If I'm honest, your trying to idealise far too much on how you think an 'alpha' would act, when you should be acting like somebody who's comfortable with the situation, or more importantly, yourself.

Not texting back, doesn't seem that much like 'bad behavior', you may be reading too much into it, she may just be texting her friends while she's out, trying to find out where people are, she may just be appearing online because her phone has signal. Or she may be getting guys numbers, point is there's not much you can do about it without being possessive just let it be.

Do you text her when your on a night out?

Apologies....very next step is for me to post an intro... my bad. With my AFC head spinning I was not thinking straight.

When out we typically text one another fairly regularly. She is a total phone addict to the point of checking what messages she has when I pause to out a condom on post foreplay!! Another bad habit that needs addressing...

Issue I have I suppose are small and have slowly been compounded and made worse by my sensitivity. Challenges to date....

- I am always planning future events, arranging when we next meet up
- I have introduced her to my social circle, 5 months in not met a single one of her friends - although met her parents/brother etc. all her friend events are girls only....
- she is either insatiable and very affectionate or completely off and not interested in sex. Body language negative, pulls away from any affection etc
- common courtesies like good night/good morning contact I had to ask for (now get it)

First week away recently she was off and so I got AFC asking what was wrong - her response nothing which made her more off which made me ask even more what was wrong, made her more off - downward spiral. AFC muppet I know!!! This is what I need to recover from.

Post event she wanted a weekend to chill and be with "her mummy" - lived at home until 28 (only been away from home 6 months!!). She perked up but I cannot help but be sensitive to everything she does. She is clearly less attracted and so not as chatty, flirty etc. my AFC is strangling the attraction.

So I guess my original question stands - how can I "punish"/not tolerate being treated right without being AFC and regain my position as dominant alpha that she finds attractive.

We work together and at work I am a top 5 performer in a 200+ team and am naturally very alpha at work - her original attraction of course.

Feel free to lay into me so I can refer back to this post each time I am feeling AFC to being me back in line.

Thanks in advance guys....

Right step back a minute there mate, 'punish'? Your thinking about this completely wrong, you may have had the initial attraction when you were the 'alpha' in work, but now she's got you, much like a child that's gotten the toy they envied that they now no longer want to play with because they've gotten it. Just back off her a bit, go do your own thing, go out with the lads, talk to people etc. If she's interested in you let her come to you, and if she doesn't? Then fuck it your better off with somebody who shows a bit more interest.

Her behaviour in itself is not bad. Why can't she text whomever she wants whenever she wants?

Checking her phone whilst your putting on a condom imo is bad and I would address that calmly and maturely, but that is more of a compulsive addiction behaviour that a bad/disrespectful behaviour. It also means that you are not doing foreplay correctly my friend...

The problem here is that you seem to be obsessing over this one girl. Yes it's great to have a healthy and committed relationship but this is not healthy. You should have mutual respect for each other, not be seeking to "punish".

Firstly you need to get over your hangups and trust her. Because if you don't trust her then get out of the relationship but if you do you need to have a little faith in her.
The best way of doing this is making your own life interesting and awesome so that you have other choices of things to do other than fascinate over what your girlfriend is doing. Take up hobbies, go and see live bands or collect stamps. Something that will make you stop checking whether your girl is online and also give you the option of saying "hey not tonight, I'm busy"

Secondly you are not alpha if you are searching for a way to be "alpha" and assert it. It is something that is there or it isn't and in part it isn't something you can bring to a relationship.

All great stuff and what I know in my head I just need to hear it from others. Sadly speaking to friends you get standard afc suggestions - talk etc! Please keep posting your comments.....

I particularly like you making the distinction between compulsive addiction rather than me taking it personally! This single handedly has lifted a weight off my shoulders! Thanks for this. I need more of this alpha thinking shared - thanks guys!

Try not to put so much weight on 'alpha' thinking, you only identify with an 'alpha' mentality because you may not be content with your own state of mind, something which you may see in others that you recognise as an 'alpha'.

Again, as dale said, take up a hobby, go out, enjoy life, make yourself more interesting to yourself, and your girl will be more interested in you, and so will other people, making you more desirable.

Thanks Dice/both...

Last year I was Mr Social with the craziest diary life had ever seen with travel planned every 6 weeks. At the start of this year I promised myself to step back and just chill. So I didnt accept party invites, stopped seeing some of the people I used to and 5/6 months in now I have an empty calendar and look positively boring! I can see how this is affecting me and also how other perceive me.

The lady knows of my past - but of course memories wear off and all she sees now is a guy who does not have his own life sitting about waiting to see her free at her beckon call.

Hobbies & own social life it is... that starts now.

Thanks!

PS: Any suggestions on books/places to learn more about inner game and getting this handled?

Good plan, I couldn't really say where or how you start getting out there, but its mostly to do with being pro-active, always say yes to any opportunity. A lot of nights out have actually been from this forum, send out a few PM's see when people are out, many of the better nights out I've had in Manchester have been with people from this forum.

If you haven't already then I'd say read Neil Strauss, The Game, its a great book which will make you laugh and also help you to see light at the end of the tunnel

You gf sounds like my ex, and I was in exactly your position just without this forum, I think if I had put my sub consious thoughts onto a forum such as this maybe I would still be with her (although I have no regrets) in my expereince all you need to do is play hard to get, and by getting your social life back in order and taking up hobbies this will happen as you won't always be free to be with her, making her desire to see you grow and seem less of a chore, remember... Absence makes the heart grow fonder, also I know she is your girl friend but light hearted negs will work a treat, through txts and normal day to day interaction, make sure there fun light hearted negs!! Girl friends can become extremly offended and unlike in the field you can't just walk away, you have to stay and deal with it!

Hope things work out for you, sounds like you really like this girl