One thing leads to another at a bar. I take this girl I'm getting off with (that I kinda knew already) into the gents.

I get her in a cubical.

She's kneels down, pulls out my cock and starts blowing me. THEN...Some bloke props up next door. She's sucking me off all slow and seductive and really getting into it...

When all of a sudden the bloke in the cubical next door pops his belt buckle. Drops his trousers. Parks his arse. And starts trumpetting out the loudest nastiest oldman shit you can imagine!!!!

My erection makes his excuses and leaves. She starts to wretch. It's blindingly smelly.

To make matters worse the bloke next door sounds like a 50+ RAF sarg major and seems to be agony. He keeps loudly apologising after each and every loud unbelievably smelly gut heave...'Goodness me!' 'PARDON'

Just when i thought things couldn't get any worse someone else walks in...and knocks on our door. I get the bird to swat up on the toliet bowl in case it's a cop/bar staff etc. She huddles in moral fear, panic and general disgust.

New bloke knocks on the door and says... 'I'm a mate of your mates he said you can sort us out (with drugs).'

I said 'no I think you have the wrong guy.' and the fucker thought i was fobbing him off so kept standing there making his case and insisting.

All the while I kept thinking 'this never happened to james bond~!'

I got rid of him eventually but the moment had passed and thanks to the sargent major next door the entire toliet now smelt like Abu Ghraib. To make matters worse we got caught and kicked out trying to leave the gents together.

What I'm most proud of is that I actually EVENTUALLY managed to salvage this disaster...by taking her out to trafalgar square for some much needed fresh air, we ended up sharing a bunch of disaster stories laughing our heads off about it all and then going back to hers for a bit of how's your father.

Happy days.

I was immensely drunk one night and was having sex with an ex (you know the ex that you still sleep with for months)... but I started calling her different names, and the bad thing is, they were names of girls she knew I fancied. But she still fucked me. Then in the morning, I couldn't remember a thing, and was left wondering why she's so mad.. Although I guess its not much of a disaster, but was funny.

Also, the same girl, this time when I was going out with her, a month after we had been together we were walking through town, and her friend phones her up, crying in the school toilet cubicle. She tells her, on the phone, that I cheated on her, with the friend. So the current time girlfriend, looks at me, slaps me in the face (didn't even hurt!) and walks away saying "I'm disappointed". Then she got all bitchy when I didn't apologise lol.

Months after I had split with that girlfriend, I went to see this slutty girl I know. I was still kinda hung up on my ex, so I wasn't all that in to it. So she's kissing me, wanting to feel my cock, but it just aint moving. I casually explained I still feel really depressed and I'm so glad she's there for me (fucked her a week later), and I just went down on her and gave her the biggest orgasm of her life instead. Disaster for my dick though !

WTF that ain't a disaster story

anyways im still waiting for BCB's mother of all disaster stories, hope its not an anti-climax

was my first time, i was 17 she was 15 (yup, i know underage but couldnt give a fuck at the time i thought i was punching well above my weight she was the fittest girl in the year) anyway after about a month of hooking up she would wank me off every night but i didnt really enjoy it (hand jobs do fuck all for me) and could not bust my load!! eventually after about 2 weeks of getting handjobs i tried to start fingering her to turn me on, she was not having any of it. (fairly shye it was her first time to) so one night she started wanking me off and i said i couldnt be assed with it, which soon broke into a massive argument due to my lack of appreciation for her handjobs. strangely we both just stopped arguing started kissing and she just said 'FUCK ME' so i whacked off my trousers again (still hard from the kissing) pulled down her jeans and without a seconds hesistation stuck my cock in her (no condom) within 2 seconds i had to pull out after busting my load inside her, this caused a trip to the pharmacy for the morning after pill BUT thats another story.

Jaz,

I thought the screaming girls, blood, police incident was even more disastrous than this one...!!

I would ahve shouted out at the top of my voice

Look You Noisy twats im trying to fucka girl in here so fuck off as im losing my hardon

Ok ok ok... I buckle. Here's mine:

About nine years ago now, second year of university in Bournemouth, I'm in the student club one night with a load of mates and my friend spots a couple of pretty hot girls standing by the bar. Being the confident son-of-a-bitch that he was, he wanders over and literally three minutes later, he's leaving the club with one of them. Now, I was pretty chodish at the time, but noticed the +1 that had been left dangling kept giving me eyes so I wandered over and we started chatting.

She was visiting some friends at my uni and had actually come all the way down from Newcastle to see them, the main one who she was staying with having just fucked off with my friend. Anyway, it takes about five minutes of talking when we decided to leave and go back to her friends where she was staying.

En route, I call my mate and find out her friend has gone back to my mates, so we decide to go to her friends empty house (to which she has the spare key).

So in we go, and we sit on her bed and pretty quickly devour a bottle of vodka between us. Straight away I realise "I'm fucked" and she's flagging too, so I make my move. I remember her stopping to put on some music, and for some reason to this day remember that she chose Greenday - Dookie. Odd sex music, but whatever.

Anyway, things start to progress, she goes down on my for a bit, but I notice she's flagging (because of the vodka), so I flick her on her back on the bed and go down on here. To start with, she's squirming a lot and seems to be enjoying it, but then she stops moving. I carry on for a sec, thinking she might have just hit a wave, but then she fanny-farts right in my mouth, which combined with the vodka makes me throw up all over her stomach, legs and nether regions. I sit up and start apologising, only to realise that she's totally and utterly passed out.

So I do the only gentlemanly thing to do. Put on my clothes and leave her there, in a strange city, in her friends bed, covered in sick.

To this day I feel a little bad about it, and I also felt back about texting my mate and saying "whatever you do don't give that girl your real number, I'll explain tomorrow", and fortunately he didn't; but man, would I loved to have been a fly on the wall when she woke up in the morning.

The end.