Hi everyone,

I know this is probably a strange thing to post on a pua forum, and it's my first post. But years ago i witnessed the power of 'The Game' got involved in a forum like this one, and seen how you guys have such a powerful level of understanding the physchology of all this, I think you guys would be able to tell me exactly where i went wrong, and maybe how I can save it.

I’m in a situation where I need help and advise.

tl;dr

-re established contact after 10 months, went well 3 months of texting, met a few times. started to go downhill, i was on the back foot, far too emotional, and she told me she’s sorry but not looking for a relationship.

initiated no contact
broke it with a christmas card which said i now understand your feelings, would like to talk again.
She replied by text, thanking for the card and wishing a happy christmas.

I’m terrified of the next reply, what i should say, when, etc etc. I’m so conscious that I messed up last time. I’m convinced if i had acted differently during the last few months things could have been at the stage now where we’re nearly back together.

I want to make sure i don’t mess up again, and if anyone out there can offer and advise on replies, what to say and how. I would be forever grateful, I feel like my happiness depends on us falling in love again.


Any help I would really appreciate!

Love to everyone here and reading this, thanks.


I’m aware this part is long, my overall question is simple, but I wanted to provide extra context for people if interested

Background:

I met this girl over 4 years ago, she was young and I was slightly older. I was her first love, I thought I loved her too at the time, but didn’t act like it. We had a relationship of sorts, at first I saw her a lot. Then I had to move 4 hours away with work, she was still in school and we called / skyped when we could and met up. I have to admit, I didn’t put as much effort in as I could have, she wanted to see me more, I would make excuses, I didn’t progress the relationship to meeting parents etc, even though she was desperate for this. ( I had met her parents once, briefly said hi) never the less, we were ‘together’ for 3 years. She loved me so much, she didn’t do anything wrong, and i was a complete dick to her. I taken advantage of her being there for me. I seen other girls in the time we were together, although she never found out.


Exactly a year ago a recurring argument from her arose, how it’s not working, because i’m not willing to put effort in and won’t progress the relationship etc. At the time I was moving home again, had options with another girl and generally didn’t want to go through this argument, we stopped talking, abruptly, and i guess i never made the effort to start again.


Fast forward :

10 months after no contact. I had obviously thought of her during this time, even missed her, but living in another new city, with a new job, and focussing on going to the gym and having new friends, I guess my life was going ok. Towards the end of the 10 months I had started to think about establishing contact, I knew she would be going to university soon and was genuinely interested how her life was, but looking back I wasn’t serious enough to act. I sent her a text at christmas last year after 3 weeks no contact, to which she replied wishing me a happy christmas and birthday. I didn’t reply to this, i don’t know why.

Reestablishing contact:

So this is after 10 months no contact. ( I’m aware at this stage i’m not waiting myself at all in a favourable light, and i suspect this part of the story will also not paint me very well)
I was on holiday with two friends in spain. We were in the airport on the way there and there was this girl who looked the spitting image of my ex, spookily she was then on the same flight, and even more coincidentally she turned up at our hotel. Seeing this girl led me to nickname her after my exes name, therefore I began to mention her name a lot. my friends and i would see her round the hotel every day, we didn’t really speak to her, but we talked about her and the resemblance a lot.
My friend encouraged me to send a text to my ex, since i was talking about her a lot and was saying i miss her. So i did, it read something like

“Hey, been thinking about you and what you’re up to recently, hope you’re ok”

I didn’t receive a reply for a day or two, still on holiday. Then i had a reply something to the effect of:

“hey everything fine, moving to uni saturday how are you?”

after a few exchanged I got really caught up, memories started flooding back, and I went full on emotional on her. This continued for weeks, she told me she had a boyfriend. I was devastated, but it only spurred me on further.

I managed to meet up with her one time, i was very full on, told her i still loved her, and tried to explain how i was feeling. During this she let slip that she wasn’t sure about the new guy she was seeing.

A few weeks later she told me she had split up with him. We continued to text fairly positively about seeing how things went, although it was clear this whole time that i was a lot more keen than her.


The deterioration:

after 3 months of texting every day and seeing each other a few times ( including when i was admitted to hospital 2 hours away from her which was the last time she came to see me) things had gotten worse. i was clearly on the back foot, asking her to see me every day, to which she wouldn’t reply or would make up an excuse.

I must have given the impression of being so desperate which i know is so unattractive. but i got deeper and deeper into it.

Eventually it was painfully obvious she didn’t want to see me, i asked what was going on and the reply was roughly:

“ i don’t know whats wrong with me, i used to want it so much. but i’m just happier on my own. i like speaking to you but i can’t imagine you wanting to be my friend… I’m trying to be honest and i don’t want to lead you on.”

my replies were terrible emotaionlly field, begging etc… not good.
eventually she stopped replying at all because she said I wasn’t listening.
my last message said it’s been genuinely nice catching up again, take care.


No contact:

At this point i knew that i had managed to give myself a second chance and ruined it though not acting in the right way and giving off a terrible impression. i was heartbroken, still am and i’ve realised i need this girl back in my life, i loved her, and she’s the only one for me. its special because we were each others first love, i want that back so much.

So i began googling. heard about no contact and thought i’d initiate that for one month.

The current situation:

And so we get to today, where i re-established contact with a christmas card. i written it based on questionable websites advice on what to put, it read:

“Happy christmas and new year!

Just wanted to say I finally understand what you were saying in our last conversation, and it’s fine by me now. I regret how i acted out of character and apologise for that.

I’d love to tell you about all the new things in my life when the time is right”

To which she relied hours later:

“hey, thanks for the card .. and i hope you have a lovely christmas and new year too xx”


I’m terrified of the next reply, what i should say, when, etc etc. I’m so conscious that I messed up last time. I’m convinced if i had acted differently during the last few months things could have been at the stage now where we’re nearly back together.

I want to make sure i don’t mess up again, and if anyone out there can offer and advise on replies, what to say and how. I would be forever grateful, I feel like my happiness depends on us falling in love again.

Thank you so much to everyone here.

In order for this to work out well for you, regardless of what actually happens, you need to understand that the above statement is bullshit.

Just wanted to say thank you to everyone that's replied. Especially Camarda.

Theywannabeme. For me, all this relationships with women , whatever it is, is a ROUGH GAME, or a potentially a rough game. I think you have not toughened up enough, that you are too willing to give your heart away to be hurt.

Seek what the real world may be, then, knowing that, seek something that you would like it to be.

If she liked you enough, she'd make contact with you. It is not your decision that overrules all. Get over it and holla at other girls.

Realise that this part ^ is you trying to tell her what you think she wants to hear in the hope that you can get her back. It is therefore in effect a lie, because it means explicitly that you are not listening to her while implying that you are.

You are lying to her to try to get her back, and to yourself so you can keep the dream alive and thereby keep the pain of accepting the rejection away.

You have kept reopening this wound so you are already making it ever more painful for yourself and it's becoming masochistic.

We all have these stories in our pasts but at some point you have to make the conscious choice that even if you want to contact her every day, that you won't because it's better for both of you not to.

Then you can grieve properly and in time let it go.

Some bits of this post brought me flashbacks of my first ever post nearly 4 years ago when I was being a little wussy faggot bitch & coming out with shit like..

"I just KNOW we are meant to be together & there is literally no other girls in the world I could ever be happy with please please PLEEEAAASSSEEE help me get her back!!"

I have long since manned up

Which brings me to my (harsh) advice..

MAN THE FUCK UP

We ain't gunna tell you any of the gay bullshit that you wanna hear...we will tell you what you cant actually see right now because you're thinking about all this romantic shit, but you will see it one day when you look back on it.

The truth of the matter is that the best thing you can do is forget her & move on. I know that is hard to hear but it's for your own good.




It feels like I'm giving advice to myself 4 years ago 😂😂