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SmileyK: The Journey
Tuesday 23rd August
Me and my younger brother decide to head to Leicester Sq...I'm taking him out as he's a bit strapped for cash and hasn't been out for a while. As I have discovered on previous outings, the force is strong is this one. Have decided not to drive, the plan is to get merry and have a good time. YATES ------- At the bar I start chatting to a cutie next to me; turns out she is from Brazil, after wrongly guessing where she was from 3 times. Nice face and ass. She then goes off to give drinks to her friends. We get our drinks and move through the venue, there is a group of 4 girls sitting down, open them Smiley.....and I don't. AAARGH! I voice this annoyance with myself to my brother whilst we are leaning against the bar. I then spot a lone girl sitting down, however there is another drink there so go over and use my Seat Warmer opener: 'I know you're wondering who I am, during the day I lead a fairly boring life but at night I now offer my services as a seat warmer' Gets a laugh most of the time....we start chatting and turns out she is also from Brazil. Her friend then comes back, who is English. I explain my role, then say to her that I 'hope the seat has been warmed to her liking'. She finds this hilarious, we're all chatting, they then start to talk with themselves and I lose interest. Eject......aaargh the English one was cute and seemed into me - should have got the number! Chilling at the bar, more drinks. Some banter with the shot girl, she ends up relieving us of 20 quid as we all do shots. Got hustled! Ah well, it's not everyday I drink so fuck it. I spot a 2 set, I say to my brother 'let's go', he says they look like tourists and he can't be arsed. 'Thanks bro, that's my opener!' And off I go....turns out one is English and one is Lithuanian. The Lithuanian is very pretty. I ask her about her country since I'm going there this weekend, then move on to some good vibes and banter. My brother has ejected from the English one, leaving me to handle two. English one starts getting impatient, so say I'm to Lithuanian I'm gonna leave but she should give me her number. BF objection. Oh well, least I tried so was happy with that anyway. I walk off, and my brother is in set again! This guy isn't messing about tonight. I come in and say to them 'I hope you're looking after him!' The shorter of the 2 immediately shit-tests me with 'my friend has big boobs doesn't she?' I respond with 'are you her pimp then?'. After a bit of awkward conversation, we swap so I'm with BigBoobs and my brother is with the shorter one, allowing him to do his thing. It's escalation from the word go with BigBoobs; instantaneous deployment of the Claw, pull her in so we're face-to-face, strong eye contact. The interaction can be summarised like this: - there were MANY shit tests; some I passed, some I didn't. - went for the makeout 4 times, got the cheek 4 times. - lots of sexual conversation; there was serious tension. BUT...... I was definitely pushing it too hard. After makeout denial I really needed to take a step back and just chill. She was umming and erring about giving her number, just left it in the end but a good interaction nonetheless. After that longish set we left for another club. PENTHOUSE ------------ Wasn't that busy, so these were the main events: - it was hard going; my brother and I got several blowouts. As a result, we decided to amuse ourselves on the dancefloor. Whilst this was happening, I has what I will now call an Epic Moment: Some guys were giving us weird looks, some girls were trying to join in, we created space and an audience, I didn't care. I found this extremely liberating - why should I care what they think, they don't even know me, I've having fun and making myself laugh, vibing with my bro, that's all that matters. But can't forget the women for too long, so open up a girl next to me just for the hell of it. She looks bored, so I say 'Long day at work?'. Get one word answers, I then decide to tell her about my day anyway because I'm awesome - starting with what I had for breakfast. After 5 minutes of my monologue she walks off. Unfazed by this, I simply move onto the next girl sitting down. Ha ha. After a couple of minutes I get bored and go back to the dancefloor with my bro. We leave the club, get some MaccyDs, and start the walk to the bus stop. On the way I see a Leona Lewis lookalike and stop her with 'HEY, Leona Lewis! I need a picture with you!' She continues walking, however her friend stops and we vibe for a bit. Turns out they were both strippers from the Platinum Lace club! Wanted to pick her up and spin her round, however my arms are not strong enough for that (yet!). This last interaction had me cracking up all the way home for some reason. So, all in all, a good night. The lessons 1) Opening - don't think, just do. Simple. 2) Burn interactions to the ground. By this I mean hanging in there for as long as possible, escalation being the preferable option. 3) I'm beginning to LOVE shit tests. The more shit I get, the more resilient I become. Winning. 4) Plowing - again, I'm looking to push myself even further with this aspect. 5) LSE - A problem I have encountered in the past, as well as tonight with BigBoobs, is when girls have low self-esteem. So when you approach, all you get is shit test after shit test because they think you are fucking with them ('this guy is too confident - what does he want with me'). What I may try in future is to tone down how hard I go in, and make them qualify themselves a bit more. It's all experimentation at this stage so will see where I go with it. So overall, a good night. On a side-note - with more visits to the gym, junk food begins to taste less appealing! Winning (feeling a bit Charlie Sheenish tonight). Next episode - Adventures in Vilnius..... |
Excellent FR bro, very detailed and eloquently written.
Looks like a great beginning to your journey. |
Day Game Blues
Maaan, this is a toughie at the moment but one I need to crack.
I don't do outings specifically for daygame, but would be nice to take the opportunities presented when I'm on my way somewhere or out doing something. Today I was out in central London and when the sun is out, and as those of us in the Big Smoke know, it is a bazaar of beauties. I apply pressure to myself, and the fear then kicks in. When I thought about this on the way home I laughed; when I was younger (15-18), me and my friends used to approach girls on the street ALL the time! So what the fuck happened between then and now? It's that old nemesis Social Conditioning. But at the same time, I think about some awesome conversations I've had with complete strangers. In my line of work (teaching), a lot of us suffer from perfectionism. This has transferred into my daygame, where I'm looking for the Perfect Approach. There is no such thing - the game is meant to be messy. Then as I pulled into my station, these lines from a Luther Vandross song sprung into my head: "Don't care if I get rejected, At least then I won't regret it" Regret > Rejection. That is all. The time is coming to face the fear head-on. |
I know what you mean man i'm finding even the thought of daygame approaches pretty terrifing, but luckily i feel there's a cure for that, something i like to call DAYGAME HEAVEN (nottinghill carnival on the 31st) that should cure all of my aa because I'm going to try to do like a thousands or more approaches and regardless of outcome it should blast my daygame aa.
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Captivating FR Smiley. You have a great writing style.
Tony77: Good idea with the Jessica Alba line! You've got to be different. |
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Nice one Tony there's some pretty nice articles on there, appreciate it.
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Adventures in Vilnius - 26th to 28th August
Have spent most of the day chilling and recovering from the mad weekend spent with GLG and JohnnyB in Lithuania. Vilnius - nice city, beautiful women.
Set out from Luton Friday morning, arrive in Vilnius and rendezvous with our link who we are renting an apartment from. The apartment is nice, some after-party potential. GLG did some networking with various girls in the city, so we meet up with one who is from Australia but has lived in Vilnius for a year. Go for lunch in a cafe, this gives us an opportunity to check out the women. Eastern Europe rarely disappoints - there are a LOT of pretty girls, this bodes well for the weekend. If you pressed for time, skip straight to Thoughts and Lessons. For everyone else, read on..... Friday night ------------ Get our glad-rags on and hit the town, accompanied by our Australian guide who has recommended some bars. The first one we head to is dead, have a couple of drinks in there. The second one is also quiet, however we still spend a long time in here. There are 3 women - our guide, her fattie friend, and another one sitting down with a guy. We drink some home-brewed vodka brought from the back room, it tastes like petrol. I contemplate moving on the Australian (she is a 6 at best), but instead end up propositioning the fattie outside whilst she is having a cigarette. :der: This is the low point of the evening. JohnnyB goes over to talk to the girl with the guy, turns out they are only friends but she has a boyfriend who lives in the country. The guy says 3 of his friends are arriving in the next 5-10 minutes, all girls. They take 30 minutes to get to the bar. We then leave for another bar - at this point I am pissed (in the angry way, not the drunk way). The group sits down to order drinks, again there is no-one in the bar. WTF?! So myself, GLG and JohnnyB say our goodbyes and head to a club just down the road. The club is dead. AARGH! The night is becoming a disaster. We get a kebab. The Australian says we should head back to the first bar as it may now be busy. So we head back.....and it has turned into a full-blown club night! This looks much better - there are more than 3 girls in the club, some hotties walking around. I spot a lone girl sitting down and sit next to her, we start talking, and that was the main interaction of the night. Claw her in, introduce myself to the friends, the friends leave her alone. We are vibing, went for makeout but no-go. Step back, chill, more convo, try again, no-go. Was with her for about an hour, GLG and JohnnyB had left to go home so call it a night. Not much happened during the day on Saturday, so I'll skip straight to..... Saturday night --------------- After Friday's farce, the 3 of us decide to dispense with our local guides and head to the club that the Australian referred to as a 'meat market', Pabla Latino. A summary: We got in there at 1030, and didn't leave til' 5 in the morning! So this is what went down.... We get there and it is already busy, a lot of cuties and hotties. After getting drinks, all of us are immediately into sets. In the outside section I see a lone blondie (Gaby) and start chatting to her. This girl is beautiful, we are vibing, lots of physical contact. The friends arrive and I introduce myself, chat with them for a bit. She then heads off, and I head back to the bar. Chat and flirt with 2 Norwegian girls. GLG and JohnnyB are chatting to a 2-set. The next section of the night is pretty hazy, I was just walking around opening various girls and talking to them. I then see GLG and JohnnyB on the dancefloor and join them. They are playing Latino music, we are salsa-ing. I see a tall blonde hottie in a tight red dress and start dancing with her, I've started to get a thing for tall women recently. Her ass is fine. Didn't go for the makeout though for some reason, later on I saw her in another part of the club and the attraction was gone (in reflection, I was trying to join their party ....) Meet up with GLG and JohhnyB on the outside balcony. On the way, I see a group of 10 girls all sat down and feel the fear factor going up. Umming and arring with them, then I say fuck it, will try and last 2 minutes. Go in with 'HEY, WASSUP LADIES!' and go from there. 5 turn away, 4 are curious, 1 responds immediately with 'hey!' Start chatting to her, GLG and JohnnyB come into the group as well. 2 minute challenge complete! GLG goes downstairs to makeout with a girl he met earlier, JohnnyB is chatting to another - good times for the London boys :) I then start to lose a bit of momentum, then spot a woman in trainers sitting down. The Italian - as soon as I start talking to her, she lets loose with a stream of frustration about her night - WTF. Part of me wants to eject, however I stick in there and just listen for some reason whilst she gets things off her chest. She then says that I've had a 'good effect' on her. IOI, game on! We move to the upstairs balcony, more vibes, she then starts telling me about how she is a passionate woman that 'likes to fuck' and doesn't like guys who pussy around. There is serious tension, we are slow dancing, go for makeout, initial resistance then its on. She is a VERY good kisser, 'Little Smiley' is now wide awake. Start thinking about logistics of getting her back to the apartment. Say we should get another drink.......and this is where it all goes wrong. We get to the bar, barman refuses to serve her, she gets angry, I pay for the drinks, try to calm her down but she is now all over the place. I have the drink with her, decided to cut my losses and bid her farewell. Chode around the club for a bit, then spot Gaby the Blondie from earlier and re-open. We go to have a dance, OMG she is hot - seriously attracted to her. This makes me afraid to go for the makeout, even though the signs and vibe is there. She then heads back to her friends, she gives me her business card before she leaves. It's now getting towards the end of the night and there are less sets. JohnnyB is with his girl, so me and GLG decide to PLOW. This was pure jokes, just hitting up the remaining girls left. Danced with some model-looking girls in one room, again she is taller than me but HOT. Hands on the ass whilst dancing - this is fast becoming a signature move! Then head to the other room, find another 2 girls and start dancing with them. My one is cool - naturally pretty, we chat about travelling. Makeout opportunity was there, but again didn't want to fuck it up. All 3 of us have had a good night with numbers and makeouts, and head back to the apartment. Sunday night ------------- The streets are quiet tonight, hit a couple of bars but they are largely empty. In one place, the barmaids recommend a club near our apartment. We head there, and it's busy. Walking through the dancefloor, I spot Monica to my left. Take her hand, and we start dancing and chatting. For me this was the best interaction of the whole weekend. Nice body, pretty face, great ass. Lots of vibing. Went for makeout a couple of times, got the cheek. After a while just decided to chill - the physical attraction was there, so no point in pushing it. Introduce myself to her friend, who pretty much leaves me and her to it for the rest of the night! We then go outside for some fresh air, so the 3 of us are chatting. Monica says her friend is going to work in a couple of hours, and says that she herself lives quite far out. Previously I had mentioned that the apartment was 5 minutes walk away.....logistics aren't going to be an issue this time. But we have to leave at 4am to get to the airport and it's 3:30....fuck! This isn't happening. Oh well....JohnnyB and GLG find me outside and we head back to pack. Some thoughts I've now been to Lithuania and Poland, and their women are so much more naturally beautiful. Even in the clubs, they tended not to wear a lot of make-up but still looked good; The majority I talked to were super-friendly, intelligent, and humourous. And the friends tended to just leave you alone when you were talking to them....this doesn't happen very much in London so any thoughts on this are welcome. The lessons 1) Physicality is starting to become more natural. And speaks volumes. 2) Don't be intimidated by beauty. This happened a couple of times, and links to.... 3) Not being afraid to lose the girl. Better to try and fail, than to not try and regret. 4) Staying in interactions for much longer - this is something I'm really beginning to enjoy. Rather than bouncing around from set to set, I'm starting to get much better quality interactions and vibing. 5) Focusing on the process - this relates to (4). Rather than thinking 'I need to get laid', my focus is now on enjoying the conversation and building a vibe. I've found this has naturally led on to other things, and this approach is really helping me. 6) Starting to find a natural rhythm. I now realise that I have a better experience when I start off slowly and build momentum on a night out. Before I used to enter the bar/club and be like 'WOOOO! YEEEEAH! LET'S GO' and bounce around from set to set, but now I'm just a bit more chilled. Don't get me wrong - I still have times where I'm raring to go from the start, but my state now feels more authentic and in tune to what I actually feel. Back to the grind, so no outings for a bit - stay tuned folks :) |
Sat 17th September: Camden
Made the cross-London trek last night to meet up with Giant - cool guy, seems to be on the right path.
Started off in a pub, we're just chatting about life and other shit. There are a couple of pairs of girls around, but we're happy just to chill. Move on to the next venue, whilst we're outside I open a pair of Spanish chicks, we get some good conversation going then they go back inside. Nice warm-up, feel a bit better now. Whilst walking down the road Giant starts talking to 2 girls....they actually did a backturn to come and talk to him! Nice. So we are all chatting, one is a redhead and is not bad (7) so I try to zone in on her. Looking back, I think I was trying too hard for rapport rather than saying what was on my mind and that kinda staled the conversation out. They tell us we should come along to Proud, and we go as we weren't too sure where to go. Lengthy queue, but eventually we get in. Whilst inside we wait for Giant for about 5 minutes, then they say they're heading off to the bar. Check outside and Giant is not there, then check my phone and get a text saying 'ID fail!' Daaamn..... So now I have to make a decision, (1) go home or (2) fly solo. Having already paid, I opt for (2). So this is how the rest of the night went: 1) Couldn't find the cloakroom, so asked a mixed set of 3 where it was. This turned into a 5 minute conversation with me telling them the story of my night. THEN....... The fear started to take over. Loud music, a LOT of hotties, big club. Anxiety started to set in, the mind started giving me all kinds of reasons not to approach. I sat down to regain some kind of composure. After 10 minutes of choding about, I just thought 'keep it real' rather than creating imaginary scenarios. Let's do this.... 2) Group of 3 girls - 'Is this the best club in Camden' opener. Almost immediately the HB8 grabs my glasses and wears them, and then we start dancing together. I feign blindness. The interaction ends with a kiss on the lips. Reality 1, Mind 0. 3) Open a group of 8 dancing women with the same lame opener. For those scared of approaching large groups - the group normally breaks down into a smaller group anyway, making it easier to engage them. I correctly guess they are a 'middle-class hen party'. 4) Pair of dancing girls - 'I Love your energy!' They bring me into their photo. 5) Blonde perched on sofa - ask about her tattoo, bit of misinterpretation, banter with her a little bit about being married. 6) Group of 3 'oldies' - I end up vibing with these women for most of the night. We were just messing around on the dancefloor, I got chatting a bit more to one of them as she had a cute look to her. So we're dancing on and off, however I'm conscious of just becoming the 'dancing partner' for the night so throw a couple of intent signals into the mix. Didn't really seem to be going anywhere....but never assume. Towards the end of the night she says that she is leaving in a bit, I say I'm leaving now anyway and tell her that we should exchange numbers. Put the number in my phone, goodbye hug then BOOM! Makeout. Not a long one, but enough to let me know that this would be a solid number close judging by the smile on her face. And with that I departed. What was learned ------------------ 1) I NEED TO GO OUT MORE. Going out + Approaching = Progress. I hadn't been out properly for a couple of weeks, and the rustiness was evident. I excused myself from going out on Friday because I was 'tired'. I need to stop with these lame excuses 2) The mind gives you all kinds of fucked up scenarios...... 99% of which turn out to be false. It comes from a place of low value - 'I will run out of things to say, they will not like me etc.' More practice = Less fear = Better results. For Giant: at one point you said you felt awkward and I think I know why...we weren't really relaxed. Hopefully we'll go out again sometime and have an awesome night....and don't forget your ID! :) |
Great post McLovin' good to hear about your close. I like how you just power into approaches, I think you'd opened twice before my single kind of open. To be honest I only asked them if they knew anywhere with a decent smoking area. It just naturally developed into a conversation from there. It's easy to open with questions, you just naturally start a conversation. I find it hard to open with the intent of pulling.
Those girls were only 18, I did get the number of the one I'd been chatting to though, because she seemed cool. I found the whole lack of id thing quite funny, I could have got pissed off about it, because lets be honest, it is a bit ridiculous, but what's the point. I think your spot on about the awkwardness thing, it is just a case of being relaxed, as I felt more relaxed I felt less awkward. As I was walking back to the tube station I was super chilled for some reason, and had a 8-9 (subjective I know) stare at me as I was walking up and stop me to ask me where there was a toilet (random) somehow I ended up with my arm around her (I think natural kino) said I didn't know, but suggested she try a pub, then told her she was absolutely gorgeous, got back "oh thank you so are you" and a massive smile. Quick hug and kiss on the cheek and I turned and walked away (idiot). Ye we'll definitely head out again, though it'll have to wait till the end of the month as I am rather poor at the moment. |
The solution is.....more girls
Went out on Friday night in Islington for my friends 30th. Ended up going to this nice little bar, where I met Green Jess (I call her this because she was wearing a green dress, highly unoriginal but effective). From the very start there is chemistry, her friends left her to it as well which is always a good thing. For some reason I was disqualifying myself heavily ('you live too far away, North and South don't get on, it would never work out etc.) but at the same time talking about going on a Caribbean cruise together. Lol.
Get the number, meet he friends who approve, go back to my friends for a bit, then find her again for a final dance near the end of the night. She says she has to leave, quick kiss, she is still holding my hand. I tell her (in dramatic tone) 'you have to let me go!' Her response is 'maybe I don't want to' and actually starts pulling me towards the door. On this occasion, however, I don't wish to leave my crew as I haven't seen them for a while. The next day I sent a text (shoulda sent one straight after getting the number, but oh well) and then got anxious about the wait. Probably because I actually liked this girl. What the fuck, I do not like this feeling. Then I realised the solution to these feelings of neediness is: MORE GIRLS. MORE. GIRLS. Those who are good at this shit approach 1000x more than the average man, that is why they are better. Technique is 10%. Yesterday I made the decision to start putting my ass on the line a bit more when it comes to approaching. Watch this space, I feel some interesting FRs coming your way soon.... |
Fri 14th & Sat 15th Oct - London
Friday
------ Out in Leic Sq & Covent Garden with GLG and JohnnyB, a couple of the other lads joined later. Started of in O'Neills, had a lot of laughs in there - GLG attempting to stop every woman that walked by, with varying degrees of success! I get talking to a Finnish girl, au pair, cute. Get the number, continue interaction. Should have pushed to escalate further.....oh well. We leave, cracking jokes on the way to the next venue. GLG stops a mother-daughter pair on the way, he is in the zone. So we get to Porterhouse, couple of sets here and there. Whilst outside we get talking to a girl who has split off from her group, eventually I am talking to her one-to-one. Some light flirting, but nothing really coming out of it - I will talk about this at the end. Move from Porterhouse to another bar, again a couple of sets in there but nothing really hooking. We then head to the club opposite, Verve. At this point everyone went and did their own thing. I went downstairs to the dancefloor part, the club is packed. See a blondie stunner in a 'dancing circle' full of chodes. Decide to make a beeline straight for her, but bottle out at the last minute. Aargh! However she then goes to sit down by herself, I umm and arr then think 'fuck it' and went to talk to her. Direct opener - 'hey, you are very cute' - turns out she was visiting from Germany and leaving the next day! The conversation was awkward as we were both sat down, but she was sitting higher than I was as I was sitting on a stool :non: After a while she made her excuse and left, I then wandered aimlessly for a bit until finding 2 girls sat down. After some misinterpretation one of them (I'll call her Life Coach, because that was her job) moves up and lets me sit down. The next 30 minutes was continual shit-testing by Life Coach. Things such as: 'where do you see yourself in 10 years time' 'you're so full of shit' 'I have a partner' 'you're lying' (when I said I was single) 'do you think I'm attractive' After every conversation I usually have an idea of what went right/wrong - in this case, I got owned and ended up qualifying myself. But live and learn, live and learn..... Saturday --------- Was out at a club in the O2 with a couple of friends, the one notable interaction was with a girl so was clearly on it. She asked me what I thought she was from 1 to 10, I said 8, she was surprised, I said 'you need to do extra to earn the last 2'. So she then does a little sexy dance, we dance together, I raise it to 8.5. Did not escalate again, even after she stopped dancing to put on lip gloss. Error! Get her facebook, she goes to find her 'friend' but..... later on I see her by herself again, and then 10 minutes later by herself. Go to talk to her, she says he is talking to another guy and I need to wait. WTF?! Immediately delete her details, then have a moment of clarity. Lessons learned this weekend ----------------------------- I'm not really that bothered about not getting laid. And with this realisation, the heavy weight that I was dragging behind me has now been cut off. A while back, I posted about pursuing goals outside of women, and these are now going really well. I could get laid if I wanted to, but it would be one of those shags that I would immediately regret. This links with the failure to escalate - I am not escalating because I am scared of 'fucking it up', meaning that I think the woman is of higher value. But if I'm attracted to her, it should come naturally, and she would feel it as well. Likewise, she would also feel it if I was trying too hard or trying to put on a front (as may have been the case with Life Coach). And if I escalate and get denied....well at least I showed her my intentions. So now I feel I am entering another phase of self-development, best illustrated by this quote from George Leonard: '....mastery is not about perfection. It's about a process, a journey.'. Until next time....:) |
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November update
A lot of birthday events this month so not really much going out; however there have been a couple of dates so all good. The post will just share my ideas on some things related to recent activities.
TEXT 'GAME' ------------ - I tend to use statements as much as possible rather than questions. - It's not such a big deal now; I won't agonize over the content of a text, just can't be arsed with it ('Busy Man' effect - see later) - I lot of the time I prefer to call girls rather than texting, the conversation is just more spontaneous BUT..... it seems that certain girls prefer to text rather than have a normal phone conversation. Anyone else had a similar experience? I'd be interested to know people's thoughts on this.... 'BUSY MAN' ATTITUDE --------------------- Recently I haven't done much 'sarging' simply because I've had so much other stuff to do. However, this has had unexpected effects. My bullshit threshold has lowered considerably when talking to girls, because I literally do not have the time to be dealing with petty mind games. Example; I was out the other night, and the following happened when talking to this girl: GIRL: 'Mine's a JD and Coke' my response to this was: 'HAHAHAHAHAHA' and then walked off. I really couldn't be bothered to continue the conversation after that nonsense came out of her mouth. She then went to find some other mug. Just don't have time for it now. Leading to my next point..... I HAVE MY SHIT TOGETHER -------------------------- We get hung up about whether we are 'good enough' for hot girls. Sheeet, I know I did when I first started on this journey. But now, if I'm getting AA or getting rejected, I just think the above. Not all my shit is together (yet), but going through the process is good enough. I mean for fuck's sake...... GIRLS CAN BE CHODES AS WELL ------------------------------- It's happened a couple of times when I'm talking to woman and conversation is stale. Plow through it, or move onto the next? I think this one is probably a matter of personal opinion. TRYING TO BECOME MORE 'PRESENT' ------------------------------------ I never really understood what this meant until now, as it has happened to dovetail with stuff I have going on at work. I see being present as simply being more alert to what is going on around you. Anyways, I better finish with some kind of report - this is a summary from yesterday's date (Amy). I will provide a breakdown of certain parts (in brackets): Meet at Victoria station, she doesn't know where we're going but I do. (in the lead up to the date, I told her we were going on a 'mystery date'. Builds anticipation, it also that you are leading ALL the time because she doesn't know the destination) We get to the location, which is ice skating. (lots of physical contact) After ice skating, we find a nice pub near Victoria station and settle in. (make sure I sit next to her to make physical contact easy) Conversation flows easily, so does the alcohol. We talk about everything and anything. She then starts to tell me about her '3 date rule' (this is date 2). (what is interesting is that previously, I would have tried to bring logicality into this and ask why she had that etc. However my response is to laugh and say 'oh really?' and just ler her talk) After a bit of going on about this, I decide enough is enough and tell her what I expect from a woman. This leads to my favourite exchange of the night: ME: I like good kissers HER: How do you know I'm a good kisser? ME (deadpan): Well to be perfectly frank, I get a boner after kissing you HER: Hahahaha (previously I would have never imagined saying such a thing, but it's strange what having a 'Busy Man' attitude can do for you) Lots of making out on the date, with her repeatedly saying how much she enjoyed her evening :) So things are looking good, but I'm not resting on my laurels yet - time to start preparing for an epic New Year in the North. Until next time.... |
It's been a long time....
The last couple of months have flown by in somewhat of a blur.
In the New Year I banged Amy (see last post), she then went off skiing and I haven't heard from her since. To be honest, there was an awful lot of anticipation (she was saying she had a '3 date rule'), but the main event did not live up to the hype (a bit like David Haye vs Audley Harrison) which was off-putting. This recent video by Tyler has really got me thinking about all aspects of my life: The Truth About Success - Why You Should Rather Die Than Miss A Day In The Gym - YouTube So I have made the decision to move out of my mum's over the summer. Pretty much given up on buying, one day it might happen, but need to have that independence now. The female aspect of things right now is looking alright, but still with some work to do. Until next time....(hopefully it won't be so long!) |
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tigare electronica
i have another website for tigari electronica, and i dont knlow if i have to trust in google adsense, are they pay good for tigari electronica ads?
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And so we come full circle.....
The realisation that I still have a long way to go in terms of self-development has been a metaphorical forehand to the face.
For the last 6 months I had been seeing a girl - really nice, but always something there that wasn't right. I felt I was putting more into it than her; looking back, that was a sure-fire sign it was doomed from the start. It really does feel like I'm starting again. Shot of confidence - I walked through Kingston today doing a spot of shopping, and felt unusually nervous. Then today I remembered things that Ozzie had told me - recognition of negative thoughts, and facing your fears. And I have plenty of those at the moment. My goal PU-wise is to be in a position where I am the selector, rather than feeling lucky to have been selected. This is going to take time, but I know I need to stick with it. Time to start hitting the nightlife again... |
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I must lose girls in order to get girls - this cannot be avoided
Let me give you 2 scenarios that happened tonight (Thursday, JJs in Crawley).
Scenario 1 - Polish girl, nice figure, nice face, just nice ---------------------------------------------------- She and her friends are doing some crazy dancing off to the side of us. I look on then go up to her, implement Claw, and say 'after that dancing, I'm not really sure what to say'. She starts laughing, we exchange names. I try to dance with her, but her dancing is too crazy - she is like the Energizer bunny. Eventually I tire of this and say 'find me when a slow song comes on!' BUT...... Her friends leave, and she hangs back for about 5 minutes in close proximity. On her own. Eventually she leaves. And when she is leaving, I realise I have missed the boat. Scenario 2 - Lady in Red ------------------------ I catch a cutie in a red dress looking at me, the moment I spot her she smiles and looks away. Brain to SmileyK: 'Approach her!' But I didn't; I hesitated, then the moment was gone. Later on, she is dancing in close proximity with her friends. This happens twice. There are no other guys approaching. Surely I have to try. But nope, I pussy out, and eventually she goes off somewhere else and ends up with another guy. What was common in both scenarios? FEAR. The fear in Scenario 1 - I didn't know how to deal with a high-energy chick, and bailed out even though she was interested. The fear in Scenario 2 - I didn't want to approach and be rejected. This is what I was thinking. Driving back home, I realised the ridiculousness of these situations. There were SO many chodes in this club just standing around, and so many girls not getting approached, that any guy with balls (even little ones) would have bossed it. Don't get me wrong - overall the night was good, talked to a couple of girls, usual stuff. But these 2 particular scenarios highlighted one of my current sticking points - fear of loss, i.e. the girl walking away. BUT How do you know what is going to happen if you haven't even tried?? And that is what I get annoyed at myself about. At the moment I'm try to focus solely on the process, rather than the outcome, and this is paradoxical because by worrying about rejection I am focusing on the outcome! On reflection, I realise what needs to be done next time: Scenario 1 - assert my reality, do not be unfazed! Scenario 2 - just approach! It doesn't matter what happens, it is another reference experience. I know that with each rejection, I give a shit a little less. So therefore I should not be scared of rejection, but rather embrace it. |
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You sound like you're on the right track. You know what you didn't do, and more importantly you know what to do.
"I know that with each rejection, I give a shit a little less." Keep going, with each interaction you will take that fear down another notch I'm sure and then one day you'll have your own massive realisation that this type of fear means fuck all. |
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Camden
Another 'OK' night. Went out with my wing who I haven't seen for ages.
First place we hit is the Salsa bar.....where I did fuck-all. Was feeling too intimidated by the venue, and not relaxed enough. So after a while we head on to Proud, and things go a little better. Rather than posting the details of interactions, I'll summarise what I learnt from this evening: 1) Hesitation is fatal. I had ANOTHER scenario where a girl was into me (she wouldn't let me go!) and I failed to escalate. An hour later she was in the arms of another guy. 2) Still not doing enough approaches & taking more risks. No risk, no reward - simple as that. So as you can see, these seem to be recurring sticking points. Sooner or later (but preferably sooner) I am going to have to take a MASSIVE step outside of my comfort zone. Tomorrow: Essex. Stay tuned.... |
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Essex - Sat 26th August
Tonight was the RS Lounge, as I headed out with some mates to celebrate a birthday.
The club is reasonably busy, but not packed. These were the highlights from the evening: 1) There seemed to be a LOT of girls on the 'I hate men' tip (this actually came up several times in conversations). Most of the time my reply was 'cool', and just carried on the conversation. I normally associate these kind of statements with low self-esteem. Solution - approach more girls, specifically fitter girls! 2) Being persistent can sometimes pay off. There was a girl that was giving me whole load of nothing for about 10-15 mins, then was more open when I re-opened her later. I have a number, however she has 3 children. Hmmm. 3) Sometimes you have to go with your gut instinct. Outside the club, at the end of the night, I kept exchanging looks with a girl. However, some guy was also talking to her. I assumed the worst; on reflection, people have never been hurt for being cool and friendly. This links to...... 4) Pushing harder. Transformation is a slow, and sometimes painful process. By pushing myself more, I will inevitably make more mistakes. But I will also learn faster. |
Sheffield - Friday 31st August
I went up north last weekend with a friend to visit old friends. Overall it was a good weekend - this is what went down on the Friday....
I meet my mates in a bar around 11. It's a nice venue, quite chilled. Chat to a couple of people at the bar. As I'm turning away, a little blonde cutie is walking to the bar. I stop her, and feel an instant attraction when I look into her eyes. I can't even remember what I said, it didn't really matter. I finished by saying she should find me later. She goes back to her friends, but occasionally glances over towards me. Why did I eject so early? Around 12 we head on to the club. There are a couple of hotties in there, and my mate is DJing so feel quite at home. These were the main highlights: 1) I was chatting to one girl, some good banter, bit of physicality, BUT FAILED TO PUSH IT FURTHER. How I rue this one, because no other guys talked to her that night apart from some douches who invited her into VIP. I sat on the fence for too long, and this proved to be fatal. I tried to beckon her over from VIP but failed miserably, and this ignited The Fury. 2) On the dancefloor, there is a lonely-looking lady whose friend is dancing with another guy. Can't miss this opportunity, so we get down to a little bump 'n' grind. However after about 10 minutes, there is a swap so now I'm dancing with her shorter friend! Who has an ass to die for. This is a freaky one - she is putting my hands on her pussy, and the club is still fairly busy. I move her to a quieter part of the club, go for the makeout....denied?! After 5 minutes of faffing around I take her back to her friend....the 2 of them and this other guy seem to be on some threesome shit. Lucky him. And when I go back, who else do I see but the 1st girl I spoke to! 3) Back to Girl 1 - I was ribbing her earlier about being boring and sitting down. Now she was dancing, and a little drunk. But I did not dance with her, because I was being a pussy. So we leave the club empty-handed, and head to another club that is open til 4ish. Whilst I was there, I see a guy in a wheelchair who is trying to grab every girl within range. The sight of a girl RUNNING away from this guy in a wheelchair was one of the funniest things I saw that weekend! |
Sheffield - Sat 1st September
A more event-filled night than Friday....
Tonight we start out early, about 930. 1st port of call is a cocktail bar on West Street. The thing I love about the north is how cheap the drinks are, so me and my mate get a fish bowl and find a spot to settle. Even though it's not that busy yet, we're both in a good mood and having a laugh. I spot a pair of girls to the right, and decide to open. Both of them are tall - recently I've developed a liking for tall girls, don't know why - and one is immediately more receptive than the other. So we stay with them and have a bit of chat and banter. I then open a hen group to the left and start chatting - they're all cool (only 4 of them) and I spot the one I'm going for. There is some serious flirting going on, so I decide to take her for a dance. Go for the makeout, denied, we go back. I ask her friend if I should take her number, to which the response is 'she has a boyfriend'. Oh well, her loss I guess! This may have been a blessing, as she got progressively drunker whilst we were there. So from the cocktail bar, we head to a sports bar across the road at around 11 (Players). Have a bit of banter with some girls in the queue. This bar wasn't as good as the previous one, it was pretty difficult to open sets and a got a couple of confused looks. We leave Players around 12, and head to Crystal. We have access to the VIP section, so chill in there for a bit. My mate ends up talking to a 'GILF', so does not look like a grandma AT ALL, and I chat to her friend. Some rather inappropriate chat, ha ha. We came out of Crystal around 1, and went to the club next door (Viper Rooms). And this was the main part of the evening. As I'm walking my mate starts talking to a girl. Somehow, I end up talking to her friend who is further down the street. So we all go into the club. I like my one (Emily) - she's tall, and pretty. I get a couple of shit tests about her height and other things, these get brushed aside as I'm in a good flow ('height doesn't matter when we're horizontal'). I dance with her for a bit, then we head outside for a bit of fresh air. There is a brief makeout, but enough to know that it's on. So the conversation that resulted in all of us going back to her flat went like this: 'My feet are hurting' 'Well I'm quite good at giving massages' 'I think I would prefer a back massage' 'I give better ones in private' And that was pretty much it. HOWEVER...... Get back to hers, we all chill in the living room for a bit, then go into the bedrooms. She says she only wants a cuddle, I say 'OK'. 10 minutes later I'm fingering her, but getting LMR. She then falls asleep because she's pissed! So we wake up in the morning (or rather, I wake her up), she's obviously horny BUT get LMR again! Aaargh. So I just leave it, I have the number and she says she would like to see me again. LESSONS LEARNT ----------------- My main sticking point is simply not being bold enough, being afraid of losing the girl, and subconsciously focusing on the outcome by only being half-committed. This is the main reason why some of the better interactions stalled; at the same time, I feel that I made a lot of progress so won't beat myself up too much. |
Greenwich - Friday 7th September
Went out to a bar in Greenwich for my mate's birthday. We get in and it's not that busy, but there are a few girls here and there who have clocked us. We find a spot to chill, exchanging looks with a group of 4 girls sitting down.
Whilst we were here, we saw a textbook example of chodiness..... One of the girls who was sitting down (Becky) approaches a guy who was in a group of 4 next to us. However, the conversation quickly descended into interview-style questions, whilst he stood a foot away from her. She then went and sat back down, looking rather embarassed! So later on, the same group of girls are STILL sitting down and I said to my mate 'fuck it, got nothing to lose'. So I go over and open with quite possibly the worst opening gambit ever - 'I thought I might as well come and talk to you guys'. In the end the opener didn't matter at all - Becky immediately jumped up and threw her arms around me, haha. She's a lively one, I take her seat and end up talking to her friend Sam. Sam is a hottie - great body, and we're chatting. However at this point I'm being a bit conservative, and this comes back to bite me in the arse later. I tell her we're going downstairs to the club bit, and she says she'll come down in a bit. A while later she appears in our group, and I sense it could be on. I ask for the number, she says she has a boyfriend. In prison! Hmmm. Becky then appears, I'm dancing with her for a bit and she says her friend Sam likes me. And then says 'I'm not going to fuck you'. Thinking about it now, the fact that she said it means she was thinking it. Becky then goes on to tell me that Sam hsan't had any 'love' for 2 years. That's a looong time. I could have been the guy, but unfortunately I wasn't. LESSONS LEARNT ----------------- 1) 'You're a nice guy' - this is KILLING my game recently, and seems to currently be the main barrier to more success. As long as I continue to play it safe, this will continue to happen. I think I would rather get blown out in 5 minutes, than have a 2 hour interaction that goes nowhere. This is what I keep trying to say to myself - not everyone will like you, deal with it! But..... 2) I should be a nice guy who knows what he wants. I think this is the key - full commitment, not a compromise (thus feeding into other peoples' reality) 3) I need to be willing to suffer more rejections. It's something that I've said before in previous posts, but I'm realising that the fear of rejection is more deep-rooted than I thought it was. If anyone else here is (or was) in a similar situation, any advice is appreciated! Off to footie, watch a bit of Blueprint, then get ready to hit the town again tonight. |
Piccadilly Institute - Saturday 8th September
Got in there at 11, left just after 12. That say's it all really.
I have now been to the Institute 4 times, and it has been awful each time. Venues aren't meant to overwhelm you, but this one does for me. Everyone has a threshold; several super blow-outs, combined with oppressive heat and being packed in the club like sardines, caused me to reach mine fairly quickly. The Institute is simply not for me. However, going there in a years' time and seeing how I get on will be a measure of the progress I have made. |
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For sure I want to be chill when I'm out, but I also want to chat to girls! |
What I've learned in 2012
Been out nearly every weekend since the summer, just couldn't be arsed writing the FRs! However, there have been some 'reality checks':
1) Chemistry cannot be generated. It is either there, or it isn't - just a case of not fucking it up if there is attraction. 2) The new sticking point is ploughing through initial resistance....this is something I need to work on as I sometimes find myself getting slightly confrontational, or walking away if I sense confrontation. So if anyone has any advice, it is appreciated 3) The solution to most problems with girls is....getting more girls. I've said it before, but will say it again anyway! 4) In order to progress faster, I need to go out more. Looking forward to 2013 - facing fear, and building discipline. |
AAARGH! I am my own worst enemy....
Eventually there comes a point when enough is enough, and I reached it tonight. Time can be your ally, but can also be your worst enemy, e.g.
'It doesn't feel like the right time to talk to her' This was KILLING me tonight. On the dancefloor with my friend, having a great time, fittie sidles up next to me and starts grinding, and I do.....nothing. I am then placed in the 'Like Every Other Chode' box and she disappears into the night, never to be seen again. I was pissed about this because there weren't that many nice girls in the club. As soon as I got home I wrote in my diary, and through some reflection came up with the following affirmation to be repeated when out: 'It doesn't matter about the result, all that matters is taking action' I am going to internalise this. That way, it is impossible for me to 'lose' as I have won the battle with myself, with the fear. |
'It doesn't matter about the result, all that matters is taking action'
I am going to internalise this. That way, it is impossible for me to 'lose' as I have won the battle with myself, with the fear.[/quote] Amen to that my friend. I like reading your FR's. You haven't in the past seemed to have too much trouble grinding with girls in nightclubs. Just out of interest how do you go about doing it? I for one am not comfortable with the idea of just grabbing a girl and dry-humping her with lots of people around. I usually hold out my hand if she takes it I spin her a couple of times then lead her off the dance floor for a chat. At 30, grinding girls to Rn'Bullshit in a club just ain't my scene. |
Thanks man.
Normally if they're standing close I'll try to make eye contact with them, then go from there |
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Sticking points, the window of opportunity, and taking action
It's nice to get to a stage where you know exactly what your current sticking points are. I have 3:
1) Taking action. I have reached the stage where there is no point in reading any more theory, or watching videos, but simply executing. I cannot progress until this starts to happen. Don't get me wrong - I am having quite a few interactions when I go out, but not enough, And in the interactions I do have...... 2) Failure to escalate. Resulting in the inevitable 'nice to meet you'. Aaaargh! It is an indication that I still care too much about the interaction. 3) The window of opportunity is small. This is something that I have noticed more recently - that moment when you need to take some kind of action, be it opening, dancing with a girl, or going for the makeout. Once it is gone, it is gone. At the same time this is a silver lining, as it was something I didn't notice before - so I guess it is also progress as well! |
A weekend of two halves
Two very different nights this weekend coupled with new realizations, as I shall now go on to explain.
Friday ------ Braved the cold and headed up to central London, starting in the O' Neills in Leicester Square. One of my main aims for tonight was simply to stay in set as long as possible, to the point where it starts to become awkward. O' Neills had a reasonable number of women, and opportunities did present themselves. Standing around shooting the shit with a couple of friends when I spot a group of 4 girls; hesitated for a bit, then eventually said aloud 'CRASH AND BURN TIME' then proceeded to walk over. To the outside observer, this would have been the most messy approach ever - fighting through crowds of people to get there! I eventually get there and open, to be met with 'no speaka da english' (a common answer in Leicester Sq). However, I know I must persist and stay in set. I continue talking, the girl is smiling so this is good, she keeps saying she can't speak english and I keep responding with 'it's fine'. Eventually it runs its course, and I go back to the group laughing. This should have been the beginning of a good night, but things got more difficult from there. Tried talking to a few more girls but it just wasn't flowing. And there were some that were waiting for me to open them, but I didn't (more on this later). Eventually we decided to move on, and headed to a Brazilian club near Holborn. This was a bigger venue and again there were a reasonable number of attractive women, but a lot of them were in couples. Hmmm. The main highlight from this was talking to a quite bitchy Latina; again, I was trying to keep the interaction going for as long as possible despite the initial frostiness and subtle insults. At the point where we started to walk around the venue looking for girls, we knew it was time to leave. This change of mindset would affect me badly in the third and final club we went to. By the time we got there my mentality had changed from 'have fun' to 'find girls'. This attitude may suit some, but for me it proved to be the night-killer as I ended up getting more and more in my head. Again there were girls showing interest, but I was too hesitant (that pesky 'window of opportunity' again). My mates tried to motivate me, but to no avail, and I ended up leaving (or bailing) early. This could be considered as a 'bad' night, but in retrospect I learnt a lot. During the drive home I felt shit and kept replaying things in my head; the next day, having slept, I was able to sit down and rationally think about what happened. Two things came out as a result of this: 1) I needed to press the 're-set' button, and forget about Game when going out; 2) It is OK not to get laid. So we move on to the events of Saturday. Saturday --------- Shortly before going out, I watched this video by Alex from RSD: Self-generate the vibe that makes you attractive to the hottest girls. Draw state from within. - YouTube Which was quite appropriate for my current situation. Tonight we were going out as a mixed group, which was nice; the girls were chill so we all ended up doing our own thing anyway. Saturday was very different to Friday - my aim was just to be chill and chat to people, and this resulted in several revelations: 1) The opener doesn't matter. This was solidified yesterday; sometimes I simply started with 'how's it going?' and trusted in my ability to keept the conversation going from there. 2) The power of eye contact. I haven't been great at this before, but now starting to see the benefit. 3) The initial reaction doesn't matter. This was one of the most significant revelations; some people just need more time to 'warm up' than others. Leading to.... 4) The power of 'staying in set'. Combined with staying chill, I just felt more at ease. 5) Freedom from outcome provides more choice. I wanted to build my conversational skill (i.e. 'staying in set') so ended up talking to all kinds of girls. An unexpected thing then happened; with no self-generated pressure, I felt able to choose whether or not to escalate. LESSONS FROM THE WEEKEND ----------------------------- 1) Just be chill and chat to people. Period. 2) The longer you talk to someone, the more of a connection is built. I now understand this. 3) Feeling comfortable in my own skin is the first thing that matters. 4) The 'worst' of nights can produce the most profound lessons. And finally.... 5) Attractive women like sex as well! Learned as a result of dropping our female friends off to a 'booty call' at the end of the night (which had been set up the same evening, by the looks of it) |
Saturday 26th January 2013 - Leicester Sq bar crawl
Signed up for the Nuts bar crawl last night as it was Australia Day - wasn't a bad deal at all, got free entry into clubs that you would normally pay £10-15 for.
1st club was Zoo - got in and it was already busy at 10pm. Just decided to kick back in here, few conversations here and there. Got up onto the stage with a couple of friends for some mad dancing - that was cool. Before I knew it an hour had passed, and it was time to move on. 2nd club - Ruby Blue. This one was a lot more random, as there seemed to be a lot of old people (45+). Nothing notable in here, with the exception of one woman's pathetic attempt to get me thrown out because I talked to her friend instead of continuing to talk to her; ended up getting into conversation with the same bouncer, hahaha. This turned out to be..... Progress Sign #1 - Normally shit like this would have ruined my night and put me in a bad mood, but in this case I had to re-frame it into pure ridiculousness. So onto the next club..... 3rd (and final) club - Bar Rumba. Stepped it up a bit and did a few more approaches, with further signs of progress: Progress Sign #2 - Saw a girl I liked the look of on the other side of the dancefloor. Normally I would have made some kind of excuse, but tonight I just thought 'fuck it', went over and went direct with 'Hey you're cute, I had to meet you'. It went better than expected, and this took me by surprise - had some conversation, then it quickly became boring. Aaargh! Progress Sign #3 - Group of bitchy girls standing in front of us scowling, my friend cracks a joke to one and she does not look impressed at all. I find thr whole situation extremely funny. I then end up getting into conversation with one of them, who is throwing shit test after shit test for the 1st 10 minutes. The turning point came at this point of the conversation: Her: Why are you looking at me like that? Me: Because you're pretty Just before this there was silence when we were looking at each other, and I realised that she was actually pretty! (so coming from a place of expression). After this I knew she was into me, even though there was still plenty of strong banter. She just didn't want to do anything ni front of her friends, who looked like they were having the worst night of their lives. In retrospect, I should have simply moved her to the bar - I'm sure she would have complied. However, when she was leaving she told me to take her number; we will see how that goes. LESSONS LEARNED ------------------ 1) At the moment it is small fixes, but important small fixes. 2) Be the man and take the lead - several examples of this happened last night. There is nothing to apologise for if I'm being a man. 3) Keep going - just keep going! The progress is slow, but it is progress nonetheless, and that is what is important. |
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