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The element of Freedom - Sat 9th Feb
A few 'epiphany' moments tonight, resulting in 2 girls saying to me that they were going to 'take me home tonight'. They weren't stunners, but that really didn't matter in the long run of things, as I now shall go on to explain.
So we enter the club, I'm just feeling relaxed - 2 for 1 cocktails, all good ha. We're just chilling by the dancefloor, joking around and dancing. Open a woman to the left of me, bit of chit chat, then back to my friends. At this point, this was the only interaction I had as I wasn't really observing the women. There are a couple of women on the dancefloor, we are at the edge. Something was holding me back a bit, then came the 1st and most important epiphany..... In one of his videos Julien from RSD talks about being a 'permission boy', i.e. always having to seek the approval of others via positive reactions, particularly women. When I go out with my friends, I am normally the quieter member of the group but this is starting to change recently. Previously I would have thought 'there isn't anyone dancing, it will look weird if I do'. Having briefly entertained the thought, my counter-thought was 'FUCK THIS' and started dancing anyway..... There is a woman on the dancefloor giving me the eye. Without any hesitation I walk over, take her by the hand, spin her, and we start dancing. I am the only guy on the dancefloor. She is into me and attempts to go for the makeout, I avoid this. After a while, I tell her I am going back to my friends, leading to her saying 'I'm coming to get you at the end of the night'. I take this with a pinch of salt as it is early. As I walk back, I realise that most of the club has seen what happened. I go back to my friends and we continue to joke around. The more we were laughing and joking, the more women seemed to gravitate towards us. We would bring some into the group, then replace them with others. Leading to Epiphany #2.....girls like fun. And sex too, but more importantly they like fun. Girls were attempting to test me with 'I see you talking to lots of girls', my response was 'I'm just having fun'. Sounds so obvious, but sometimes you end up taking the Game so seriously that you forget it is just that, a game. And games are meant to be enjoyed. Opening was effortless, even girls who rejected me got laughed away. It didn't matter, I was having fun. I was amusing myself with my chat. Example - I said to one woman (who was a truck driver) that she should tell me next time she is on the M25, so that I can attempt to jump onto the roof of the lorry like James Bond. She turns to my friend and says 'he talks so much shit....but I like it'. The bottom line.....did any numbers come from this? No - I didn't feel any of the women I talked to warranted a follow-up. Makeouts? None....the opportunities were there but didn't want to. We were talking about booking a hotel (it was a road trip), I wish we had! Ultimately, tonight was a small preview of the potential. What excites me is the fact that I'm now starting to follow the process, with little focus on the result. For me at the moment, the process is the result. This is probably an unusual field report, yet a sign that that the foundations are being put firmly in place. Feel free to ask any questions/comment/add your own experiences relating to this post. |
Apres-ski surprise
Last week I went skiing - it was a singles ski holiday, awesome, met loads of people. Went by myself, came back with a load of new friends.
The Friday night was interesting to say the least....this was the last night, and the big night out. My eye was on a girl that I had been flirting with for most of the week, but my primary aim was to get crunked. There was lots of drinking, crazy dancing, continued flirting with the girl (I'll call her WPC, as she was a cop). Took her to the bar and said 'we're getting drinks'. So we roll to the bar, I order a beer and she orders a water. Whilst I'm ordering, she then walks off to go and dance with some other people. At this point I felt she was time-wasting, and didn't bother to order her drink. My room-mates, who was tuned in to what was going on, said I should 'still get in there'. One of the girls said that she liked me, to which I said that she had a funny way of showing it. Her response was 'well that's her loss!'. Indeed. So, minus the secondary objective, I get back to the primary objective of getting drunk and partying. A bit later, I spot a girl who was in my instruction group for the skiing lessons. Out of the skiing gear, she looked different. I engage in conversation with her; she is French, but her English is good enough to understand me. We start to dance, I start to grind on her, she responds by wagging her finger at me. This was followed by 'I don't do this kind of dance in public'. To which I responded 'so you would do it in private?' This exchange started an unexpected series of events. One of my flatmates had winged me and was talking to the friend, and I continued to jokingly suggest that she gives me a private dance. At this point, she then starts to ask me why I never talked to her on the slopes. Part of this was probably due to the fact that she had taken out our English-speaking ski instructor, leaving us with one who could only speak French, and she was the slowest skiier in our group! Anyway, the night is soon over and I am walking out of the door with her. We start to walk back to the apartment block, my roommate then peels off with the friend leaving me and the Frenchie. We get the lift up to my floor, then stop just outside my room. We are up against the wall, makeout ensues. I then realise I have no room key, as I had already checked out. Errrrr......I am relieved when my room-mate turns up with the friend, I get the key from him and he goes off with the friend back to her room. Me and Frenchie go into my room, this is all happening very fast. Some token resistance, that is easily bypassed. Soon we are both naked, about to get down to it....then my other roommate walks in. Note that there were 4 of us staying in one room.....she screams and covers herself, I tell him to come back in a bit. Hahaha. She is a little freaked out....but still horny. So I make sure I lock the door, put her on the bed, and the rest is history.... I then call my roommate to say the coast is clear. Frenchie is still in the bed but now asleep, he proceeds to pass out and fall asleep on his bed. I then go to sleep next to Frenchie. An hour later I am awoken by a hand on my dick, and it isn't mine. Time for Round 2, whilst my roommate is fast asleep. She tells me she has never slept with a foreign man before. We go back to sleep, a couple of hours later I wake up and realise I have 10 minutes before my taxi arrives to take me to the airport. I quickly get ready, tell her I have to leave, quick peck goodbye, she goes back to her room. I then go downstairs to the mini-bus. Upon entering, the driver says 'you look like you've had a good night'. You don't know the half of it..... |
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Now that's what you call 'game'
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Lessons from last weekend - 1st & 2nd March
With a bit of spare time on my hands, these were last weekend's lessons:
1) Not going hard enough/trying to play it safe. After making some progress, now back in the comfort zone. Friday and Saturday were good nights, but could have been better. Particularly Saturday, as the club I was in was Chode Central. 2) Don't think, just take action. This lesson was conveyed in a rather unusual way on Saturday night; whilst at the bar I was approached by a rather unattractive lady who proceeded to chat me up 'you're good looking, who are you here with, are you single etc.'). Her friend then tried to hook us up later ('she really likes you'). However, I did not like her. For the majority of the night I could feel her eyes burning into me; whenever I turned, she was there staring at me. So......this is how women must feel by staring chodes - creeped out! So, the plan for the weekend - shoot first, ask questions later. Ha |
Great field reports SmikeyK
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Sat 16th March - bad wingmanship, and breaking free
For the last couple of weeks me and my good friend, who is a natural, have been hitting up the bars and clubs on weekends. This weekend was no different, but the following events unfolded....
In the bar we were in, I saw 2 girls (1 Blonde, 1 Brunette) sitting by the wall taking pictures of themselves. As I was bored at this point, I decided to go over and make conversation (opening gambit: take pictures of me, I want to model for Top Man). Anyways, Brunette goes off to the bar so I am left with the Blondie. Both were pretty hot, and in conversation with Blondie she reveals that she is engaged - BUT her brunette friend is single. Apparently her friend also is picky and has 'high standards'. After a bit of talking I leave Blondie and go back to my friends. The Brunette then re-appears with the drinks and, having established she was single, I then go back and start talking to her. The conversation is going well, or at least I thought it was, until she turns her back on me and starts talking to the friend. So I go back to my friends. About 30 minutes later she goes out for a cigarette, leaving the Blondie sat alone. I tell my wing to keep the Blondie occupied while I go and talk to the friend outside. I go outside, he have some conversation, and she then walks off AGAIN, I'm standing there thinking WTF?! Go back inside, go back to my friends thinking 'fuck that', then 10 mins later she is standing there by herself. Again I go over and re-open, I want to see what she has to say for herself. I tell her leaving me outside was bad manners, she immediately becomes very apologetic. OK, this may be going somewhere. So now I am sat with the Brunette, and my wing is sat with the Blondie. Then, all of the sudden, the two girls swap so I end up talking to the Blondie again (who, remember, is engaged). My wing then starts GAMING the brunette....? We leave to go to another club - me, my wing and the 2 girls - and in the next venue I end up occupying the friend while my wing works on the girls that I originally told him I was after. There are no other girls in this club, they are either too young or too ugly. We leave at 4 to go and get food - I sit in the front of the car (my wing is driving), the 2 girls sit in the back. We stop at the burger shop. My wing isn't getting out of the car, neither is the brunette (who is still sat in the back). How convenient. Me and the Blondie go to get food, when I come back I find that the Brunette has taken my place at the front of the car. To add further insult to injury, I then have to watch the Brunette give her number to my wing when as he is dropping them off home. When we are on the way home he attempts to apologise for what happened, I just stay silent and do not say anything - was pretty cheesed off. Out of this, 3 important lessons have been learned: 1) Scarcity mentality vs. Abundance mentality. I am currently in a position of scarcity - with the exception of the holiday lay, there have been no new numbers for a while now. The reason for this can be attributed to number 2: 2) Playing it safe vs. Playing to win. Yesterday made me realise that I still give a shit what the girl thinks. Considering I can only go out 2 nights a week, I am not pushing hard enough. 3) Always look for the positives. I could have written off last night as a disaster, but it wasn't for the following reasons: - starting to slowly, very slowly, break free of social conditioning. I would have never had the balls to approach that calibre of girl a couple of months ago; - realizing the importance of having a good wing. My behaviour was chode, but I wasn't expecting to be AMOGed by my own friend!! Looking forward to a night of GLORIOUS FAILURE next Friday.... |
Looking back through my previous posts, there seems to be a common pattern:
Not pushing hard enough. However this presents a paradox when actually talking to the girl, as somehow they can detect the vibe of scarcity through trying too hard. I think that I need to change 'not pushing hard enough' to 'self-amuse more' - sounds a lot better, and also makes more sense! |
Friday 22nd March - The Female Perspective
Went out with 5 of my work colleagues (all women) to Revolution near Clapham Junction. Turned out to be an insightful night into the way that women think (and talk) on a night out. Interestingly, whilst chatting to them I could spot the PUA guys in the bar!
An interesting lesson learned about approaching - we were all talking, a guy came into the group but was rudely dismissed with a wave of the hand by one of my colleagues. In my mind (and I later commented on this) he seemed like a nice guy that had just approached at the wrong time. So gentlemen, always re-approach later if it doesn't work out the first time. Later on we are all on the dancefloor and I end up talking to an short Australian girl in a 2-set. Unknown to me, one of my colleagues was giving the friend massive social proof ('he's the kind of gut I'd let my daughter marry', 'he's really nice', etc). We chatted for a bit, but the conversation wasn't great so I went back to my colleagues. Later on I notice the Australian is leaving, I go over to her and say 'leaving already?' This was met with a cold response....err OK. There were a lot of girls in there tonight, and 2 main lessons were learnt: 1) Going to have to press the re-set button. Accept that I am on a (very long) dry run, and focus on consistently taking action regardless of outcome; 2) It doesn't matter if women see you approaching lots of other women. Interestingly, my best nights have happened when I approach everything with a fun vibe. Sure, some of the women get pissed off, but at least they know that I am the buyer and not the seller. I need to give less of a shit, which is exactly what I said last week! So out again tonight....haven't spent a single Friday or Saturday night in since last September :) |
Friday 5th and Saturday 6th April - Blackpool
It was my brother's stag weekend, and we are hitting Blackpool.
FRIDAY ------- The drinking starts from when we get on the train (1.30pm). Fast-forward to 7pm and we are ready to go out, in our 80s gym gear (theme for the weekend). Go to a variety of pubs and bars, then end up in a club. The music upstairs isn't great, so I head downstairs to the other room. This is where I end up meeting Carol. Within a minute of dancing with her we are kissing, there isn't much conversation but she does say she is 51. At the time I thought she was younger, mainly due to the athletic body (my brother and his mates verified this, haha). Anyway, after a while she says she is going to the toilet. My brother and his friends have gone at this point, so I make the decision to take her back to the hotel (I was sharing a room, so figured I had a window of about an hour). When she comes out, I say 'let's go' and lead her out of the club. In the taxi on the way back, she is rubbing my dick. We get back to the hotel room and she immediately undresses, however it takes me a while to get a hard-on despite receiving a reasonable blowjob. It is drunken shagging, in the morning I discover that I didn't close the door properly and that it was wide open. And she was making a lot of noise. Carol leaves the next morning, and I spent the rest of the weekend receiving terrible abuse from all in the stag party. Good times. SATURDAY ----------- Definitely 'calmer' than Friday, we spend most of the night in Flares. It was a sausage fest, so we decide to amuse ourselves upstairs by having dance-offs and doing planking competitions. This inevitably attracts the attention of some girls that are in there, and we end up having a laugh with them. Overall, a great weekend! |
Lessons learned over the last few weeks
A few realisations:
1) The social 'filters' are being reduced. In the last month or so I find myself filtering less of what I say, and just being more expressive. I feel more 'free' as a result and work colleagues, friends and family are noticing the difference. It has taken a while to understand what 'authenticity' means, and I am now beginning to get it. Leading on from this.... 2) My current job is incompatible with the kind of lifestyle I want to have, and the kind of person I want to be. This is an unexpected part of my journey; I am confident that things will work themselves out, but for the meantime I will need some advice (will start a separate post in off-topic) 3) Drinking vs. Not drinking Seems to be coming up a bit in threads. My opinion - some nights I feel like drinking, some nights I don't feel like drinking. And that's probably the way it should be - do whatever you feel is right. 4) Looks Over the last few weeks I've seen quite a few guys who will either (1) stand in the club 'modelling' for most of the night, or (2) think their looks will substitute for a personality (told to me by girls I have spoken to). If you are comfortable with yourself, girls will sense it. Leading to..... 5) Enjoyment The more you talk to girls, the more I am amused by their mannerisms, the commonalities, and the things that make each of them unique. There is a LONG way to go with all of this, but I feel like the foundations are becoming more and more solid. And that only comes through going out and taking action. |
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What is it about your job that is incompatible with the type of lifestyle you wish to lead? |
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And I like the realisations, it's a sign that I am evolving for the better. Where there are doubts is the fact that I will be far out of my comfort zone very soon, which is where the power of the positive re-frame will be tested! |
Reflections on the last few weeks
Last week, something unexpected happened that has caused me to step back and take a look at my situation. I am a teacher, and have has the same tutor group for the last 4 years. Last week, they went on study leave for their exams (they are in Year 11). I wasn't expecting anything, so I was surprised when they presented me with a large world map (I teach Geography) which the majority of them had signed. This reduced me to tears, as they have proved to be hard work over the years!
I was on the verge of leaving but that single moment, along with the other gifts and thanks I have received, has suddenly made all the hard work worth it. So, how does this relate to PU? Success does not come overnight, there are no short cuts to success (see CovertOperations' last post). I have not been doing too badly on the bedroom side of things, but at the same time it has been unsatisfactory sex. The kind of sex when, as soon as you cum, there is an immediate feeling of regret. This realisation was reached when, whilst mid-flow with a woman 2 weeks ago, she asked why I was so quiet. I didn't have the heart to say that I wasn't really feeling it. Sometimes I feel that the women I sleep with is a reflection of how I feel about myself. My last 4 lays have been a random French woman, a 51-year old Northerner, A Spanish prostitute in Valencia, and a 37-year old. The last attractive (in my eyes) woman I slept with (which was 1 year ago) called it a day because, on reflection, of my neediness (position of scarcity). I was hoping to move out in the summer from my mum's house as I feel this is part of the issue. However having sat down today and done the sums, it will not be financially possible until the New Year at the very earliest. Rather than look at this as a setback, I now see it as an opportunity to get my head down, save money, hit the gym, meditate, and do other things that will get me prepared to hit the ground running once I get my own place. As for going out, I plan to go 'dry' for a while to save money. Strangely, I also feel like I have nothing to lose. The only goal I have now when going out is: Take action. That is it. Anything else that happens after that is a bonus. So all in all a rather unusual 'field report', but this is where I'm at on my journey. |
Enjoying the process, and the question of momentum
Recently my focus when going out has shifted to simply amusing myself, and becoming less dependent on the venue to provide the 'vibe'.
It's going well - me and my mate are always clowning around in bars doing our own thing, and inevitably this attracts the attention of women. I now feel I have reached the next stage of my journey: building momentum, and 'destroying the ego'. With the summer approaching, it's an ideal time to string together a couple of nights out in a row. Including a return to my 2nd home of Manchester! |
Regression
After going out last night, and bailing from the club early, there was the horrible realisation that my game has gone backwards over the last few months. Despite getting a couple of lays in this period, this was simply masking the fundamental issues. I will now break down the events of yesterday evening, with after-thoughts in italics.
The plan was to meet up with a couple of guys from the RSD Inner Circle, and head to the Piccadilly Institute. I always find that meeting up with guys from online is a gamble - the guy is either cool, or not. Never in-between. The guys seem cool. We enter PI, and I'm feeling in a good mood even though I'm not drinking (this is a recent development). It takes me quite a while to get into the night in terms of approaching - I do a couple here and there, and then my wing starts to get anxious, saying things such as 'I need to get into state' and 'We are not approaching enough' Rather than standing my ground and just chilling out, we end up walking around the club looking for girls. I do not like this, and it ends up putting me in my head. The other guys we came with are now in set, so it was just us two. We decided to get stamped, and go out into Leicester Square to do some street game. By this point I am feeling distinctly uncomfortable, and decided to call it quits at midnight as I didn't want to affect my wing's night. On the way home I had a think about what the fuck is going wrong, and came to some conclusions. 1) More solo nights are needed. I now understand why people go out solo....when you have a good wing the support can be great, but a poor wing, as I have found many times, does not help at all. Going solo would force me to step up 2) Confidence at the start of the interaction is the key. Linked to this, most importantly, is; 3) Focusing on other things for a while. They sometimes say that a problem cannot be solved at the same logical level that is was created; in this case, I think I need to pursue other interests for a while. I apply too much pressure to myself when I'm out, and I feel that doing other things for a while may help to provide a fresh perspective. I plan on coming back to 'gaming' in the next few months, but feel that a break at this point is necessary. |
Scarcity
Going through a significant dry patch at the moment....somehow women have a sixth sense for this and, whilst they will talk to you, your sub-communications project an air of desperation.
This is not helped by going to various social functions (weddings, birthdays etc) and being at that age where there are few single women. And obviously your match-making friends will try to hook you up with the other singles. An increasing number of friends keep suggesting I turn to online dating, and saying that I need to 'find someone'. And the more they keep saying it, the more I want to simply build a good life for myself rather than with the aim of 'getting' someone (as if that person will complete the jigsaw). Which brings me on to external validation. A man of scarcity clings to any good reaction; sometimes I try to pretend that I don't care, but I do. I realised this the other day, when I let myself be wound up by some bratty 20-something year olds in the bar. So I want to work on myself (and I have stated this previously), but also feel the pressure of time as I see many of my friends settling down. However, kinda in relation to Jaz's thread, some are stuck in bad relationships but would rather do that than start again as a singleton. In a week's time I will be moving into my own flat; for me, this is a massive step in the right direction. As one phase of the journey ends, another begins. |
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And I didn't say anything about going out sober? |
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'You're such a nice guy'
Hmm, been a while since I last posted. Things have kinda ground to a halt at the moment; long work hours, a lack of motivation to pull girls, and doing other things non-PU related to try and improve myself.
The strange is that I can get a conversation going most of the time, but lack the motivation to take it further. This is something that Alex from RSD also pointed out when I was in Dublin (cool guy). For example I was out in Clapham yesterday, started a few conversations but the girls usually left/made their excuses after 15-20 mins. And with one, there were the dreaded parting words: 'You're such a nice guy' Previous experience tells me that this usually means you have been friend-zoned. I thought about this 'nice guy' thing a lot on the way home, and it has led me to do a massive re-frame. Rather than moaning that girls don't like nice guys, I know within myself that I have a good heart and people need to meet MY standards. And if they don't, at least be a positive influence. And call them out when necessary. Another thing I realise is that there is no substitute for experience. Rather than talking Game and analysing people, sometimes you just have to Hit It Up. And that is my intention as we enter the party season. |
Were you escalating and was the conversation platonic or edgy and unpredictable? Being called a nice guy is more to do with whether you're being sexual and alpha versus that platonic guy who she knows wants more.
In my experience if a guy is genuinely nice and girl likes him the she will think of every and any word to describe him thats NOT 'nice'! I always joke around with girls by saying 'im a nice guy' after being a cocky twat to them. |
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GoodRebel |
Really positive report. Let's meet up soon now I'm in London!
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Momentum
Man, the weekend flies by.
Friday ------ Met up with Markuk, Serenpidity and Sugarspin in Islington. Bit of a mission as I live in south, but haven't seen Mark especially for a while so figured 'why not'. We end up finding a nice bar, good tunes are playing but had to queue to get in, bit of banter with the girls behind me. Get to the bar, get a drink, Mark has noticed two girls behind us and wonders what they are doing. He suggests talking to them, and before I know it I have gone and said 'hello there'. Immediately get into the chat, Mark sits next to me but not next to the other girl (!), realises the mistake and goes and sits next to her (good lad). I laugh as I write this; to my girl I am just chatting, several times a 'WTF' look is on her face. She keeps saying the usual shit - 'How long have you been friends with Mark', 'You should go over there', blah blah blah. However she is also laughing. I then end up talking to the other one that Mark is with, and she is much more interesting. She is giving me a bit of stick, I just ride the wave. They then say they need to leave, get a Facebook.....long. So me and Mark sit and chat for a bit, I periodically open girls who are walking past/sit down. Serenpidity and Sugarspin come over to join us. After a while I go to check out the club section, it's packed but spot a girl and ask if she is lost. She says she is not lost, but is looking for drugs. Hahaha. I say she needs to find a guy with a suit, and point one out. She's pretty cute. Anyway she calls the guy over, I stand back and watch the conversation which is quite funny. I go to leave, but she holds my arm and says 'stay'. Hmm ok, I stand my ground as I realise they guy is going to get blown out soon. Sure enough he does, we chat a little bit more but then get bored and leave her. In retrospect, it would have been interesting to see what would have happened if I pushed a little further. So after a while we leave, we're able to get the last tube, Serenpidity then realises he had gone the wrong way, me and Mark part ways at London Bridge but I have missed the last train. And so begins a 90 minute journey via two night buses, in the freezing cold. Saturday --------- A bit more of a low key affair, go out with my friend in my local area. We hit the bar and I chat to a couple of birds to get going. We then head to the club, bit more chilled today so not as much approaching. My mate then leaves to visit his f-buddy, so I'm on my own. I just wile out dancing and had a good time in the end. Reflections: Momentum ----------- Recently I have started to recognise the pattern of my nights out, which has helped a lot. Before heading out - I think 'can't be bothered', but realise this is the mind looking for an easy out. At the beginning of the night - rather than being anxious I now find it funny, because the first few conversations are like gears grinding. But lo and behold the more you talk, the better the flow gets. Amusement ------------ I just find everything on nights out funny now. When I talk to girls, I imagine everything I am saying is PURE GOLD. I often laugh at my own conversation. They are often bemused by this, but interestingly means they open up. I no longer think 'this place is shit/has no vibe', I just generate the vibe myself. It happened on Saturday and, interestingly enough, people start to gravitate towards you. Responsibility -------------- In the last few months I have now been placed in situations where I am responsible for leading people. It has had an unexpected effect in not looking towards other people to decide a course of action, particularly on nights out. I sense an evolution taking place, but building (and maintaining) the momentum is fundamental to allowing this to continue. |
The weekend really does go quick!
Sounds like you enjoyed it though and positive stuff there to build on. |
Saturday 30th Nov
Out with my friend, who is a natural.
First stop is a Slug & Lettuce, where we get some drinks and chat. He is quite good at noticing when girls are looking, as he is tall he always gets looks from girls anyway. I open a couple of girls in there: Conversation #1 - girl is wearing a tartan top, I ask if she is celebrating St Andrews Day. Her friend tells her to say yes, I call her friend out on this and find it quite funny. Conversation #2 - there are some girls standing near us, one of them tells her friend to tell me to take their picture but the friend says no. I then ask her if she thinks I'm not safe. She says 'yes, because you were going to rob the phone haha' in a jokey way. Again I find this funny, because she is finding the situation awkward. We then proceed to exchange some banter. There are 2 blonde girls that my friend had noticed when we walked in, he says that they were watching us. As we leave, I say to him we should tell them where we are going and if they are going there. They are on the dancefloor. My friend does the most awkward approach and speaks to his one. I go to speak to mine, immediately we have arms around each other. She says she is going to the same place, we have some chit chat, then I say we'll see them in there later. LOOKING BACK - probably should have tried to take them with us at least. So.... We head to the main bar for the night. We have a corner in there were we usually jam, so get our drinks and head for it. The venue is quite snooty, a lot of well-dressed guys mean and women and takes a long time to get going. However, it doesn't take me long to get going and women slowly begin to hover around. I casually switch between dancing and opening girls. One of the girls I simply stand in front of her and say she cannot walk past without talking to me. We have a bit of chat, her and her friend say I am cheeky. I hang with them for a bit, then go to check out downstairs. Here I see the girl from the Slug & Lettuce, who is dancing with a guy. I point at her and she comes over to talk to me, her friend is in another part of the bar. The conversation kinda peters out.... LOOKING BACK - should have moved her away from the guy as he was still hovering. So head back upstairs, and find the other girl I was talking to earlier. The friend leaves us alone for a bit, we have a dance, the eyes tell me everything I need to know. THE PROBLEM WAS....she was kinda cute, but not amazing looking, so I wasn't really that bothered if nothing happened. I take her number out of politeness.... LOOKING BACK - no point in taking a number if it's unlikely to be used! (me and my friend disagree on this, he says it's always good to take the number anyway) She leaves, a open a couple more girls but nothing amazing happens. The night finishes, and outside we try to open some more. The highlight is one girl telling me: 'Do me and favour mate and just walk away' At which point I just start laughing. I would highly recommend going to a venue with lots of bitchy girls every once in a while, their reactions just seem to amuse me now. Last night made me realise that my main objective is to bang a skinny chick, as I haven't done so for a while! Another shift in my thinking is the idea of enjoyment. In the conversation I'm just looking to enjoy myself, I used to think this was selfish as it doesn't involve the other person but now I realise: If you are enjoying yourself, they will enjoy themselves as well. |
Starting from the bottom
Been a while since my last post...the last few weeks have just been a fog of confusion regarding the path I wanted to take.
Haven't been out that much recently, and I have rationalised this with being busy at work, therefore women aren't really the priority. However Friday was a moment of realisation; I actually got kicked out of work (I work in a school) and got moaned at for staying there too long! I probably would have stayed there til' 9pm otherwise...considering I was in work at 8am, it is not sustainable in the long term. So I didn't go out Friday. Yesterday I went to the Julien Hotseat - not the first RSD event I've been to, usually I make lots of notes but yesterday I only wrote a few lines. On the way home I had another realisation - after reading, watching and listening to so much theory, a number of fundamental ideas emerge. And the only thing then left to do is to go out. So I did; just to my local bar, and I was rusty. The gears were grinding; the fact that I remember the number of girls I talked to (3) indicates that I could have gone harder. Nevertheless, the main positive was that I got out of the house. What's the plan for the next couple of months? To go out every Friday and Saturday. And to face my fear of the Piccadilly Institute, a club I have found to be consistently tough. London people - if you need a wing, or someone to roll with, I'll be in LDN somewhere. For a couple of months I have been in the comfort zone, and it is now time to once again step into the unknown. |
Great to hear you are getting yourself out again dude. I've been going out as much as I can. What I've noticed is, even if it's not party central and I'm hardly in the mood, an opportunity of some kind will always present itself.
Sometimes I only recognise that they were opportunities later on and I want to improve on that side of things... sharpen up. But the only way is to keep going out. I've never been to the Piccadilly Institute. I'd be happy to wing you and hit up there soon. |
Saturday 25th January - Luton
Sometimes I like a random outing...the only experience I have of Luton is the airport, so decided to venture up there for the night as Serenpidity lives near there.
We get to Luton and spend a bit of time trying to establish where the main bars actually were...eventually we stumble across one that Serenpidity says he went to the week before. It is quiet in there people-wise, the music wasn't, but was good music so stay in there for a drink. Off we go to the next place, which is much busier, and this is our main stay for the evening. We wander for a bit, then go to check out the dancefloor. There is a woman that keeps looking at Serenpidity, I tell him to approach and he does - good man. That doesn't last long (I spoke to her later and she was a bit weird) so we head to the bar. At this point I haven't opened anyone, I see a group of girls at the bar and decide to open her with 'Is this the best club in Luton'. This gets a conversation going, as expected she does not contribute much and looks somewhat bemused. Sensing this, I tell her to introduce me to her friends as we have now become 'associates'. Her friends are a bit more talkative...one asks what I am doing in Luton and I say I am looking for a 'night wife' (credit Russell Brand for that one). This inevitably provokes a barrage of shit tests, including the mocking of my name, I just find it all ridiculous and laugh. After a while me and Serenpidity leave, we then get split up and I hit the dancefloor. There is no cloakroom so I keep my jacket on as I don't want to put it down, this adds to the ridiculuousness of the night. I dance in my own reality, this inevitably attracts girls and guys just stare - haha. I get talking to some more girls, they are not really adding to my fun so I continue dancing and chatting. One of them is into me, but she isn't that attractive so I'm not pushing hard. However, for a brief moment I did get a semi in my pants. I turn around and Serenpidity is behind me with his wing so we leave the dancefloor, as we come off I open another girl by mimicking her hand-waving action. Cue some chat and banter, again I get her to introduce me to her friends. However I get bored after about 15 minutes and leave to look for Serenpidity. I find him and we decide to go hard for the last 20 minutes. It doesn't really work out that way for me, as I get slightly in my head; I then decide that this is retarded thinking and promptly start to 'prowl' the club. As I head to the exit for the smoking area I see a girl with an amazing ass - I pass her, say nothing, have a moment of indecision, then turn around to open with 'Hey how's it going'. We have a conversation, however it is awkward and I call her out on it ('this isn't comfortable for you is it'), again I just find it funny. And with that I turn around and see Serenpidity and his wing! At this point I call it a night and head back to my car, on the way back I pass the first bar we went to and it is now rocking, and this summed up the night really...FUNNY. Lessons learnt ---------------- 1) Momentum is the key - talking to as many people as possible so, when I eventually meet that girl I like, the gears are not grinding. It also means going out every week, As I said before. 2) I find everything funny on a night out now - this has been a recent development; 3) Embracing social pressure and awkwardness - there was no 'you're a nice guy' comments yesterday. Next week I aim to push the boat out a bit further... |
Great to see you out last night dude. I enjoyed your company. And thanks for pushing me to do that first approach. I was laughing after it. The weirdness of that woman haha. She still kept looking at me after I'd approached and she wasn't receptive...hmm. I think her English wasn't good enough to converse. But it helped unstifle me a lot.
Those girls you opened at the bar, that was crazy but good. The shit tests were unbelievable. One of them turned your name into "cunt" (you're names nothing near that). Then the sexy blonde one said to her friend, yeah I like cunt. So I made good eye contact with her and said "so do I". You cracked up laughing when you heard what I said and I felt my state crank up a few notches. Self amusement man. We turned their shit tests into our own entertainment. It was like you said, a FUNNY night. There were loads of moments like that. No outcomes in mind at all. This is the way it should be. |
SmileyK Method
Hmm...so it's been a while since I last posted. There have been small steps forward in the last couple of months, and I have to admit that 'game' has become less of a priority recently. However this hasn't stopped me from getting laid, haha.
One thing I have definitely noticed is a change in mentality when out, mainly centred around need. I haven't watched any RSD videos for a while, but the last one I saw from Tyler was one about neediness - I have to say it really hammered home the idea of not needing anything from people. The other week I went out by myself, and just danced most of the night even when no-one else was; I didn't really care, I just thought 'either people can join me or they can just stand there trying to look cool'. Saturday I was out, and pulled. This is what happened: - I had just been blown out by one of the hottest girls in the club, quite harshly as well. I just laughed it off, and kinda rolled straight into the next girl (or woman in this case). - I can't remember the opener - these days I just open with whatever comes out of my mouth; - Whilst talking to her I maintained eye contact at the right moments, enough for her to know this wasn't a friend-to-friend conversation; - I then left her, can't remember why, but a while later saw her again as we were leaving the club to go to another club. She was with another friend, who got a taxi home leaving her by herself. So she ended up walking to the next club with me. - When we got into the club, she said she was going to the toilet. I waited for a bit, then went off to find my friends again. - 45 mins later I see her again, she asks why I didn't wait for her, I said she could have looked for me, she says she saw me dancing but didn't want to disturb me. At this point, all I had to do was to not fuck it up. - After a while sitting down, dancing and chatting, I tell her I'm going home. Luckily my hotel is across the street from the club. We get outside, stop, chat for a bit, then I say 'my hotel is just here, let's go'. And that was it. Recently I just feel like I give less of a fuck, but at the same time I know I am selling myself short when it comes to the quality of women I am pulling. So from reading this, I guess I need to be pushing the boat out a bit more. I feel that I am slowly, but surely, getting my shit together - going to the gym more regularly, having a concrete plan for the next 3-4 years. I lack a willingness to settle, so it means that any woman coming into my life needs to be offering something a bit more than just sex. The next few months are going to be interesting. |
Failure - always a learning opportunity
A slightly late summary of my Easter Weekend exploits.
Thursday night ----------------- Head to a bar in the City to meet some friends. Many attractive women, and the bar is lively. All but one of my friends is either married or in a relationship; the one who isn't has just come out of a long-term relationship. It's all good, lots of banter, drink flowing, everyone having a good time. A few of them sit down in the restaurant bit to have a meal, I go to join but it's too late to order food. I get a bit bored and notice 3 girls to the left of me have just finished, one has a massive salad bowl so the opener...'did you enjoy that big bowl of salad?' End up bantering with all of them, one is trying to bust my balls but I keep throwing the tests back in her face. After a while though, my friends start trying to fuck it up by being obnoxious, even though I was trying to bring them into the conversation! After a while we move to another part of the bar, I'm in a nice flow now and just opening. Sometimes the stuff that girls come out with is so utterly retarded; one tells me she has a boyfriend, but likes to go out and 'flirt with another men' - upon hearing this I laugh in her face. The bar closes and we head to Shoreditch, but at this point the alcohol is starting to take over. In the bar we end up in I still manage to open and conversate, but the aim is slightly off. Eventually it's time to make the long journey back to South London; overall, a decent night out. Saturday ---------- All day drinking eventually leads to Infernos in the evening. This venue is tough; the classic meat market, with pretentious girls and douchebag guys. It is all about volume in this place; even the photographer tells me that in order to pull you must open at least 90% of the women. The night here finishes with a fat girl telling me to 'run along to my friends'. Sunday night --------------- Out in my local area with a couple of friends, and we head to a old skool garage night. Again I am the only single member of the group; we are all having a great time, later on in the night I feel the urge to chat some of the ladies walking around the venue. I do what has been my worst pickup for a long time, and it needs some analysis: 1) She is taller than me; normally I don't have a problem with this, but 2) I 'hover' for a long time on the dancefloor near her - hesistancy puts you in your head; 3) Finally I decide to open with probably the worst opening line I have delivered for a while - 'You may not want to talk to me, but I'm gonna introduce myself anyway' The funny thing is, as soon as the words left my mouth I knew I had put the proverbial gun to my head. And fired. A slight positive was that I didn't get 100% airtime - she did humour the little man for about a minute or so before the heat got too much. Could I have turned it around? Maybe. But I left the club pretty annoyed...hesistancy is fatal. The whole weekend got me thinking about the idea of regularly going to a 'tough' venue. In London, there are several of these to be found. It is almost like going to the gym, except you are building the emotional muscles, building indifference, letting go of outcome, building momentum. It is another road that can be travelled in the quest for higher-quality women. In summary - failure highlights what still needs to be learnt. |
Re-discovering the Love for the Game
Friday and Saturday was the first time in a long time that I've been out both nights. This is my anti-thesis to all the keyboard jockey nonsense I've read over the last few months, best summarised by this clip:
I just went out and enjoyed myself. Talked to lots of people. Talked to girls. There is rust that will only go away by going out more, but came out of this weekend with one number. That is one more than if I had just stayed at home. Stay tuned for more FRs. |
July - an update
It has been a while since I last posted...so this is what has been going on.
Leadership. In the last few months I have realised there isn't an 'ideal' moment where leadership is bestowed upon you. There have been a few situations where I have had to take charge, because no one else was willing. It was new ground for me as I was always used to having someone superior steadying the ship...but the experience has led to a new job (with higher salary and more responsibility) that I start in September. Living at home. I moved back to my mum's last summer in order to save some money, as the overheads at the flat I was renting became unsustainable. This has virtually killed my love life. On the other hand, women have been quite far down on my priority list so it hasn't been that much of a loss. Nevertheless, there have been a few dating encounters. Tinder Girl (can't remember her name) - I was able to get a couple of dates after continuously swiping right for about 20 minutes. We went out twice, she was attractive, but didn't tend to open up until she got drunk. Never a good sign. Jasmin (from work) - This one was a bit crazy. At Xmas she was at the work do, previously we had exchanged small talk a couple of times but there was a little spark. She left early from the work do, I didn't see her, so I told her friend that I liked her. Friend said that Jasmin also liked me. Great! So I took Jasmin's number from her friend. Turned out that Jasmin was one of the flakiest girls I have met for a while. We arranged to go out 3 times, she flaked (at the very last minute) 3 times. So eventually I left it. In March, Jasmin unexpectedly turns up at the pub where some of us from work are having Friday drinks. She tells me that she has been out on a date with a colleague from work that I know well. She then proceeds to act, in the words of her best friend, 'like a bitch' towards me for the rest of the night. Later on, as I am leaving, some guy from work is trying to take her home. At this point I say bye, she merely laughs. The next day I get a text from Jasmin saying that she is sorry, I ignore it. She then texts again a few hours later. Again, I ignore it. I reply the next day saying that if she wanted to put me off her, she did an excellent job. She becomes more apologetic after this. Coincidentally, I see her at work on the Monday and she cannot even look me in the eye. A week later, she asks if I am still angry with her. I reply saying no, that I has accepted her apology and considered the matter closed. She continues to text me. She then sends an 'embarrassing' photo of herself (one in which the light makes it look like she is wearing no knickers) and says that we are now even. I am still somewhat indifferent to her. A few weeks later (in April) I ask her out on a date again and she accepts. In the end we went out twice, but all she did was talk about her dramas. In addition to this, a lot of the time it felt like an argument instead of a conversation, like one long shit test. Immediately that is a red flag. And so whatever there was petered out. Corinne (from work) - I met her in March at a leaving do for a colleague. We got along quite well, and her friend (and boyfriend) left us alone in the bar later that evening. Always a good sign. I say that I am going to the seaside later in the week (which I was) and that she should join me. She seems hesitant, I give her my number. Later on (after about a month, ha) it is apparent that she is not going to call. I happen to see Corinne's friend at work one day, and tell her that I want to ask her out. This time she gives me Corrine's number, and mildly berates me for not taking it the first time I met her. I text Corinne, and she tells me that she is glad that I contacted her. We have been out a few times, nothing has happened as of yet but she seems different to other girls. Quite a lot of the time we have simply walked and talked, which has made a change from being sat in a bar. Hopefully I'll be meeting up with her next week, as she's been a bit busy with work. Kim (from work) - seems to be a running pattern with people from work (only in the last year strangely enough, but I've been there 5 years)...we haven't been out on any dates, but I know she likes me - at the Xmas dinner she gave me a full-on (and unexpected) kiss on the lips when she was leaving. That didn't really bother me and it was never mentioned...until another work drinks do in May. She turned up a bit later, having been drinking at home with a couple of other people. Eventually me and her end up side by side and she starts talking...when me and her have talked before one-on-one the conversations have been fairly short. Kim says that I am 'mysterious' and 'she doesn't really know me', but I 'look at her in a way'. This I admit (which I didn't say to her) is true...sometimes I look at her a little too long when we are talking, going from the 'friend' look to the 'fuck' look. During our conversation she opens up to me, talks a bit about her life, and discreetly infers that I will be going home with her. This is confirmed when I overhear one of her friends saying that she likes me. In addition to this, she tells me that her daughter is staying somewhere else for the night. However I cannot go home with her (simply because I didn't want to) so I make a quick exit. Regularly hitting the gym. I have been going on and off for the last 6 months, so at the beginning of June I told myself I would go every day. I haven't, but the shift in mentality has greatly helped. I now go at least 4 times a week, and feel much better for it. On the other hand, the last time I had sex was over a year ago. I put this down to a combination of factors - women being less of a priority in my life right now, living at home, having a shit car that I don't want to bang girls in. Strangely, I fell quite indifferent to my dry spell as I know it won't last forever (it may end sooner than I think...that is the nature of the Game). There will be a time when I get back on it, but just not now. Writing this has felt liberating. And made me realise that even though it might not seem like it, I am making progress. Hopefully there won't be another massive gap between this point and the next one! |
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