I want my control back
 

Pretty rubbish weekend with the new ex bird. I went out with her, and her mate played gooseberry.

My bird told me that she was going to some party in another city the next night and she was going to stay over on a mate's setee, so we wouldn't see each other. I'd had a bit to drink so I got a bit pissed off about this.

Seeing as we were supposed to be a couple, if someone had invited me to a party I would have invited her too. I told her, "Fine, two can play at that game, the next time I'm going to a party I won't invite you."

Later in the night her mate wanted to go into some bar. We went in and there were at least ten men for every woman. I was annoyed, as I found the vibe lascivious but her mate loved it (of course she did). We argued about that too.

We left and went to another outdoor bar. There were two guys and one of them touched my bird's mate's arse. My bird complained to me about it so I went to have a word with him. Apparently I got a bit alpha with him and he jabbed me one in the nose. Immediately I dealt him a hefty haymaker to the eye nearly knocking him off his feet. That pretty much knocked the fight out of him.

Again my bird started to argue with me, saying, "Darling, I'm already attracted to you, you don't have to behave like that. Why do you always have to be the alpha male?" I said, "So why did you complain to me about him if you didn't want me to take action?"

I slept at hers that night and she was trying to be sweet with me but I was still pissed off about her just going off to parties whenever she feels like it. The following day I recieved a text from her saying, "Hey danny, you can't come to my house again and i am not sure about our relationship eather...and please don't think that this has anything to do with the fact that i'm going to cat(ania where the party is) to see my friends now.it is rather about your immature and exaggerated behaviour and different ways of seeing things/lack of understanding.So I just need some time to think it over and please don't call me now.let's speak when i'm back."

I sent her one back saying, "Ok babe,I get it, don't worry.Lets just leave it at that.We tried.I have some very nice memories.No hard feelings.x"

Later she sent me one saying, "Darling, i'm thinking of you, i have very nice memories too..x"

I sent her another message saying that if I did or said anything stupid it came from a place of love.

Since then, she has come back and sent me this message: Hey, thanks for your message, i really appeciate that and it made me happy to hear that, and i know u only had good intentions, so did i.But i just can't handle being in a proper relationship with u and i just needed a moment for myself. Maybe we can meet tomo after my salsa class? X

I responded that I did not like the tone of "just can't handle being in a proper relationship with u", and I told her that I will not be her plaything.

I don't know what my next move should be. A few days ago she was crazy about me, telling me that she was in love with me and just wanted to spend all her time with me and now this bollocks. I want the control back. Any ideas??

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, she is on the period.

I keep fighting the urge to call her too.

chasin for control = loss of

I'm aware of that. What should I do next?

It's so much easier to stay in control when your emotions are not in it.

Take a chill pill, slow it down, hang out like friends would, act indifferent, subtly maintain and build on the attraction with kino, suggestion, push pull ect. make her want you again with laid back awesomeness and fun times and be the one who gets to make the call.

That's what I'm gonna do. Scrambling for control is like trying to climb a landslide.

This obviously happened exactly as it is described here.

control comes to you... it is when the other person realises a change in pattern when their mindset change!! thats why its hard to gain control coz while ur head is everywhere, they dont even realise anythin is up!!

You showed massive insecurity when your girl told you about the party.

Correct answer instead of making an issue out of it might have been: "Cool, have an awesome time"

She complained to you about the grope, does not mean you knock him out. Make light of it, and give her a hug, tell her that only you're allowed to touch her sexy ass. Or something like that. Fighting him, only shows immaturity.

If you show rock solid confidence in the face of things like that, and display no insecurity she will love you for it. Going all needy and huffy for it, will make you lose control in the relationship and she'll go off you.

-Loke

I had problems with the mindset of Italian bird I was seeing exclusively last summer.

On a night out, a day after she'd said how much she liked me, she behaved in a hot-and-cold daft way over an issue which SHE herself had created, including her storming off.

Two days later, she sent me a text apologising for her behaviour.

Instead of me replying with an it's-OK no-problem reassuring nicey vibe (e.g. such as the text you used Midas which included "Ok babe,I get it, don't worry"), I huffed and puffed to decide upon the most enigmatic Rebus-like confident, terse and seemingly closed response.



After a think, I fired off a short text message response that simply read:

I cannot tolerate your petulance



From the feedback I got from her later (we got back together again), the enigmatic and terse nature of it went off like wildfire. When she received the text message, she even asked what the meaning of the word "petulance" was to the English person opposite her in the train! She fought to win me back (little did she know she didn't have to fight! Ha!)

These five words gave me back control.

I sent these five words with a risk of losing her -- I gave a shit, as still wanted to see her, but only an altered version of her who didn't have hot-and-cold daft explosive behaviour.

Sometimes, I know what the right answer is and Loke is right, but once feelings get involved it is much easier said than done.

Insecurities seem to be the side effect of passion.

Had it been before we had decided to go steady that's exactlly what my response would have been. It's like the song, "It's the good advice that you just can't take!"

He didn't touch her arse though he touched her mates and they both complained to me about it. Of course a good humoured approach would have been better though.

Pretty much Mad Fer It. I don't tell lies. I'm looking to improve this situation, so what would that serve me?

Tonight, I actually saw that dude that I went head to head with and we shook hands, laughed about it, and put it down to alcohol. If only it was that easy to sort arguments out with birds.

hate to drop you the news, but THAT GUY is now shagging your bird

:dead1:

Basically you are rising to her shit, do your own thing set the marker, you are getting sucked into her reality.

You acted like a bit of a needy chode.

regarding hitting the guy, you should only go confront him if thats what YOU want to do, not because the girls moan at you about it.
If thats what you wanted, when they give you shit about it--say whatever, blow it off and be unaffected.

Just looks like you are getting slapped with shit tests/power struggles and being affected by it-- yes i totally understand when feelings are involved its fucking hard--i find myself reacting to stuff and getting needy about things even though i know its wrong for me to do this i just cant help it.

There is no such thing as control when you remain unnaffected, some girls will just eat you up until there is nothing left of you and you are their bitch, at that point they either keep you on and your life sucks or they chew you up and spit you out.


You are being sucked into her world, she is rolling you back and forth like a yoyo

Unless you reamin unnaffected and just do your own thing this relationship will continue to become more and more unhealthy

YOU ARE THE MAN DONT EVER FORGET THAT

This is so annoying

let me tell u a story

my mates bird went lesbo, fucked him off after 14 years... he spent 3 months ringin chasin I LOVE YOU TAKE ME BACK

she treated him like a nob

he went ill in the head and was put in hospital for 10 days... facebook shut down, phone shut off all contact taken away, & nobody in his family would say where he was..

she went to bits coz she couldnt contact him...

as soon as he came out I WANT YOU BACK I MADE A MISTAKE.

validation is in any contact they have, remove the answers and create a loop..

loops cannot be ended in your own mind as the answers dont lie there...

go missing for 10 days!! remove facebook.. all contact midas...
and watch the power return

FACT

Farcebook - Rebus Verdict
 

God, do you guys genuinely believe relationships have to be about a power struggle?! If she wants to go to the damn party on her own then so be it. Why make such an issue of it. Do you not trust her? Lamping some guy probably isn't the way to impress her either.

Wicked post that Refl3x. These are all the things that I would normally have done had I not let my emotions and drinking get out of hand. The last time I was in a bar full of men with those two girls I just leaned back in my seat like a mac daddy, with the only two blondes there.

Incidentally, wherever we go, I already have a shit load of social proof and she often gets jealous asking me how I know all the Erasmus girls and even complaining that I just talk to everyone.

All this stuff is so obvious and easy to do before emotions start turning your head and clouding your judgement.

No he doesn't trust her nova, which is why this whole thread has started. Bu can't be bNgin a girl behind sumounes back and cry wen she cuz it 2 u. Midas u do t need her. Jib her

What Phil said. Move on!

Someone told me to do similar to what phil mentioned earlier. It worked for me anyway. Become unavailable..cut down on facebook especially in the evenings, late txt replies, time constraint on phone convos, ur busy, and dont answer in the evenings. She told me that she thought I was seeing someone, where it was just all illusions and assumptions.
Most of ur disputes were probably of ur own illusions and assumptions anyway, we all become a victim of it... especially PUA's ;)

I think we need to think about relationships more in terms of a balance rather than pretending you are busy. Being needy with constant contact and reacting in a jealous manner to things a girl does without you just isn't the right balance. Power is irrelevant.

Of course if you don't trust your girlfriend, what's the point.

superstar is right tho!! this works in all aspects of life

Absolutely nova, I believe in mutual relationships. it was just a gimmick, it won't change the relationship but it worked to get a second round.

I guess the question is more about 'what is sustainable', as opposed to what creates a temporary emotional reaction.

What do we even see in women? Their double standards are shocking. They do things that they would go nuts if we did and we are expected to rise above it every time like superior beings. We have to have 100% control of our emotions all the time or the whole thing falls to shit. That's some pressure.

Yeah, but right now temporary will do just fine until I can get to a place where sustainable is an option.

this is correct, if a mans emotions go unchecked its seen as weakness and we loose respect!

this is no way to live life, but it is a neccesity.

MUTUAL RELATIONSHIPS ARE CRAP!! women only stick around as long as they are the lower power, once they take the pedastal they RUIN the relationship!

Sometimes it seems that they won't accept anything less than perfect but we're just blokes and they are FAR from perfect.

Ahhh, you can't live with them and you're not allowed to chop them up into little pieces with a machete and feed them to your dog.

Snake Eyes likes this!

Authentic!

Reeks of Rebus!

I can't deny this; there has been a trust issue as she was seeing another guy when I met her. I was never bothered at first because I was the second guy and not the first.

Then she chose to be with me exclusively, but ironically that's when the paranoia kicked in. I would never normally have been as jealous as this so early on.

Perhaps this is be because you are concerned you might end up like her former no.1, ousted for a new no.2

They're always looking out for the better deal. They keep one eye on you to make sure you don't go anywhere and another eye on the door to see who's walking in next.

i have to agree with you there Midas!...if your trying to get over this girl you need to get yourself to stop thinking about her so much. Fill you time up with other things, fun things, things that will make you feel good; go out with ur friends, join the gym (if u havent done already) and get yourself healthy. Gym in particular has helped me deal with the frustration that women throw at us. channel your frustratiuons/energy in the right direction.

Some of the guys have mentioned not to be available. i agree. if u are available, fake that your not... the funny thing is we all know the things we're not supposed to do. But when you're emotionally attached to a girl its like your starting all over again...we need to find the strength within us to act on the PU knowledge that we have...

i dont know if the above has helped, i hope it has.

troo dat