It's like driving drunk.

In theory there should be no difference between practice and theory but in practice there is.

Classic Rebus! I love that - You should have that as your sig

Midas you've put up some good stuff here in the past, but I think you dropped the ball when it comes to relationships.

No problem, you learn how to do pick up, now you can learn in the future how to keep the right girls.

All you need is for us to do this :smashfreakB: and you should be back to your old self in no time.

look at the left eye

It was just one bad night. Other than that, it was going fine. That's all it takes though.

The day before yesterday she sent me a text asking if I would meet her yesterday night after salsa and I texted back but did not answer her question.

Yesterday she sent me this text: Hey danny, how are u? there is no salsa tonight and i'll go and watch a movie instead, though i'm really tired, was out from 7am to 6pm.. will u be around later? Or do u want to meet me tomo? I am a bit confused and stressed at the same time and i'm sorry that i didn't get round to talk to u yet. anyways i'd like to see u soon. X

I texted back something along the lines of, "Me too, I'd be happy to see you when you're free."

She also sent me some photos of us that we took about a week ago and wrote "nice memories" under them.

She texted me again at one in the morning to say, "Danny. i'm in bed already, was too tired to go out..good night and see u soon"

I haven't responded to this. I think it could be time for her to do a bit of chasing now. what do you guys think?

There has been some fantastic feedback thus far...

we could play analysis for dummys all day..but its better to conclude this now and either continue happy or eject from this before you get hurt too much

I would arrange for her to come round.

Sit her down and get everything out in the open

Say in hindsight ive acted like a bit of a tit, getting jeleous etc and thats because ive got feelings for you and it scares me a bit.
also say shes blown hot and cold which leaves you confused.

So lets just chalk it down to both liking each other and being muppets and move forward and forget about it but make sure it doesnt happen again.

Give her a hug and a kiss and talk about somthing else--dont spend all night going over it in detail assigning blame.

So now its down to you to not act like a needy chode and down to her to stop playing your emotions.

If you hit the same problems later on then you know its time to Eject

dude, you should work for relate!

Thanks..i am actually considering training as a counsellor after i qualify as a hypnotherapist.
But chatting about this stuffs easy when your own emotions arent involved--as soon as its your feelings on the line - black and white situations become black, red, green, yellow, blue, purple and white problems..

You should always let her do some chasing :) It's healthy for the relationship that you both feel the need to see the other person.

Refl3xs post is pretty much spot on :)

I think it would be great for someone who has actually studied PUA and RSD to be working in relationship/marriage counciling rather than the usual Men are from Mars Women are from Venus crap.

But I also think PUA theory needs to branch out towards making relationships work after you've got the girl, as that is what many people want. There is a huge gap in the market.

Midas I agree with that post. Most of PU material is geared towards getting the girl, not about keeping her.

There is lots of interesting psychology, male-female polarity, power centers, free expression of self, and other areas for relationships which I think are important; these topics are generally more spiritual than the PU mass-market theory. I enjoyed reading Way of the Superior Man. There are pros and cons to that book, not a review here, but its food for thought. I read out a bit of it about masculine polarity to my gf at the time!

Typical of insecure italian girls, they try to mess with your head...
In situations like this you must be a bastard and unmovable, period.
You really must be willing to don't stand her manipulating behavior and to just walk away.
Really, sometimes the best strategy is just a pure and simple ultimatum.
For example i was messaging back and forth on FB (before they deleted my profile lol) and she seemed attracted to me, i told we should see each other and she was hesitant...
my next message was something like this: "look, i find you interesting and i sense that you like me too, but i'm not willing to message back and forth for ages. so, if you want to meet that's fine, but if you just want a pen pal go find somebody else. You have time until midnight to give me an answer or you're out of my life."

does this message seem too strong for you?
guess again, because it worked... we went out and straight to bed that same night.
with this do i mean that you must give ultimatums every chance you have? heck no!
I mean that you must be willing to just let her go and don't play her game, but the best advice I can give you is to find a girl that doesn't play games like this.

I must say another thing, I can be a dick when somebody pisses me off so maybe the way i handle things won't work for somebody else, but i would have done something like this:

Girl "i'm going to a party tomorrow"
Me "I'm going out of here, right now!", start walking away
her "what? wait, what's going on?"
me "you just pissed me off with what you just did, that's what's going on"
her "how? i just told you i was going to a party"
me "that's exactly what pissed me off, you're going to a party, you tell me and you don't invite me. you're just playing games that i don't like to play"
[...]
her "can you forgive me?"
me "sure, but you're going out with me tomorrow ...and you cook me dinner"

I'm sure some of this stuff won't work in the uk, but italy is different... it's is like entering the twilight zone

fkin dam right

As with the scripted PUA conversations we tend to see, I'm sure she'd say all of those things and be really sorry. As opposed to thinking 'why is this guy making such a big deal about this?'

Stop letting these small issues affect you. It's needy and shows insecurity.

Actually she's Austrian and she says she can't stand Sicilian guys for this reason.

Infact now that I remember, when I was behaving in this chodish way she said to me, "Take me as I am, I am not a Sicilian girl!"

That's because they're just testing the waters to see if you really are interested in them.
In Italy women have different insecurities and there are different social interactions, so as i said before: stuff like this works in italy, in the uk it doesn't.

Perhaps, or maybe they are seeing if you unaffected or insecure about this.

It depends on where you are in the interaction.
If i didn't went to bed with her, i wouldn't care.
If we went to bed and i decided to see her again, i call the shots.
and since midas said they were supposed to be a couple i would say that's the latter case.

So ideally you want to be in complete control of your girlfriend's movements, right? She cannot go to a party if you're jealous and don't want her to.

she can, but she can't just wave it under my nose.
because if she uses this cheap tricks means that i can't trust her.

Well if trust is questionable then what's the point of attempting to control her?

So what do you do when you start going out with a girl and you don't trust her yet?
Cross your fingers and hope?

Frankly i prefer she knows where my boundaries are and that i won't stand for her crap.
She knows she can walk away whenever she wants, but if she decides to stay she has to respect my boundaries as i respect hers.

sounds a bit, insecure, controlling and manipulative this is how a lot of foreign guys are, this is why my approach is successful with foreign girls...im the total opposite.

Such a cynical approach to dating girls. Insecure and negative. Consider the positive aspects of being unaffected by a girl's tests, instead of laying down rules and regulations!

It's not insecurity, I just hate to waste time and energy on flaky people.
I just treat every interaction as it was a business deal.
For example if I'm looking to buy a property and I go visit with the owner, if after agreeing on a price a couple days later he says: "well, i like your offer but i want to just wait another week before closing the deal..."
this could mean:

1) he found another person who's interested in the deal and wants to see who offers more;
2) he wants to see if i raise the offer.

So, if we had a deal on paper would i trust this guy? heck no!
would i buy his property? if it's good, yes!
I would just remind him that we had a deal on paper that binds him into complying.

But since in love there are no written contracts (except maybe marriage), in a no-contract situation i would just tell: "look, my offer is on the table and remains the same, you have until 8 pm to give me an answer or the offer is off."

You don't make money by following people who don't know what they are doing.
You make money by sticking to your guns and doing what's best for the both of you and if they're in, they enjoy the benefits, if not they're out.

Possibly the most bizarre analogy I've ever come across.

Every time I see this thread title, I think for a moment that it's about someone trying to get the Remote Control back off their missus! lol

Anyway, to my point (which is probably not gonna be any revelation to you guys, but I figured it was worth posting anyways):

Just before Christmas, my GF split up with me using all sorts of lame excuses, and for about a week, I chode-ily sent her text messages saying such stuff as "we can make it work" "but I love you!" "what can i do to change this!" etc etc.
But having [re]discovered Game, and then putting it into practice, I got over her quite quickly (some of you may have seen my posts about getting over my oneitis etc.).

Now, what is interesting is that now that I am not chasing her, she wants me back!

Ever since that night that I told her that I didn't want to get back with her, she has been constantly texting me. As we were friends before we started going out, I have been texting back but without much enthusiasm and I have kept any interactions with her entirely platonic.

But then she'll go and start dropping hints, and trying to flirt etc, but I just pass over it. And guess what?
That makes her do it even more!!!

Through this experience, and from reading these posts on this thread, I have come to realise an awesome power that we have over women who have a genuine interest in us (which, in these cases is obviously true).
And that power is ATTENTION!

Attention is what women want! That's why they wear tiny little lycra pants and have their tits hanging out when they go out on the town. It's why they ask dumb rhetorical questions like "Do i have a fat-ass?"

As soon as we give them that attention, and placate their needs all the time, they are just gonna get bored - it's Mystery's Cat-String theory!!!

I think everything up until this point in your post was very much about placating her. But then this text that you fired off showed your disinterest, and a lack of attention to her.

BOOM!
And that was the turning point!

Much like Rebus' above response, it cut the shit right out of the game that she is playing.

She doesn't want to finish things with you, Midas. She just wants to play you, for whatever reasons, I don't know. But you just have to stone-wall it. Or not put up with it at all and decide to call it a day.

Hope this helps dude.

Much love,

Craigus

Anyway guys... getting back to the main topic of the thread; it gets worse and then it gets better.

Pretty shit start to the day: My scooter would not start because of the torrential rain and cold. As a result, I was unable to get to my private lesson, so I missed out on 45 Euros that I really needed.

Due to the crisis, work is fucking scarce now and I am flat broke to the point of not being able to pay my bills on time. Fortunately, we have re-scheduled for tomorrow.

I have been applying for English teaching jobs on Skype but because my computer has completely lost my profile and all my files I had to rewrite my CV. The computer froze up again and I had to turn it off, losing the CV I had just rewritten.

At this point, I just put my head in my arms and let out a huge sigh of anguish. Then the thought came to me that things could only possibly get better (although that's not strictly speaking true... they can always get even worse too).

I went out for a walk in the rain to clear my head.

I had not responded to "her" last message. At 16:30 she called me and invited me to her house. I was already out with my umbrella and not too far from hers, so I said, "Ok."

We sat down on her bed in her room and I told her that I was completely ashamed of my jealous behaviour... "urgh... I don't know what came over me," and that if I were her I would not want to see me again either.

She then told me that the reason she had sent me a message saying that I could not come to her house again was due to something I had done there. Apparently, I had got up during the night, drunken sleep walking, and mistakenly walked into her flatmate's room. At another point, I took a piss in a plant pot in the hallway.

Drinking to complete black out and acting like a right cunt has been a sticking point of mine on more than one occassion. Usually, I'm just good fun when I drink but from time to time it gets out of hand; I've offended mates and fucked it up with birds that were really into me. Anyway, I'll save those stories for the AA.

She starts telling me how it's all a bit much for her and I just nod, saying, "I understand. I would feel the same way if I were you, but you know I'm not normally like that. I think I must have had my period or something." She laughs, "It was me that had the period." I shrug, "Well, you remember I had a stomach ache that night (true)."

I just sit there with semi-closed body language and she starts to kino. I actually pull away from the kino about three times but she keeps pulling me back in and says, "But now I see you in front of me, I just feel drawn to you." Escalation... kiss... sex... followed by, "I just can't resist you, you feel so amazing," and all that pillow talk that women are so expert in and men fall for nearly every time. Probablly, a lot of the time they mean it, but then we fuck it up.

After, she asks me if I would like to taste her apple strudel. I say, "I thought I just did... give me another five minutes, at least." Laughter.

She has some work to do and then a dinner with work-mates. I'm totally cool about it and leave. On the way home, my phone rings with an offer of more work translating. When I get back, there is an email with another job opportunity.

I'm just gonna take a massive chill pill from now, concentrate on getting my life in order, and cut down on the drinking.

I have a saying - you see the real person come out when they are drunk, all the barriers go down

My ex i saw for 6 months was gorgeous, cheryll cole lookalike. We went to a family BBQ (hers) and she got wasted, she started shouting, hitting people and ended up sat in the middle of the road refusing to move.
Her days where numbered at that point with me-- i wont tolerate things like that and i dont think any decent person will.

Sort it out

I mean that in the best way

"A drunken person tells the truth," they say, but I think drunken people also say what they THINK is true at the time, but their judgement is impaired, so there is SOME truth mixed in with a lot of rubbish.

So even though the barriers are down, the true self is not a drunk. I like to think that something closer to my true self comes out when I am sobre and just totally relaxed.

Drinking definitely needs to be controlled though, you are right about that. If you don't control it, it controls you.

Funny thing is, she never thought I was acting needy, just dominant. I guess that's because we all study this stuff and know that excessive dominance is just neediness in disguise.

wow, damn that is somethin ive never thought about before

It's a state of mind. I'm not sure if levels of dominance can be a gauge for neediness. Trying to control her movements through jealousy, obviously falls into this catagory, that of dominance as a result of lack of trust.

Edit that Jaz, Midas is right and everyone agrees.

Ok, so now she is trying to play me. Yesterday I invited her for dinner and some more strudel (our metaphor for sex) and she replied thus, ";) i'm afraid there won't be any strudel left tonight but we can have the cream anyways.. do u want to save it for tomo night cause i don't have time tonight. I'm sorry, see you u soon darling. X"

Today she texted me, "Hey danny, how are u doing? I'm not sure when i'll be free tonight, cause giuseppe (gay flatmate) has invited some friends and i promised i'd be there and help him prepare dinner and then there's a party at amelie's too. So i don't know..anyways i'll call u when i'm free if u dont have any other plans. see u soon! x"

I have not responded to this message and have also temporarily suspended my facebook account. I am also going to delete her number from my phone. If she wants to see me she will have to work hard and even then I'm not sure if I can be fucked.

I'll admit, I'm gutted, but the Midas can only tolerate so much before he moves the fuck on! I'm not for giving my power away.

Pal, just read this

I know what you are feeling, BLOW THIS FUCKING BITCH OUT THE WATER YOU MOTHER FUCKER.

WHO THE FUCK DOES SHE THINK SHE IS---

YOU ARE THE MAN DONT EVER FORGET THAT-- she is WELL below YOU

She is over-- fuck her off

Just txt her back:
Enjoy the rest of your life xx

Get onto some mates and get out tonight, only have a couple (COUPLE) of drinks and start chatting some birds up

dont reply to anything else

fuck her friends.