James,
Really enjoyed reading that last field report....! Well done dood!

Onwards and upwards...

Thursday 22nd Oct 2009

Not much happened in the way of a field report so more of an update of my progress of changing today!

Tonights plans were supposed to be a Booster Hypnosis/NLP session at 7:30 and then straight to PD2G's to spend the evening with her! I had a great feeling that i was going to get blown out again though.
I did as per the post here says (this will be linked once i work out how to)

Anyway.. 7:30 hit and it was time for my booster session. I had, had 5 sessions over a year ago to help me with my confidence as had hit a low patch when my ex first split with me and found that it really helped.
I booked this before i went on holiday as was hoping to get an appointment before i went to help me with any AA nerves i had whilst out there, unfortunately he didn't have any free spaces then so i thought that i'd book one for after anyway for the hell of it. As Tesco's keeps reminding us....Every little helps.

I sat in the chair and discussed why i wanted a top up, etc (mainly to help with confidence and AA) and he then he started his process of putting me under and talking to my sub-conscious! An hour later, it's finished.

Now last year, everytime i left one of these sessions, i felt so pumped...like i was on a massive drug. I felt so happy and alive and wanting to go out and could do anything.
This time however, i felt normal. Just like i had before i went in. I don't believe that this was anything to do with the session not working. I feel like..well, i don't need it. I feel like i'm in a place where i can see happyness in everything and feel at a really good level of confidence.

I get back to my flat pondering and feeling weird about what just happened! Have a really great dump and text C19! I've recently found out the actual distance she lives from me and it's not good but it's one of her mates that I met on holidays birthday next week and C19 wants me to come over for it and stay in a hotel with her!
(I am under no illusions that this is going to go anywhere i'm not that naive! so am happy to travel a few times to see her and get a few good experiences in these new cities and get some more friends)
A couple of more texts and then start some ironing! 10 seconds in and she rings!
Fuck...I throw my phone on the bed and ignore it!
What am i doing?!?!?! Why didn't i answer?? I haven't done a phone game yet and i just immediately panicked! what a cock, i've just been telling myself how much confidence i have and then i do something stupid like that and prove that i haven't!
Right quick text her, say you're in Sainsbury's and you'll call in 20...i do!
I then go to sainsburys to get a case in, i need beer!!
I get back open a tinny and look at my phone! I'm not nervous or scared, why? I was earlier! I feel calm. Then the voice hits me.
"Why are you going to ring her? What if you can't think of anything to say? What if she finds you boring and goes off you? etc."
I start laughing.."Shut up head!"
I have just realised that I am confident and was all along. This is also not a self-conscious issue. This is purely my concious trying to protect myself out of habit, as it has done for so many years!
But now i've seen it properly i feel like it's gone or i can control it now.
I look at my phone again.....Nothing....no bad thoughts! then something pops in my head!
"I'm the coolest muthafucker in the world!"
I dial!
25 minutes later i finish the call.
I feel like a god again!
A minute later i get a dirty picture message, shes so fit! I rule!

Thanks

James

Love it! I admire the openess and honesty that goes into your field reports. Good work!

hmmmm........thats a really really good question!!
Last year i would say...YES DO IT, EVERYONE HAS TO!!!
but now my opinion has changed!

I wouldn't hesitate to recommend it to anyone who was in my situation a year ago. I was really low. Stuck in a rut of low confidence and low self-esteem to the point of not being able to talk to anyone i didn't know.
If a new person joined our social group i would always be the last person to talk to them and i only would if everyone else had left us to it and i had no choice.
It helped amazingly well at getting me to a point of normality.

Whilst i was doing it a year ago, i found out that another mate had just finished doing it. He was in the same position as me and said that after doing it he felt so alive. He could approach any girl he liked whenever he wanted!

This year after doing the booster session, i found that it is basically a very expensive way of getting into State and you get the same feelings as when you've opened 3 good sets and from that you feel like you can open everyone and anyone.

My answer now would be......
1. (As Kowalski says) keep telling yourself that you're the man (or something like that) every day until you begin to believe it.
2. Every day wake up and remember a time when you were confident and felt like the man, then do the same when you go to bed.
3. Approach, approach, approach! even if it's only a 10 second conversation
4. Have fun!

If you do all of these then it's a lot cheaper and probably more rewarding in the long run.
If you are finding that you are so confidence-less that you cannot do any of the above especially number 3, then definitely go for the NLP/CBT/Hypnosis sessions.

Adam, You guys have quite a good community in Manchester and think you support each other and push each other enough to mean that you are way past needing the sessions and are probably more confident than you think you are.

Thanks

James

God dam i love this thread

Your honesty is amazing, i really wanna do a log like this

also i had the same problem with blueprint ( too much good stuff ) check out

The Blueprint Decoded Notes

much props man

train

This was an awful weekend for me!!!!!!!!!!

I just stayed around my local town, I'm not sure if everyone has started to stay in to save money for Christmas but the whole town was pretty much dead and no decent women were out!!

Friday

I drove to jujitsu and got there in plenty of time to have a fag first and listen to some tunes on the radio before going in....Big mistake!!! They got me in the mood to go out!!! I walked into the entrance to jujitsu, changed my mind and drove home as i'd decided i wanted a big one instead! lol!
7:30. I got home text everyone i knew, got changed and waited....and waited...and waited! a flood of texts came back, all with the same response! Sorry mate, i'm skint/tired/staying in with the misses tonight!!
noooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Finally i got a text. Alright mate, going out with a few mates, in 10 we'll be outside yours!
Sweeeeeet!
I'd never met 3 of the guys before so introduced myself and we walked to the nearest pub, it was dead! I had a couple of pints and messed about with one of the barmaids (a fit friend of one of my ex's that all of my old mates had got with so completely off my list!!)
We move on to the next place. My new mates are chatting to some guy when we get there trying to get money off him that he owes them. I hang back wanted to get in and have a beer.
Then it approaches....An absolute monster (quite fat with massive tits that are like a shelf) walks past, stops then turns round and asks "do i know you from somewhere?". It turns out she used to be a barmaid from one of me previous locals and recognised me from there. She carries on talking, the whole time she keeps looking down at her tits and then pursing her lips! It was extremely funny as at the same time, her earing had fallen off and was resting on the start of her left breast in a place she couldn't see and didn't realise until her mate stopped her and pointed it out! She asks me to come find her later and i humour her!
We finally go inside and have a couple more drinks, this place is dead as well so we move on to another place leaving a couple of the guys behind!
The next place was just full of grannies so after an hour of hoping, we bail and go to the shit club in town!
We get there and this is dead as well, i was sooooooo frustrated at this point
but thought fuck it, got drunk and danced like a crazy mofo! I tried to be the party in here as no-one else was trying. I think it worked, as i was soon surrounded by people all dancing with me.
I went to the bar a few times and opened as many random people as possible by chatting to them, singing at them or grabbing them to start bouncing round like idiots
I got a few dances with some girls but there wasn't any girl in there worth my kisses so didn't progress with any of the few that i could have.

Saturday

Met a mate at 5 for pool and a few beers.
The plan was to have a beer then with a few more mates go to mine to cook up a curry and have some beers and go out a lot later.
8 hits and we are still in the pub!! we decide to meet the others in town and then go home at 11 to then cook!
We meet our mates in town, a little pissed by then and go into a bar!
It's dead again, so we get our drinks and move to the games machines where there are the only alright girls in the place!
They smash a glass as soon as we come over so i make a couple of jokey comments! and turn round to my mates! Fuck, i should have gone in then that was my opportunity! A mate has spotted this and starts badgering me to go in, this is worse for me, i'm just getting over the voices in my head. I don't need him replacing them especially as i'll have 4 pairs of eyes watching the whole thing!
I decide i'll do it anyway but as soon as i go to move in PD2G appears out of no-where and starts talking to my mates right in my way!
I say hi and then ignore her.
We move straight on to another bar and get our drinks in there! as soon as i turn round i see a mate i haven't seen for years! he comes over and for the next hour we start chatting about old times and do countless jaeger bombers at the bar.
We move on again after a quick chat to some girl on the way out!
Next bar, a bit busier but now i'm in drinking mode and my old mate wants to prove he can still out drink me so loads of vodka and redbulls are downed!

I fancy a dance and see 2 fit girls looking bored, not talking to each other at the edge of the dance floor and go over ask them to dance and tease them for being boring! they reject and i carry on then eject and go back to the bar to drink again then have a fag!
Go back on the dance floor and try them again, this time i get them up but it's too late! Fortunately there is only a couple of songs left as the alcohol has suddenly hit and i'm toast and need to get home before my googly eyed, dribbling mess of a body collapses!
Me and a mate go back to mine home, somehow! I can't remember the journey! Get to mine and have a muck about fight in the field out the back (bad idea, i'm pretty sure i've done in my acl again!) and then decide at 2 to cook the curry, this takes 2 hours!!!
We then stay up drinking and chatting till 7

Sunday

I get woken at 12 by my mates misses picking him up! I'm sooo drunk still and force myself out of bed, open the kitchen door, see the bomb site which is cans of beer and dirty, curried, cooking instruments and shut the door, i'll deal with that on monday!
I get showered and journey to the pub!!
My knees killing me so hop on the nearest bus and get there in time for kick off!
I get a few texts from PD2G saying i was really rude last night so i reply with the best come backs ever, which she likes and then tell her i'll be round at 5! she says no so tease her and leave it on a teasing cold read text that she really wants the answer to! She's all mouth and no trousers, bye!
I'm on my own but have noticed the regulars in the pub before so chat to them for the day, opening more and more people, but this is a proper mans pub and there are no women in here.
I get hammered and talk shit to everyone i see!
I leave at 9 staggering and set the task of saying hi to everyone that walks past me! a few say hi back others think i'm some scarey drunk bloke, lol!
I then pass out!

Reflections

1. The town was dead and really boring to be in, there were only a couple of hot girls the whole weekend. I was really bothered about this but next time won't be looking so much for the girls to open to, more the fact that i am going to create the party and have everyone join me!

2. I don't like being pressured into opening but next time i'll just go for it, who cares if i mess up! i'm bound to, but then i'll be a little bit more used to it and better at it next time.

3.Too much alcohol at the weekend makes you feel shit on Mondays!!

Saturday 31st October 09

I had been out last night for a work mates birthday which sucked ass!
I wasn't drinking and should have gone home early instead of trying to get the party started!
I put a lot of effort in trying to raise everyone and getting nowhere which isn't easy when you are sober and everyone else is drunk!! They should have been the ones lifting me, lol!

Anyway because of last nights massive wank of a night, i set myself a task, only a nice simple one!
Last night the conversation kept starting to flag and there were a lot of quiet times and awkwardness (this wasn't down to me, it seemed everyone had started to run out of things to say) because of this i decided my goal was to purely working on my conversation skills and increasing rapport with everyone.

Tonight's plan!!! A mate's leaving do! He wants to have a meal in Brighton then go to the Funky Fish, not my first, second or third choice club but it's a good laugh in there!

Anyway..I get woken up at 16:30 by my phone!
Mate: What are you up to?
Me: Just sleeping!
Mate: You need to be round here a 5:30 latest, we need to get the train to brighton coz we're supposed to be going to that meal.

SHIT!!! it's half an hour drive to his and i need to shower and iron and hurry the f up!
I get to his house, have a beer and then get a lift to the train station.
Jump on the train, have another beer and then jump off at preston park to avoid having to get a ticket! Jump on a bus and get to the Restaurant dead on time!
There is about 14 of us and only know 3! I purposefully sit well away from the 3 i know! I have learnt now that to get myself in a good state for the night, i need to start talking to new people ASAP and along with my challenge this is perfect!
I start chatting away to the 4 round me! I own the conversation, pulling and pushing it in all different directions! I've always been one of those people who when they are on a table full of people always end up sitting there wishing i was at the popular part! Not this time!! It's time's like these that i really notice the improvement in myself.
After a few hours we move on to some pub.
We stay in there chatting and having a laugh for too long, but chat to some really cool people and the fancy dress costumes they were wearing were awsome! One guy was dressed as the devil and after a little while had a couple of us starting to think that he was actually real, lol!
We decide to move on to the club and just as we get out, a fight breaks out outside! Not involving us but there is one guy lying on the floor being pummelled by a couple of people and the bouncer is doing nothing!
One of my mates jumps in ripping of one of the guys and throwing a few punches before being thrown on the floor and jumped on, before i know whats going on, i've got 2 pressed up against the wall and another mate has jumped in blocking off another 4! Fight over and sorted!
We move on and get to the club!
I really wanna dance but the physio has told me that if i do, i risk tearing my knee ligaments and have hurt them in the earlier incident so opt for drinking instead!
I start chatting to the barmaid then to everyone around!
I'm now in state and with the added booze, i feel untouchable.
I go for a fag and a mate opens 3 girls and leaves me to it! I chat to them for about 45 minutes then leave and go for a piss (it was a really solid set but was just looking to chat)! Chatted to the barmaid again for a bit and get a kiss on the cheek and a free shot!
Sit down with some mates and open a couple of girls next to me who shit test me! I pass easily but get no where as they are off to a different club!
I mate who eavesdropped then turns round to me and says "you're so smooth"
I hate that! What is so smooth about just chatting to a couple of girls?
If I had escalated and got some kind of close then maybe but just to chat is definitely not smooth!
Managed to get a couple of cheap shots from some shot man when i challenged him to create his perfect shot!

It's then time to go home!
We walk past some really good looking but young looking girls outside a club and a mate challenges me to hit on them! After last weeks inability to do so i accept and dive straight in but the more i chat to them the younger they look! I should have done an age test on them but i was a bit worried it might turn out that they are far too young so i exit and we go home!

Reflections

I passed my challenge! This was a great challenge as it has helped so much with my ability to open and just chat.
I am sticking away from any openers and just start off with whatever is in my head. I like this idea best as it is my true self coming out and i think that is what helps you get in state quicker and better.
I still need to get out of my logic mode and learn to vibe a bit more, but that all comes with more experience so i'm sure i'll get there very soon.

I now don't feel nervous! Where's that gone? I'm not getting AA! I have a weird experience of nervous habit! I go to do something where i know i used to feel nervous but i don't...I can see myself telling myself that, that is where you used to be nervous but there are no feelings of it anymore! It's such a weird feeling! It means i can just wipe it out of my mind!

My next challenge is to keep doing the conversations with everyone but now i am going to try a bit of directness as well otherwise i think i will just get stuck in conversation mode and never actually be able to escalate!


Thanks

James