Self-centered in conversation
 

So my buddy decided to create a game, which was basically find characteristics which defines you: Mine were empathetic, positive and inconsistent (emotionally). This got us talking about things we do. They told be I am a self-centered, but in the respect of I relate everything to myself i.e. I think this, I can relate because I did this, they told me it could be stopping myself from learning about others.

I never thought this was a problem and hopefully it isn't but I can see where they are coming from.

What do you guys think?

A lot of people do this. Listen to peoples idle conversation. It usually starts with one person saying something they saw or heard, then the other person applying it to themselves.
You'll often get this happening over and over, subconsciously people find this frustrating.

Here's the sort of conversation I notice all the time:

...

If you really want to build rapport with people, instead of repeatedly turning the conversation to yourself and overlaying your reality onto theirs, try making a conscious effort to continue the conversation with regards to their experience, or just discuss the subject in it's own right. Like this:

The person you're talking to feels more like you've listened to what they have said, instead of overlaying your reality over the top of theirs. They will then be more open to listening to you talk about yourself for a bit.

Solving subconscious habits like selfishness requires you to focus on them, bringing them into your conscious awareness so that you can change them. Eventually, conscious changes will become subconscious and you'll have made that change.

I've definitely been guilty of that. While they are talking, I'd be in my head teeing up my own anecdotes in preparation for when it's my turn to talk. People sense you are doing this and like you said, it's not good for building rapport.

I put it partly down to nerves and lack of social skills. As I'm getting more relaxed I'm consciously trying to listen more and get inside their reality bubble. The difference is noticeable in the positive feedback you get from this.

I planning on recording my sets to see to what extent it is. I don't cut off others but I always relate to something I did or how I felt or my opinion on the subject. Its not in a boring way so never thought it was a problem

It's not really a problem. Everyone thinks in terms of themselves and relates stuff to themselves. It's normal. I like to talk a lot about myself because frankly I think my experiences are interesting and worthwhile. Sure I'm interested in what other people have to say too, but so what if I like talking about myself.

I don't think recording yourself in set is a particularly good idea either. Full on overthink. Plus all you can really do is consciously try to build rapport with people, which will come off as unnatural and make you sound like this.

Thing is, people love to talk about themselves. By allowing them to do that, you can make them feel good about themselves and it's a fast rapport builder.
It's not a problem if you don't, but it's a great technique when you do.

Doing stuff consciously is always going to feel unnatural at first. But you have to push through until it becomes natural. Don't you remember your first times out sarging? Look where you are now.

its called sales

Another thing is women seem to work out their problems by talking about them. I've found when they start doing this it's best to just be quiet and listen. The natural thing for a guy to do is to try to offer solutions. But they don't seem to appreciate that. It's better to just help them to get it all out and not offer advice unless they ask for it.

Yes, be quiet and listen to her. However, I'd always offer my opinion before she asks and I wouldn't be biased. If she was a cunt, I'd have no problem telling her what I genuinely think. Yes, she may get pissy at first (or she may say "fuck your right"). Both of these situations show you're not afraid of what they think and aren't pussy footing around so not to upset her.

Either you've just saved yourself a lot of time finding out if you'd be cool together or you've made a deep connection with her and helped her out.

Isn't it more just being a friend? Or normal conversation?
Letting somebody talking about their shit, you talk about yours and you chew the fat together...