I had a convo with a woman in the laundrette today. Started off about the weather and ended up trading life stories, hopes, dreams, fears, plans, the lot for 1/2 hour (the time the driers take).

Initially you're building trust through conveying your personality with tit bits of information, then backing off for a while and letting the other person open up and contribute. Back and forth it goes. Pretty much 50/50 I reckon. It's like a dance.

We both kept relating each others stories to ourselves and realised through that there was some commonality.

Thanks guys, I've been taking action for others to talk more, I've always had a problem listening to people (passive). I think the fact I can talk my ass off and letting others talk is really going to help me towards success.

power statements to use:

mid convo

your a dick
your boring me

sometimes conversation is interesting and you both learn things
sometimes its a waste
throw in some power statements now and again to let the other person know you dont care
if you care, then care
if you dont -

if i get bored with conversations i gradually ramp up the convo to ridiculous levels of exageration

if its with a girl, it puts them on the back foot
well there is a slight risk they`ll think you are a cock- but who cares right

...what if i am a cock...

reading your opening post
you are saying your mates say about you that...
any conversation you reply with statements about bending the convo to relating to yourself

so:

mate: feel really down my mums died- im at rock bottom
you: yeh my mum and dad died and then my cat and i killed myself 4 times and then the village lit a candle in my families memory
mate: (thinks) (what a bumlord)

so- why do you feel you need to relate everything someone says to you with your own shit (made up or otherwise)

its because you are viewing the interaction with your friends as a power oneupmansship
which means that you are weak, feel of lower value and feel the need to be one better or on equal footing

realize that, dwell on it for a bit
call me a cunt if you like

in future when you don't feel the need to do that anymore and you can just accept your mates convo for what it is without feeling the NEED to see it as a subconscious competition
you are one more step closer to be awesome

that's my opinion

if i am having a conversation with someone, like for instance at work
i was chatting to a lad that was feeling really down about his girlfriend binning him off and not letting him see his child and he was depressed

i didn't feel the NEED to say well Ive suffered with severe depression before and maxed out the depression scale
i talked him through what he was feeling and the only time i mentioned that i had suffered with depression was at the right time he needed to know about this information to HELP HIM understand his situation
he left that interaction feeling better about himself and understanding how he felt--
i felt better because i genuinely helped him.

does that kind of make sense?

Hmmm, a bit over top. Like who does that really, but yeah i gotchu

the other side of the coin to that is the Shock and Awe approach

i used to have a TVR Cerbera

i used to love chatting to guys in the pub-- the subject of cars would come up
some guy would ramble on about his saxo VTR rinsing blah blah, i could mention i had a supercar but i didn't-- i would just let him go on about it
sometimes just sometimes at the end of the night you would both walk into the carpark when you are leaving- he would get in his saxo and you would get in your supercar.
these are priceless moments of WTF
sometimes not saying anything is making the biggest statement of all!

Holy shit!

Reflex posted on the forum!

If someone says your too self involved in your conversation, it could mean you might wanna expand your awareness. It could also mean you have shit friends. Who says stuff like that to your 'mates'?

"Barney you talk too much about yourself"
"Well stop being a boring sod and come up with something to talk about then"

You have to check whether the person who said it was being genuine or manipulative. Half of conversation is like that anyway, you talk a load of your own shit, they talk all their bollocks, you make fun of people, chat about interests.

I'm usually aware when I'm dominating convos because everyone else's contribution drops, sometimes we need to hog the limelight when telling an interesting story, or explaining something we are passionate about. Domination used sparingly has a much bigger positive impact and shows I'm not too concerned about what other people think

The struggle is finding that perfect balance between allowing the other person to talk while sharing your views - great conversations flow 50/50 or 60/40 (in my favour;)

Anyone heard of Transactional Analysis?