I feel totally hopeless
 

Ok here goes (deep breath) Geez where do i start.Right this could be a little long winded im gona try and put as much info down and be as honest as possible,in the hope that i might get better help, advice.
Not to be self depreciating ive been at a pretty low ebb these past few months.A few things have happened to change things in my head.First off i was given a copy of "The Game" which just blew me away (i particularly identified with Extra Mask and his story) but wow!!! I turned 29 and i dont know whether ive had a moment of clarity looking at my life or what but ever since my birthday ive been feeling restless and unfulfilled with where my life has gone and where it may continue to go.Thirdly my best friend who lives in Brighton has an uncanny ability to talk to women which makes me green with envy:s i want to mimic that.
Since getting the Game ive got hold of Vin Dicarlos "Pandoras Box" Various David Deangelo publications,Styles life challenge,How to be an alpha male etc many many books,dvds im currently working my way through.Ive not got through many but i like Deangelos perfect 10 idea and trying not to be a wussy which at mo i absolutely am:s
I am currently in a relationship and have been for 3 years that i am pretty unhappy in,i care deeply for this girl but she aint the one and have known this pretty much from the start.I got with her cos i knew she liked me and had very low self esteem,plus my parents were moving away and i was 2 chicken to live on my own.Why then you say am i still with her?? mainly because id rather have sex with someone im not into 2 or 3 times a month than not at all for 2 years like i did at one stage in my life.Im scared no one else will want me.Ive put weight on,im always broke cos of her debt so i cant buy any nice clothes i barely even shave anymore,i just think whats the point.To be totally honest im unhappy in every area of my life and have been for so long i havent realized till recently.
There is one other major thing i met another girl someone i met and liked years ago and lost touch,through the magic of facebook we have been reaquainted.Yep you guessed it i really like her, shes fun and quite fit well for me anyways lol. I think she is or was into me.But if i havent already im gona hit the nice guy box any minute now:S we talk everyday she txts me and rings me 2 sometimes we txt 60 times a day.She lost her job and home in the same week recently and ive been helping her sort things out.I hang out with her when i can get to where she lives every few weeks,but when im with her i talk and i can hear the words and i know im talking shit and its boring her but i dont seem to have interesting stuff to get her going,i know once i hook her i could be good ive got personality but my dating technique seems to be like flailing in the dark with a blindfold.Ive always has been very hit and miss at picking women up.I used to just aim for drunk women:(Anyway now shes started calling me m8 gah and shes always with some guy called Adam,probs a damn natural who knows what he is doing snaffling another one from under my nose:'( which i pretty much knew would happen eventually.
I need help and advice i dont know what im doing i could watch videos and read books till the cows come home but ive no idea how to impliment these things into my life.I wouldnt mind meeting up with an experienced guy or 2 from this forum for a chat im based in the Northants area?? I just want a chance before its 2 late and im to old to meet and have fun with women like i want.Im not after 1000 notches on the bed post,if i meet someone whos fit with a great personality i want to be able to have fun with them instead of just settling for what i can scramble around for or worse have nobody for year after year again:'(

lose contact with that girl, be rid

why do u need to speak, dont make an effort, if u have nothin to say, dont

say to them... entertain me. ur over interested in her opinion, learn to be a cunt.

be that quiet cool guy, speak when spoken too.... then you can calmly think of what u want to say, in ur own time.... being queit around a girl takes BALLS, but not shy quiet... confident quiet, learn it

Thanks for the advice Phil you are obviously a guy who knows what your talking about by the amount of posts sent.But i do have questions
1. why lose this girl i like??the idea is i learn this stuff to pick her up!!
2. ok i get it nice guy=nowhere, cunt=everywhere
How do i get there Phil?? Thats my problem?? i want to be calm,confortable in my own skin and cool.The problem is im not and never have been especially around women i like:(

Suggestions for material,things that really set you in the right direction would be great also.Theres so much material out there i cant tell the difference between whats useful and useless:)

u dont have to be a cunt.... being a cunt would be going out of ur way to be nasty, or just being nasty..

u just need to not be assed about peoples view of you, or at least not show them your assed.

arrogance ... women love it.

and also, let her go, its going on a steady path to nowhere, u cant chase it, u wont catch it,

let her go mate, go get more, u have to go SUPER arrogant or a while, even go out ur way to offend girls for a few months... then you have been both end of the scale, and u can make yourself a nice persona somewere inbetween..

remember ur not gonna wind up a cunt, just a temporary one.

i did it for a while OFFEND OFFEND OFFEND, eventually the cold shoulder from girls becomes ammusing

you then start to realise girls opinions dont matter to you

once they begin to smell that, they will want to know u.

take women from a pedestal.... spend the next 4 weeks, when ur out on a night out, talking to girls and offending them but with a MASSIVE smile on ure face, then just turn away from them

DO NOT APOLOGISE OR BE SORRY... after 4 weeks, just start being urself again.

if it works, u will be urself, but more confident, cheekier & less assed about women.... u need to get over the fear of offending them...

just try it, let me know how u get on

Ok Phil i will do that.
Ill just accept i fudged this one with that girl and move on.
Night out lol ive barely gone out in three years as i dont drink or do anything anymore.Still what better excuse than this;)
I will try and be more arrogant with women.I will do to the best of my ability what you suggest.I have already had a message from someone in my area who can meet me so im getting offered help already.Big thanks ill deffo keep you posted on my progress with this:)
Ive also spoken to a personal trainer i know losing some weight will boost my confidence levels up 2.
If you or anyone else have further to add please feel free good or bad comments,i just want to give myself as much chance to change my life for the better.

good lad

I agree with Phil all the way on this..

My two cents:
Get fit. No excuses. Eat right, exercise more, do it for YOU not for other people. You got to love yourself man.
Sort out your relationship. Either end it, or make it work. Talk to her about things, she might feel the same way.
Stop worrying about things like your age and running out of time and going through a dry patch. Sex isn't everything in life. Get single, n if ur struggling, get help on this site :)

Yeh your right man i need to do it for me.Cos i dont like me.If you dont love yourself how can anyone love you!! (eerr did i just write that:o)
I will see if i can sort this relationship out one way or the other,ill do my best im not much good at talking anout emotions yet lol
Ok ill try not to worry about my age,it just sort of feels like im nearly 30 and ive wasted it all right now:S
I know sex isnt everything,but like i said previously, its tough when you seem to spend year after year with no interest or attention from anyone.I just dont want to do that again,spending long nights wondering what the hell is wrong with you.Why doesnt any girl even want to hang with me.Im sure you catch my drift:dead1:
Im very hopeful and thankful already that i am getting help on this site:)
Cheers Al_phaD

The question is, do you WANT to sort out the relationship? If you want it to work, talk to her and discuss the issues (not emotions, just whats bothering you, im sure you could tell us so you could easily tell her that..), if you do NOT want it to last, end it ASAP in any way shape or form.

Why is it wasted? You must have MANY good memories of good times, from childhood, teen years, then in your 20s, think of the good times.. Write about them if it helps..

Its hard to offer advice if we don't know much about your current relationship/friends/career etc..

There are ways to fix the problem of no attention or interest, but cross that bridge if you turn single! If NOT, then focus on your relationship and make it work..

Well with that regard i will tell her how im feeling, probably with a regard to ending it as soon as i am situated to move out (ie have my car back and borrowed some cash to pay deposit for somewhere to live).Im not attracted to her and pretty much never have been.I dont feel im being shallow with this regard if i was i wouldnt have stuck around and tried to make this work for 3yrs.I just think we want different things and sitting at home broke all the time ripping lumps out of each other is doing no good at all.Id rather finish this before it becomes really nasty.
Well i had a lot of family problems as a kid and from the age of 14 up until the last 4 -5 years i had been jointly suffering from alcohol and drug addictions.I am now recoving with that regard.So im certainly not saying i didnt have good times that would be a lie,there are many that ive had.But I feel ive missed out on a lot of learning and enjoyment that others havent.I mean who wants to date a drunken/drug addict right!! not me ;)
Ok ill try and fill some of the blanks with that regard.I dont really see my friends much anymore and tbh most have moved away now (i dont blame em its pretty quiet round here lol).My gf is pretty overbearing and gets jelous, rings every half hour when im out,checks my txts and laptop (ive now put passwords on these) i have to sit in the shed so she cant listen in on my phone conversations.I dont see any girl m8s really apart from when i can sneak out and see this girl.I dont do anything man lol
Ive just landed a new job which is way better than my old one which was the job from hell,it took me 2 years to get out of there,so with that regard im on a high:)
I love old skool vws (im currently involved in setting up various meets in the local area),Goth/emo chicks with tattoos and piercings,painting,reading,animals and wierd films to name but a few interests.
My best m8 lives in Brighton and is the natural i talked of above,although hes younger than me ive always wanted to be like him (musician,muscly,good looking,calm and centred).Weve been to hell and back together and id do anything for him and he for me.If theres anything further you wish to know then just ask man!!

I've been reading some of your posts and Phil and Al_phaD have made some salient points that you'd do well to follow. As for me I'm going to wade in on the happiness front.

Happiness is a choice

As much as the clothes you wear, your mood is a choice - so choose to be happy. Seriously when somebody says something you don't like ignore it or put yourself in their boots, just think nobody died, it's amazing where greeting things with a smile will get you. Don't get pissed off with things you essentially can't control and those that you can control do it positively. Yeah sometimes stuff happens that will hurt offend but its how you deal with it, choose to examine what happened/is happening and how you can make it positive. Lets examine your situations:

Your current girlfriend - She seems like a nice girl who's not for you. So tell her that "Honey, I love you but I'm not in love with you. We've been together this long and we're only working as friends". She'll be pissed but hey you'll never see her again or she'll be ok after a month. Then move out to your own place or a houseshare and don't run straight into a relationship, take some time to discover yourself without her influence.

This girl you fancy - As Phil said don't worry about her. The more you go out and attract women in the world, the more you'll understand that you can have a choice of girls and that there are far more fun and attractive girls that you yes you should be going out with and devoting yourself to one girl will stop you being the kick-ass social dude you need to be. You however may find that she'll come back round if it's meant to be.

As Phil aptly said - don't be outcome dependent i.e. dont give a shit. that's the difference between your friend the natural and yourself. He doesnt care if the girls like him or whether he gets their number, hence he does well because he wont be upset if he's turned down, so get out there, approach girls, find that they turn you down and you dont die! then carry on not dying and approaching girls. The only point I would disagree on Phil with is about being a cunt for a bit. Phil does know his stuff and it does work a beast but i would advocate an approach that is aligned with the guy you want to be.

As for PU material, I found the mystery method worked really well for opening and starting conversations when i got into PU and then I watched RSD blueprint decoded which blew me out of the water. These worked for me, but you might find you prefer a different style such as NLP etc.

That's just what i would do in your position - have fun...

if u read mate, i say dont become a cunt, just be a cunt for a short period.


learn how to be a cunt. but dont become one. the intention is not to be a cunt permanently but to eventually have that attitude of not caring.

We don't care if you'e shallow or not..
I can relate to looking up to a friend, but it is not a competition. He may be awesome, but you can be too. Your mate will have his flaws. As daleinthedark said, he probably doesn't give a shit about being rejected. And neither should you.
Stop caring about your previous demons. About the drinking and drugs, just use that to fire your desire for self improvement.
Join a class of some sort, dancing, or just any class where you can meet new people. Be forward, open and honest. If you like someone, male or female, just say "hey, fancy a drink sometime?".

As for your paranoid and possessive girlfriend, well you can look at it two ways. Yes she may check up on up you etc etc, but you have been to see another woman behind her back?
Just be honest with her, this is not working, I am moving out, END.
I don't know your financial situation or commitments but save up some dollar and get out ASAP and start fixing this mess.

As daleinthedark states: this is a choice, and if you feel at rock bottom, the only way is up..

I get where you're coming from (and edited my post because you didn't say that) and one of my best mates is really successful with girls that way that's why i wouldn't say don't do it.

For me I couldn't do it because I don't need to and think it's the opposite direction to where I want to be.

im a cunt with girls when i meet them, but i do it with a smile on my face so its not malicious, its palyfull... but i will say things u should really but i get away with it, i do this continuously...but as long as you are str8 in what u expect from them, & u dnt head fuck them... ur not bein a cunt. a cunt isnt really based on what u say, its ur intentions and actions.

but alas we all have our own direction

Forget about your age 30 is nothing, I'm 32 and it doesn't matter.
When I joined this forum I honestly thought Phil was an idiot just because of his style of writing. It was pretty shallow of me but now I've read a lot of his posts I know he is very clued up and has great advice.

I need to take that advice and try being a cunt to women for a few weeks I'm still too nice and not progressing as much as I should be...

Going down the gym is great advice too, don't be a fatty.

Wow guy this advice is great and deffo what ive been hoping for:)
I will do everything suggested above to the best of my ability,like you say Al_phaD when your lying in the gutter the only way is up!!
Well i may sound just a little bit daft now but im struggling with is how do i not give a fuck??How do you be arrogant?? i want to be but im not sure how.Is there some exercises i can do to flex my cuntish muscles??Is it simply a case of walking up to a girl and telling her her clothes are shit with a smile on my face??Is that pretty much what ur getting at Phil??
Daleinthedark ill check out your pua suggestions.
I had a sit down with a pen and paper today and just jotted stuff down about where i am and stuff going on.From what i can gather currently im pretty much afraid of everything,which sounds bad but actually i dont think it is,as ive never really realized this till now.
Im starting to figure its like my other illnesses until you hit rock bottom,you cant seem another way.Now at least i can see and accept i need to make changes in my life.Facing them is gona be scary but im starting to see its going to be better than spending the next 20years married to someone whos not for me,living a life i dont want!!

Just stop giving a fuck what everybody thinks about you.
In most cases, the majority don't actually care anyways.
People have their own lives to lead.

Start with your looks. This is the easiest for you to change. Join a gym. Start looking good. Buy nicer clothes. Style yourself so that you look in a mirror and think, Yea I'd fuck that!

At the same time, talk to your girl. But answer this question for us, DO YOU WANT TO STAY WITH HER?

If you do, cut out all the PUA stuff and fix the relationship.

Your posts reminds me myself when I started. I've got a long way to go but some things I know I have to do.

Push myself out my comfort zone, everyday if possible (not just PUA stuff).
Take action don't delay.

Ok Al_phaD i will do my best to just not give a fuck what anybody thinks of me anymore.
Right looks it is then,i mean thinking about it i havent bought any clothes since i put weight on,my point being ill slim back into my old clothes which i loved wearing.so ive been wearing the same 3 pairs baggy old ripped jeans for some years now.Your right i deffo need an appearance booster.Im gona start going to the gym with my m8 .However there must be more to being a cunt than this??!!
Also another question will being a cunt make me more comfortable being me?I realize my awkwardness translates through people i look at people and feel inferior and it must show.Where as if i though im the bomb that obviously will show as confidence,which is what im lacking in right??
Honest answer is NO i dont want to be with her its just not working for me.Ive stayed put for this long because im scared to leave.Ive never lived alone,ive never been in a relationship this long,ive basically just put my head in the sand and tried to block it out to save myself the hassle of dealing with the situation:S
Markuk i guess in a way its gives me comfort that my situation reminds you of you,ive got hope that it doesnt have to stay this way:)
how do you suggest pushing myself out of my comfort zones??What should i try?

Start talking to everyone you meet.
Stay in conversations even when you feel awkward and want to leave until they leave first.
Say hello to Ramdon people and smile.
Tell girls in clubs "They are shit at dancing" It's not really that cuntish and normally is true.
Start doing stuff, join a Salsa class. Get a hobby (I recommend mountain biking!)
Start taking risks.

For example I'm going to a ceroc class on Monday after someone recommend it at a Salsa class I recently joined.

For example I've arranged to go mountain biking with a girl at work after I took a risk and asked her to come.

Read "John Alexander - How To Become An Alpha Male"

Take people's advice on here try it and use what works for you and throw the rest away.

Mark

Ive already got "How to become an alpha male",so that will be top of my list to read.
Ive got a mountain bike sitting there un used so yeh i can start biking.Good for getting healthy right.
What just walk upto people and talk to them??randomly??
Hahaha I can tell people theyre shit a dancing thats easy;)
Dancing classes mmm i can see the opportunities to meet people at dance classes.A guy i know does salsa and he always has a different bird everytime i meet him.
Ok i will try stuff and keep what works and throw out what doesnt.It sounds a lot like trial and error with that regard??Hence why i need to be able to take screwing it up on the chin and keep going till i find the right formula for me,im still very dauted by all of this but if i can pick it up piece by piece i hopefully with get to where i want to be in the end:)

ok in order to get to that point u need to realise why your like that...

your beleif that other people liking you is important to your own self.

this is why you do what i said for a few weeks BE A CUNT, OFFENSIVE & RUDE with a big smile for a few weeks..NEVER APOLOGISE

it will help you realise that the negative feedback has NO effect at all on u, in fact, u will begin to find it amusing, make it fun for yourself....

'WOW WHERE DID YOU GET THAT DRESS.... DO YOU THINK THEY HAVE IT IN A SMALLER SIZE FOR MY GIRLFRIEND"

"U NEED TO LEARN TO WEAR CLOTHES THAT MATCH"

if you say it with a smile they cant really get offended & if they do, dont apologise, walk away with a smile

once u find people hating you amusing, you stop caring and can concentrate on people liking you without u trying. simple

By improving your looks I wasn't suggesting this makes you a cunt or that you should be one.. Just improve your looks cos you will feel better in life..

You don't have to do EVERYTHING all at once mate..

but I do suggest this: END your relationship ASAP. Who cares about living alone. You'll enjoy the freedom and privacy. Plus then you have a place to bring hot chicks back. There are always positives mate. At least you aren't stuck with kids? (or you haven't indicated so..) so get out whilst you can!

Nah no kids man,tbh i dont want em.Theyre just not for me.
Ok man im with you now i try to get to the point where people hating me is amusing and has no effect on my need for people to like me, ie not needing seeking other peoples aproval to feel worth.Im gona be on it as soon as, im sure ill get better at being a cunt the more i do it and be more into it once i start to get some results.
I now have a copy of rsd blueprint;)
I see now by making myself look better i will carry myself better and therefore give of a more positive vibe.
Ok man i will get this relationship situation sorted before the end of the month hopefully.True the plus is i will have a pad to bring chicks back 2:)

Ive had a real go today at being a bit of a dickhead.Not 2 much tho as i was at work and the only bird i work with is my m8s missus:s
But instead of running round after her and doing what she asked me to do like i normally do,i was negging her a good bit and having her do stuff for me!! ie she had biscuits and i made her feed me one,telling her she was being lazy and should work harder while i was just fucking about.Obviously couldnt go 2 far dont wanna get sacked or piss my m8 off.Obviously i need to ramp up the arrogance a good whack yet but its a start.
I can see already that my m8s gf was more animated in my company and had more of a laugh,where as normally she wouldnt talk to me much or be interested in me at all apart from to get me to do stuff.So a baby step, but a baby step in the right direction:)

Is it not very noticable though, in the workplace, when you go from one day being quiet and secluded, to the next day ordering her about and negging her?

I would say tone it down a little in the workplace.
Do it when you are out in public places etc..

Also, do not let this be your main focus. Focus on getting healthy, looking good, talking to women and being an interesting person..

And end your relationship

ye be like that is your main goal, and your right, dont be an ABSOLUTE cunt to people u will see again

only when your out & always with a smile on ur face, really cheeky like.

but thats how u should be with everyone, how u was. well done

I worry here that this guy is turning into a right cunt ha.

Seriously though, there are other methods of improving yourself. Worth noting.

Erm yeh i think she was a lil shell shocked at first but i got her laughing after about 10mins dicking around and she just forgot about being shocked then (btw i wasnt shouting my head off at her or anything,just saying if ur gona stand there picking your nose grab that for me type thing).
I certainly wasnt overboard nor trying it on with her it was just an aww fuck it ill just give it a bit of a go type thing.
Agreed Al_phaD i wont make this my main focus ive bought some shaving blades today so that face fuzz is getting a bit of a trim;) and other areas im working on.
Thanks Phil i really appreciate the comment,since my last message i was a bit of a dick to a girl trying to sell me some shit in the street with a questionairre,i was just loudly shouting NO GO AWAY at her till she pissed off.I felt kinda bad for doing it but kinda good 2:S
I understand this Whistleblower im on "How to be an alpha male" and "RSD Blueprint as we speak so im not gona fully rely on the "being a dickhead" technique,although thumbs up so far.Tbh im still flailing in the dark a bit and so im just having a go at stuff suggested till something clicks.Just right now i kinda get what Phil is suggesting as hard as i feel it is to do.Ive always been a doormat to women it doesnt work and im desperate to get away from that!!
Whistleblower please if you have any other methods and suggestions do throw your money in the pot.Id love to hear what works for you.

I kind of agree with what Phil is saying, I am sure that you are not stupid and will approach that type of technique with caution. Just dont forget who you are!

Above all I think you need to just become the happy, self-confident guy that girls are ultimately attracted to. I would start by sorting out your relationship, it may not be easy but if you leave it will become probably the biggest barrier to ever achieving your goals. After that you can start approaching girls with the intention of closing, maybe building a relationship and all that jazz. Until you end that relationship, you cant really go forward with all this.

I certainly wont ever forget who i am and where im from trust me!!,the aim is still be a me but better me right,like a go fasta lovefish:hihi:
You are right thats what i would kill to be,a happy,self-confident guy that girls are attracted to.Right now that kinda thing feels like a million miles away:S
I will sort out my relationship its just gona take a lil time to get things in place to be able to do that,ive got to get my car back,bug my dad for a deposit,sort all my tons of shit out ive got in this house,find a place to live,break the news to her,im hoping ill be out by the end of july/start of august.But i do agree i cant move forward until i do get this all sorted out.

Hey Lovefish.

I swear to God, this time next year you are going to laugh your ass off about you we're feeling now, what you looked like now and what you we're doing now.

I've re-invented myself a few times now, it's awesome fun. And all those cool people I thought I'd become I already laugh about now. It's growth man, you've just started.

I'm 37, I promise you there will *always* be women. When there no longer are any I'll come back and tell you all but you've got at least 8 years yet. Go get 'em trooper.

Cheers Electrollux:)
I hope i will be,this is just my starting point and where im at now i know im not alone and most on here have been where i am at some point in their lives or they wouldnt be on this forum in the first place right!!
With a bit of help,guidance and a lot of willingness i hope to move forward from this point.
I realize now it was stupid worrying about my age,i think it was more a wtf im nearly 30 and what have i done with my life kinda moment.
Roll on a years time :D

No one likess a dick head though lol.

It's more about being self assured in self control and not accepting second best. Not about being a dick to people.

Ok i see there is a few people now that think the dickhead direction might not be the best including my natural m8.I actually told him about what was suggested on the forum including having a go at being a dickhead for a few months this was the message he sent to me.


"I don't agree. You do need to learn not to give a shit, that's true, but you don't need to be an arsehole.

Here's my advice (if you choose to take it) all the shit that's built up over the years, the putdowns, the uncertaintys, etc, etc... You need to realise that people only do this to you because of their own issues. It's a fact, even if they don't realise it themselves.

You don't need to put on a front over all this shit that's built up, you need to get rid of the stuff that's built up and be happy with who you are first.

Then realise that if you put girls off, it really doesn't matter because there's millions of 'em!!

Finally, I find the standards thing works well. For example... "I can't stand these girls who ruin themselves with hard drugs every weekend.. But I don't think you're like that, are you?"

Nobody wants to say yes, so they start trying to suit your standards which leads onto trying to prove themselves or trying to impress.


It's about dominance. Coming out on top of a situation, coming across better in one way or another than the guys around you.

The PUA who said to be an arsehole, probably lives in a city.If you do it in Kettering, then people will quickly catch on and say "Don't speak to him, he offended my sisters mates cousins brothers neice!"

The ideal rule - don't be overly nice and try to live up to their standards. They need to live up to your standards. If you like something, then you can compliment them, but in an "I approve" kinda way".

Sounds like pretty good advice to me anyways.
The problem im currently having in my head is i am here now,obviously not where i want to be and over there is confidence,self control and not accepting second best me!!
How did you guys get the balls up to get to that point??is it a fake it to make it type thing??plus how do i rid myself of these hangups,by doing as Al_phaD suggested and start taking care of myself and sorting shit out??
Sorry if this is all goboldy gook today my heads been a bit all over the place today:dead1:

This is a very interesting thread and not for the reasons you might think it is.:detective:

no offence to ur mate, what he says is true in a essence, but telling someone

just stop being assed ... RIGHT DO IT NOW, STOP BEING ASSED GO, GO

its easy to say from him coz its who he is, but to tell you "YOU NEED TO BE DOMINANT, BE DOMINANT NO GO GO"

its crap, if it was that easy, people would all be so... the reason i tell u to be a dickhead for a month, (NOT INDEFINITELY, EVERYONE NEEDS TO REALISE THIS IS A SHORT TERM LESSON & NOT A CHANGE)

you do this so u can understand what people like me understand... unless you experience it, you cant understand.

so next time u see ur mate, say to him... DO A MAGIC TRICK, Thats all u need to do, make urself dissapear now & ill give u a million quid.

people on this forum are forever sayin

Be yourself

Be confident

Dont care etc,

easy for them to say as that is wer they are, but what if your not any of the above, u must learn how to be one of the above.

look, do me a favour im not gonna say it again, 4 nights out, keep bein a prick, with a big smile, and just say whatever pops into ur head... dont apologise for it, just look for the funny side,

then in 4 weeks... message me & let me know wer u are...and you can go back to being kind & sweet... with a side to u however people wont cross

but in my opinion, the advice... RIGHT JUST CHANGE RIGHT NOW!!! GO ON DO IT... is crap & condescending.


and regards to living in kettering, if the close knit community is an issue, make some trips somewer u wont be seen again

Love fish check this link out.
Four stages of competence - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

You're at the Conscious Incompetent stage. Your friend giving you the advice and some people on here are at Unconscious Competent (AKA natural).
Okay how do you get to the next stage Conscious Competent?

To learn anything new you need to experience it. Phil is just pushing you into experiencing things. You need experiences as references point to change.
Think about when you learned to drive (assuming you can). You didn't just become Conscious Competent overnight, It took a lot of practice and experience.

If you can take the piss out of girls like you do your mates it shows you’re not treating them as super humans.

Anyway changing your behaviour can be difficult if you have limiting beliefs about yourself which Phil hit upon. You really must address these as well as trying knew experiences to modify your behaviour.

First write down all your beliefs about yourself. Then for the negatives ones find evidence to back them up. When I did this I realised some of the excuses I made for my limiting beliefs were stupid.

So to summarise, my advice:
1. Challenge your limiting beliefs.
2. Practice, Practice & practice being social and enjoying yourself.

This is how I'm approaching things and it seems to be working for me, although I'm hardly a MPUA even a PUA. I'm just me.

Mark