Massive changes are totally possible. 11 years ago I was a heroin/crack cocaine addict and in and out of prison 4 times. I regularly suffered from severe bouts of depression and low self esteem.

I went cold turkey at the new year in 2000 (didn't sleep for 9 days) and never looked back.

After I sorted myself out, I went to college in Oxford then to university in Northern Ireland. Since then, I've worked as a journalist, English teacher, tour guide, translator, editor and I am now a published novelist.

I know what you're going through man; I've been to hell and back. I'm sure you'll find the strength to pull through it.

Hey bro,Before you think Im some kind of dick who doesent know what he is talking about,I have had friend whos suffered from depression and My brother is a competitive bodybuilder.

1:If you really do have proper depression go to a doctor who will give you a drug(most likely prozac or something).Depression is simply chemicals inside you that are unbalanced.

2.The adverse effects you describe because of taking steroids are the result of improper cycles and incorrect doses.Allso it is totally wrong to take gear before your endoctrine system is fully outgrown.

3:Your story seems to be your indentity,stop living in the past,the past is bull shit.The only real thing is now.Do you think you are the only 1 who has had fucked up shit happen to them?think about some kid in central africa who has aids and is starving to death.I think thats a little more tragic dont you?

Agian I dont mean to be an asshole but you have to realise that how you percieve the world is up to you.appreciate what you got,dont take your self so seriously.

Lots of exercise and NLP sorted out my depression. I did try prozac once but it totally takes away your sex drive and fucks up your sleep patern, which obviously you don't want.

I feel the majority of the advice here is good. I also agree you are in no mind set for PUA yet, focus on the more important things such as working on your self confidence, social skills and building friendships with people. It seems you are regretful of your youth in not pursuing sprinting. However know this; having one limiting factor that you accept as your identity is a recipe for depression and low self esteem. It is evident even in incredibly succesful athletes, take George Best as a good example of many. Learn that people can and will love you regardless, provided you work on yourself and know you are worthy of their respect. Most people in life who are doubted, doubt themselves.