Strange case

[azkean]

Hi all,

So yeah I'm a bit of a strange case and don't even really know if I'm in the right place to get advice since I understand this is a forum about learning techniques to get a lot of girls (maybe I made a mistake, sry if it's the case).

Basicaly, I'm 32 and never had a gf, never felt the "need" to got one until recently.

Long story short, I developped severe anorexia when I was a young teen (around 14) for various reasons, almost die of denutrition the first year then get a bit better but for years my life was just basicaly work (in class/college then job), eat a bit, puke and sleep.

Few years ago, a death happened, I quit my job, gather savings to pass the bar and start working out to get out of the anorexia.

That being said, 1 year and an half ago my best friend died in a car accident and I don't have any close relation anymore. I mean someone you can count on whatever happen. I don't know why but I'm more willing to try to have someone of the opposite sex in my life.

Problems are : 1) I have no clue what to do 2) I always see myself as a "trash" so I not even really love myself and don't expect someone that I don't know for years (so basicaly mom or best friend who was like a brother) to so 3) My father, which I admire a lot, was a strong and successfull man and I never felt like a man and still not tbh which might explain that.

I don't really know if you encounter a case like that and I would totaly understand if you can't help me. Maybe it's God plan for me, never gave a tought about that but I might not have strong enough to solve the ordeal he saved to me.

For additionnal information if you need some : I am now a lawyer and I spend most of my time training with some friends, reading some philosophical or historical or novel books, I sometimes go out to listen classical concerts and I do a lot of pastry mainly for friend cause I'm kinda strict on my diet (I'm not anorexic anymore but I do not tolerate high body fat percentage so yeah try to stay around 10% otherwise I got anxious ^^').

Thanks for reading this and taking time to help if possible.

God bless you.

[EamTT]

Hi azkean,

We all have our demons to battle with, so do not feel alone.

It sounds like you are quite successful on the surface level, but your inner game isn't so strong.

I would reccommend checking out Eckart Tolle's The Power of Now to get a better idea of the ego and understand yourself a bit better.

Also you mentioned you see yourself as "trash". I find it hard to believe how a successful guy can think like that! Getting a girlfriend isn't easy when your ego is in the way. When you bypass your ego you get over yourself as you are taking action, not over-analysing yourself in a negative light. Your ego is the very thing that is holding you back, it wants you to play it safe and protect you, it can get quite pedantic. Rejection is often no where near as bad as the projection you have in your head. You should test this in the field, that is where the real work and realisations will take place.

I wish you the best with all of your endeavours.

Peace