Hi azkean,

We all have our demons to battle with, so do not feel alone.

It sounds like you are quite successful on the surface level, but your inner game isn't so strong.

I would reccommend checking out Eckart Tolle's The Power of Now to get a better idea of the ego and understand yourself a bit better.

Also you mentioned you see yourself as "trash". I find it hard to believe how a successful guy can think like that! Getting a girlfriend isn't easy when your ego is in the way. When you bypass your ego you get over yourself as you are taking action, not over-analysing yourself in a negative light. Your ego is the very thing that is holding you back, it wants you to play it safe and protect you, it can get quite pedantic. Rejection is often no where near as bad as the projection you have in your head. You should test this in the field, that is where the real work and realisations will take place.

I wish you the best with all of your endeavours.

Peace