Hi guys.

I'm struggling to stay detached from the whole approach and talk thing. I attach importance to it, make it a big deal, and consequently I get sandbagged by AA and usually can't get past it to even speak to a gal.

Any tips on how I can relax, have fun and not make such a big internal fuss over this?

Ta!

I suggest joining something u r interested in on Meetup.com - will get u used to talking to (female) strangers. Find an activity class, where talking to others is natural easy part of the activity.

As u implied, don't attach importance to outcome. As beginner u should initially aim to just chat and be sociable to female strangers. Don't even think about closing. Leave closing for some future night out.

Also as beginner, don't go out cold. That is, meet up early eve with your buddies for drinks at their flat, have drinks, have a laugh. Then u hit town in high energy sociable state.

Start with this... shout HEY to get her attention, look her in the eye, epic smile, say Hi I'm so and so, you're cute....(Blah blah blah). In your head think CONFIDENCE. Hold eye contact. Good luck.

Be "always on". Talk to everyone out and about during your day. Everyone. Old ladies. People in shops. Everyone you come across. Makes you less suddenly onstage when you hit on a girl she's just the next in line...makes it less confrontational to your brain and what it thinks your reality is.

PS

Thanks guys! Some good stuff in there, I will take it all onboard.

Just to re-iterate what PS said, talk to anybody who crosses your path!

It's how I warm up for a night out sarging. That said I work in a public place so it's very easy for me, but go buy a paper, go to your pibrary and c hat to whomever is in the queue, standing near a book, at the bus stop (make sure you are catching a bus, otherwise it's just weird)

I have never been out with the specific intention to sarge girls
i dont think i will ever go out with the specific intention to sarge girls

Hook up with somone you have a laugh with, dont stand around prowling like animals.
have a laugh with each other and then randomly feed off the vibe you both create to chat to girls.

I think once you go out with the specific intention to chat girls up you become goal orientated and it lowers your chance of success and starts making you re-think yourself.

but thats just me

I think half the problem is that we give talking to a hot a girl special name like "opening" or "approach" and suddenly it becomes a big deal. Its just people talking to each other.

I hear everyone on here say 'i used game on her' 'i started gaming her'

i dont get it-- im just myself with girls, i will never ever not be who i am i dont have a 'game' mode

talking to a girl isnt 'game' to me its just somthing i wanted to do that i am.
i dont act differently around girls than i do with most guys--except the flirting i want to get you into bed stuff obviously!-- but thats just me being genuine and going for what i want.

hate the word PUA, GAME, LAIR allsort what a load of crap

I think it's fair to emphasise that I have virtually no experience when it comes to approaching women or talking to them. I've been pretty heavily sheltered and also have serious rejection issues. But I AM taking on board what people say, even if I don't use it straightaway.

go up to girls with the sole purpous of offending them.... do it for few weeks...

u dont get aa coz ur not trying to approach, u wont pull anyone, infact they will hate u ....

but u will then realise they are just human.... u also kill off the fear of saying somethin that may offend