Confidence is universally recognised as one of the most attractive traits a man can possess. You’ll be very hard pressed to find any dating adverts by women looking for unconfident men. However, I would argue, based on my experience, that there is one quality that women value more than confidence.

That quality is COURAGE.

Confidence can be defined as “A feeling of assurance, especially of self-assurance”, or, “The state or quality of being certain”.

Meanwhile, courage can be defined as “The ability to do something that you know is right or good, even though it is dangerous, frightening, or very difficult”.

So, it would seem that the difference between confidence and courage is in certainty; confidence contains certainty whilst courage does not. Courage often involves stepping into the unknown, into seemingly dangerous or frightening situations.

Why then, if courage is lacking in certainty, would it be a more attractive trait than confidence?

Because courage represents the willingness to take a risk whilst confidence does not. Confidence, as valuable as it is, still operates within the realm of safety. It operates within the realm of the known, this is part of its beauty because it allows a definite outcome, but it is also its limitation because it cannot operate outside the realm of the known. In order to step into the unknown it takes courage!

A man who operates only in the realms of safety and the known doesn’t have the willingness to take a risk, he only takes the calculated risks that he knows will succeeed, which, ultimately, are no risks at all.

A man who is prepared to step beyond the realms of the known for what he believes to be right and good will take any risk, and consequently his capabilities are limitless. This is the man who has courage!

A courageous man has the capability to approach any woman, in any situation, should he feel compelled. Though he knows not what the result will be.

A courageous man has the willingness to express exactly how he feels without any veil of insincerity. Though he knows not what the result will be.

A courageous man has the openness to be fragile or vulnerable or weak, even when it is expected that he should be solid and protected and strong. He knows not whether this will mean he is percieved favourably or unfavourably.

Courage opens up the doors to infinitely more possibility than confidence. And ultimately, women do not want to be limited by a man who only operates within the finite arena of confidence.

Don’t believe me?!?

Go out and ask some female friends if they’d aspire to be with a man who is afraid to express his emotions, who is afraid to be vulnerable, or who is afraid to be real and true to the intimacy of telling it exactly how it is. They might settle for a guy like this, but it certainly isn’t what they aspire to.

Women are dying to meet real men. Men who are willing to step into the unknown. Men of COURAGE!

What does this mean practically?

It means don’t be afraid to express yourself if it feels right.

It means don’t be afraid to be in touch with your emotions if it feels good.

It means don’t be afraid to reveal your vulnerability in order to protect your ego.

Ultimately, it means don’t be afraid. Or, more accurately, whether or not you are afraid, take the actions that feel right and good in abandonment of protecting your ego.

Don’t expect that you have to be confident at all times. When confidence is absent courageousness takes over. Be courageous!

good post.

I remember many a time a woman has fancied me after dealing with a violent confrontation. I didn't knock the bloke out but handled it without violence, I wasn't a pussy but I didn't provoke the situation and this made her wet.

I'm not entirely convinced of the definitions you're using here, between 'confidence' and 'courage'. I'm not entirely sure that certainty is the defining characteristic between the two, that acting with confidence means acting with certainty whilst acting with courage means acting without it.

'Certainty' itself is an ambiguous concept. Certainty in what? In the certain outcome of a situation? In your own emotional reaction to the range of possible outcomes of a situation?

When I act with confidence, I might be entirely uncertain of what the outcome is going to be, even if I had an idea what it might look like. But I will be confident of my judgement that my course of action is correct, and I am further confident that I'll be able to handle the result if it goes wrong.

Can you give me some compelling examples of when you've acted with courage beyond confidence?

And further relate this to the broader field of 'pick up'? You give the following:

...But I don't get the definition between that and acting with confidence. Surely when you approach a girl you're never certain what the result will be. Ever. Never ever. Never. Ever. So, on your definition, the very act of approaching a girl is one of courage and confidence, in so far as they are mutually exclusive concepts. Which I'm not convinced of either, since surely it takes courage to approach a girl, and the act of doing so shows confidence. Which in turn implies that confidence and courage are different sides of the same coin. I digress, I'm thinking outloud. But there are too many question marks here for me.

I do however tend to wonder whether this post is an (extremely long winded) way of saying 'just get stuck in', using several dozen words when just four would do.

I think confidence is being able to stand tall even when people doubt you.

Courage and confidence are closely related and this is an interesting post to discuss.

Confidence is the belief or faith in a subject. Courage is the action on that belief.

Hence Courage would be the display of Confidence being that through body language, strength of argument through conversation, or standing up to somebody who threatens what you hold dear.

i agree with dale here

its similar to inner and outer displays of the same thing in my opinion.

confidence is knowing ones own ability to do or believe something.

courage is being able to stand up and show the rest of the world your ability/beliefs even when it is against the norm.

confidence is just based on competance. confidence in a stupid person could be viewed s being nieve. if you competant at doing something in the right way... your confident, but without competence... your going to fail.

I don't see why this distinction is valid, relevant or important.

I just think it makes sense. when I heard it, it made perfect sense to me. But I have a tendancy to be rubbish at explaining things.

Confidence without competence pretty much borders on arrogance or stupidity...

I think this post is being a bit to generalized around confidence because there are many types of confidence. I have confidence in Gravity, God, my work, my pu ability, my friends so what we are saying is that confidence is a belief in something's ability or reliability.

That said I'd align myself more with CovertOperation's view:
So to go back to the original point:
Unless you are outwardly displaying confidence, which is loosely defined as Courage, then women will likely assume that you lack confidence and/or courage, so to go back to CovertOperation basically the best way to achieve this is