Hey guys,

Had my first date with "Jess" and it went really well, I met her friends and went out with them for cocktails.
She's keen to do it again and wants to meet up next week. I used a line that one of the guys on here put up "so Jess where are we at?" and she said "I dont want this to be a one night thing, I want to see you again". The problem is, i'm insecure! And I don't want to portray this to her!!! I know the best advice is to be myself now, she already likes me! But i'm new (2 months) to this game, and am not at all used to girls of this high caliber! She still makes me nervous for fuck sake! I don't let this show as a nervous, insecure guy isn't what she is after!!! I'm not normally a shy/nervous guy but something about this girl makes me weak (sad I know!) and it's almost like I don't feel relaxed with her yet.....Will this come after a couple of dates? Anyone else had this sort of issue?

Cheers
Bags

Tackle your insecurity...

You have to think to yourself, if she cheats on you and you find out, you're not guna due, just fuck her off and get someone better...

Chances are, if you remain secure, faithful and decent and have a good relationship, she probably won't cheat on you.

I used to be mega insecure with my ex, and to be honest it never went away. Then she cheated on me, we split up, and now I don't worry or get paranoid anymore with other girls.

It wasn't an insecurity that made me think that she would cheat, it's an insecurity that I keep thinking that she doesn't like me :S It's completely irrational! I know she likes me! Do you see what I mean?

Ohhh, i jumped to conclusions

Just have sex with her, I'm sure that would make you believe she likes you!

Dude, it is natural to be insecure especially when you think "why this quality girl likes me that much". The sooner you accept that she likes you for who you are, the sooner you will be able to overcome your insecurity. And this will come the more you spend time with her. You know it anyway but No girl likes an insecure man. Good luck, you onto a winner.

Wicked, cheers guys! And yeh that's the exact thing is "why does this quality girl like me so much?!?!" But she fucking does, I need to loosen up!

Cheers
Bags

I've pretty much always felt like this before long term relationships with girls I really like, or at least been really nervous around them for a while. She probably feels the same. It's pretty normal, I think.

Ok, that's cool man. I just wasn't sure, but I think i'll be able to relax more after reading all of this!

Cheers
Bags

Half the battle is not adding new behaviours, but just stopping beating yourself up and accepting that girls like you, that you can relax, that nothing special is required...that everything you thought in the past about yourself and what is possible for you, was in your head. Shame really, that we even do it to ourselves in the first place and that we are so resistant to dropping it all.

PS

Hey Bags,

Don't worry about your insecurity. It's merely a result of you feeling out of your depth a little, as you settle into the realisation that you ARE worth girls of the kind of calibre that you're rating her as then the insecurity will start to fade.

The way you should really see it is that being insecure is ok, everyone gets nervous about some things from time to time, especially when they come across people they truly genuinely like. In fact, it's the emotional downfall of many experienced guys. I've seen guys that you'd consider incredible and well experienced who have turned into absolute train wrecks because getting hit by actually liking someone early on makes everyone nervous about fucking it up.

Instead of focusing on the fact that you're nervous, focus on not allowing the nervousness to create negative symptoms. Like talking about things that indicate jealousy, insecurity, neediness, etc.

That said, there's also absolutely nothing wrong with showing that you have nerves. The ability to admit weaknesses can be a strength in itself in the same way that the ability to be a fool and laugh at yourself is a strength too. Dependant on the girl, the situation, the mood etc etc it can have very different results but there's nothing wrong with allowing her to know she makes you nervous, provided you don't also imply neediness or seem over involved too early. It can be a "cute" thing. People get butterflies, it's cute, when it's not needy.

Take things easily, don't project negative qualities, but don't be afraid of opening up to your weaknesses too. It's quite difficult to differentiate the two but they are very different.

I have found that the point where couples truly seem to start to bond the heaviest is where they start opening up about weaknesses with one another. This is however a slow process and trying to do it too quickly (with most people - not all) can cause the "oh shit this is too fast" effect that makes people jump ship.