Background: Ok i'm not very good at conversation but have improved lots-in the past I couldn't even talk to women at all but of course I want to improve more as I still realise i'm terrible I met her on a chat site which i was bored and onand we shared an amazing similarity with our music taste (which is very rare for people our taste we actually sang alot and moved and stuff (it was webcam to webcam) I was just looking for help, advice and conversation topics etc that we could look into in the future and things like that or anything you think will help. This is the second conversation, about 10 mins in.

Thanks, i really appreciate your help.


Today
[You]
19:21
who are all excited for 2 weeks then never turn up again
[her]
19:22
lmao i know
[her]
19:22
and they have 12 month contracts
so pay for 11 more months lololol
[her]
19:22
lmao at my gym you can pay monthly so its orite
or pay as you go
[her]
19:24
lucky tbh
do you go often?
[her]
19:25
noo i havent been for agess
[You]
19:26
i love working with people-im a personal trainer you see, but get bored doing it myself
kind of ironic huh lol
her[]
19:26
hahah
[You]
19:27
like when you help someone loose weight its such an amazing feeling
seeing them 6 months or a year down the line
the changes, its like a persobnality transplant tbh
[her]
19:27
aww niiccee
[You]
19:27
im just like wow, glad i could be a part of that
without me might not have happened
[her]
19:28
aw thats nice!
[You]
19:28
obviously i dont exactly say without me you might not have lost weight lol
a mate said that and he never saw the client again
[herher]
19:29
lmao oh dear
[You]
19:29
lol there was this gym member who really smelt
lotsss of peopel complained
and were threatening to leave the gym cos he stunk the whole cardio room out
my mate had to politely tell him
but seriously it was terrible and he didnt realise
[her]
19:30
thats so sad
id hate to tell him
[her]
19:31
yeah i know she was really gutted and thought for a few days how to phrase it
[her]
19:31
eee
[her]
19:31
he never went to the gym again though
[her]
19:32
AW NO
awful so mean
i would of put up with the smell me im far too nice ahaha
[You]
19:32
but soo many people were complaining to management
[her]
19:32
so! the people should of talked to him
its not the managements fault for someones ob
bo *
[You]
19:33
people are like that lol
anything wrong with anything
BLAME THE WORKERS
lol
[her]
19:33
lmao someone complained about me today at work
didnt even say sorry me ha
but soo many people were complaining to management
[Her]
19:33
so! the people should of talked to him
its not the managements fault for someones ob
bo *
[Her]
19:33
people are like that lol
anything wrong with anything
BLAME THE WORKERS
lol
[Her]
19:33
lmao someone complained about me today at work
didnt even say sorry me ha
[You]
19:34
what did they say?
il tell you honmestly if they were right
[Her]
19:34
said i didnt help her even though she only asked for something so i showed her to where they were then someone else who i worked with asked me about yesterday what i got done ect
then she came to pay for this thing she was like noone helped me
and i was like you didnt ask if you did i would of
[You]
19:35
some people enjoy complaining tbh
makes them feel powerful in their insignificant lives..
[Her]
19:35
and she was like 'you need to learn your job' and i was like orite then
then my boss was like why didnt you say sorry so i was like honestly didnt think i needed to so i did not
wasnt happy with that hahah
[Her]
19:36
lol customers always right and all thaqt crap
even though they're blatently wrong!
i know the feeling
[Her]
19:45
so annoying when customers expect you to do something that they need to ask for lol
[Her]
19:45
i know i hate people me
put me in such a mood for about an hour :@
[You]
19:47
lol i wouldnt say i hate people
i hate somee people
[Her]
19:47
i dont hate many people really haha
[You]
19:48
lol i was like do i really wanna get to know (her) more
"i hate people me" LOL
[Her]
19:48
hahha
[You]
19:49
but grr on chatroulette ive got sick fo alot of it lol
soo many men just ask me to get my cock out....
[Her]
19:49
hahaha
[You]
19:49
its scary.
thinking when im on't train and I see a guy looking at me a lot
thinking what he may be thinking..
they verbalise it on chatroulette lol
[Her]
19:50
haha i always next people iwht dicks out
[You]
19:51
lol, you love it really
40 year olds with their massive muffs down there lol
[Her]
19:52
mmm
sick
[You]
19:52
tell em about it
first time i went on chatroulette was liek 6 months ago
and i went on again yesterdayy
first time since i went on cos first time..i swear half of the webcams were of guys dicks...
[Her]
19:54
lmao
[You]
19:55
what do most guys say to you over there?
[Her]
19:55
get ya tits out and im like no :s cya
but then you find a random cool person
[You]
19:55
ahh i thoguht most would have been like that ahah
points to self
[Her]
19:55
haha
[You]
19:56
i was like
omg omg omg aerosmith omg
and she looks about my age rather than someone who grew upm in the 80s for once :O:O!
[Her]
19:57
lmao wooye! thats me
[You]
19:58
do you like x factor?
[Her]
19:58
mehh its okay!
[You]
19:59
its spoiling music though
i like a band who are can play amazing, sing amazing and write amazinggg
not just sing and have a sob story lol
[Her]
19:59
i know lmao its shocking some of the people they put through
[You]
20:00
they do it on purpose tbh, put shit people through so then next day people are like OMG WHY ARE THEY ON THERE" lol
they do it on purpose tbh, put shit people through so then next day people are like OMG WHY ARE THEY ON THERE" lol
if they wanted all amazing singers they could but they always send shit once through cos of tht lol
[Her]
20:01
ture hhaa
right im off to watch a film!
[You]
20:02
okies, cya
film nights are amazing :P:P
[Her]
20:02
damn right!
[Her]
20:02
shame you'll be on your own
cya x
[Her]
20:02
x
she is offline.

Thanks for your help, btw this is msot of the conversation but not all there was some before please help me however you can you I really appreciate this. Do you think she's interesed?

Kindest regards,
Zix

EDIT: Can some mod edit the title please it went wrong!

Firstly, and I know it's been done to death but only because it's true, get off chat sites. It's impossible to have a proper conversation on a computer. Real conversation requires interpretation of facial expression, body language and voice intonation, none of which can be done on MSN. Let's put it this way - normally I can talk the hind legs off a donkey, but on MSN/FB messenger, unless I have something specific to say (like organising a pub visit) I run out of stuff to say. Even with my bestest mates.

Secondly, having demoted your computer to Facebook, forum and BBC checking, go out into the real world, do the shit you enjoy, and have snippets of conversations with people. It's fucking easy - most people haven't got a clue "what the etiquette is" for having a conversation with a stranger. If you show them it's normal to talk about some random shit, they'll probably go along with it. Hell, I had a 10 minute conversation with the guy in Subway about VAT the other day. We shared a common irk about it.

Thirdly, if you really want some structure to improving your conversations (I realise wishy-washy advice like "talk about anything" can be daunting to someone who doesn't understand why), read Juggler's book. The guy is a stand-up comedian and recommends some excellent techniques for kick-starting your conversational abilities. But bear in mind the best way to get good at conversation is to allow yourself to express yourself freely, and this comes from years of work on inner-game (which, incidentally, is boosted by going out and trying stuff like talking about random shit to people).

Also, I implore you to stop using the word "lol".

Very true, but before I can meet somebody in real life I have to talk to them online first, after speaking once or twice I don't feel I can say want to meet up as she'd probably think it would be strange as we'd just met and only online!

I'm also really suprised yourun out of things over the internet buit not in real life, what is your secret to endless conversation, by the way?

When i've tried to talk to random people or random conversations people often look at me as if i';m weird and this completly puts me off that.

Thanks about Jugglers advice, will look into it, did you find it useful?

Thanks for your reply though

Edit:yeah I was kind of thinking I use the world "lol" alot, however it seems weird not using it because what I write online because there's no voice tionality of body language etc might be hard to grasp as a joke so people may get offended? Hmmm

zix... try this. Ur looking for an actuall answer. this is the best i can do.

Read 10 books... a complete variety from harry potter to murder mysterys ANYTHIN... try and make some of them factual some fictional.

the ask, Have you ever read a book about.... Pick one closely associated with her subject.

Then talk about it... if her view conflicts with yours, TELL HER. or she may just be interested in what u have to say.

or watch documentaries... there is a framework for u mate. Use it...

put girls to one side, now look at other aspects of your life -- Career, Hobbies, Knowledge -- explore those subjects-- things that you are passionate about.... now when you come back to girls--you can be yourself, talk about your loves, views, aspirations

she will be hooked, if not bollocks to her

I'm on a gap year before unievrsity due to medical conditions. All my friends are at university and I don't really get out much at all as i don't have any friends here to be honest.

How would you suggest I believe in myself more? The thing is academically and things like that I believe in myself loads maybe because i actually have proof of this through my grades but it's different socially.

And you are right there are people I can have endless conversations with i'd always put this down tothe fact I click with them and not others but scaringly, I think you actually may be right that i've sort of thought "I click with you" and therefore not concerned about people liking me as much as I believe they will. This of course I think I have misinterpreted as not knowing what to say, but it mioght be jsut a profound belief people don't really want to know me or people won't like me so I'm scared to say things. I think you actually may be right in a way, i've never really thought of it like that. Also, I think this hasn't been helped by being bullied throughout high school and by my brother and always being told what I say is "useless, silly, obvious, ridiculous, silly" many thousands of times which has made me not talk to many people really to be honest. Also due to medical conditions I had to stop many of my hobbys so I lose my friends from these-people I had common interests in.

I've ordered the book "instant confidence" by Paul McKenna as i've heard good things about the book and C.D, and will do the exercises. I've heard good things so I think this would help me. Anything else you think or any other ideas?

To be honest i've hardly done it. I've done it a few times very rarely I think (even though I can't rememeber) so maybe I actually haven't. I just believe if I go u[p to people like thatI canimagine them statring at me like "what the hell are you talking to me for" and then never wanting to talk to anyone randomly like that again. Maybe it's just a phobia I think due to my inferiority complex over my lack of height..


I was sort of hoping people would say pointers if I was being too needy, not showing enough DHV, not spotting IOIs, not negging enough or things like that to help me?

A book closely related to her subject, what do you mean, her academic subject or a hobby?

In the past I would never tell someone if my views conflicted or would end up agreeing with them which I now try not to do. At the time I thought the way to make people like me would be to agree on things, for example if they said a film was rubbish and I really liked it I would agree and talk about how terrible it was.. Really sad I know but when I was little I believed that and it carried on till I was about 16. Now I know it's ok to have different views etc and people will still like me if we're not identical.

Hmm I think I need more hobbys after having to stop them due to medical reasons, i'l have to look at new hobbies. I've already started another musical instrument but i'll look for more, any ideas?

Perhaps something that gets you socialising with new people. Make sure it's something you have an amount of interest in though. Maybe look at utilising your musical side more and aim at playing out in front of people in a bar for instance.

Hmm another thing I forgot to mention is that I could talk for ages aboput academic subjects:for example about psychology, sociology, geograpgy and if someone asked me a question I could go on for awhile but if people dont ask questions I find it hard. Strange really when I can talk about subjects but not like everyday life. :/

But once I probably find out that x caused y how do you go at solving it, how do you stop acting in the way?

Yeah true, will look into it/consider it.

How long is a piece of string? This isn't a problem you can change on a whim. It takes a long time to un-train yourself from all the bullshit you've been exposed to throughout your life. Being self-confident, attractive and awesome is a default setting for everyone, it's a case of un-learning all the things that stop you from being this default person.

What conditions, if you don't mind me asking? I don't doubt that they're limiting to your life in some way, but there is a chance this may be something that's in your head. Minor stuff, like what I've got, is the sort of thing that, most of the time, would be helped by getting out there and doing whatever it is you enjoy.


In the short term this would be helpful, but it'd be a specific "solution" to a specific problem. It's miles better to not worry about the "rules" or how you "should" act in a situation, and just allow yourself to be whoever you are.

Whatever you like. A conversation is an exchange of value - each of you bringing a personality to the table and sharing that personality's various views, experiences, hopes and dreams. Whatever book you really fancy reading, read it. If you're looking for a good book to read, I recommend "The Power of the Dog" by Don Winslow. Do chicks like it? Who cares? It's a wicked book and you'll enjoy it.

Yeah I used to do this too. It'll pass with time.

At the end of the day, there's work to do here. There's a lot of stuff need un-fucking, but you're in the right place to do it. Stick around here, read every post you can get your hands on, go out with some forum guys in your area (sorry, that wasn't meant to sound so rapey!) and see what you can learn. We're always happy to help people who really want to learn.

Oh and yes, I found Juggler to be excellent. His message is "talk about whatever you like" (the guy claims to be able to pick up chicks reading his shopping list), but he explains it in a good way - not too much emphasis on technique or "just be yourself", just little tips and ideas to try out that get you along the right lines.

i mean somethin u may be able to have a convo about I.e if u read a book on rape, dont discuss KNOW UR AUDIENCE

if she seems like a smart girl discuss darwinism..

if she seems cutesy, discuss disney

if she seems like a slag, discuss war and peice... and its thickness related directly to ur penis... i cant beleive im about to say this but CALIBRATE

then stop there... dont dare fuckin microcalibrate