I suppose you would have that either way.

But if you really liked someone, then you would be happy to make the gesture of paying for her? You would be happy to do so if you really liked her - as long as the gesture wasn't out of neediness or desperation (bit too strong of a word maybe) for her to like you back?

Really depends on the context, but on a first date you'll be strangers, and paying for her is implicitly turning the interaction into a trade i.e. you have gone out of your way to do something for her, which like it or not places an obligation on her to return the favour. This is why a lot of girls don't like it when you insist on paying. It also reduces their agency by not acknowledging their ability to pay their own way.

Obviously there will be exceptions to this depending on logistics, and I heard the traditional courtship process follows this pattern. There will undoubtedly be girls who respond positively to this treatment, but I would question their values and motivations. It establishes a dynamic of her company being your reward and access to your wealth being her reward. It could just be that I don't have any wealth, but this doesn't seem like an ideal arrangement to me.

Sure, I agree with what you say there Undercat. But the scenario I had in mind would be a first date with someone you knew quite well (e.g. someone you work with), where there would be no ambiguity regarding your intentions to her.

So you're earning the same wage?

Also if you really do know her well chances are she's already made her mind up about you, and barring something extraordinary a date's not going to change her mind much. If she does like you, it's simply a matter of not fucking up and putting the moves on in time. Who pays is a comparatively small detail. If it would be easier for you, offer, but don't insist.

Although I imagine you'd feel foolish if you ended up paying for someone who earned the same wage as you and they told you they liked you better as a friend afterward.

Interesting point.