New to POF
 

Hi guys,

I’m relatively new to POF and I’m looking for some pointers. I have a profile and I seem to be attracting quite a few women.. They seem forward enough and keen to chat, but I’m just curious about dating chicks who live to far away.. I quite like one lass but she’s 33 miles away, I need experience and I’m wondering if I should just stay closer to home casting a net more like 5-10 miles?

Also, is it better to suggest dating in their home town? How do you guys do it.. I want to use POF as a testing ground before I start approaching women in bars etc.

Niko

PoF is a Pandora's Box. As far as I am concerned, there's no 1 answer to this question, or most questions relating to dating sites for that matter.

Many girls will only date guys in their local area, whereas other girls might date guys further a-field. Do you understand what I'm saying here? It's personal preference, whatever suits you.

Many people would say "stick to your own area" but for me, that is a huge limitation, not only for online stuff (if you do that) but for face to face approaching too. No, you should make your own boundaries to what you feel comfortable with. If you like a girl that's slightly out of your boundary then so fuck, why not message her, it's only a message, not every message gets answered BUT then again... maybe it will be answered.

Everything on dating sites, for men and for women, is a mixture of personal preference and free will. Same as with face to face interactions; someone has to initiate contact.


From online stuff I've met people whilst I'm on holiday, having a weekend away and stuff like that. Thing is, if you want to do it, then you shouldn't even be asking yourself the question; you should have already begun.

If you want to stay closer to home for reasons such as, no car, heavy working hours etc.. then that is your preference. But remember, the definition of preference is basically 'the greater liking of one thing to another', so that doesn't mean it's as solid as stone. You have your own free will.

I guess there is no proven formula and I totally appreciate where you are coming from bud, much appreciated :)

Try this thread here - I had a lot of luck with pof


Link

Cheers matey! :)

yeah thanks, I hadn't seen that before. One of my new year resolutions is to get a profile up so that post is perfect to get me going.

You could try what this guy did:
Snapshots RedditLog

His initial message was "Why haven't we had sex yet?" - led to sex with 100+ women

It's a nice story and the statistics make it sound more legit than it actually is

It doesn't take into account other things such as his profile wording, amount of pictures on profile and also how many personality testing questions he answered...

Or how he was with women in general anyway. But it makes a good point; being honest about what you want. He wanted casual sex and that was his line.

He seems like an average guy from his description:
Lots of blowouts and rejections - 3/4 of his real life approaches led to negative comments/drinks in face/slaps - but yeah, looks like honest works

After reading this thread I logged into my profile, changed some stuff and sent some messages out, just random messages. Short sentences, value giving and if I asked the girl a question I wasn't putting '?' at the end, instead I'd put 'choose'. I felt it makes it less formal and shows a good control.

I messaged 4 people early this morning, 2 have replied so far, both answering my question and following up with a question of their own.

If you are just pissing around on the site, send messages out here and there, I can't see the importance of creating a solid profile; the fact that it's not solid shows you aren't always on the site and shows authenticity. Look at many profiles girls write, they're shit 85% of the time.

However, if you're on the sites 24/7, looking to get a girlfriend or whatever then the importance of a good profile is obvious.

I would, however, recommend to everyone using online, that you put your "looking for" as 'friends' or 'hangout'.


Attitude. It's, I feel the most important, expecially in messages. Don't loose your authenticity by trying to be someone you're not and at the same time, don't be a little pansey. Show some manliness, have a dominant nature to your message.

Turn the topic to a physical/sexual nature within a comfortable and realistic target by using Ryan's simple easy texting which can be found here - Texting

In conclusion, going out more than sitting your ass down on the PC. It's not only healthier for you but also more beneficial in order to become socially fucking awesome.

I would disagree. I think if you are a very attractive person with qualifying pictures then your profile is less important.

However if you're attractive in an average way then profile text can make or break.

I think this is irrelevant. Maybe if you don't fill in your profile as you mentioned above, it's more congruent to put whatever in the other fields but I find looking for dating works best. It means you're not looking for a relationship but you have more to offer than your penis.

This is the same as in real life, day game or night game. The same principles apply

I think that to be successful in the real world(day/night) or online you have to exude self-confidence and a perceived social value.

I really dislike the fact that people think just because it's online that it's a cop-out. I think it can be. If you have terrible AA and quite poor social skills you can hide behind a computer and fake it unlike when walking up to a girl in the street or in a pub.

But if you have all of your shit together offline then you can kill online...

[quote=daleinthedark;86808 I think that to be successful in the real world(day/night) or online you have to exude self-confidence and a perceived social value[/QUOTE]

This is something I am realising is so key. People often say "I just can't think what to say" /text or whatever. All this comes down to confidence. I'm still not sure what value is exactly. Isn't confidence a big part of it?

http://snag.gy/Tu0fA.jpg
Love it

Many girls will message you back if they like what they see (your message), without looking at your profile. If they like or intrigued by the situation, it will flow.

Try signing up to an online dating site, without putting any info apart from your pictures (attractive or not) and the basic description which it asks for in drop down-style questions answers. Then message girls in the same way you would with your written profile.

That, I assume would be the 'casual sex' or 'no commitment' option. Putting 'friends' or 'hangout' doesn't imply you're wanting to get your dick wet. To me it's basically like saying, "I want to meet new people and have a laugh. I don't take dating sites too seriously".


I agree, but many use online as a sort of safe haven so that they don't need to venture outside and improve their social skills, yet if they get a date from online and it goes badly, it's due to them acting differently than online.

For guys that have their shit sorted, it's a good way to interact but shouldn't be your primary source.



Fair feedback though, if your way works for you then cool, my way, when I do use it, works for me and the area that improved it for me was the attitude (my photo's are shit).

Doesn't it just show that what you say or looks isn't so important, but that it's more of a numbers game and being able to keep going and weather the storms?

Though I suppose if his opener was "hi?" he might have been overlooked a lot more. He was seeking some kind of reaction, good or bad.

Got very lucky on POF, I seemed to end up being approached by a cute little Polish lass from Newcastle. She was far hotter in the flesh, traveled all round the world seemed to like stuff I liked so conversation seemed to just last forever without it being difficult. It was the first date I'd ever actually been.. Whats the crack with second dates? She said she wanted to meet again.. I just dont want to come over all keen even though she is smoking hot, but is suggesting Saturday in her home town to early, or? I'm such a novice lol.. especially sober haha

I like the way you use the word ‘approach’ for online dating.

We can’t tell if it’s too soon as we have no clue when you had the first date. I would usually leave a week or so else it’s all a bit too much at once, but hey you say she’s keen so why not? Get some more numbers to work on then you can build up some options.

I personally have found online dating to be totally rubbish. And I know why that is. It is because men outnumber women on most dating sites between 2 to 1 and 4 to 1. So the women on them get tons of messages and therefore most guys find it very hard to get any dates at all from them. I have only ever had about five dates from dating sites in the ten odd years that I used them. I think in all the years I used dating sites i must have sent out around 40,000 messages to women and got nothing in the end for all my trouble.

That is why I think that real world dating i.e. day game and night game is far better as you have far more chance of success.

How is that different in a bar scenario with trying to "game" the hot girls usually with lots of guys tryin to approach them?

It's the same as chatting up a girl in the street or in a club; you have to be confident and witty and there has to be attraction

I personally had my shit together offline and online and when I used PoF I managed to get 5 dates in a weekend.

Stonecastle, yes men outnumber women on dating site but that in itself isn't a disadvantage. You're making it so by, for some reason thinking that these other men are better than you, therefore effecting your attitude which will have a negative effect not only on your profile but on your messages too. Resulting in you only having about 5 dates from 10 year usage.

As daleinthedark says, there's no difference other than there's no face to face interaction until you've set up a date. Attitude is key. If you come across and negative or boring straight away then what is that going to portray? Obvious really isn't it.

I put my first profile ever for online dating up last night and got two messages today. One was a woman looking for sex (it might be a scam but it looked quite real), the other was a very homely girl looking for dates. She looks mentally handicapped.

It doesn't take a genius to work out who I've replied to and what I said. But we'll see what happens.

It was the mentally handicapped girl - dead cert ;) plus they'll suck on anything if you tell them it's sweetie/medicine

How is your online venture going so far?

Sent a few messages, no responses so far.

Them responses will begin to rocket.

Light and playful banter. If you send something risky and they don't reply, don't send them a message changing the topic or whatever. Then after a few days they might reply. Happened before many times. Testing.

They need to get through the other 200 messages in their inbox sent that day first remember. That's if they can be bothered...

Ha that's a fair point.

Of course it is a very big disadvantage! I am so very angry with dating sites because they are such a big con! If men outnumber women on dating sites then it is obviously mathematically impossible for all the guys on such sites to all get women from such sites!

Also as another poster said, it is totally different than in bar, club or even street game as in most bars and clubs the numbers of men to women are roughly equal and on the street we pick up artists have the advantage as most other men do not approach women at all on the street! Yes women get hit on a lot in bars and clubs but because the numbers of both sexes are roughly equal there is therefore equal chance among all men present that they will get off with a woman!

On dating sites because men far outnumber women then the women on such sites will have far more choice and so will obviously choose the best looking and the richest men to go out with. Success on dating sites is nothing to do with attitude, it is purely down to good looks and wealth as the women on such sites receive vast numbers of messages from men, so obviously only choose the best men to reply to and go on dates with! Can't you understand that?

Stonecastle, that sure does sound like approach anxiety you have there...

Do you have a limiting belief or are you making excuses for being bad?

I can understand that you are seriously fucking wrong. No disadvantage, only becomes a disadvantage if you perceive it to be and intergrate it into your frame of mind. The fact that you are not getting success is down to your attitude, you're just not open enough to see it.

Your problem is your own making.

No it is not a problem of my own making because during the years I used internet dating sites I must have sent out over 40,000 messages to women! Yet got very little response at all.

You don't seem to understand that if there are 4 guys or even just two guys to every one woman on a dating site then it is totally impossible for all those guys on that site to get a date with a woman on that site!

Women on dating sites do not even have to send out any messages as they get dozens of messages each day from men on those sites! They then sift through those messages to find the men they like best! Obviously they will choose the best looking and the richest! So if you are not extremely good looking and also rich you will not stand a chance on a dating site! I don't know how you can be so stupid to not understand that dating sites do not work for most men because there are simply not enough women to go around on them! Watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qe5_JK_LcEI

Are you a virgin?

I've given up on you, Stonecastle.
You are so stupid its untrue. It is your problem and it is your own making. I have 1-2 photos that aren't great. I still get women messaging me and REPLIES. That is through my attitude.

You are fucked up and beyond help because you can't see past your own sorrow and miss guidance. You really haven't got a clue.

done_with_this_thread

Well here is my POF profile, I don't think there is anything wrong with it, yet I get no messages at all from women on that site: stonecastle computers, cycling.

I think it is the people who are defending that website who are the idiots as they do not understand what Mathematical impossibility is! If there are more men than women on a dating site then it is impossible to pair up all the men on such a site with women from that site!

That's a terrible profile. Stonecastle if dating sites are bad, does this mean you are good with women in real life?

You haven't put anything in it. A bunch of loose words and statements. No full body photo gives the feeling that you dislike your body, if I come across a girl with only face photos it puts the interaction on a bad foot straight away but by no means irriversable.

You say your life is fun ect.. then totally contradict yourself by saying that you could talk about various things in your life but don't want to bore the reader. And then you only have 2 interests; cycling and computers. You constantly contradict yourself.

You say you could have done better in life if you tried but you've has a good life. Basically that says to me 'I am a guy who can't be fucked doing anything, I sit around all day with my finger in my arse and jacking off to porn. I am not a secure guy, I could have been great but I decided to sit in self pitty when things didn't work out and I gave up on life. I do everything the cheap way because I want to keep my money. So now I am looking for a girl who will look after me whilst I eat up all her money and drag her down to my level since my life is already over'.
Yeah and you're wondering why you don't get messages/dates ect... had a good life - are you dead or something?

You don't care if the woman isn't good looking.
That shows your values and the way you think of yourself as very weak. Also what girl is gonna message you saying 'I am butt fuck ugly'. Women actually care about themselves and their appearance. What girl is gonna give a guy a try when he'd probably date a monkey.


Tons of things are wrong with your profile. What I said above is just the tip of the iceberg. Your attitude it a huge problem. Your photos aren't too bad, just get a body shot in there or you out with friends.

The website is fine. Yes loads of people are on it but it is never impossible. You're the problem. Mainly your pathetic attitude. You talk like everything is impossible, like you've given up and as you come across in your profile 'your life is over'. No girl is going to jump at the chance to be with a guy who has a let's wither and die attitude.


I feel I've been incredibly fucking nice here, helping you out. I don't like to give up on people but sometimes they are beyond help until they realise it is them that's the problem and stop blaming others.

Damn I thought I had a bad profile but holy shit that is the worst profile I have ever seen

I've got to side with Barney - your profile is way too negative. How much time have you spent on your profile? No offence, but it looks like something you've knocked up in 5 mins. If you're serious about online dating, spend time writing and re-writing your profile until you get results.

I quickly read your profile, stripped away all the negative statements, and have marked where you should expand:

After you've done that, go here:
https://www.google.co.uk/#q=how+to+write+a+pof+profile

Read as much as you can, then rewrite your profile until you start getting results. Plus do everything Barney said.