This should really be titled: How to talk/flirt/banter with work colleague over email or How to let a girl down gently without hurting her feelings. This is the dilemma I find myself in.

A little about me:

I am a mid-20s guy. Never had a girlfriend. Lost virginity to prostitute aged 21. Had sex one times since with random girl in club (she 'picked' me up). I finally got my first job ever a few months back. It is working in an office/cubicle environment. Had some rough times over the past few years. Life is starting to improve for me. Well, it was, at least. But I will get to that part. Anyhow, I feel like I am a good looking guy and I am well groomed and look after myself. I get a lot of heads turning in work and it was the same back at university. I do not walk around like the most unconfident person in the world. But deep down I feel like a loser, lowe self-esteem, low confidence, clueless with women.

The Situation:

Was in work today. Work friend says to me out of the blue that there is someone in the office interested in me. He did not say who. Right away I felt nerves I had not felt in years. Felt like I was about to turn red. He says he got an email. I say forward me the email. I reluctantly check my email. There is his email and one from another work friend. The one from friend #1 has a quote from the girl saying she thinks I am 'cute'. The one from friend #2 says girl x is interested in me and she is too shy to email and I should email her. I felt sick in the stomach.

I knew who the girl was. I had noticed her looking at me often and smiling. I will be honest. She is not my type. Too fake(tan, etc). But I would no doubt have sex with her, you know, a one night stand kind of thing. But that is as far it goes. I would not want a relationship: a) she's not my type b) she has a kid - would not even go down that road c) I want to be free. I have dreams to travel the world. Don't want to be tied down. Pus I have always be single and sort of used to it now.

Anyhow, back to the story. A few times as the day goes on, one of the guys brings this up and says I should email her and I should 'get in to her' and he will set this up. I feel sick with nerves and anxiety everytime he brings it up. I try to forget about it and get deep in to my work but it is impossible to concentrate. I feel like I need the toilet. I feel sick. I let out gas a lot. I eventually go the toilet for a number 2 but it is not long before I feel I need another one. I just want the day to end. The girl was facing my direction but there was something obstructing us so we could not see each other directly. I just sunk in my chair. I have to walk past her to go the toilet so I tried to avoid that.

Then I go in to my email for work reasons, and as I do, I receive an email from girl-in-question. She says half-jokingly that she was forced to email me by the guys. I reply saying thanks for earlier compliment. She aks what compliment. I say maybe the lads were winding me up and quote what she supposedly had said. She confirms it was a wind up and she had in fact said I was 'cute'. I say thanks. She says surely I must have noticed by the amount and way she stares at me. I half-pretended I did not notice. She says I must be oblivious. I say something like, people stare at people all the time, does not mean much. I take a long time in between answering the emails, where as she was replying immediately. I was just really nervous and felt sick. I was scared of writing the wrong thing. Scared of showing too much interest. Scared of hurting her feelings. Scared of saying something stupid.

My main problem is this. I do not want to give her false hopes. One of my biggest problems is I am too sensitive to other people's feelings. I do not want to make people feel bad or be responsible for making someone feel bad in some way or another. I also believe a lot in karma. And this has been a major problem with girls: what if they are after a relationship but I only want a one night stand, I do not want to make them feel bad / hurt their feelings. And this is one of the reasons I am scared to approach girls. And this is a problem I have with this girl, I think. As I have said earlier, I would give her one and that is that. But what if she is looking for a boyfriend, someone to be a step daddy for her child.

1) How would I approach this for the one night stand aspect? What would I say over email? How do I have playful banter over email? What should I say if I talk to her? What if we are walking towards each other? Is she expecting a boyfriend or is she is expecting a fuck? How would I know. I am not what you would call sexy. I do not have a hot body. I am skinny. I just have a nice face. Aren't I the sort of guy girls want to be their childs step-daddy?

2) How would I let her down gently? Not just blow her off like. Not just avoid the problem. I will have to see her in work every day remember. Plus I am sure other people no about it and do not want to be some talk of the office.

3) What the fuck would you do in this situation? What should I do, please?

I am in work tomorrow and I am lying here feeling like crap. So nervous and anxious. Like I just want the world to swallow me up. It is a long day tomorrow. Today this thing started near the end of the day. Tomorow I may have to deal with this the whole day. I am scared. Then what about the next day and so on.

I just know the guys are going to pesture me tomorrow, as guys do. They are the sort of guys were if a girl shows an IOI they would not hesitate. The could not understand why a guy would be nervus around a girl or say no to a girl. There the sort of people who will tell other people too and scared lots of people will no. I swear my life was getting good and now this thing has happened. I feel like getting a new job now. I am under pressure to improve my performance at work at the moment and this thing does not help mattets.

Please reply as soon as as I have to get to bed in the next 40 minutes or so as it is late here and as mentioned I have work tomorrow. I just need to go in to work tomorrow with some preparation, some advice. I am already thinking of taking what would be my first day off.

op you are really overthinking this and from the sounds of it life in general.

First of do you even like the girl?
second if you do what do you want out of the situation?

It is not that long. It is hard for me to summarise it.

1) I would give her one. She is decent looking.2) I want the situation to not have happened.

Your very limited experience with women is the main problem here.

You're wayyyyy overthinking it. Not all single mums are out to find step dads for their kids.

For a lot of them what they ARE looking for is a bit of fun. Just go for it.

What would I do in this situation?........bang her everyday in the storeroom.

You're in a position to create that, take advantage.

I fucking will if my career ever takes me to said scenario.

"I dont like you, in fact I am disturbed by your presence".

You said you want to let her down gently, so do it, "Awh gee wizz Im not really looking for anything golly, was a hoot 'n a holla meetin' ya ma'am".

The real problem is you're 'dropping in' for some situational advice, well sir, its not like that, you have to fix your whole being on it.

You said yourself you are at the bottom, so fuck her, literally, tell her to meet you and bang her. Go out and start your journey, go speak to girls in clubs or wherever and go for it!!

Read good books and information about dating and PUA to get your head around it.

I think deep down I am hoping to ignore her. Get my head down in work, not speak to anyone and just avoid the problem. That would be awkward as fuck though. I have read about 10 books on pua. Never put it in to practice thus.

Making the problem 10 times worse, at least for you & your sanity.

You can't just ignore it. Even the fact that ignoring the situation has crossed your mind means you will not be able to, your in too deep now.

It will be a lot easier to just get it on with her. Don't be afraid, just do it.

Why are you avoiding the situation because you don't fancy her or because you have fear of embarrassment?