I have friends that I go out with and respect. I'm very grateful to have them. The problem is they have not gone through a process (as we have) of trying to improve themselves.

They dress badly, they don't talk to women, they hate themselves.

I feel like I want to put them on some kind of intensive PUA training course to make them into better men. But I can't see it happening.

I don't want to lose my friends, does anyone else have a similar problem or possible solutions?

It's a common problem, there are a lot of people who just simply haven't had the kick up the arse they need yet, and you could do that ... or you could focus on your own life and your own journey they will deal with it in their own time. A lot of times, people react adversely to you trying to change their lifestyle and its often not worth your grief.

It's harsh to say or even try, but expand your social circles, make friends and surround yourself with interesting people who are actively trying to improve themselves, and you will find yourself much better for it. Tolle mentions it in 'The Power of Now' trying to force your partner or friend into bettering themselves is a fruitless ordeal, immerse yourself with people who can sympathise.

In short, make new friends.

had it before, I hung out with different people, wasn't on purpose as such but I ended up naturally swaying to a group of friends who fitted how I liked to live and socialise; fucked out my face every weekend.

In fact I have an opposite 'problem' so many of my friends are fucking alpha and players now it's kinda odd as here I am on my big journey (although this summer has been very chill and pure fun) and everyone is going around smashing girls left right and centre.

I have the same problem mate. My friends are cool and dress well, like cool music etc. But the majority of them just don't try to pick up girls, probably because of the fear of failure.

And if i say "lets go chat to them or lets go see who those girls are" i always get the "i cant be arsed or "why cant we just have a night out just the boys and not chasing girls." This always limits my opportunity when I'm out.

GoodRebel

Cheers GoodRebel,

Your description sounds similar to my situation. The strange thing is they actually know a lot more people, including attractive women, than I do as they grew up in the town and I'm an incomer.

On one occasion recently I approached two women who they knew but I didn't know they knew them. They seemed a bit pissed off at me for approaching and talking to these women.

I basically said to them 'I'm just trying to enjoy myself, I like women'. I stopped short of saying 'why aren't you talking to them if you know them and / or introducing me?'.

But as Dice! pointed out, people can get defensive and resent it if you try to change them before they are ready (I was the same). I suppose that's why it's called self-discovery, self-improvement, etc. Meaning you do it yourself.

But it would be good to have some sympathetic friends. I'll keep working to expand the circle. If they want to come on the journey great. If not I'm okay with that too.

P.S. GoodRebel can I add that you've got a really cool username and avatar

I understand your frustrations man, take comfort in the fact that you are consciously trying to improve yourself.

You may find that you start to drift from your friends, or you could just go out with them and not decide not to 'game' on those nights - rather enjoy their company instead.

Some will start to hate, particularly if you've known them for a while, because what you are doing is outside their reality (or their perception of you as a person).

I see you're in London, so perhaps we'll link up soon!

Thanks SmileyK,

You hit the nail on the head.

I should explain a bit....

I was living in the Isle of Dogs and SE London when I first came to London. A while back I moved out to a small town in herts with good links to London (40 min train ride) which I need as I have to commute to London for work 5 days a week. I'm in a smallish town (probably part of the problem) but go out in London whenever I get the chance.

I think you're right that my mates in this town should be matey mates if you know what I mean. We talk about football and all that and have a pint. I need to branch out a bit for the PU.

I'd be up for a link up in London some time soon!

To update from my OP on Friday two of the four friends I normally go out with couldn't make it so there was just two of us.

It was a totally different experience. My mate introduced me to loads of people, then we split up and did the rounds, then we met up to have a chat then split up again, we had a great night.

I'm realising the other two just want to drink and are happy with that. Things tend to work themselves out naturally so I think I have a sort of socialising (not gaming) wingman now locally which is great.

If we can get a couple of women in tow even better.

Thought I'd jump on this as I started to experience similar problems when I started.

But now my mates just accept it and I either go off on my own or they join in (usually when they're wrecked though, so it semi damages my game but it dose make it quite entertaining. Plus I learn by watching them what not to do haha)

My problem now is one of my mates told my ex (who I'm now nailing again just because, well. I can) told her that I go out just to pull women. She told me and he doesn't know I know. But the thing is he is the biggest slag out of everyone.

As in he has literally had chlamydia twice, some times I wing him. But my thoughts now are what to do about him? I could confront him about it or I could just be a lot sneakier around him and act like I'm done with it.

He has a pretty bad reputation for being a slag and I do not plan to go down the same road as him.