How to Deal with Flakes

[Hustler25]

Hey guys,

You know which ones im talking about,... not the type you can just sort out with 'head and shoulders'.

How do you guys deal with flakes??

So i've been seeing this girl for a few weeks, met up a couple times, things seemed to be going great, after last weekend she hinted she wanted to meet up again. We'd texted during the week with abit of banter and then I told her to come hangout with me this weekend but either way to let me know if she's not up for it so I can reschedule my weekend. That's fair enough I thought, I don't want my weekend to be dictated by the availability of one girl so if she can't or doesn't want to hangout at least let me know. That's common courtesy right?

She doesn't respond.

Now these days, I'm indifferent to game, if a set goes well or bad or if a girl likes me or dislikes me I don't really care i'm just indifferent to it, I don't get that emotional about it. If a girl flakes on me I don't take it personally or get uptight about it like I used to in my classic chump days. However I still can't help but feel a sense of irritation about it. It's a very unattractive trait and it makes me lose respect for that person.

Girls flake for a whole plethora of reasons and it's not worth delving into why they do it. But one thing you can be reasonably clear about is that THEY JUST AREN'T THAT INTO YOU. Fine, I accept that but it would be nice if girls would be upfront and honest about this so you don't have to waste any time.
Many women would find this behaviour unacceptable from a man. Yet so many men are willing to keep chasing a flakey girl and accept this behaviour which just leads to empowering her further and you validating socially lame behaviour. Chances are you are not going to have a fulfilling relationship with a flakey girl.

My stance on flakey behaviour now is zero tolerance. I don't accept it. I don't treat people in that way either personally or professionally and like I said if people are flakey towards me I lose respect for them it does not indicate good or positive character traits. I used to just not respond and cut them out of my life. However by not responding whilst it is rather noble not to react it just reinforces to that person that they're flakey behaviour is acceptable. For a flake no response on your part is the best response for them, indicating that they're behaviour is not being challenged, you accept this behaviour and that you have let them off the hook and that they don't need to take any responsibility for their inconsiderate actions.

If I sense difficulties/issues with a girl straight off the bat I realise it probably ain't gonna get much better so I just nip it in the bud from the start and move on.

This is what I text;

'Hey, sorry xxxxx I gotta be honest I don't take not responding as a 'hint' but as lame second-rate behaviour, not to mention inconsiderate and a waste of my time. All the best x'

Polite and civil yet making my point clear that I don't stand for being treated in that way.

What do you guys think? bit harsh? fair?

I'd be interested to hear how you guys deal with these kinds of situations. Particularly from Adam cuz I think you're game is quite similar to mine, like me you don't stand for any bullshit.

Laters

[legend]

Hey mate,

I have my share of flakes too. And I hate the fact that Im being ignored end of. As you said I would rather have a text back saying "Im not interested" etc etc. The way i deal with it is not even to bother sending another text. If I dont get a reply, thats the end of that gilr FOR NOW. However, if I dont get any text within a month, I would send another text just to say hello...if no reply, then her number is deleted. And I move on...! And if she does reply, I will be straight and ask why my previous text didnt get a repsonse....!

You are right about not taking any bullshit...!

Good luck!

[Hustler25]

Interesting angle K, thanks for your input.

[Shark]

I have had this a lot recently - girls giving me their FB or and not accepting me or their number and not responding to me...I know girls often flake but if I am honest I think some of it...alright - quite a lot of it is down to me; I don't think I am making a strong enough connection with the girls sometimes - I run an opener and some routines etc and get a number or even a K-close and then I move on and chase up my 'results' the next day/weekend but maybe if I spent more time building deeper connections (as some of us were talking about in another thread the other day) then although I would get round less girls - the ones I did speak to would be more inclined to respond to me?

I don't know if there might be any links with your flakes and my explanation? Just another way of looking at it :-)

[nova]

Originally Posted by Hustler25

then I told her to come hangout with me this weekend but either way to let me know if she's not up for it so I can reschedule my weekend.

First off, I’m not too keen on your text to her arranging the date. You are almost half expecting her not to turn up. This shows weakness and could be part of the reason she didn’t respond. Instead I would tell her the time and place and be done with it. YOU need to dictate things not her.

I also agree with Kowalski on arranging dates over the phone. If you are afraid of them not picking up or missing the call etc, text them with a bit of value, then tag an advertisment that you will be ringing the next day. Then neither of you are in any doubt that you shall be calling her.

Originally Posted by Hustler25

For a flake no response on your part is the best response for them, indicating that they're behaviour is not being challenged, you accept this behaviour and that you have let them off the hook and that they don't need to take any responsibility for their inconsiderate actions.

As for responding to a non-response. I wouldn’t bother. It is sign of reactiveness and shows no value, and that you care too much about that one girl. Move on straight away. Why do you care if she is taught a lesson, you won’t see her again? Save your next text for your next number close.

[Simply David]

Originally Posted by nova

First off, I’m not too keen on your text to her arranging the date. You are almost half expecting her not to turn up.

Have to agree with Mr Nova on this. Your text did come across a bit weak. I've learnt that whenever I communicate with a women it has to convey that I am the man I call the shots and my shit is hot.

K is on the ball with calling, its clearer and to the point. I think my new years resolution will be to give up texting, sometimes you can ignore a call when you're busy, but its harder with a text...

[Hustler25]

Thanks for the advice guys,

I appreciated that the text I sent her was probably abit weak, however i'd text her a couple of days before that saying 'Lets hangout this weekend I have a suprise for you, trust me. Meet me in Bristol Sunday at Midday.' Then sent that other text two days later as I hadn't a response.

I like your idea Nova of shooting a text giving value then tagging that you will call her. You guys are right about calling, my phone game has never been that tight and tended to let me down but lately i've been getting more practice in this area and I feel im improving. I shall endeavor to call girls more and text less.

[Flake]

just buy me a present and shit, that usually works in dealing with me

[nova]

Originally Posted by Hustler25

I appreciated that the text I sent her was probably abit weak, however i'd text her a couple of days before that saying 'Lets hangout this weekend I have a suprise for you, trust me. Meet me in Bristol Sunday at Midday.' Then sent that other text two days later as I hadn't a response.

I had a think about this last night. We don’t know the whole story of every single text you exchanged with this girl, only the two she didn’t respond to. Attraction could have diminished at any point before the two individual texts we know about. Therefore we are nitpicking if we think that a single 2 sentence text would suddenly change things (which I guess it can if it came across as weak). Perhaps there are things you can look back on in the overall interaction or the date you went on with her if you really want to analyze things. Perhaps the date you went on somehow left her in some doubt about your intentions towards her. I’m not saying you did, but think about the bigger picture. But as I've found many times, sometimes there is no logical answer I can find.

Like you say girls flake for a variety of reasons so don’t beat yourself up about it, or give her earache for not responding. Move on to pastures new. Save your thoughts and energy for girls YOU think are worth it.

[anthony]

hi man

this may be of some use

http://www.puaforum.co.uk/consciousn...y-mind-me.html

some good and varied reponses here. I even quite like Darood's (how the hell are you man?!) even though the tide shifted a bit