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-   -   She wants to take it slow! (https://www.puaforums.co.uk/general-chat/10384-she-wants-take-slow.html)

sapphire 02-10-2012 06:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shadow (Post 67576)
So I met this girl through online dating and we're going on our fourth date tonight. We get along well and she is chatty, confident and hot. But after three dates we still haven't even kissed.

The only reason you even think of this situation as a problem is because you don't have other chicks on the go and thus are too dependent on the outcome of this particular situation.

GenePoole 02-10-2012 06:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shadow (Post 67576)
So I met this girl through online dating and we're going on our fourth date tonight. We get along well and she is chatty, confident and hot. But after three dates we still haven't even kissed.

I realise the importance of kino and building this up in readiness, but she hasn’t been responsive to my touching of her hair and hands in conversation. She doesn't flinch or move away, she just doesn't respond at all as if it's not happening.

On the third date I was dropping her off at hers when she pre-empted any attempt at a goodnight kiss before I even stopped the car by saying her last two relationships were best friends first and she isn’t used to dating like this. She said she’d be more comfortable if we took it slowly and got to know each other a lot better, and she was keen to see me again (seeing her tonight).

Since then I’ve called and we’ve chatted on the phone, I’ve texted a couple of times and she responds – but 24 hours later usually.

So I’m worried about being a mug here and getting into the friendszone. I could already be at the point of no return. I do need at some point to push harder on the kino and try for the kiss – to make my intentions clear – but how soon do I do that having said yes I understand and I’ll take it slow, without scaring her off. And how do I manage this situation?

My usual style would be very AFC – I would take it slowly and keep seeing her as a friend, until she meets another guy who isn’t such a chump and takes what he wants and she dumps me. I don’t want this to happen, I need to grow and be more of a man. Just some guidance would be useful.

If she likes you, she'll be giving signals by the time the 2nd date is over...you'll just know. The fact you're still going on dates is enough.
3rd date should really be a Fri/Sat night with some drinks so you can loosen up a bit and then easy snog by the end with possibility of more depending on situations...

sapphire 02-10-2012 07:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GenePoole (Post 67594)
3rd date should really be a Fri/Sat night with some drinks so you can loosen up a bit and then easy snog by the end with possibility of more depending on situations...

Indeed, by 3rd date at the latest, the logistics must be spontaneous shag friendly.

Phil 02-10-2012 08:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shadow (Post 67592)
Out of interest does anyone think the fact we are both in our early thirties makes a difference?

OMFG!!! i thought u was like 19??

look mate, my bird when i first me her i was PETRIFIED of makin a move, dunno why i knew she would have it, but i liked her, so was on the back foot.

had i not made a move when i did, she would have jibbed me.

just fuckin do it, she isnt dating you coz she dont like u.

if she has to make the move, u lose bonus points,

u be a man, and make it happen, u gain points & probably dictate the pace of the relationship.

Just say COME HERE, and kiss her

and dont bother posting again till its done.

sapphire 02-10-2012 08:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shadow (Post 67592)
Out of interest does anyone think the fact we are both in our early thirties makes a difference? Has anyone experienced that girls in their thirties need a slightly different approach in terms of making a move and timescales to those in their twenties in dating, or not at all?

I missed that bit ... since age 43 (a few years ago now) I've dated women ranging in ages from 23 to 50 and no, there any special approach needed for any particular age group.

See my post in the other thread about opportunity. Specifically you need to get this woman out of public view to somewhere she she can act on her animal urges.

nova 02-10-2012 08:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phil (Post 67598)
just fuckin do it, she isnt dating you coz she dont like u.

if she has to make the move, u lose bonus points,

This says all you need to know about this situation. Time to take some risks. Like Phil said before, it really is win win.

daleinthedark 02-10-2012 09:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shadow (Post 67592)
Out of interest does anyone think the fact we are both in our early thirties makes a difference?

As a generalization women in their early 30s need the least amount of work to make magic
- They aren't young and naive, expecting fairytale princes
- Most of them feel there is a biological countdown
- They are sexually experienced but havent let themselves go/lost touch

The problem I see it is:
You're a decent guy
All girls are looking for decent guys
So she dates you
But there isn't any magic there, maybe a little attraction but nothing magnetic
You both acknowledge that you're both attractive and decent people
There is nothing wrong to call things off but nothing to progress things either.

Choices are as Phil suggests
Take charge and make the magic happen or
Let it slide and find somebody else

go with option 1 because if it doesn't work, option 2 will happen regardless.

If you are looking advice on how to make the magic happen then try the following:
-Be politely assertive so for the next date tell her what you are doing and when but in a way that sounds like a question "Hey there is this awesome thing on this Saturday - I'll pick you up, is 8 ok?" You've pretty much told her you are going to the awesome thing but have asked the question about the time.
- Gently tease her during the date, nothing personal or deep, just about her week or a funny story that happened
- Take charge and just hold her damn hand! do it without thinking about it so it's not a big deal, when you are walking along just grab her hand and hold it.
- If she doesn't tear away from the above then keep going it and and some point when walking to the car/house/scene of the crime just pul her close and kiss her before she has a chance to think about pointless crap!

shadow 03-10-2012 08:22 PM

I manned up, kinoed, held her hand during the date, and kissed her at the end of the night.

Yes I was pussy-footing around before but hey I'm inexperienced despite my advanced years otherwise I wouldn't be on here. Its all about getting the guts to take what you want, and I understand that, it's just been hard for me to put into practice. It's all in the head isn't it.

But all in all, success, she's a fittie and now i'm over the psychological barrier it's kino all the way.

Daleinthedark your post was by far the best cheers mate, but all the advice was awesome and Phil I respect your directness you don't muck about and it needs to be said sometimes.


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