She wants to take it slow!
 

So I met this girl through online dating and we're going on our fourth date tonight. We get along well and she is chatty, confident and hot. But after three dates we still haven't even kissed.

I realise the importance of kino and building this up in readiness, but she hasn’t been responsive to my touching of her hair and hands in conversation. She doesn't flinch or move away, she just doesn't respond at all as if it's not happening.

On the third date I was dropping her off at hers when she pre-empted any attempt at a goodnight kiss before I even stopped the car by saying her last two relationships were best friends first and she isn’t used to dating like this. She said she’d be more comfortable if we took it slowly and got to know each other a lot better, and she was keen to see me again (seeing her tonight).

Since then I’ve called and we’ve chatted on the phone, I’ve texted a couple of times and she responds – but 24 hours later usually.

So I’m worried about being a mug here and getting into the friendszone. I could already be at the point of no return. I do need at some point to push harder on the kino and try for the kiss – to make my intentions clear – but how soon do I do that having said yes I understand and I’ll take it slow, without scaring her off. And how do I manage this situation?

My usual style would be very AFC – I would take it slowly and keep seeing her as a friend, until she meets another guy who isn’t such a chump and takes what he wants and she dumps me. I don’t want this to happen, I need to grow and be more of a man. Just some guidance would be useful.

It all boils down to what you want.. What is your ideal " End Game "

Ive been in the following 2 scenarios

1.) I get chatting to a girl... I get her number and arrange a meet..all I want to do is fuck her. I spend the night thinking of " Logistics " etc...very sad times

2.) I meet another girl who I genuinely enjoy talking to and spend time with. Sex doesnt even come into my head that much and doesnt bother me if we dont have it ( even tho option 2 seems to always lead to sex sooner then option 1 ?!?!?! )



So it all depends on if you are chasing an outcome, if you are and that outcome is sex then its easier to just leave her

but if you genuinely enjoy spending time with her and not too fussed about sex yet, then take it slow... your not a mug if your doing what you truly want too!

PS The most amount of dates ive been on without sex is 3, we had sex on the 4th, so as long as she doesnt bring you into the 10's..you should be fine!

I agree that you have to do your thing. We all know the balance between friend's zone and not are down to you making it clear that you want more than that. How explicit you are is something I am struggling with at the moment as I do things I want, but then forget about the girl's comfort... not wise.

You say you are kinoing and she is not responding. To me that is positive! All girls who let me stroke their hair or allow me to leave my hand on her knee are comfortable with me doing so. Just keep pushing the envelope and see how she reacts. If it's neutral then great, don't necessarily look for positive reactions from her.

Just grab her & kiss her for fucks sake.

she is probably tellin her mates u might be gay, just kiss her, if she doesnt kiss u then u know the answer. This is about u and being scared to do somethin.

WOMEN WANT TO BE TAKEN CONTROL OF! grab her firm, push her against the wall & kiss her END OF STORY!

this is a win win situation, but u cant ask for it, you have to just be strong & take it.

4 dates? jesus, i would expect a girl to stop wanting to see me if we didn't kiss by the end of the first date.

Tru dat.

I'd be bored shitless after 3 dates coming up to a 4th.

You do the math.

ye listen to dan, he hates when guys dont kiss him by the 3rd date.

Sounds like you're really enjoying the company of the girls you're dating Dan.

Hahahaha. I bet this girl is bored despite saying "i want to wait forever & ever amen cos im a good girl & i used to read stories about princesses & thats why im pretending i dont have sex with guys".

Yeah. It just seems like a lifetime to go that long without making a move. I wouldn't wait that long

and...get more girls

You're all right really, I think the key learning for me is I need to 'push the envelope'. I kind of knew it already, but it helps to hear it from you guys and it is appreciated.

In answer to the question first two dates were drinks and last one was a meal. I certainly did not pay for her, I never do that on early dates as a rule. I just gave her a lift. I would prefer a little alcohol on a date to both loosen up but we don't live too close so one of us has to drive each time, and I can't make her drink if she doesn't want to.

Out of interest does anyone think the fact we are both in our early thirties makes a difference? Has anyone experienced that girls in their thirties need a slightly different approach in terms of making a move and timescales to those in their twenties in dating, or not at all?

The only reason you even think of this situation as a problem is because you don't have other chicks on the go and thus are too dependent on the outcome of this particular situation.

If she likes you, she'll be giving signals by the time the 2nd date is over...you'll just know. The fact you're still going on dates is enough.
3rd date should really be a Fri/Sat night with some drinks so you can loosen up a bit and then easy snog by the end with possibility of more depending on situations...

Indeed, by 3rd date at the latest, the logistics must be spontaneous shag friendly.

OMFG!!! i thought u was like 19??

look mate, my bird when i first me her i was PETRIFIED of makin a move, dunno why i knew she would have it, but i liked her, so was on the back foot.

had i not made a move when i did, she would have jibbed me.

just fuckin do it, she isnt dating you coz she dont like u.

if she has to make the move, u lose bonus points,

u be a man, and make it happen, u gain points & probably dictate the pace of the relationship.

Just say COME HERE, and kiss her

and dont bother posting again till its done.

I missed that bit ... since age 43 (a few years ago now) I've dated women ranging in ages from 23 to 50 and no, there any special approach needed for any particular age group.

See my post in the other thread about opportunity. Specifically you need to get this woman out of public view to somewhere she she can act on her animal urges.

This says all you need to know about this situation. Time to take some risks. Like Phil said before, it really is win win.

As a generalization women in their early 30s need the least amount of work to make magic
- They aren't young and naive, expecting fairytale princes
- Most of them feel there is a biological countdown
- They are sexually experienced but havent let themselves go/lost touch

The problem I see it is:
You're a decent guy
All girls are looking for decent guys
So she dates you
But there isn't any magic there, maybe a little attraction but nothing magnetic
You both acknowledge that you're both attractive and decent people
There is nothing wrong to call things off but nothing to progress things either.

Choices are as Phil suggests
Take charge and make the magic happen or
Let it slide and find somebody else

go with option 1 because if it doesn't work, option 2 will happen regardless.

If you are looking advice on how to make the magic happen then try the following:
-Be politely assertive so for the next date tell her what you are doing and when but in a way that sounds like a question "Hey there is this awesome thing on this Saturday - I'll pick you up, is 8 ok?" You've pretty much told her you are going to the awesome thing but have asked the question about the time.
- Gently tease her during the date, nothing personal or deep, just about her week or a funny story that happened
- Take charge and just hold her damn hand! do it without thinking about it so it's not a big deal, when you are walking along just grab her hand and hold it.
- If she doesn't tear away from the above then keep going it and and some point when walking to the car/house/scene of the crime just pul her close and kiss her before she has a chance to think about pointless crap!

I manned up, kinoed, held her hand during the date, and kissed her at the end of the night.

Yes I was pussy-footing around before but hey I'm inexperienced despite my advanced years otherwise I wouldn't be on here. Its all about getting the guts to take what you want, and I understand that, it's just been hard for me to put into practice. It's all in the head isn't it.

But all in all, success, she's a fittie and now i'm over the psychological barrier it's kino all the way.

Daleinthedark your post was by far the best cheers mate, but all the advice was awesome and Phil I respect your directness you don't muck about and it needs to be said sometimes.