Were you escalating and was the conversation platonic or edgy and unpredictable? Being called a nice guy is more to do with whether you're being sexual and alpha versus that platonic guy who she knows wants more.

In my experience if a guy is genuinely nice and girl likes him the she will think of every and any word to describe him thats NOT 'nice'! I always joke around with girls by saying 'im a nice guy' after being a cocky twat to them.

It doesn't necessarily mean you were doing something wrong. No harm in evaluating it though. In a way you answered your own question by saying you lacked the motivation to take it further, they would be picking that up.

I'm up for hitting up more.

Bob on that pal!

GoodRebel

Really positive report. Let's meet up soon now I'm in London!

Man, the weekend flies by.

Friday
------

Met up with Markuk, Serenpidity and Sugarspin in Islington. Bit of a mission as I live in south, but haven't seen Mark especially for a while so figured 'why not'.

We end up finding a nice bar, good tunes are playing but had to queue to get in, bit of banter with the girls behind me. Get to the bar, get a drink, Mark has noticed two girls behind us and wonders what they are doing. He suggests talking to them, and before I know it I have gone and said 'hello there'. Immediately get into the chat, Mark sits next to me but not next to the other girl (!), realises the mistake and goes and sits next to her (good lad).

I laugh as I write this; to my girl I am just chatting, several times a 'WTF' look is on her face. She keeps saying the usual shit - 'How long have you been friends with Mark', 'You should go over there', blah blah blah. However she is also laughing. I then end up talking to the other one that Mark is with, and she is much more interesting. She is giving me a bit of stick, I just ride the wave. They then say they need to leave, get a Facebook.....long.

So me and Mark sit and chat for a bit, I periodically open girls who are walking past/sit down. Serenpidity and Sugarspin come over to join us. After a while I go to check out the club section, it's packed but spot a girl and ask if she is lost. She says she is not lost, but is looking for drugs. Hahaha. I say she needs to find a guy with a suit, and point one out. She's pretty cute. Anyway she calls the guy over, I stand back and watch the conversation which is quite funny. I go to leave, but she holds my arm and says 'stay'. Hmm ok, I stand my ground as I realise they guy is going to get blown out soon. Sure enough he does, we chat a little bit more but then get bored and leave her. In retrospect, it would have been interesting to see what would have happened if I pushed a little further.

So after a while we leave, we're able to get the last tube, Serenpidity then realises he had gone the wrong way, me and Mark part ways at London Bridge but I have missed the last train. And so begins a 90 minute journey via two night buses, in the freezing cold.

Saturday
---------

A bit more of a low key affair, go out with my friend in my local area. We hit the bar and I chat to a couple of birds to get going. We then head to the club, bit more chilled today so not as much approaching. My mate then leaves to visit his f-buddy, so I'm on my own. I just wile out dancing and had a good time in the end.

Reflections:

Momentum
-----------

Recently I have started to recognise the pattern of my nights out, which has helped a lot.

Before heading out - I think 'can't be bothered', but realise this is the mind looking for an easy out.

At the beginning of the night - rather than being anxious I now find it funny, because the first few conversations are like gears grinding. But lo and behold the more you talk, the better the flow gets.

Amusement
------------

I just find everything on nights out funny now. When I talk to girls, I imagine everything I am saying is PURE GOLD. I often laugh at my own conversation. They are often bemused by this, but interestingly means they open up. I no longer think 'this place is shit/has no vibe', I just generate the vibe myself. It happened on Saturday and, interestingly enough, people start to gravitate towards you.

Responsibility
--------------

In the last few months I have now been placed in situations where I am responsible for leading people. It has had an unexpected effect in not looking towards other people to decide a course of action, particularly on nights out.

I sense an evolution taking place, but building (and maintaining) the momentum is fundamental to allowing this to continue.

The weekend really does go quick!

Sounds like you enjoyed it though and positive stuff there to build on.

Out with my friend, who is a natural.

First stop is a Slug & Lettuce, where we get some drinks and chat. He is quite good at noticing when girls are looking, as he is tall he always gets looks from girls anyway. I open a couple of girls in there:

Conversation #1 - girl is wearing a tartan top, I ask if she is celebrating St Andrews Day. Her friend tells her to say yes, I call her friend out on this and find it quite funny.

Conversation #2 - there are some girls standing near us, one of them tells her friend to tell me to take their picture but the friend says no. I then ask her if she thinks I'm not safe. She says 'yes, because you were going to rob the phone haha' in a jokey way. Again I find this funny, because she is finding the situation awkward. We then proceed to exchange some banter.

There are 2 blonde girls that my friend had noticed when we walked in, he says that they were watching us. As we leave, I say to him we should tell them where we are going and if they are going there. They are on the dancefloor. My friend does the most awkward approach and speaks to his one. I go to speak to mine, immediately we have arms around each other. She says she is going to the same place, we have some chit chat, then I say we'll see them in there later.

LOOKING BACK - probably should have tried to take them with us at least. So....

We head to the main bar for the night. We have a corner in there were we usually jam, so get our drinks and head for it. The venue is quite snooty, a lot of well-dressed guys mean and women and takes a long time to get going. However, it doesn't take me long to get going and women slowly begin to hover around. I casually switch between dancing and opening girls. One of the girls I simply stand in front of her and say she cannot walk past without talking to me. We have a bit of chat, her and her friend say I am cheeky. I hang with them for a bit, then go to check out downstairs.

Here I see the girl from the Slug & Lettuce, who is dancing with a guy. I point at her and she comes over to talk to me, her friend is in another part of the bar. The conversation kinda peters out....

LOOKING BACK - should have moved her away from the guy as he was still hovering.

So head back upstairs, and find the other girl I was talking to earlier. The friend leaves us alone for a bit, we have a dance, the eyes tell me everything I need to know. THE PROBLEM WAS....she was kinda cute, but not amazing looking, so I wasn't really that bothered if nothing happened. I take her number out of politeness....

LOOKING BACK - no point in taking a number if it's unlikely to be used! (me and my friend disagree on this, he says it's always good to take the number anyway)

She leaves, a open a couple more girls but nothing amazing happens. The night finishes, and outside we try to open some more. The highlight is one girl telling me:

'Do me and favour mate and just walk away'

At which point I just start laughing. I would highly recommend going to a venue with lots of bitchy girls every once in a while, their reactions just seem to amuse me now.

Last night made me realise that my main objective is to bang a skinny chick, as I haven't done so for a while!

Another shift in my thinking is the idea of enjoyment. In the conversation I'm just looking to enjoy myself, I used to think this was selfish as it doesn't involve the other person but now I realise:

If you are enjoying yourself, they will enjoy themselves as well.

Been a while since my last post...the last few weeks have just been a fog of confusion regarding the path I wanted to take.

Haven't been out that much recently, and I have rationalised this with being busy at work, therefore women aren't really the priority. However Friday was a moment of realisation; I actually got kicked out of work (I work in a school) and got moaned at for staying there too long!

I probably would have stayed there til' 9pm otherwise...considering I was in work at 8am, it is not sustainable in the long term. So I didn't go out Friday.

Yesterday I went to the Julien Hotseat - not the first RSD event I've been to, usually I make lots of notes but yesterday I only wrote a few lines. On the way home I had another realisation - after reading, watching and listening to so much theory, a number of fundamental ideas emerge.

And the only thing then left to do is to go out.

So I did; just to my local bar, and I was rusty. The gears were grinding; the fact that I remember the number of girls I talked to (3) indicates that I could have gone harder. Nevertheless, the main positive was that I got out of the house.

What's the plan for the next couple of months? To go out every Friday and Saturday. And to face my fear of the Piccadilly Institute, a club I have found to be consistently tough. London people - if you need a wing, or someone to roll with, I'll be in LDN somewhere.

For a couple of months I have been in the comfort zone, and it is now time to once again step into the unknown.

Great to hear you are getting yourself out again dude. I've been going out as much as I can. What I've noticed is, even if it's not party central and I'm hardly in the mood, an opportunity of some kind will always present itself.

Sometimes I only recognise that they were opportunities later on and I want to improve on that side of things... sharpen up. But the only way is to keep going out.

I've never been to the Piccadilly Institute. I'd be happy to wing you and hit up there soon.

Sometimes I like a random outing...the only experience I have of Luton is the airport, so decided to venture up there for the night as Serenpidity lives near there.

We get to Luton and spend a bit of time trying to establish where the main bars actually were...eventually we stumble across one that Serenpidity says he went to the week before. It is quiet in there people-wise, the music wasn't, but was good music so stay in there for a drink.

Off we go to the next place, which is much busier, and this is our main stay for the evening. We wander for a bit, then go to check out the dancefloor. There is a woman that keeps looking at Serenpidity, I tell him to approach and he does - good man. That doesn't last long (I spoke to her later and she was a bit weird) so we head to the bar. At this point I haven't opened anyone, I see a group of girls at the bar and decide to open her with 'Is this the best club in Luton'. This gets a conversation going, as expected she does not contribute much and looks somewhat bemused. Sensing this, I tell her to introduce me to her friends as we have now become 'associates'. Her friends are a bit more talkative...one asks what I am doing in Luton and I say I am looking for a 'night wife' (credit Russell Brand for that one). This inevitably provokes a barrage of shit tests, including the mocking of my name, I just find it all ridiculous and laugh.

After a while me and Serenpidity leave, we then get split up and I hit the dancefloor. There is no cloakroom so I keep my jacket on as I don't want to put it down, this adds to the ridiculuousness of the night. I dance in my own reality, this inevitably attracts girls and guys just stare - haha. I get talking to some more girls, they are not really adding to my fun so I continue dancing and chatting. One of them is into me, but she isn't that attractive so I'm not pushing hard. However, for a brief moment I did get a semi in my pants.

I turn around and Serenpidity is behind me with his wing so we leave the dancefloor, as we come off I open another girl by mimicking her hand-waving action. Cue some chat and banter, again I get her to introduce me to her friends. However I get bored after about 15 minutes and leave to look for Serenpidity.

I find him and we decide to go hard for the last 20 minutes. It doesn't really work out that way for me, as I get slightly in my head; I then decide that this is retarded thinking and promptly start to 'prowl' the club. As I head to the exit for the smoking area I see a girl with an amazing ass - I pass her, say nothing, have a moment of indecision, then turn around to open with 'Hey how's it going'. We have a conversation, however it is awkward and I call her out on it ('this isn't comfortable for you is it'), again I just find it funny. And with that I turn around and see Serenpidity and his wing! At this point I call it a night and head back to my car, on the way back I pass the first bar we went to and it is now rocking, and this summed up the night really...FUNNY.

Lessons learnt
----------------

1) Momentum is the key - talking to as many people as possible so, when I eventually meet that girl I like, the gears are not grinding. It also means going out every week, As I said before.

2) I find everything funny on a night out now - this has been a recent development;

3) Embracing social pressure and awkwardness - there was no 'you're a nice guy' comments yesterday.

Next week I aim to push the boat out a bit further...