Not a good night! Apologies to anyone who I acted a bit of a grumpy fucker round last night, but was in a bad mood! Here’s why:

Previously on The Snake Eyes Diaries you may remember me number closing a girl nicknamed Dimples who was hot as hell and hot for me like the Pope is Jesus. We have been texting and stuff and this still stood! We had provisionally agreed to meet last night ages ago. However, she said she was with her friends. I just said cool I will be out and about, stay in touch. (Learning from last week I know not to push for the meet when they are showing doubts.) Needless to say 5 O’Clock Friday came and she wanted to know where I was.

I was with my workmates in Grace bar, as all the London crew were running a bit late. She came all the way to Grace Bar to see me on her own. Things looked good! When she first saw me she was excited as hell and we started hugging and stuff. She was a bit drunk too!

We shoot the shit and chewed the fat for a while, had some Yeager Bombs and went to sit with my friends. She seemed dead keen and hands were all over each other etc. She also seemed to love my friends too. Still going well.
She wanted to dance. I said ok lets go downstairs. We did and just as we got on dance floor she bumps into some old school friend randomly. Girly screams all round and Snake Eyes feeling a bit awkward. (In fact this is where I dropped the ball I think). She chatted to her for a while so I chatted to people I knew around.

Anyway we danced for a bit, but I could feel a) she was a bit cold with me and b) she was hammered. She then announced she wanted to find her friend again and fucked off. Ok not so good.

After a while I got a bit worried where she had got to. I went upstairs and bumped into her. She seemed happy to see me, but this was probably because she was walking around drunk on her own. Anyway we chatted for a while and had another drink (silly idea in retrospect).

Flirty chat resumed. We were doing sexy teasing each other and she was asking if I noticed she had no bra on. I started feeling her tits testing them etc. It was sort of silly and real horny at the same time. (She has nice tits). This is where we should have kissed.

Anyway she was teasing me about my chest hair and ‘clevage’ popping out of my shirt and I playfully tugged at her dress saying look at you! Some dude’s eyes damn near popped out of his head when I did this and he got a full old gander of A grade cleavage. He got real excited and started talking to us. I didn’t real want to talk to him to be honest, but she was engaging him and I didn’t really know how to get rid of him without looking like a bell end. He wasn’t really a threat in terms of competition, but he completely killed any sexy vibe we had going on.

We went to dance again, but she was off with me and wandered off. I followed her (needy I know, but she was on her own essentially without me and her friend had gone by this point). We started chatting again and this douche came to ruin it again.

We ended up on the dance floor again, but she was real cold now. Eyes were looking everywhere but mine. She announced she had to go call her friend. She wandered off again……….for good!

Yeah she got up and fucked right off. A girl I really fancy and who did really fancy me got up and went. It’s fucked!

I rang and text her but no reply! (again needy, but hey she might have got lost or fallen in a ditch or something)

I can’t be sure she left to go find her friends because she didn’t fancy me any more, but I’ve got a hunch this is the case and kind of want to know what I could have done differently. On one hand I maybe should not have acted to so needy following her around etc, but on the other she’s kind of my responsibility if she has come to me and my friends and keeps wandering off places!

I then got very drunk and made a spectacle of myself on the dance floor. Again apologies for acting a bit off after this happened guys!

(Before you speculate – she did not go off with the guy who kept ruining things for me – he was still there when we left).

Lesson learnt….

1. I probably should have just blatantly chatted up other girls in front of her when she was acting like an idiot, but I was worried I might get blown out in front of her which would have been even worse. Guess this will come when I am more confident that I am not going to get blown out.

2. I should have led her away to a seat when that dickhead came to chat to us first time (in fairness I am that dickhead a lot of the time). We were about to kiss for sure there.

3. I should have recognised she was so drunk and controlled her alcohol intake.

4. I should have kissed her on the lips when we were first met. It was so hot and exciting the initial meet it would have worked too.

Now what the fuck do I do? It is likely that she left for the reason we all think she left, so really I should just not contact her. However a part of me is worried she is lost somewhere in London. It was a real sudden exit. I kind of want to make sure she is ok - is this just me being delusional and needy? Thoughts please on any action to be taken (even if that is nothing)

Your state is coming and going (which I also struggle with a bit) and you’re masking where your state drops off or where you’re uncomfortable, with alcohol.

I agree with your conclusions as well, least you know what you’re doing and can change it.

In hindsight, in insecure girl land, she went right out on a limb to travel over to see you, offering herself up on a silver platter subconsciously up for it, evidenced by the Dutch courage she took in before she arrived to supress her logical mind and emotions. The lack of escalation and leading on your part (which you’re well aware of), then left her with this unresolved feeling that she had done something needy and desperate with no closure, so she sought to resolve her state with more booze and other people. The ego always protects itself.

As for protecting them from themselves, oh man this is a big one for me. I’ve got all this chivalry in my head and it just transports me into a supplicant frame, which is exactly what it’s doing to you. In and of itself it’s great to be chivalrous from a dominant frame, but it’s the weak intent behind it when in a supplicant frame that is all to easy to project.

What next?

It just feels like you need to man up a bit and re-set the frame, I’d go with a blunt push/pull text along the lines of “hope you got home safe, you had a lot to drink last night so I think we should cool it off for a while”…something like that, put it on the line a bit. Bit incongruent based on the previous frame but you can’t salvage it with chasing, least that's my view.

Hope helps.

PS

Really good post PS. Thank you. Feeling annoyed and sorry for myself today so is much appreciated.

Yes the alcohol didn't help. Interesting to note that she fancied me right until drink was involved on my part. First time I met her I was stone cold sober the whole time and when she first met me last night I was sober.

Escalation should have happened straight away. The only way for it to be escalated was to kiss her straight away when I met her. This would have worked.

I initially led and then when she bumped into her friend it turned into her leading.

If I'm honest with myself am I being chivalrous.....probably not. My ego has been badly damaged by this and I want to rebuild it by confirming she is still interested.

I will probably text her today something along the lines of what you said and then leave it. Good advice.

May just be a brutal lesson learnt. Is extremely frustrating when, as you say, I had an attractive girl who I got on with essentially dished up on a platter to me last night and I dropped the ball. I guess there is still learning to do on my part.

These forums are exactly here for this reason, not just the good times but also the bad.

You've evaluating what happened and are going to learn from it and it's going to make you even more successful with women. Great advice from PS again!

Mark

I have to say as you’re one of the biggest contributors to field report I fucking love reading your posts.

Anyway, my take is I don’t think you fundamentally did anything wrong, the two small items I would have done different, is when she got squawking with the old friend I would have given her 30 seconds then taken her hand and led her away and given your level of comfort kissed early on but you’ve already mentioned this.

If you hold off texting her till later today I’m going to post something which will help you turn it around, a few practical steps that you can take to re-ignite her, I’m on my way out but should be back after 5pm, besides don’t be in a hurry to text its needy which actually has the opposite effect.

Hmmm just re-read this. Do you not think it seems a bit odd to say lets cool things off to a girl I've only met twice?

Thanks for the compliment.

I haven't text her yet. Still wallowing in self pity!

On the plus side I have a new phone (Samsung Galaxy - thanks Kowalski you recommended this) and I am in my first ever short film I found out this morning!

Maybe I'm naive, but I think you're being a bit hard on yourself SE.

Maybe it's because of her the night ended the way it did? What would you have done differently? Kissed her when you were feeling her tits?! (lol!) Well, probably.

But you said she was cold with you after she bumped into her school friends as you were a bit akward. Well, what did she expect when you were both there to get it on, and she goes off screaming hysterically over people she used to know. It's defo a mood killer. Maybe you could've played it a bit cooler. Whatever.

You said that she was engaging some random later on. Why do that if she's interested in you? To play games? Who knows. But fuck playing silly childish games, it's bullshit.

I just think you're over-analysing it. You should've have kissed her. Ask yourself why you didn't, establish if there's an issue there that needs to be resolved, then move on.

That's just the way I see it mate. But I could be talking garbage.

Possibly. To be fair I'm not really conscious of your history with her, long or short, I just reacted to the changing flow in overall vibe I saw on the page from your description. My point is that you need to change the situation back to the vibe you had before, and that she needs to feel that solidity from you, however you verbalise it. Will be interesting to see what Knave posts later, I'll log back in later on to see what he says but I agree with him, don't leap too soon, a bit of time to breathe is what this needs.

PS

Yes my female flat mate has just said the same thing. She thinks I couldn't have done much else. Sounds like she was into me but got too drunk. She is probably embarrassed the way she behaved. Hmm possibly, would be better for me if that was the case. Flat mate thinks I should just send a text saying hope you got back safe you were pretty drunk etc and just leave it (same lines of PS)

I didn't kiss her because I have never just kissed a girl straight away when I have met her for a date (which this was I suppose) and secondly cos the mood kept dying from 3rd parties. Anyway its not like a silly kiss would have sealed the deal. In fact too much kissing can sometimes relieve the sexual tension and make it less likely you will get them to bed.

I remember a night when I was doing quite well. I think I had been necking with a couple of girls and my mate was like 'what you doing? kissing is for girls. Men take em home and fuck them'. Sort of made a lot of sense to me in a weird way. When you're out guys get validated by sex, girls get validated by attention. I know a lot of girls who like to go out for cheeky snogs but not lays. Going a bit off topic here.....