Serendipity's Journal
 

Fresh Start

This will be my new Journal thread I'll use to log my progress from now on.

I had a bumpy week with a couple of bouts of low mood. but I woke this morning feeling positive and wanting to make a fresh start.

I had some clear thoughts about what I've achieved so far, what I want and what I need to do. I'll try to express these in as few words as possible in a later post.

After not being able to approach at all last night I went down town today expecting to do nothing other than go there and come back.

But as it turned out I had several good interactions with women while going about my business and felt good about myself. I was relaxed and confident, opened easily and the women seemed comfortable with it.

I can see the next step, e.g. asking for a number, would not have been difficult at all.

So last night was just an off night..it happens. I'm back in the saddle!

Thoughts I had this morning
 

With a bit of work on themselves the majority of guys can get to being above average in their appearance and how they present themselves to people in general.

Assuming there's no underlying serious psychological issues, the only real things standing in the way of eventually getting laid is approach anxiety / social anxiety.

Anxiety is manageable if approaching becomes part of who you are (being, not doing). It's then a numbers game to meet the women who are interested and sexually available and closing.

I know my best interactions so far have come from brief eye contact followed by immediately approaching and opening. I've had very few rejections or bad reactions when I've done this.

In these interactions I never thought in advance what I was going to say. That only puts me in my head and invites anxiety to start up. Then I usually either won't approach or I'll approach but won't be fully present. If I don't approach for whatever reason or approach not present and it doesn't go well I need to immediately forget about it so that I'm ready for the next one. Dwelling on not approaching or on the last interaction only puts me in my head.

I've read a lot of theory but I know from my in-field experience so far that I am seeking confirmation / validation. I'm coming very much from a scarcity mindset. I'm outcome attached and insecure. I'm a bit desperate.

But what I've realised is this is normal for where I am at the moment and IT IS OKAY TO BE THIS WAY. Trying to psyche those feelings away DOES NOT WORK.

In fact it works against me, as it puts me in my head and reduces my chances of getting results. So it creates a self fulfilling prophesy.

I accept where I am at the moment and believe that it will change. It will change in it's own time and in it's own way through regular exposure to interacting with women. In the meantime I do not try to jump too far ahead. I stay focussed on the process.

Saturday night 1 Feb

I felt dog tired last night but forced myself to go out.

Watched a live band playing in a bar. Two girls came in and were standing near me. I didn't open because they didn't make eye contact. Soon a guy who was pretty drunk was hitting on them. They weren't receptive. After the band finished they went over to talk to one of the band members who they seemed to know.

When me and my mates left, a woman, who had been dancing in front of the band, was outside. I guessed she was waiting on someone. I left my mates and went over to chat to her. We had a good convo.

The guy she had been waiting on came out and they headed off in the opposite direction to where I was going. As they were walking away she turned and called out after me "hey what's your name?". I shouted it back and she told me hers, then she said "it was nice meeting you!".

Next bar was busy, dj and good music. I was just enjoying the music and dancing to myself, chatting to guys I know in there and feeling pretty good.

On the way to the toilets I held the door open for a girl coming out who was really 'wow!' hot. She said thanks. I couldn't take my eyes of her cleavage but I just sort of grunted something and didn't try to engage her.

I enjoyed the night. If I hadn't had that one good interaction with the IoI's at the end maybe I wouldn't have. It was far better than nothing at all. And generally it was chilled and a fun night.

And I kept my drinking under control, which is a main thing I've been wanting to address.

It's good you had a good night, but are you using the fact they didn't make eye contact an excuse not to say hi?

Maybe keep your eyes off the cleavage and say hi? :)

I find it difficult to say hi to someone who's not looking at me. I did turn to face them but I could probably have made it more obvious or just said hi to get their attention.

I was more disappointed in not saying hi to the stunner. I lost my voice there. Probably looking her in the eyes would have helped haha.

Met a female co-worker I know in the lift this morning at work. Hadn't seen her around for a while so just said hi and a few words exchanged before she got out at her floor.

In the afternoon she got in the lift I was in again and when she sees me she says "it's fate...we're destined to be together!". The funny thing is there was about 5 other people in the lift we didn't know who heard this. They all started cooing and my co-workers face then turned bright red.

I laughed and said "now that's how rumours start" and everyone laughed. She then tried to explain to these people that we'd met in the lift this morning...digging the hole even deeper. I don't really fancy this girl though she's got a fit ass. I think she's single, maybe it was a Freudian slip.

Friday night 7 Feb

Went out for beer at local. The thai bird who I'm really keen on was there when I walked in. It caught me out cause there was eye contact as I walked (I don't walk now I swagger haha) up to her but then she approached me first by hitting me on the arm and saying "You alright?". I wasn't expecting that but I just responded with "yeah I'm alright" a bit too timid I thought but I think it's okay to be less reactive than her in that situation. Then she darted off to get on with her work.

She likes me. I like her. She seems to be chasing. I'm getting a bf-gf feeling between us but I've not got her number or asked her out yet. I really need to make a move soon on this. Her approaching me is quite obvious. If I don't do something soon she'll assume I'm not interested. But I don't want to mess up her chasing me. From what I know that is a very good situation. I think she's gorgeous. It seems crazy that I want to take her on a date but can't find the courage to ask her. I suppose that's why I am where I am.

I need to just take a deep breath and ask her.

Later on in the night as we went around the usual haunts I chatted to some other girls. One girl, who was with her boyfriend is probably the most beautiful girl I've ever spoken to. I introduced myself and shook hands. But she held on. She had the most soft, warm and delicate hand I've ever held. We talked a lot and hugged at the end.

Even though I hardly approached it was quite an emotional night for me. Maybe I'm giving out heavier signals to women now and they are responding to that. But I do need to start following through.

I only did one proper cold approach last night. Two girls sitting at a table away in the corner of the bar (one 7 and the other an 8). I got eye contact from both of them as I came in from the smoking area and told my wing I was going over and he should follow.

I opened, they were receptive, so grabbed a chair and sat down. My mate had to wander around the bar to find a chair for himself which kind of broke the rapport a bit but we ploughed on. We couldn't hear cause the music was loud at this part of the bar so we all headed out to the smoking area.

The convo didn't feel comfortable and it dried up a bit. We went back in then they went 'to the toilet'.

We saw them later on sitting in the middle of a bunch of guys getting hit on from all angles. I realised I could have spoken to them earlier in the night. I had a chance when they were stood next to me at the bar and one of them gave me a few looks but I didn't open.

thing to note: If I open earlier, even just say hi, it would help get me out of my head without needing 4 pints first to loosen up.

Get a move on and ask her then! Sounds like you've already dallied about enough!

Saturday night 8 Feb

Headed down town expecting boredom but it was eventful.

Went to see a band playing in a pub that were really good...old rocker guys and they rocked the place. I got into the music and had some banter with guys I'd never talked to before in there. I got slagged about Scotland being beat by England at rugby but I rolled well with that banter. Once I had weathered the storm of the teasing they accepted me and we connected well.

There were very few available women but I chatted to women who weren't free anyway because I thought they looked friendly. AA was minimal... just a murmur in the background.

I opened a blonde chick who was standing nearby. She was a bit surprised that I approached her and her eyes went really wide. My usual opener "Hi my name is serendipity, what's your name? are you having a good night?". I kept strong eye contact and all I was thinking was "you've pulled I want to fuck you." I don't think she was very into me but she didn't leave and held eye contact most of the time. It could have gone somewhere. But her friend then dragged her away somewhere else. I should have at least tried for the number.

A girl came around selling these glow stick bracelet things for charity. I gave a donation and got one from her. She was cute so I chatted her. I was kidding her on that they were actually a new kind of shot drink. I said "what do I do with this, take the end off and drink it?", she was like "nooo haha".

At the next bar I chatted up a few women. I opened two blondes who were slamming shots together at the bar with the line "you can tell a lot about someone by what they drink". One had great legs, the other was ok too. The more sober one of the duo gave me mega eye contact (it was like "yes I'd fuck you if I didn't have my drunk mate to look after"). but her mate with her was hammered and fell over outside the bar. So the poor girl had to try to get her in a taxi.

So you can tell a lot by what they drink! I was scanning the bar for any other approachable girls but there wasn't much going on by then.

My wing appeared then headed off to clubs but I didn't feel in the mood or up to it. I knew it would end up a very late 5am+ messy night and I didn't want that tonight. But I wished him best of luck anyway. I'm trying to be a bit more sensible these days.

At the end of the night there was a fight outside. I saw it from inside the bar through the windows, like watching a silent movie. Looked pretty bad actually. A guy came in to wash blood off his face a bit later. No idea what all that was about.

99% of the people I met tonight were great. I just like meeting people and enjoying myself. Having good interactions with women is just an extension of a great night. That's the way I'm looking at this now. If it ends in sex great.


Positives / points to note from tonight

Enjoyed myself. Started off subdued but as the night went on got more and more social and chatty with people, both male and female. Opening girls became just normal which is great.

It's annoying when there's two girls and one of them fancies you but the other pulls her away. This seems to happen all the time.

But I also saw that if you open and she doesn't walk or look away you have a chance. Just keep talking, say anything. Because she doesn't do cartwheels because you've spoken to her doesn't mean you have no chance. It's just she's not sure yet.

If it's a block / drag away job I must try to get the number.

This process has made me realise most of the problems I thought I had boil down to one real thing...AA. When you do something you fear many of the problems you had attached to it in your mind just disappear.

Went to a work conference yesterday in London. It was in a university campus so there was quite a few hotties around.

Was having a smoke outside the conference hall before it started and spotted a hot Greek looking girl with long dark hair, in a short skirt and green lace tights, sitting at a bench smoking and tapping on her phone. She looked like she could be single, if that makes sense. I hovered for a bit but didn't approach her. I bottled it and went to talk to some of my male colleagues instead. I didn't know if she was with our lot or a student. But that should have been my opener "hi, are you here for this event?". Fuck!

At the break I wandered into this student canteen to see if I could grab a coffee. A hot blonde girl with a bit of a spotty face and amazing blue eyes was walking towards me. She made eye contact and smiled at me and I smiled back, we both turned our heads to keep eye contact as we passed each other. Annoyed that I didn't say hi and try to engage her. With hindsight it would have been easy "oh I'm lost , where do I get a coffee, blah blah".

After the event finished I went outside for a smoke with a male colleague. The hot girl in the green lace tights I'd seen earlier in the day was smoking and chatting to a bloke. She was talking to him but looking at me. It just made me feel worse that I hadn't approached her earlier when she was on her own.

My excuse for not taking action is I was a bit jaded after the weekend boozing. I was paranoid my colleagues would see me approaching 'strange women'. But at least now I'm seeing the opportunities in front of me. I just need to act in the moment and stop thinking and worrying what other people think.

You need to stop being such a pussy, man up!

One of the problems is that you don't have an experience of the buzz you get when approaching hot women in the day. Because you've never had this buzz, you have nothing to compare to that gutting feeling you get in your core, the gutting feeling is all you have.

I know what that's like. For me it was that I'd never go full on & directly during the day. But now that I am doing it I'll never go back to the way I was. I do still miss out some, but I'm still going for a lot.

Trust me, the buzz is better than feeling like shit.

Take action. You will NOT regret it.

Dan300 calm down. You are so angry and self righteous on here. Chill. Doing yad stops and them walking off is hardly grounds for you to start being patronising.

It's not meant to be patronizing. I'm hoping what I said will spur him on to start going for it.

Passion for action. I like it.

Here's a quote from my first post on the forum in August last year:

"So far I've only done one (sober) daytime approach in a book shop near where I live. It was going really well until her phone rang. She ended the phone call with "I love you". Then apologised to me for her phone ringing and said she had to go. But my heart was pounding out of my chest with adrenalin for a half hour afterwards and I felt good about myself. I want to try it more and am prepared to try to tackle the fear aspect."

My goal is that by August this year an approach like that is just bread and butter to me. I'm much closer to it than I was then in terms of confidence and self-belief but in truth I've only done a few sober daytime approaches (see my short daygame thread).

That's why I started this new journal. I don't want to be differentiating between this game or that game. I don't even want to use any PUA terms any more. I just want to be chatting to girls wherever and whenever there's a chance to do it, even at work.

I was viewing some flats for rent in the city tonight. Will be looking at more over the coming weeks.

I'm moving into the city to be in a place where there will be lots more opportunities than where I am now. I really want to get this down.

Moving to Belfast was the best big decision I've ever made.

That's another thing I can't imagine you regretting.

You have a pretty good idea of all the things you want to do. I'm pretty sure I'd be right in thinking you have a vision of where you want to be in life, now you just have to do it.

Reminds me of myself 2 years ago.

In a way it's crazy I'm even contemplating this move for quite a few reasons. I thought I was finished with moving. But I've got excited and scared about the thought of doing this.

I've been mulling it over for the last year and don't want to have any regrets in the future about not giving it a try when I had the chance. The last time I made a big move I never regretted doing that.

At the first flat I went to view last night a couple were there to view it at the same time. The bird was really cute, Spanish I think. When the agent was showing us around I said to her we could share the rent and I'd sleep on the little sofa bed in the living room and I'm a good cook. She was giggling. Then her bf dragged her away from me.

Friday 14 Feb

Had been hunting for a flat to rent in London and got one on Friday. I'm moving in a few weeks.

Maybe cause of that I was knackered but went out local anyway and did the usual tour around the bars with mates. At the third bar we went to there was a valentines disco on. When I was going in the door a girl standing there gave me a kiss. I thought this was a good sign but nothing much else happened the rest of the night.

At the last bar we ended up in I was drunk and getting weary. I approached a blonde girl and was chatting to her for a while, telling her about my London move. She seemed sober as a judge and wasn't very receptive. I tried to get her number and she said "no, but good luck in London".

Maybe it was a self-fulfilling prophecy that I didn't want to have a great night as I'm leaving soon anyway. My head is already in London.

This, is fucking amazeballs!

Well done son, congratulations.

This is a major step in the right direction for your life. Not about picking up women, that's part of it yes, but overall for your life.

Amazeballs. I'm excited for you because I was fucking buzzing when I moved to the city & I know what it feels like to make such an episodic change in ones life.

Good luck!

Thanks man. My dad and mates think I'm fucking crazy wanting to do this. I read something recently that said if you want to pickup girls, sooner or later you will want to move to a city. That's kind of where I'm at. It's a big part anyway. But anything can happen. I want to enjoy my life whatever it's made up of. But I'm more aware now that you have to go and get it...it won't come to you.

I lived in London for 4 years before but it was an awful location. I was out in the sticks, not in the city like I will be this time. And back then (7 years ago) I was scared shitless of going out in the city. Even the pigeons seemed tough! I felt relieved to move out.

And back then I couldn't talk to girls. I had no confidence with women and in general. I had loads of chances but rarely took them unless a girl threw herself at me.

Yeah , like you said, it's not just about pickup. It's about feeling the fear and doing it anyway. Going out of my comfort zone will help me to grow in confidence and that in turn will have an effect on my game.

Having an idea of what you want and then turning it into a real action is probably the most empowering feeling you can have. It's not doing it that gradually crushes your spirit. And you end up just bitching about everything not being perfect and do fuck all about it. D&D being the usual temporary escape for a lot of people. To escape from themselves.

There are so many people in that rut unfortunately. I'm no different really, I've just had enough of waiting around for life to happen.

There's also more obvious things like my logistics will be much better (good location, own place, more things to do and places to go). I know it won't be easy at first but I'm up to the challenge and know I can adapt.

Nice one dude.

I too fancy a move to a big city. Considering finances, the reason behind the move would be purely university. If I don't pull off a move to Amsterdam.


I was thinking of applying for some Scottish universities aswell for the simple reason that they get snow and lots of it. I love snowboarding and tolerate skiing. The slopes, mountains, winter sport resorts etc.. Prime location.

Fucking accent though.

Wednesday 19 Feb

So I find myself abroad again in Europe...on my own.

Was just intending to go for a meal then go back to hotel and go to bed.

But it ended up a bit of a solo sarge. It wasn't all bad. I couldn't help thinking I had a kingsize bed waiting in my hotel room.

I went out not intending to try to pull or even talk to anyone. But once I saw all the cute girls I wanted to chat them.

Different city / country speaking to girls who have english as a second language (apart from one who was from Lancashire). And realising my game gets progressively worse the more I drink.

Anyway I'll try to give an account of how the night went:

1- some looks from cute girls as I headed out to find somewhere to eat. Too hungry to think about chatting girls.

2- long stares from woman in resturaunt I was eating in. Would say she was about 40 and was with a guy who was facing away from me (maybe it was a friend or coworker). Anyway she obviously wanted to fuck me but I didn't know what to do in that situation. As they both left and walked past outside she was looking in the window at me.

3- went into a british bar called Churchills. The footie was on the TV. Two girls at the bar who had been playing pool upstairs, cutest one gave me a strong stare before they left. I didn't speak to her. I had to go to toilet and after that went out to see if I could see where they went but they were gone (why didn't I just say "where you girls off to?") felt as if I blew a chance to open.

4- went in another bar packed with guys watching the football game. Went to dance floor upstairs, really young girls there. Too young. I got looks but felt pervy. It's the cheapest bar so there's a lot of underagers in there I think.

5- Went to an all-nighter type bar I know. Lost count, but think I opened about 5 or 6 groups of girls over the rest of the night. I just went from one to the other. Some interactions were good and quite long. I recruited a wing called Jani. He was hopeless at chat and drunk. My chat wasn't great either. If they didn't show immediate attraction I was bailing. On the first approach outside that bar I got blownout by three girls and almost gave up.

My opener here is always "do you speak english?". They all answered in unison "no". I said "then how do you know what I just said?" and they ignored me. I tend to go for mexican girls here because they are shorter than I am but some of them actually don't speak much english, or at least they're not confident in conversing.

Then I thought "fuck it I'm going all out for it now". The wing saw me getting blown out by them and came over to talk and we hung out. He was a nice dude. It gave me someone to be social with in between the approaches.

The whole night was 50/50 which is good stats for cold approach I guess. Half of them ignored me or blew me out in some way and the other half were receptive and we got on well and got into good convos. I only bought two girls a drink because one of them was such a great laugh and good looking and her freind was beautiful. But they were local bar flies that could drink like fish but godd fun.

I think I asked one of them for her number but she changed the subject so as not to offend me. Either that or she didn't hear me say it.

I touched a chubby girl from lancashire I was getting on well with on the shoulder and her friends dragged her away. She was enjoying being hit on, I could tell.

One of the problems I seemed to have was never getting any of the girls isolated and so didn't get intimate or escalate in any way. Just talked until ran out of stuff to say.

Her friends even put her scarf around her neck and then put her coat over her shoulders while we weres still talking then took her away like she was a helpless invalid. I find this quite laughable now.

6- ended up talking to bunches of guys who, like me, had totally missed out on pulling any girls. I gave a cool american guy from san diego my number who said we should meet up when he comes to London. He thought london was the coolest city.

points to note

Just went around chatting girls which was the right thing to do. Some of the one's who blew me out saw me then approaching girls standing next to them and having good conversations.

I wasn't doing it to make them jelous, I just didn't care what they thought. But I noticed one cute blonde girl kept looking at me after her and her friend had blown me out. But I didn't want to get blown out a second time by them so didn't re-approach.

The best and longest interactions wer girls that had made no eye contact at all before I approached.

I didn't escalate with any girls although some seemed attracted. I think I just wanted company and maybe validation and didn't want to risk losing that when it was going well.

Couldn't imagine pulling any of them back to my hotel without isolating one. Unless it was a threesome.

How did you find yourself abroad? And where was it?
Good to hear you kept up with the approaches despite success rates.
I think the rule of thumb, is that the only girl you're going to successfully pull, needs to be as drunk or drunker than you (which generally rules me out pretty early!).
You pulled an American dude at least :P

Brussels. I go there sometimes for work stuff. There's some scumbags around but on the whole it's a friendly and social city. yeah you are right about the level of drunkenness law.

Tried tinder when I got in my hotel last night. Got two matches. One was fake I think but not a spambot. The other seems genuine but I didn't notice it until today. Pity, I could have invited her out to where I was. I sent her a message anyway. Good that it seems to work if you're in another country.

On the train heading home I got chatting to a woman sitting across the aisle from me. I noticed the ring but there was mutual attraction and we had a good flirty chat. She went back to her work but every now and again she'd look across and give me a cheeky smile.

We got off the train together at St Pancras and stood together in the passport check queue. This seemed more private to talk than on the train and we were closer together.

I asked her name. She seemed quite shocked and said "what?" I asked again and she told me. At that point she knew I was being more than just friendly. I told her it was nice meeting her and told her my name. She said "We might meet again on the train as we both travel a lot...".

That seems very unlikely to me and I guess she knew that. But I felt I presented a sexual threat and showed my intentions. I was comfortable with being that way and I'm seeing it as an improvement.

Friday 21 feb

Out tonight in my local small town. I felt more confident and relaxed than usual, maybe because of my midweek escapades abroad.

There were hot chicks about. Loads happened but a few things sticking in my mind...

The doorman at my favourite bar had a new guy partnering him. We chatted a bit then he said to the new guy (pointing to me) "Look this guy is old but he knows how to get pussy". This wasn't a piss take, it was genuine backhanded kind of compliment. But I was thinking "do I?".

He's seen me approaching a lot in there I guess and he's been impressed with my work. He did tell me that once.

After chilling for a bit in the bar I turned around and got eye contact with a blonde girl outside the bar smoking and I waved at her through the window. She waved back and I went out to chat to her.

We were getting on fine then at a certain point she said to her mate "swap?" and she went to chat to a guy she was looking at who was hovering nearby and I chatted to her mate. The blonde girl said "I need to go to the toilet". The guy said "so do I, c'mon we'll go together and took her hand" pretty smooth mate!" I thought. They came back 10 minutes later and were kissing and cuddling. He was confident in escalating but maybe he already knew her. It certainly wasn't a cold approach. But I didn't feel any jealousy I just thought nice one mate.

The blonde girls friend was much taller than me in her heels, she was an attractive mixed race Asian girl wearing a black leather mini skirt and she had the most amazing thighs. The only thing you could say was her nose was a slightly funny shape (not hooked just largish). Apart from that minor and forgivable blemish she was a solid 8 to me.

I had noticed her earlier strutting around the bar but thought I had no chance with her, because she was far too sexy. So I was really happy with the swap. But all she did was bitch about the doormen (who I know) and I got a bit bored with that so I went back inside. The drink saps my energy after a while.

I should have turned the conversation around. I fancied her so why didn't I try to pull her? Maybe I'll be more aggressive when I know I have somewhere to take them.

One of my mates had been watching this from inside and he said, "oh yeah I know her, she talks to anyone". If you've read my earlier posts you'll see that this 'mate' has been doing this to me for a long time. So I fucking let him have it tonight (verbally).

I said "I've known you as a friend here for seven months and with all these women you know in this town you have never introduced me to a single fucking one of them, not even once. Even though you know I'm looking for a woman". He said "well that's for you to do isn't it". I said "well obviously it is, mainly because you are jealous that I'm chatting them up, aren't you?".

He was quite shocked but I didn't care. It's the truth. I'm much more straight talking than I used to be. If anything he's tried to fuck me up. I'm leaving soon anyway, maybe that's why I spoke my mind.

Regretting it a bit and we'll probably patch it up tomorrow. But I had to say my piece before I leave.

I know there's a natural law that most guys will try to ruin your chances in getting a woman rather than help you. It's just the way it is.

I was feeling more confident and creative than usual with my openers last night. Two attractive girls were at a table being hit on by a few guys. They were both fit. One had lovely tied back blonde hair and a peaches and cream complexion... a natural beauty. The other had a lithe body and long flowing fair hair.

I noticed when the lithe one laughed she had an extraordinarily large mouth. It only looked big when she laughed. So I went up and said to her friend something like: "I went through the channel tunnel the other day. Your friend's mouth reminds of that".

She laughed and demanded I buy them a drink to apologise. I then said "I can't afford a drink big enough". "But you're welcome to get me one" She liked this but I didn't stick in there and bailed.

Later on as they were both leaving (unaccompanied) the friend gave me good eye contact and a big smile as she walked past. I expect her friend must have told her what I said.

I seemed to be getting eye contact and smiles from loads of women last night. I should have done much more approaching than I did.

I had a go at one of my mates last night. Not sure where that came from. I've also had random outbursts at my dad recently. It's part of the reason I'm moving out of the house.

This recent behaviour reminds me of the Neil Strauss poem, when he says:

"A scoreless night fosters hostility, a scoreless weekend breeds animosity. Through red eyes all the world is seen. Angry at friends and family for no reason that they can perceive."

Saturday 22 Feb

Out local again.

This is typical. Because I'm leaving soon, there seems to be attractive women about everywhere here now and they are shooting for me.

Didn't cold approach once tonight but women appeared, we chatted. It was really good. I was in a packed bar with a great band playing. That always gets me going.

The girl I mentioned a few posts ago, the really film star beautiful one even came up to me. We were holding hands before. God this girl is so perfect. When I see her my stomach does backflips and I get butterflies. She's only 20 yo for gawds sake.

I'm still wary of being too keen and scaring hot women off. I should just be going for it now. I basically know what to do. I think this girl is so hot I should be nailing that.

I can't really understand at the moment what it is in myself that is stopping me going for it with her. There's the work that still needs to be done. I'm smelling blood in the water and not taking action. This is what is pissing me off. And I'm taking out my pissed offness on innocent parties, whoever happens to be around. It's not the way I want it to be.

With other girls I had two clear chances and several good interactions but didn't really take it on fully as I should and can.

there was a little blonde girl I felt was made for me. But this really tall guy was in there already. I got talking to Mss Blondie's mate and we got on like a house on fire.

I ended up holding hands and kissing with her. I initiated that. She was enjoying it and so was I. It felt like a huge leap forward for me. From cold approach to physical escalation. It was great. I'm a learner remember.

I patched things up with my mate. The outburst I had last night upset him and did some damage. I did my best to smooth things over between us. I think we are okay now.

I think I make up for being a dick 1% by being such a good friend 99% of the time.

He understood that I'm a very frustrated man.

I keep saying to myself wake your fucking self up man. All the possibilities are there.

Err so what happened next?

It's good that you think women want to fuck you, the next step is ACTING like they want to fuck you. Being a bit of an asshole (i.e. busting on a girl about the size of her mouth), but in a jokey way, is one way to go about it.

I feel your frustration, but at some point you will need to step it up otherwise it becomes a negative spiral. However there is signs of progress!

My opener to the first woman was a response to her question "that guy who's with you and he's talking to my friend, he's okay isn't he, I mean he's not going to strangle her or anything?". I responded "yeah she'll be fine, we've got a van waiting outside". She laughed and we were up and running then.

As the bar was emptying out we were standing holding hands and there was some light kissing. I pulled her in. My mates had ordered a taxi and were signalling to me over her shoulder that they were off. So I said bye to her and left.

She had told me she had two kids but I didn't know / ask if she was married or with anyone. I assumed she wasn't as we were kissing. I couldn't take her back to mine and she has kids at home so I assumed nothing more was going to happen that night.

She told me she was from a nearby village but I didn't find out what her situation was or get any way to contact her again. I'm guessing this is partly because I'm enjoying the moment and don't want to spoil it. And just lack of experience generally in closing. But you're right I need to start doing that part.


We went to a bar after that and the young hottie that I've spoken to before approached me. I should have been pulling her in but for some reason I didn't do it. I think by that point my head was spinning and the booze was kicking in.

There was two main chances I had last night to do some kind of closing but didn't do it. But I seem to be coasting through the initial stages and I can feel it's within my grasp.

So, yes, it's definitely progress. Just need to do the last mile.

Not wanting to analyse too much but I'd like to note where I went wrong on Saturday.

I would say it was on between me and the woman who I ended up talking with for 1/2 hour. Initially she asked if I was looking for a wife. I said "only for tonight". So she knew what I was after from the start.

Looking back on it I think she actually initiated the physical contact when she saw I was about to leave. I suppose I should have found out her situation / logistics during our convo. She was with two other women, one of which had pulled a guy who I know and it looked likely they two were going home together.

It's possible the one I was with was expecting me to go home with her. I should probably have assumed that until she told me otherwise. It's the closest I've come anyway to not having another scoreless weekend.

I'll just have to be more 'leading' once I can tell they're interested. Try for the pull and if it's not on get the number.

Sounds like Neil Strauss is talking a load of bollocks IMO.

Who knows Neil Strauss poems.

He's only ever written one, in 11th grade, it's in 'The Game'. I think it's good.

I've got a date with the tinder girl next week.

Kind of ironic as I'm moving away next weekend. But I need the experience. I've not been on a date in years.