Serendipity - day game
 

Was tired and buzzing at the same time from the previous night (Thursday).

headed for the crowds in the City. It was quite a nice day.

Unfortunately by the time I got there I could already feel the buzz draining away from me and being replaced by self doubting thoughts and tension in my guts.

I went to a quiet area of a coffee shop. I wasn't feeling in the mood for this at all. Considered going home then got annoyed with myself for giving up so easily so I went walking again.

I couldn't seem to find a suitable target to get started. Every situation just felt wrong somehow. Eventually I went for a beer and listened to tunes on the player at full volume. This did help a bit.

From where I was sitting I could see two women chatting at a table outside (I was inside on the other side of a large window). The one who was facing me did make eye contact. But I couldn't find the nerve to approach them. Every possible excuse not to approach came up.

Eventually left there and spotted a girl sitting on a park bench. I sat down, opened and we had a brief conversation.

If I had had more energy I think I could have picked up better on the hooks she was giving me and ran with them a bit.

Quite a few silences, it fizzled out and she left. Said she was meeting someone.

Later on I shared a table near at busy bar with a mid-age couple. I opened and we ended up having a really long and wide ranging conv (over 2 hours) and drinks.

It was kind of weird because when the guy was away for a bit she asked me to sit closer to her and pinched my nose. She was a bit tipsy by then.

I said my goodbyes and left soon after that (wise decision I think).

On the train home there was a real cutie standing in front with her back to me (train was quite crowded).

The train suddenly lurched and she fell back against me. She apologised and I just smiled. In that second it was my perfect opportunity to open. Three issues came up for me 1) I had my earphones in with music blaring so wasn't quite ready to talk 2) there would have been an audience to any interaction, 3) I couldn't think what to say.

All in all a bit a strange day. I never got in state.

But trying to take the positives that at least I didn't give up even though I had wanted to.

If you've read my night game reports you will see it's going much better than my daygame. My main problem is I don't see myself clubbing much anymore.

I am quite a good dancer and I've been complimented a few times on it by women I don't know but there comes a time when you have to bow out of the dancing scene.

That time has come but I still love the atmosphere of a club. The loud music, the excitement. But it is to day game I must turn my attention!

But it's as hard as fuck. It seems a bit unnatural...in the daylight when I've got a semi as I approach a gorgeous chic. Yes there are targets available in the day but the titanium shields are up/. The approach feels like jumping off a cliff.

I've not given up on cold day approaches but it's the toughest part of my game at the moment.

I think a good plan is having a paper map with you or a google map on the phone. Then when you ask directions they have to get quite close beside you to look at the map. That's the opportunity to get chatting.

Thanks K,

I have, or at least I've been looking for them and read a few. I've been trawling the site since I joined. There's a lot of good stuff that has helped.

Basically I'm getting on better when I'm half pissed but I'm still pretty rubbish sober when e.g. I pass a 9 or 10 in the street or the supermarket, I don't open them. I keep getting the feeling I'm being creepy. Which probably makes me come across as creepy.

I read the book 'Day Bang' which was quite good I thought. There's a lot on logistics which seems a key thing. The daytime seems the great unexplored wilderness. And it needs to be a big part for me as I don't go clubbing.

Can you direct me to any specific posts day game posts that you had in mind?

Daygame can be hard as fuck. I still struggle a lot of the time despite starting a daygame thread in November.

It helps to see it done. Find a wing on The Daygame Cafe - Index

If possible will you post a link to a free download of this ebook on Android.

I thought I'd got it twice from 2 different sources but after downloading I got "the system does not support this file"

I've downloaded ebooks before though, it's possible.

Thanks Dan,

I bought the book (I was so keen to learn about daygame). So I don't have a link or know where you could get one. Soz.

As you'd expect there's no magic formula.

But it's quite good in setting out possible ways how you can get from being, e.g. in a coffee shop or on a train to getting a date and eventually a 'bang' as suggested in the title.

The initial warning in the book is that during the day most women are not expecting to be engaged by a man they don't know, so their guard is down (good). But on the other hand that guard is instantly raised if they think someone is hitting on them (bad).

In the UK it's almost taboo to speak to strangers unless you have a very good reason. Like if I say to a woman in London, "excuse me" they immediately assume you are trying to sell them something and body swerve you.

It has to be quite natural. In other words you need a believable reason to be talking to them. The blow out rate seems very high. But with the shit awful AA I'm getting I can't even get to the point of testing that out.

The opener and logistics are crucial I think, much much more than in nightgame.

The best one I had so far was a girl outside an office building smoking and playing with her phone. I opened with, "is that a good phone, I'm thinking of getting one of those?" and we had quite a good conversation until she had to go back to work. Didn't close but that's the kind of example the book sets out.

I've noticed there are a lot of HB's outside office buildings smoking and playing with their phones any day in the week. I think it's just a matter of being more creative than in nightgame (and of course doing it sober).

Another one is you are planning to cook a meal (real or imaginary but real is better) and in the supermarket you find an HB, e.g. in the spice aisle and ask her advice. If she's receptive you progress onto talking about where she's going on holiday, yada yada yada.

I suppose anyone can make up their own technique and that's even better than a book because it's tailored for your circumstances and style of delivery.

But the book helps as a start.

Update 2/9/13

I had a look at the daygame café link.

A poster on there was saying he thought the opener was almost irrelevant in daygame because he reckoned the girls aren't expecting it so they don't take it in or if they do forget what it was 10 seconds later if a conv starts. It's merely a signal to get their attention. That seems to make sense, so 'hi' seems as good as anything else.

But what about the follow up, direct, open question or comment?. How about 'why do you think I think you are so hot?'. Or should I just not think at all what I'm going to say?

1) EC but a non-approach due to moving vehicle - early this morning, walking to the train station, this woman rubbernecked to look at me as she was driving past in the opposite direction. I thought maybe she thought I was somebody she knows. Kicking myself for not waving or something. If I had only had a spike strip I could have stopped the car and then done the approach.

2) Hot woman walking with two kids riding their scooters. I said something funny about the kids and she laughed. Said she needed a scooter for herself. Great response but I expected she was married. Still I could have chatted a bit. Fuck why didn't I.

3) The only other opportunity was in the supermarket this evening where there was a pretty good looking blonde stacking the shelves. As she came around the corner I caught her eye but for some reason I moved behind the biscuit rack instead of saying hi. Shit, why did I do that.


Need to be more spontaneous and stop thinking and follow up!

You are complicating things. Just say: 'Hi, I just saw you walk past and think you are hot/cute...' any combination of what you are thinking of her in that moment.

It's fail-safe because it's completely genuine. Fuck thinking up cool smooth things to follow up with, it'll only hold you back and put you right up in your head where you don't wanna be. You wanna be there present, in front of the girl giving her your 100% attention.

Got it.

3/9/13

Not much to report on. Felt rubbish today. Probably cause I'm trying to quit smoking.

At the gym tonight walked past a woman who smiled at me as I went past, I gave a sort of half smile back. I'd just come off the xtrainer so my head was a bit scrambled.

It's only after we were passed each other I remembered I had said hi to a woman in the car park last week. I think it was her, but I didn't recognise her in her gym kit and red-faced from her workout.

Hopefully will see her there again and introduce myself this time.

4/9/13 - Wednesday

I've tried lunch break gaming a few times before but AA usually got the better of me and would end up just walking around looking then go back...feeling rotten. Since I got up this morning I was feeling chipper and weather was great so I went out lunch break to give it another go.

While walking along I got barged from behind by a bloody jogger. It made me angry, not a good state for approaching I thought, but with hindsight I think it actually helped release some of the tension.

I chickened out on a few then noticed this slender cute girl in a summer dress walking beside me about 6 feet away. We were walking about the same speed (a light stroll) and I could see she wasn't rushing like the workers, so she must be a tourist, American I thought for some reason.

When I got close enough and slightly in front of her I lifted my sunglasses and said "excuse me". She turned her head to look and lifted her sunglasses as well, then I said "I saw you walking along there and just wanted to tell you I think you are really cute"

We were still walking side by side at this time but a bit slower.

She said in a cute American accent "Oh that's nice, thank you". It sounded warm and genuine. I said "no problem". Then she put her sunglasses back down, speeded up her walking slightly and walked on.

A short while later I passed a hot babe with great legs sitting on a bench flicking through a magazine. I walked passed, bottled it, then 50 yards on I thought, fuck it, I'm going back. I went back and sat down next to her and said hi. She said hi back. It was a lot of work trying to get a conversation going. The silences seemed like minutes but were probably 4 or 5 seconds. But she seemed to be enjoying it. I didn't get the impression she had any intention of moving away and she responded well to everything I said. She just didn't give me much to go on.

There was some small talk and it progressed a bit. She wasn't a tourist, she worked in the city but lived outside (same as me). There was some common ground.

I was running out of steam, so I tried for the number, saying I had to get back to work and was late. She said she was 'with someone'. I take it she meant she had a bf. So I said it was nice meeting her anyway and left.

There were a few possible 'bench approaches' after that on the way back but I was still thinking about the previous one so didn't bother.

On the whole I felt quite positive. I got the feeling that these were still quite nervy first steps but I learned a lot from them. I can feel my brain slowly rewiring itself to the belief there is nothing to fear from being bold.

I reminded myself as well that I'm not looking for any outcomes at this stage only looking to be completely present and curious about how the process works in practice (I've read all the books).

I know it wouldn't be good for me to overanalyse these approaches at the moment.

I'm sure that as I relax a bit more at each one it'll get better and the outcomes will sort themselves out.

I've challenged myself to double it to four approaches tomorrow.

I think you need to learn not to be in your head all the time. Such instances where you say you "ran out of things to say" "over-analysing" (I was/am guilty of). I've seen in some of your posts that you almost come up with excuses for a) not approaching b) not going out. Whilst some reasons are fair i.e. illness, just remember that you need to stop yourself from giving in to those excuses or else it will become a pattern, break the trend, go out when your ill, meeting someone and having a good time would probably make you feel better anyway.

Your post today about the girl on the bench, if I was in your position when she said "I'm with someone" I wouldn't have stopped the conversation (she was opening up to you a little) and exited because I assumed she had a boyfriend, she was showing you resistance to see how you'd respond. And even if she has a boyfriend, can a girl not make new friends? - Don't exit immediately when confronted with slight resistance.

The silence between comments is your friend. I remember 1 of the first dates I went on after hearing that silences between talking is fine. I basically took this girl on a walk and a drink after. During the walk we'd be talking, random stuff, thinking about it I think she was a dedicated animal/environmental lover so god knows what we were talking about. Anyway, I decided that I would pause and count 5 seconds in my head, then initiate conversation again, increasing the seconds and also decreasing. It added more tension and suspense to the conversation, gave her mind a little time to wander.

Other's might think differently but for the way I approach things, my personality etc... the silence is great.


Like your challenging progression, also try to counteract slight resistance, what's the worst that can happen?

Thanks for the comments Barney.

Minds come up with reasons (excuses) not to do things all the time. And if we gave into them all the time we would all be leading a pretty miserable existence. But as we're all human we do give into them sometimes. But you're right that you can't let these thoughts rule over you.

I didn't put the full interaction in the post btw. When I said "I need to get back to work, I'm late already, can I take your number so I can contact you" She said "No, sorry, I'm with someone" I didn't catch the last bit so said "Sorry?" and she repeated "I'm with someone".

The tone (which I can't express here obviously) was quite clear that she was letting me down as gently as she could. She was enjoying the intention and thought I was a decent guy I think but wasn't open.

I've been ejecting too soon on previous ones and know this was to avoid disappointment but I realise I've got to get used to that eventually to progress.

Personally I'd tweak what you said to her a little for next time to:
"I need to get back to work, I'm late already, give me your number/facebook *(up to you which one)* so we can continue our conversation".

I understand you feel to exit when she is letting you down gently but then why not put a swing on the interaction and come from a friend standpoint.

May as well try to counteract, absolutely nothing to loose, just do it with a smile.


Kind of a weird way but I used online sites to overcome rejection, now it doesn't bother me as much.
As a Arsenal fan said to me in France whilst we were watching Arsenal against Fenerbache, "Northerners are great, Newcastle people are the best, better than us miserable fucks in London".

Amit1207 - thanks. I go to the gym 2 or 3 times a week.

Barney - thnx for the tip. The way you put it there sounds better, I'll try that. I think the version I did was a more timid sounding.

My FB profile is shit, I need to get that sorted.

Roosh V reckoned if he wasn't getting rejections that meant he wasn't doing enough approaches.

Mate with regards to day game you gotta get it in your head-Girls will APPRECIATE the interaction. Well at least 99% of them. Even if they dont "fancy" you or a are married or whatever the confidence of going up to them and beginning a conversation will naturally impress them. Keep this in mind rather than negative thoughts. And if your ever around London give me a shout we will go sarging together ;) . Peace x

5/9/13 - Thursday

For today’s lunch break outing I had set myself a target of 4 approaches, double yesterday’s. But it didn’t start well. I had trouble finding suitable women to approach for some reason. Most lone females I saw I either didn’t find them attractive enough to want to approach or they were teenage girls, too old, pregnant, with kids, etc.

I think this area isn’t so good. I’ll need to find a new place, a shopping mall or something. But I pressed on. I know what I’m looking for as soon as a see’s it.

1 - Eventually after about 15 mins walking I see her, a cute tidy blonde in a black sort of mini-dress thing zipped up the side, wide brimmed sun hat and gigantic shades. I thought she looked really cool like something out of one of them old French arty farty movies. She’s coming down a long flight of stairs that I’m walking towards (the stairs lead from the bridge over the river down to the riverbank where I was walking). I headed over and positioned myself at the bottom of the stairs almost in her path so I could step in front if she didn’t stop when I spoke. I was determined she wasn’t slipping past with a “no” or something.

I had to almost shout cause she was still half way up the stairs and I wanted to be sure she heard me before she got too close.

Me “Excuse me”

She looks up and as she gets to the bottom she stops beside me.

Me: Hi...I saw you coming down the stairs there and I...

She butted in at this point and says “oh hi, it’s you, how are you?”
Then she takes her gigantic shades off. (I had taken mine off before I shouted)

Her: “Oh sorry, but you do look familiar”

Me: “Do I?” (with a grin)

She’s looking at me with a cute and confused expression.

Me: “The reason I stopped you is because I saw you coming down those stairs and I just wanted to come over here and tell you that you are really cute”

I can’t describe her reaction really at all in print, it was like part ecstatic laugh, part shriek, part sigh or something. I’m sure she thought I was taking the piss at first, then realised it was genuine. It obviously took her totally by surprise.

She touched my arm then my hand ( tried to give her hand a squeeze but she managed to avoid that) and said “You’re so sweet but I have to meet someone now, sorry” and she runs off saying thanks as she goes. I think she was an ozzy. It's as if she had never had this happen to her before.

I got a real buzz from this one and felt warmed up after it.

2 – A petite Indian looking girl sitting on a low wall under some trees eating her lunch with some other people doing the same but there was a big enough space beside her for me. I wondered if the other people would be able to overhear but I wasn’t too bothered if they did.

I sat down next to her and just start talking about how nice and cool it was there in the shade.

We had a brief exchange about the weather. I rambled on about my holiday plans. She offers some advice on where to go. She didn’t make eye contact much. She just looked straight ahead. It maybe didn’t help we both had shades on (even though we were in the shade!). I probably should have taken mine off to encourage her to do the same (I need some EC to interact properly). I asked her if she worked around here, she said ‘yes’.

She wasn’t elaborating on anything. I got a strong feeling she wasn’t single or wasn’t interested so after another few minutes of me doing most of the talking I said take care and left. She waved and said bye.

I don’t really like approaching when someone who is eating when I’m not. It seems a bit rude. I think I didn’t go for a close because there was no EC or IOI. I tried to avoid interviewing her but ended up just talking about myself instead (Guys is that okay for daygame conv or should you avoid getting into the all about me rut?). Maybe if I had had more time and just kept talking she would have gradually opened up.

3 – This one went a bit wrong. A really pretty Chinese looking girl sitting on a bench. I sat down and was just planning to say ‘your cute’ then leave as I needed to get back to work and needed another one to hit my target approaches.

It was only when I sat down I realised she had earphones in. I said excuse me quite loud and held my hand out but she didn’t hear me. So I tried to touch her gently on the arm to get her attention, but as I reached across to do that she grabbed her bag which was on the bench between us.

She must have thought I was trying to snatch her bag cause she jumped a bit and put her hand on it. She took one of her headphones out and looked at me, she looked scared. I said ‘it’s okay, it’s okay’. The opener was well fucked. She half smiled and realised I wasn’t a tea leaf but she was rattled a bit after that, put her earphone back in and continued what she was doing, which was writing in a journal.

When I had first sat down I noticed she was writing in Chinese characters, so maybe she didn’t have very good English. She didn’t seem to understand me when I said it’s okay the first time but she seemed to get that I wasn’t a danger.

Phew! Felt a bit creepy after that one so I headed back to work. As I was almost there it was as if the PUA gods had put before me a test. This tall HB9-10 came strutting in my direction. She was about early 30's I would say but looked had done pro modelling the way she walked. She even made EC with me but I didn't stop her or even say hi because I thought about it. I need to stop that.

I’m getting more confident with the approaches. Some pretty basic mistakes I think. Here’s what I think I learned from these approaches today:

1- This was my fist head on approach. If I see one that I really like coming towards me I’ve got to use confident body language and voice to get them to stop. I if it’s too timid it’s more likely to creep them out or scare them off (like with the Chinese girl).

2- Don’t approach someone who is eating, unless you are eating as well, then it’s more like you are having lunch together. Also take sunglasses off and make EC, they’ll likely reciprocate.

3- I need to make sure they can see me approaching so if they have earplugs in they will see my lips moving and EC and know they’re being talked to, then they’ll probably remove them.

Just a little advice for future long posts
Many people won't read big posts without it been well spaced out and easy to read. I'd recommend multiple posts for the different approaches. Then it doesn't look like such a massive page of text to read.



I like the progress your making dude and just for your improvement why not talk to all girls you find attractive, even the ones that are pregnant or whatever? I've approached a few like this. My goal from the conversation is to meet new people, to enjoy the conversation and make her day happier. Of course it depends on your goals you have right now, are you wanting fun conversation? Are you wanting to find a girlfriend? A fuck buddy? Whatever, but if your goal now is to create conversation, make friends and stuff like that then why not branch out to the women you'd suspect are not interested sexually. Women can make new friends.


I particularly liked your 3rd approach, her thinking you were going to steal her bag is kinda funny. Though your reaction must of been hilarious, you probably could have saved the conversation if she spoke English. Doesn't really matter though because you've already understood how you can improve (approach head on).

Nice work man!

Glad to hear you didn't make an excuse out of the fact she was wearing headphones. If I ever approach a girl with earphones I'll usher her to take them out with by miming the action myself. She will do it automatically to see what you want.

Sharp analysis. Love it.

It was an indirect opener.

It is verbose I agree. I had put in that the zip waz gold but decided to take that out for the sake of brevity. ;) I don't speak like that tho.

I don't remember the opener word for word but she got the message ok. I'll gamble all she will remember is a guy stopped her and said she was cute. You're splitting hairs a bit on the words used.

But helpful advice K on report writing and point taken. I want folk to read them. I'lll take more time with them so hopefully they will be better/easier to read.

The words are irrelevant. 60% body language and voice tone. Fuck the storytelling techniques.

Last time I checked I didn't get a girls number just by standing up straight and using tonality in my voice.

You should be working on your social skills, building rapport, choosing your words.
As K said, story telling techniques is something you need to adopt, it will help socially.

Words and your choice of words can show many skills and characteristics from social skills to intelligence.

But hey if you face her and point your shoes in her direction maybe she'll realise you like her.


You have to be realistic about where you are in progression and how to improve. Learning techniques like story telling can only help you improve.

I'm a child taking my first steps in this game definitely. Sometimes I'm managing to toddle along for a few feet and feeling like I've cracked it, at other times I'm crashing down on my face and feeling like it's hopeless. That's the way it has to be at the moment. I'm prepared to accept that.

But at the same time If I get a full frontal attack on my character, I'll fight back. I'm not boring, I can converse very well in most situations, without being verbose.

I just find these skills deserting me sometimes at the crucial moment when I'm in the presence of an attractive woman.

Sometimes I find myself trying too hard with a woman. At least now I am noticing this loser behaviour and stopping doing it. That's why I chose this forum...to get help on this part of my life.

I do appreciate the advice I've got, even though it seems harsh at times. Sometimes I do need a kick up the arse.



I don't believe the studies either. That 60% study was quoted by a body language guru, no surprise there.

No, it's the whole package and it's the whole package I've always wanted to be. I'm listening to what you guys are saying and taking it on board.

A lot of your post was structured, thoughtful and insightful (and helpful). But some of it was presumptuous of what other people think of me when I'm talking to them.

What I mean is mind reading imaginary people (people you imagine me talking to) and concluding that what they perceive in my external behaviour (talking) which you constructed only from the information you got from the words in my posts (which you admitted you never read the whole of), always leads to the internal state of these imaginary people being boredom.

Sorry, but that's too big a jump and not reality. I thought we were about being present and experiencing things first hand, not making instant judgements about things or people?

I think all that is wrong is that I've made some long winded and self-indulgent posts instead of getting to the point and making it readable.

I can fix that.

Let's leave it at that.

nova, Barney Stinson and Kowalski - I read your comments again this morning with a calmer head on me.

So this is what I got that I need to work on:

1. succinct factual field reports - less words, no unnecessary detail.

2. display more confidence - don't use "hey let me explain why I stopped you.." or "can I have your number?" use something more like " hey, I stopped you because your cute/hot" or just "hi, your cute" and "I'll take your number / FB" or "we can chat some more later, give me your number /FB".

3. learn storytelling techniques to avoid boring people (I'll google this to read up on it).

I'm going to write 2 on a card and read it until it get's into my thick nut.

Have a great Saturday!

Serendipity
Well done. Some people when given positive criticism react as though they're been attacked. I was a quite defensive person, I had a blinded stubbornness for people giving me criticism. I learnt to bite the bullet.


Once you implement the ways you've been given to improve and you see the results, you'll be reaping the benefits. I've found socially I'm now much better at turning bad situations into good situations.

Thanks Barney Stinson

This post probably belongs in the psychology part of the forum but since we're on the discussion here I think it's worth posting it here now. Sorry it's a bit long but it's not simple to explain. When I realised this it helped me a lot.

I studied NLP for a while and this is how psychologists think the process your describing works...

Your mind is defending the belief system and model of reality that it's constructed over your lifetime from your experiences. This happens in the subconscious part of your brain so you are not aware of it.

Even a single event early in life, such as being told by someone that you are ugly, or being rejected by a girl you liked can be the basis for part of your model of reality. The brain works on the information it has available at the time no matter how small an amount of information it is. Then it makes this into a general rule in your model of how the world works.

As long as this model works for your survival (i.e. your still breathing) and is not changed by another experience it thinks this is a good strategy for your survival and sees no reason to change it. You really believe that it is you that you are defending and not just a model of reality.

But what is really happening when you think you are being 'attacked' is someone is just offering you an alternative model of reality...in this case a version of reality that's going to be more helpful in you getting the results you want.

Your mind will come up with an endless river of excuses why you're not getting the results (thoughts like 'I'm just unlucky' or 'I'm a shy person' or 'I just haven't met the right girl', blah blah) to support your old model, even though it clearly doesn't work for you in getting the result you want.

These thoughts and beliefs can become a self fulfilling prophecy, meaning you act in accordance with them (you act shy) and you don't get the results and it convinces your mind that the reason you don't get results is because you are a 'shy person'. You believe it's just the way you were made and there's nothing you can do about it. In other words you believe that 'some guys have it and I don't'. So you give up and get nothing.

Most people only seek to question the old model when they hit rock bottom (e.g. clinical depression or have a nervous breakdown). I think some people coming to this forum have reached near that point and have decided to take action. They are desperately looking for support to do it. You won't get it on the NHS. 'Doctor I can't seem to get a woman....nope!'.

When you follow the alternative model by taking certain actions and actually do start experiencing the results you want it convinces your mind very quickly that the old model can be discarded and replaced by the new one (self-discovery /self-growth).

The vicious cycle that usually happens to a lot of people (me included) is if you don't do the actions at all, or well enough, you don't get the results and this convinces your mind the old model was right and the new one is no good. So you stay stuck with not getting the results you want and all the frustration of that.

The shock treatment (being confronted with your flaws in a forceful way) is a way to at least shake your current belief system so that you will start to question whether it's serving you or not. After the discussion on this thread, I spent last night and this morning questioning mine and came to the conclusion my old model sucks. I'm getting better results with the new one. So onward and upwards.

Most self-help books and psychologists sum this process up as this: if you do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've got

I considered whether to post this or not as it's not really 'day game' but it's relevant to the journey so I will.

------------------------------------

Lunchtime today (Saturday) - went to town to get some things and grab a coffee.

hot chic at the car park pay 'n' display ticket machine. I was at the machine next to it.

She was all dolled up - ass-hugging skinny jeans, stylish wedge shoe-boots, hair all newly done, tapping franticly on her phone. Guessed she was meeting a guy for coffee date so I didn't approach (though I should have said something).

A few minutes after I had got seated in a coffee shop nearby she came in and sat at a table with a guy who was waiting there.

I finished my coffee and decided to get another one when I see a woman come in that I recognise. I've spoken to once or twice in the shop where she works.

I went up to get my second coffee and started chatting to her.

Me: "Hi, are you on your lunch break?"

Lady: "yes I like to get out of the shop at lunchtimes"

Me: "are you on your own?"

Lady: "yes"

Me: "join me, I'm sitting over there"

Her "okay"

I collect my coffee and go and sit down.

We had a convo for about the next 30 mins - starting with small talk then progressing onto deeper stuff, like what who will look after us when we are old and what's most important in life to keep motivated.

During this I noticed her wedding ring and she used 'we' a lot so I knew she wasn't available.

We left together and I walked her part way back to her work. She patted me on the arm and I did the same to her as we said goodbye.

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Although there was no real pressure once I realised she was married and wasn't trying to build attraction or close, I did manage to take the lead, build rapport, comfort and hold a good convo.

It's a sign of my progress. Normally I wouldn't even have gone into a busy coffee shop on my own. I would have just made a coffee at home.

One last thing was I noticed as the girl and guy left just before us after their 'date' the hot chick definitely looked across at out table and made eye contact with me.

These are small things, I know, but it's making me see that there are lots of options out there.

And things can happen as long as I continue to be willing to venture out of my cave and be social.

Been a while since I posted anything on here. I must have been inspired recently by Dan's posts.

Went out for a walk on my lunchbreak from work. I wasn't intending to do any approaches. It's hard to switch to approaching straight from being at work. I noticed a hot blonde chick sitting on a bench eating her lunch. She was gorgeous and I almost sat down next to her but there were some builders sitting on a bench opposite and I got paranoid they would see / hear me open so I walked on.

A bit further on saw a brunette sitting on another bench on her own sipping a coffee and having a cigarette. I sat down on an adjacent bench which was quite close. I was drinking my coffee and smoking too. I noticed her looking across at me a few times.

It took me a few minutes to work up the courage to open. I thought she's going to finish her cigarette and leave in a moment so I opened with some smalltalk about the weather. She was receptive and we had a 5-10 minute convo. She was an American here on a 3 week winter break. She asked how I ended up in London and what I did. I was in my head thinking stuff like "she's just being friendly, she's not interested".

I'm not sure how interested I was. She was nice to talk to but I wasn't really feeling the attraction. She was decent enough looking. She said she had to go and left. I find the problem with being indirect is it doesn't seem to get me going and it just feels like a friendly convo. It's the contrast with night game I'm not used to. I think she was single and was kicking myself later that I didn't ask to meet her again during her stay.

I've also pussyfooted around wondering what to say etc more times than I care to remember. Sometimes I've even been sure that women were giving me non-verbal cues, which then puts you even more in your fucking head because on top of wondering what to say you're also now thinking "did she just signal me to talk to her by playing with her make up?"

I find I'm doing things in small doses, which is better than not doing it. Remember that by attempting it, no matter small it seems or feels to you, it's more than the majority of men are doing.

As for how I'm doing it, I've completely reset myself back to zero. All my daygame approaches from before new years eve are now irrelevant. Obviously whatever experience I've had so far will remain in my sub-conscious, which is great, but I'm leaving experience behind for the purpose of my daygaming journey, which I really only consider as truly started as of the beginning of this year.

The yad stop was something that terrified me, it still does, but it's a fucking buzz doing it.

Find someone who will push you to do it. For me, I didn't want to go indirectly & all that, as soon as I heard of this unconventional interruption etc I just thought "i simply have to have this"

It takes serious cajones to do.

Today was a small start. I want to try more direct and see what happens. I need to find the balls somehow and just do it.

Even the low key approach I did today seemed to have some effect on me. On the way home tonight there were train delays and the station platform was packed. I ended up very close to an attractive woman who was beside me. I got eye contact with her and we had a few seconds pretty intense eye fucking and we both smiled. I didn't say anything and she didn't look again.

I thought "she didn't continue with that because she's married". When we got on the train she was seated opposite me and avoided anymore eye contact, even though we did exchange some small talk. When she took her gloves off I saw the ring.

The point I'm making with this is, these approaches, as you say no matter how small or insignificant you might think them, change you. If she hadn't been married I'm positive that would have turned into a good interaction. But I know that confidence came from doing the one earlier in the day. It forces your senses into a higher gear.

When theyre married, it's usually a better interaction. From what I've noticed anyways.

It could be because it removes a lot of the tension. At first I didn't know she was married so the sexual tension was there. It wasn't a bad interaction, we both enjoyed it. What I really meant was she didn't want to lead me on. Just before she got off at her stop (before mine) she did make eye contact again briefly.

Probably the hottest make out I've had was with a woman I met in a club. Then she said "sorry, I should tell you I'm married". Alcohol did play a part obviously in her going that far.

From my experience girls don't care if they lead you on or not. I've had loads of promising interactions where they resist telling me about the boyfriend until the very last minute, or say it in passing, sometimes on the date after we've made out.

There is no hard and fast rule, and there are too many variables. Take each interaction as it comes and adapt to what it throws your way.

At the end of the day, if someone is going to cheat on their fella. It's not because it's you being amazing.

So yeah as Nova said take em as they come

"Do you have a boyfriend?". I invented it but you can use it.

But they might say yes.

You persist a bit to find out what they mean by that. Most girls who say they have a boyfriend mean a guy they're seeing or sorta seeing, or sorta know from Morrisons. Then you've saved yourself a lot of time too.

or "are you single?" might be better?

i.e. are you in a committed relationship or not.