I just had a phone conversation with an old friend. He doesn't know about pickup (he's been married for years) but I told him about my night out last night. He's a perceptive guy.

I was moaning about the guys who seem to just appear while I'm chatting to a girl and hover there. He pointed out that bringing the guy into the conversation (which we did) is something he thinks would only serve to impress a girl about your character.

This shows you're not immature or jealous which isn't what she's looking for. It also shows you can stand your ground up to a point and don't disappear at the first sign of possible trouble (especially if it's an amog). It shows you are authentic and not self-centred. This is all good.

I never thought of it that way until now. What I've been perceiving as a problem is actually something that can help give you an advantage. He also said I should have got the number as it only takes a few seconds to ask!

It reminded me that there's two main things a girl looks at to form an impression about you. One is how you interact with her. The other is how you interact with other people. I suppose this is the mixed set thing that I've been avoiding the approaches on. I've remembered that last night I had good interactions with guys I didn't know. I've got the skills I just need to not get in my own way.

Your friend is on the money - the last thing you want to do is see a guy as a threat, particularly if he is a friend of a girl. One of 2 things usually happens:
1) The guy is cool (man of abundance) - if you are cool with him, then usually he will leave you to it or not get in your way;
2) The guy is not cool (scarcity mindset) - in this case, all you do is hold the frame, then he looks like the dick.

No shame in doing this, no shame at all. Almost see yourself as the fire of positivity - some people will get burned and move away, others will be drawn to it.

Getting out there is ALWAYS a positive, that's what you need to remember at the end of the night. Ask the question 'Did I enjoy myself?' If not, what will you do differently next time?

I've noticed if it's the boyfriend the girl will usually lean into him as soon as he appears. If it's a friend she doesn't do that. I could be wrong but that's what I think it is. The last few interactions their was no leaning in and the guys seemed cool. So I probably ejected too soon.

But as you say it's all positive. If I hadn't gone out I wouldn't have learned anything. And yeah, I did enjoy myself. I would just cut down on the booze next time.

Friday 10/1/14

Met up with some of the guys from the forum at the porterhouse bar.

It was quieter than usual but there was a reasonable amount of girls. While I was waiting for the others to arrive I opened an attractive dark haired girl standing near me in the smoking area with a comment about the rain but she wasn't receptive. She was waiting for her girlfriend who was at the bar getting the drinks.

I found it hard work to get in a social mood. Alcohol and having a laugh with the guys helped and I gradually started to loosen up. I was constantly checking the time because I didn't want to drink too much or stay out too late. I didn't manage to stick to that plan.

Went a wander around with Top Hat and he opened a couple of sets. One was a pretty Swedish girl with dark hair. It was a fun interaction as we scolded her for not being blonde. Top Hat opened another two girls and we had a chat with them that was good fun too. I was being more tactile than usual but I wasn't great with conversation. I was in my head too much.

Memory is hazy but I think I opened a couple of girls at the downstairs bar where a band was playing. It was louder and busier which seemed to make it easier for me to open. Later I went with Stein to another bar that was busier. I was getting in the mood and drunk but had about half an hour where I was outside my head and enjoying myself, had a dance, quite free flowing.

I was continuing my thing of being tactile and put my arm around the shoulder of a girl who was with her friend. Both blondes, the other one was cute. The one I had my arm around didn't like it and pushed me away. I got that spotlight effect where I felt as if everyone saw this happening. That was the end of my free flowing good mood.

My drink got slopped down my front a few times from elbows as I was moving through the crowd. Things got progressively hazy and I got weary... glucose crash time. On the way home I realised I was really hungry.

I had paced myself okay for the time I was in the first bar and should have gone home after that as I'd planned. Anyway it was good to get out and about, meet the guys from the forum and chat to some girls.

Now I'm getting more reference experiences I'm starting to be able to compare the good and not so good interactions I've had. The best ones have been when I was accidentally "just being myself". The more I'm thinking about game the further I seem to move away from that.

And I've been getting ahead of myself lately. So what I should do is wind back a bit to who I was before but with the added confidence of being able to chat to girls I don't know. I'm feeling tired after last night but want to go out again tonight. I won't be drinking as much as last night, just chill with mates and see what happens.

I was feeling a bit down today. Just the dark cloud that comes with a hangover and thinking about getting the push-off last night from that girl.

Then I remembered something my sister in law said to me when I was visiting Scotland in the summer. She said "I guarantee you that any girl would be over the moon to have you as her boyfriend, just be yourself".

I know she's related to me but I could tell it was a genuine compliment. She's known me 30 odd years. A bad reaction from a random girl who doesn't know anything about me means nothing compared to that.

Anyway that's enough self-pity! I'm going out tonight.

So you let some drunk girl in a club spoil the next 48 hrs, come on fella!
Get your coat on, get out and focus on your mates for the night:-)
Forget game theory, kino, pua martial ninja stuff, just get back to being you.
The girls will be waiting when your head is clear again, as you well know!
See you soon.

"Clear eyes, full heart, cant lose!"

Thanks dudes. It was really good us having a chat last night. I got a massive amount out of that, I think we all got something out of that face to face contact. It's hard to combine a night of talking with your mates who are on the same track and then go and chat to girls. But we all did it. It was cool.

I'll admit I got a bit too aggressive later on (that's why the girl quite rightly pushed me away, I think it's to do with not wanking for a week). Stein saved me from getting into a fight with a guy in the coat queue and I'm grateful for him turning up when he did to back me up and diffuse the situation. I think I was just too drunk and went into alpha mode. But not the attractive version.

I had it handled I think but it could have escalated quite easy. I kicked the nearest wall as hard as I could just to show I was up for it. Then I told the guy to piss off. He backed down. He shit himself but still I shouldn't be putting myself in that kind of stupid situation. One day I'll pick on the wrong guy (I'm all of 5' 6" and 10 stone). I want to be much more in control than that.

You have to keep control of yourself all the time. I'm an impulsive and emotional guy at times so it's not always easy for me to step back. I can react sometimes without thinking. The glucose crash / booze thing just makes that worse. But at the same time I'm the most loyal fucker you'll ever meet. I wouldn't desert a friend ever.

I think I managed to redeem myself tonight and I'll post a FR about that.

Saturday 11/1/14

Tonight was really good. I just settled into being myself. I was not looking to do anything, I was just being (Barney Stinson will appreciate this). I got IoI's but wasn't dependant on them and I didn't jump in.

There was no pressure other than the pressure I put on myself. I had the crack with my mates and when there was a natural pause I went and approached a woman who had caught my eye. We had a brief interaction then I went back to my mates when it was on a high point.

When I went back to them at another natural break in the night with my mates they were already open to me and we just continued on. I never let closing enter my head. This is local so I'm treating it as the long game.

My mate couldn't believe I was chatting up girls so much younger than me. But I said to him it's not that they have a problem with your age, it's more that you have a problem with your age. After I said this he started to realise it was true.

All my interactions tonight were natural and went well. I felt that I had value and didn't need to demonstrate or prove it. Without going into the details of each interaction I can confidently say they were all good.

It was really worth making the effort to go out again tonight.

The only thought of pickup I had in my mind before I went out last night was something that stuck in my mind from the blueprint decoded. Tyler tells us that you need to understand you don't need a pickup guru or any routines, lines or tactics. There's no tactic! Understand that your personality alone is enough.

So with that in mind I went forth. At the beginning of the night I felt off. I talked over my mates then apologised. Then I didn't get a chance to say what it was I was going to say. I made a joke that fell flat. Nothing was hitting at all. But I'm realising now this is normal early on in the night. I'm also realising the worst thing you can do at this point is to go in your head in an attempt to 'fix' or control things. Just stay present. Things are what they are. Feel yourself breathing. Stare vacantly into the distance. Do not think!

As the night progressed I was social and chatting to anyone. There were two interactions worth describing.

1- I chatted to this blonde girl in the smoking area. She was tipsy and giggling. I was laughing at her laughing which made her laugh, etc. She ended up hanging onto my arm. It was like I was the oak tree and she was the squirrel running around. It was cool.

A guy appeared and asked what was going on (not in an aggressive way). But he quickly realised I was a cool guy and didn't feel threatened by him. Because of that he didn't feel threatened by me either or over react and everything was just fine. I was happy with the way things were.

2 - Two brunettes seated on bar stools at a table. They see me approach and I go around behind so I'm standing between them (not leaning over their table). I introduce myself to the first girl, hand shake, names. We have a chat then I turn to her friend and do the same thing. Only this one doesn't let go of my hand. So what starts out as a handshake turns into just holding hands. I can't remember what we talked about. I was getting a rush from the contact and I assume she was as well.

I was holding her hand and speaking to her friend at the same time. Keeping them both happy. It was like we were now in our own little bubble, on the same team. I left after maybe 5 minutes. I went back 20 minutes later and we had a similar interaction to the first time.

I didn't go for numbers because I didn't want to go in my head to think the logic of how to do it. In any case, I would prefer to get to the point where they are offering me their number.

I'm feeling very positive about everything today :)

I realized it wasn't really me as a person i.e. my personality, characteristics, that needed to change, it was my attitude. My characteristics and personality are important; they are my authenticity.

When I started to change my attitude it had and is still having a ripple effect. It feels like I'm changing myself at the core. I'm becoming the person I want and should be by being who I want to be and this is also helping me iron out some things I'm not too pleased with.

This is quite interesting, when you speak of your attitude, what do you mean?
Do you mean your attitude towards your goals outside of game, your openness towards people?

Much of what I mean by 'attitude' can be defined as Ego. I thought my Ego was pritty small so when I think of it I picture a ping pong sized Ego; nothing significant at all. My attitude, which includes, how I speak to people, how I react, my frame of mind etc.. and even stuff like sticking to a plan/goals. This was the problem; my attitude was shit.

I think this way of thinking opened up when I put "being not doing" and looking at the stars together. Made me realize just how low in significance any approach or whatever actually is. Why be bothered about something that isn't significant enough to be remembered? To be honest, I probably wouldn't remember a bad approach after a week or so and I can well imagine the girl wouldn't remember a shitty approach after a day or 2. It's insignificant.

After that it was like a new lease of life. My attitude is working for me now, not against me and it's helping me produce awesome interactions. My Ego was huge. My attitude has changed both in and out of game; I feel that if you only change one side then you're effectively hiding the problems. Similar to the band aid analogy.


For instance, escalating and closing. I was terrible. I've made changes to my attitude. I'm closing like wild fire right now. Literally just talking to a lass about her boobs. She doesn't like them because they're big, I disagree, they look great when you're bouncing up and down, trust me!

I'd scare away from stuff like that before.

As your confidence grows you lose the need for the band aid solutions that you used to use as a shield. By dropping the shield you let your personality come through, letting the chips fall where they may, and it shows that you are a man who is comfortable in his own skin. It's a very attractive quality. women seem to be attuned to looking for and sensing this quality in a man.

Still piecing together bits of Fri night / Sat morning. Head is starting to clear.

I remember that with the push-off girl, I didn't fancy her, it was her friend I was after. But as I've learned you have to win over the friend first or she'll just block you. She blocked me right away (physically) but I didn't give up at that.

She went to talk to some other girls or go to the bar and I spotted that the friend was on her own. She made eye contact with me and grinned. So I approached her and took her hand. She was into it but when I saw the friend coming back I bailed. I didn't want to get punched or a drink over me. It was after that I went to the dance floor. I think I high fived a girl dancing near me and she seemed into it but I didn't follow up.

Friday 17 Jan 14

*Long blog style FR alert* ...put the kettle on.

Was supposed to be out in London tonight but the train system went down this morning so it was a no go. In the afternoon I strode into the hairdressers, which was empty apart from the 3 women who work there, and said to them in turn: "you finish your coffee and biscuit. You read your magazine. And you can tell me where the best night clubs around Luton are" (with a smirk).

One of them said are you gay? (well she actually said gay clubs? and I said no just ordinary ones) I didn't give a shit what I was saying for some reason, I was in a fuck everybody mood. I sat down and got a haircut. I like ordering women around (in a cocky not a rude way) and they love it too. Never give explanations. Even though they might go "ooh what an arrogant bastard he is". We had a good laugh. It was all good. I'm realising pussyfooting around with women earns you no favours whatsoever in the long run, they fucking detest it. So go in as hard as you can, you can always pull back a bit later. I wanted to maintain that attitude for the evening but it dissipated unfortunately.

I go out locally in the evening. Things still haven't picked up since new year I notice. Nobody has money and the town isn't buzzing on weekends the way it usually is. I'm lucky I get paid mid-month so I am up for it even if no one else is.

It seems like there are about four guys chasing every fuckable woman out tonight (that's the case later on anyway). In the past those odds would have been enough for me to get pissed and go home for a wank. But that's not the way it is anymore. I like the challenge.

It turns out that one those two girls I approached last week, my mate was getting on well with. I take it the one I wasn't holding hands with and I was too absorbed to notice he had followed up on the other one. So he was quite keen to see if they were around again. There was a very strong smell of BO near us in the pub and I was fucking praying it wasn't my mate in case these two girls were out.

Thankfully it wasn't him. Unfortunately the girls weren't out. But it's always another few quid in the bank. We might see them out again. I would be over the moon if my mate met a girl. I don't worry so much for myself at the moment cause I'm on the path. I would like to think I could help others with their situations / goals as I'm learning and developing my own.

I think it's important to do that and I'm trying to do it in as gentle a way as possible. I'm saying things to them like "if you want a woman you have to go and get her". It's basic stuff but it's gradually sinking in. I should be listening to it myself. It's just motivational stuff.

They've been jilted, divorced and generally fucked about by women and by their own negative beliefs. I think they are bitter. Like me, they've been disillusioned but I'm telling them it's not the end of the story. Wounds can be healed and I'm showing them by my own example it's fixable. The biggest issue I've had to deal with is jealousy. Ironically from the people I'm helping.

Your friends don't like it if you improve yourself. They compare themselves to you. It's the ego at work. They are very uptight about girls. They put any attractive woman on a very high pedestal and would never approach. I was like that too. I just decided, out of a pit deep depression that I was going to become good with women no matter what it took and not give a fuck what anyone else thought about that.

I approach the best looking girl in the bar who's not with a guy just to show them it's not that difficult. If I get blown out it doesn't bother me so much now. The sting of rejection is getting less and less each time.

anyway back to the night..

A girl I approached tonight refused to even tell me her name. Not being funny either. She was absolutely serious "no I'm not giving you my name!" ha ha. I said "okay have a good night then, whatever your name is". Anytime I do a shoulder tap in this place I get a bad reaction for some reason. I was thinking of teasing her more but I could see in her eyes she wasn't up for it and so I bailed. I'm not a cunt. You have to know when to quit. I just used to quit too easy so I'm pushing harder now to understand where that point actually is. In another situation that might have been a come on. But I'm sure I'll get to the point where I can tell the difference. It's reference experiences.

But no man is an island. We all need some support. But It's not always easy to find. I had a rough time for about 15 years at least. Mostly down to lack of success with women and how that affected my mental state in general. Then the negative state affected my performance in trying to talk to women...the vicious cycle went on and on and on until I just avoided women and social situations altogether, seeing it all as unfathomable. I've been through all that bullshit. I've no excuses left either (or I've deliberately let go of them). So in a way it's easier for me than the younger guys who haven't been through all that. But it's harder because I'm further down the road and have less time to fuck it up.

Back to the night...

Saw some hot girls but didn't feel intimidated. But then I asked myself "then why the fuck aren't you approaching them?". Good question! There were three , four and five sets of attractive girls that I bottled approaching. Got close to doing it but didn't do it. That's bothering me at the moment. Could you get it in your reality that they might just like you for being you. But you'll never find out if you don't have the balls to approach. There's still work to be done.

By the time I got in the right zone (alcohol reducing inhibitions) it seemed like a lot of the best ones had gone home or somewhere more exciting. I need to be getting off the starting blocks much sooner. It was just lack of confidence and laziness (AA has morphed into something new).

Then I thought "maybe I could just try. Isn't it so cool to upset the odds?"

And the results weren't bad at all for the level I am at. I approached a few sets, got blown out by one, got on great with the others (all I do now is approach in as straight a line as is possible, stand square on, look them in the eyes and say "Hi, I'm Dave how you doing, who are you" that's all I do now. The one I had the 10-15 minute convo with said she had a boyfriend so I didn't escalate but we had a great convo all the same. It just came from saying hi so I was pleased with that. But I couldn't help looking at her lips. It would be nice to get a makeout. Next weekend I'm going somewhere where there's more women and they are a bit more...single.

I could see that escalation would have been pretty easy if she hadn't mentioned the bf. This was a 4 set where her 3 friends left us alone. She stayed to talk anyway and so did I for some insane reason. There wasn't enough women in the place as it was getting late. Didn't go hunting for new ones. But I did enjoy the convo and so did she. If I had started approaching like this earlier in the night it could have yielded some results. But I seem to need 4 beers to even get going. Not just AA but to get the feeling I want to be approaching.

The shy one in the corner who kept looking at me, I never approached. So I was a pussy. She looked like she wasn't having a good night because her girlfriends were hotter girls and were getting hit on and having a great time. It must be shit sometimes being a girl. I'm much more sympathetic to girls since I got into pickup.

II had some quality time with my mates. I walked home. I would have loved to have pulled a hottie and fucked her but it didn't happen tonight.

That's the way it goes but I'm not sad. I had a good night.

Looking forward to tomorrow. I still love learning pickup. It's doing me good.

I'll end this ramble with a quote Jeffy used:

When we are young we worry what people think about us.
When we are middle aged we don't care what people think about us.
When we are old we realise nobody was even thinking about us.

One of the approaches I did last night was a girl who was standing near the bouncer. I wasn't aware at the time he was watching / listening to the interaction. But after it ended he came over and said he was quite impressed with how I did it. I must be making progress.

I noticed tonight, that bouncer has a new respect for me now. I know it's simply because I did something that he recognised as requiring some balls and he's not seen many guys doing that. If you show you have balls, men and women appreciate it. It's a win win situation.

It's worth bearing in mind. You can't actually lose by being bold and just going for what you want. It is impossible to lose from taking that action when you are being true to yourself and what you want to be. Get that in your head and things start to fit in place easier.

Rejection is nothing compared to what you gain from taking the action. It's not taking the action that worms it's way into your self-esteem and starts to break you down, not rejection. It's a no brainer. Rejection is fuck all in comparison to plumbing the depths of despair because you start thinking you're not worthy. Rejection is so temporary you can dismiss it.

Just go for it. Don't hold yourself back. Understand that you can only win from this mindset and taking the action.

Saturday 18 Jan 14

Was tired but went out tonight. It's so damn quiet at the moment.

Went to my local. I'm starting to get oneitis over a thai girl that works there. We made eye contact and smiled at each other. I got a fantasy about doing sordid things to her. She is very very cute. I just had this image of me touching her little cutie nose, making out with her and then a 1/2 hour romp in bed that she'd never forget.

Me and a mate then moved on to a local pub where a live band were playing. The band were really good and we both enjoyed it. But it was always in the back of my mind that I should be searching for girls. But it was just a bunch of folks letting their hair down and having a good time.

Very few available women. But there was a blonde milf I saw that I really wanted to fuck. She wasn't available but I couldn't help thinking about what sort of things we could have got up to together if she was single. There was eye contact going on. I think she could tell I had a hard on.

Got talking to a guy in the smoking area. There were two nice looking young girls who came in and sat at seats behind us. It was annoying because where we were I had to make a really obvious move to get eye contact and I was listening to this guy so couldn't.

But it crossed my mind just to turn around and open them. I even had a guy there who I could have drafted in to wing. I think he was single too. It would have been sooo easy. Kicking myself now. Rap on the nuckles from teacher, don't let it happen again!

I caught the female singer of the band after they finished for a chat. A redhead. She said her fulltime job was as an opera singer. I commended her on her performance. She was flattered.

That thai girl though...mmm. No behave. All I think about is girls.

The begin The begin
 

Friday 24 Jan 14

So I headed down to the town tonight. Very quiet, everybody is waiting for January salary to come in the bank I guess.

In the bars I visited there were a reasonable number of hot young chicks. There were guys all over them but my balls seemed to have gone AWOL.

I don't do excuses anymore. I just didn't approach. I sucked. Eventually, outside the bar I approached a mixed group (4 girls and 1 guy). I said to the guy " hey you look familiar, didn't you steal my girlfriend?". The girls were like "oooh". I did know him slightly and he recognised me and he replied "yeah, twice". So that kicked off the banter and the girls were loving this. You can't get any better than two guys bantering and the girls are wanting to listen and get in the vibe as well. They want to get in on a mans world it's fascinating to them.

After 5 mins when I said I had to go one of the girls , a tall full figured blonde chick with a beautiful face and carefully feathered hairdo (a good 7.5 or 8 in my book) in her early twenties shouted "seeya later" waving and smiling at me. She was saying, why aren't you staying to talk to me. It was only then, as I was walking away, that I realised I should have stuck in there and not bailed. That chick liked me. Still missing opportunities.

I left to find my mate who I seemed to have lost. I didn't find him so I came back and four young very cute girls were waiting for a taxi outside. I hung around for a while making eye contact and then opened them and got in a good convo with one. She was the kind of squirrelly girl I've always dreamed about having but never managed to get. I'm getting better at going straight for the one I want. After 10 mins her mates dragged her away to get their cab. We both enjoyed that interaction though. I didn't escalate. I'm at the stage where I feel bad if I didn't escalate a good interaction. There's work to be done.

I'm still bottling out of mixed groups and any competition from guys. I need to believe more in myself, my value and that I can compete with other guys. Thinking that my only chance is to get girls on their own is a severe disadvantage in night game. You have to balls up and go into any situation where there's a hot girl you want to meet. I know this now.

I've got my intensity (laser eyes, strong body language, strong frame) , instant rapport, assuming attraction, entitlement thing down now. I just need to be approaching and being that on a regular basis. Not waiting for permission like a fucking dork. I get so annoyed with myself when I don't go for it.

Anyway, I moved on to another bar and I arranged with my wing to go out hunting tomorrow to a place where there's more girls and it's a crazier atmoshphere. I told him not to get too shit faced before we got to the hunting ground, so we'll see how that goes.

A few sober thoughts on last night...

The second bar I was in was the busiest one. There was actually quite a few hot women in there. I led my mate into the most crowded area where girls were constantly squeezing past us to go the smoking area / toilet and back again. I thought about using 'the claw' but I felt it wouldn't work so didn't.

My mate kept a constant dialogue in my ear about how we were too old and the girls were too good looking for us. He would point out some girl and say he knew her dad. This wasn't helping me at all. I told him I didn't think that way anymore, it's very negative.

I noticed a few guys were sarging pretty good. One guy next to me went for a makeout with a girl and she head turned and just gave him a hug, then moved away. But he just moved onto another one and tried the same with her and this time he got the makeout and then lifted her off her feet.

I got that shit thought again where it was like everyone was having a good time except me. Went in my head. Started off the night well , chatty then let it dissipate because I didn't approach. When I eventually got in sets I didn't stick it out. This is becoming an issue. I need to stay in sets as long as I can.

When I chatted to my wing later, who I met in another bar, he was saying that he doesn't pull here as the girls are too hot and aloof. We agreed to go somewhere where there's more 7's that are just out to meet guys. This sounds like a good idea to me.

Serendipity you've read a lot of books but you seem to have a nervous block just stopping you from doing whatever it is you want to do, not skill or attractiveness.

Reading your field reports you've only been blown out by one girl on your last 3 nights out and by the sounds of things that wasn't due to anything you did per se (i'll get back to that shortly) and you have had positive responses elsewhere but just haven't followed it through but ejected or let them walk away.

You're breaking down your interactions so much - intensity, rapport, laser eyes and whatever other PUA terms you wish to use but it seems obvious where your game is falling down.

Your touching/kino and escalating it what is holding you back. If you can open and hold good conversations but your just not closing it's because you're not touching enough and making them feel at ease with you.

Tapping a girl on her shoulder is the physical equivalent of saying Ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-scuse m-m-m-me

Practise touching more, put your hand on her shoulder and leave it there until you have a couple of seconds of eye contact. Allow yourself to touch them straight away - not in a handsy pervert way but allow your legs to tough and stay there. Emphasise points by touching her thigh or fore-arm/elblow and use the loudness of pubs and settings to move in closer to hear her (not for her to hear you - your voice should be strong enough to do this)

Also if a girl is being taken away by her mates to go home/do whatever grab her number so you can practise text game maybe even get laid ;)

Thanks Dale. Yeah, as you say I've had quite a few good interactions but just not tried to escalate to any extent. I think I have got some anxiety lurking in my head about touching. It does seem easier to do it straight away, like when I took that girls hand the other week as I opened. It was then easy and natural to do stuff like high fiving, which we did a few times. She was comfortable with me. But then instead of getting in closer and keeping the touching going I bailed out.

It's definitely the thing that's blocking me now (blocking myself). I'll try what you said and see how it goes. And grabbing the number before they leave is also something I should get in the habit of doing.

If your looking for a little bit of a cheat way I used to do something with their hand, ask them about rings/read palm/discuss nail polish (i used to paint character on my ring finger and pinky) and then I just used to keep hold of their hand

I was at the gym today and it cleared my head. On the drive back it suddenly occurred to me what I think the root of the problem is. It's not the actual touching part, I'm quite tactile with people and okay with touching. The problem is I'm not taking the lead. I'm not initiating things. It's as if I'm waiting for the girl to give me permission.

On quite a few interactions I've noticed they'll touch my arm or hand at certain times when they're speaking. But even then I've been like a lump of wood...not responding. I'll need to force it a bit until I start to do it automatically. I need to practice this until it becomes more natural.

Just came across this in a classic RSD post by Jeffy on the RSD Wiki that's useful:

"I get frustrated when I see guys talking to these girls for hours on end without doing anything to escalate things toward a situation where things get physical. Like, it's three hours in and they haven't even touched her on the arm.

I think a big reason guys do this is because they're afraid to get blown out. Like, they think, "Ok, this is going great, she's laughing at my jokes and we're vibing really well, I better not screw it up by trying to escalate."

News flash, man... if they're sticking around, it's highly likely that they know what's going on, and they EXPECT you to escalate.

These girls have reasonable expectations that you're gonna step up at some point and take things to the next level. Don't let them down. It's just tacky.

Remember, once a girl's attracted to you, there's a WINDOW of time in which you can "strike" so to speak. Once that window's closed, you're done, bro.

Always have a direction, and always be moving the set forward in that direction."

I like that you've established what youre lacking, but I think you should relax a bit with the material. I'm sure you know it's not a pattern or plan you need to follow. You know the basics now work it girllll!

Just a throw out there, I know when you go out you drink and from what I read you have a hangover the next morning. I've noticed when I'm drinking and chatting to birds I'm not actively contributing. The alcohol is a good way to help me get into set, but the rest I'm lacking. Take this as a pinch of salt but maybe drink a little less

I know this is a bit of an issue I have. I use alcohol to relax and shut up my negative internal dialogue, then I can get in state and I'm unfiltered. But I also get a bit obnoxious. Not too bad but this isn't intentional. If I didn't drink I probably would never get out of my head.

I've never pulled or had sex sober or without being on drink / drugs. But it's been crazy and very good or a disaster. When you do drink and drugs nothing is half measure. It's either all good or all bad. I don't do drugs anymore and not for a long time. T

That seems to say a lot about me and the emotional problems I've had over the years and that have held me back. It's fucking tragic, it's pathetic, it's weak, it's unattractive, it's self -defeating, it's lowering self esteem and confidence, it's a never ending cycle of doom, it's turning your life into a piece of shit and I knew it had to stop. I'll be the first to admit that it was self indulgent but I though it was real. I recently realised thoughts and emotions you have aren't real, they are just fiction. And it's why I drew the line and said ..no more, no more.

I'm just trying to break out of the prison cell and set it all right. I'm starting to achieve that. It's hard but if it was easy I would think there was something wrong. Nothing that is worthwhile doing is easy.

I'm sooo fucking determined to get out of it, and I will. I know I've got it in me to succeed. I've succeeded in other areas of my life. Why would some girls defeat me. I'm going to fucking beat this challenge. I'm making it my life's work. In no way I am I blaming women. I'm past that.

It's down to me to just grow up, mature and get on with life, whatever it takes. I've been through the women hating stage. I'm beyond that now. I realised I like women and a lot of them like me too. I'm moving closer to connecting with them. It's just a bumpy ride still. You'll see that from my FR.

Saturday 25 Jan 14

I couldn't sleep tonight, probably due to the vodka and red bull and exciting night / morning I had. So I just typed the FR. It's long but I hope you can take the time to read it. As usual it's interleaved with my deeper thoughts on stuff.

SmileyK came up to join me in Luton and my wing from my home town came later on. This was a last minute arrangement. It was cool. He turned up in my local. It was a culture shock because this is the first time a PU mate has met my ordinary mates...two worlds collide so to speak, Haha I loved it. They liked him right away cause he's a cool guy. And they are good guys too. SmileyK mentioned "the forum" and I was like fuck don't mention that. But it was so outside their reality it didn't register LOL. It was great to have a forum mate into my wee world for a while.

The town where we headed to in search of chicks (Luton) wasn't that busy but there were enough girls in the clubby bar that we were in. There was a dance floor and the bass was pumping so we were in the zone. I'm hoping SmileyK enjoyed it. I think he did. It got busier as the night went on, after midnight. I was getting quite drunk but was holding up okay. I was chatting, dancing and getting physical with girls and was having a good night. We had loads of good interactions.

I was kinoing on the dance floor. I deliberately forced the kino. I wasn't a perv but I touched females gently as we danced. But it was a bit forced. At some point late on security approached me and said If I didn't leave some girls alone, who had complained about me (touching them), I would have to leave. I was quite shocked about that and had a chat with the security guy telling him exactly what I did. He agreed with me that I wasn't being a nuisance but he said he was just doing his job. So I said I wasn't going to talk to those girls again anyway. But especially if they had complained about me. I still don't understand why they complained about me. They didn't complain to me directly so I guess they just went straight to security because I made them feel uncomfortable.

I'm just sorry that what I thought was having fun they took as creepy/ threatening. Nothing could have been further from my intentions. It just proves the concept that if you are forcing , girls take it as creepy, if you are naturally abundant and just having a laugh then you're cool. Two different worlds. At the moment I'm in the wrong one. But that will change one day soon. There's a world of difference between a newbie trying to do something and an ubundant PUA doing the same thing. As a newbie you just won't get away with it I'm afraid. You have to work your way up the steps. It's the hard slog that you have to go through. Sorry but there's no shortcuts.

With hindsight I probably overegged the kino pudding a bit. I just wanted to push it a bit. I wasn't crass, I maybe just creeped them out a bit. It's difficult to win with women when you're a wet behind the ears newbie at kino and maybe a bit desperate to progress your game. But you can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs. Fuck it. It doesn't surprise me most guys give up around this point.

But there's one thing you can know about me. When there's something I'm passionate about achieving I don't quit, no matter how adverse the odds. I never, never, never, never give up. That's a quote from one of my heroes, Winston Churchill. If it's the last thing I do I'll figure this puzzle out. Not meaning I'll understand it all but I'll get to competence. I'll get laid. I've never totally failed at anything I've applied myself to. Blood, sweat and tears, it just makes me work even harder.

It's a bit of a blow, a slap in the face, but fuck it, I'm getting used to this in learning pickup, it's not the end of my world. I'm still alive and kicking. At least I pushed it on tonight, I wasn't a total chode. I just got the calibration wrong one time with those girls. Lots of other girls liked me. I was talking with and touching loads of girls and most of them didn't complain. Some girls are just a bit bitchy for some reason. For all I know those girls complain to security every week. As I say the security guy seemed to be on my side. Who cares who's to blame anyway. It's inconsequential.

In a way I'm quite pleased about this because I'm finally moving away from "the friendly guy curse" and indifference from women (another curse). The friendly / nice guy that never gets the girl and they just forget him instantly. That doesn't mean I want to be be the scary obnoxious creepy guy either, but at least I've managed to move somewhere different. I said in previous FRs that I need to make some mistakes to progress. Fear of making mistakes will only hold you back. It's fucking humiliating but who cares. You can be the same as always and safe for your whole life but you'll never get anywhere. I frightened some girls...good. It shows I pushed the envelope, maybe a bit clumsy, but I'll refine it.

Now, if I could adjust to somewhere in between those two extremes I could be the attractive guy most of the time. Add some game skills and I might be able to get laid. I think it's good to play around with your identity. Most people are just stuck with what they think they've been stuck with. The thing I love about this forum, self-help and pickup is everyone who is interested in this is not interested in standing still or closing down their perceptions. Getting stale and lying down and dying. We want to get up and shout in the faces of the boring bastards that dominate our lives. It takes a lot of courage to stand on your own two feet, walk up to a woman you want and lay yourself out bare to be judged and rejected and complained about. Most guys just can't do it. They won't do it and can't. We should never forget that fact. It's the reason why I have so much respect for the guys on this forum who have done it. I've never met anyone else who did or can do it.

I danced and I held some women's hands and touched their hips lightly. So they thought it was creepy and they complained to security about me. To be honest I don't really give a fuck what they think. Because they wouldn't have complained that a guy was too timid towards them. I guess I have to dial it down a bit. But I'm also guessing if it had been a really good looking guy who did the same thing they wouldn't have complained to security about him?

What I mean is I got it wrong obviously in one case and went too far with that woman. But it was more misjudging the woman rather than going over the mark. Looking back I think it was just one girl that complained. The other girls I was touching and dancing with were enjoying it. I wasn't groping, it was just hand on shoulder, arm and maybe hips when we were dancing together. need to watch how one little thing like this can get in your head and start to totally fuck you up. So women hate you for being timid and hate you if you touch them. No wonder I gave up on women years ago. They damn you if you don't and then damn you if you do. Well whatever. I'll get it right soon. Let me vent my spleen for now.

I have spend the last year trying to unwire all the shit that got programmed into my brain about a negative self- image. I'm not going down the same track. Obviously I don't want to be acting like a dick. Maybe sometimes I have. But that doesn't define me and it's nothing to do with my worth as a valuable human being.

Fuck it. I'll work hard to be the best I can be but I'm not going to be ashamed of trying something different, even if I get it wrong 20% of the time. It's still worth it to me to plough on.

I'm a newbie and I fucked up a few times. It's embarrassing but better than not doing anything at all.

You think your identity is a fixed thing. It's not, you can change it. experiment with who you can be and hone it into what you want. This is a very possible task. And you have to do it, not for anyone else, just for yourself. Just treat it as your social experiment. It takes the personal element out of it.

If you meet a woman along the way and you decide to settle for that then that's great. But please don't expect me to live by the same rules or principles as you do. And don't judge me on what I did and all my flaws. I am by nature imperfect, flawed, human. I am what In am.

Dear reader...please don't get the wrong impression from my introspective FR. It was a shit hot night tonight...more please!

Good man. When you are doing something for the first time it will not feel natural (physicality), so just keep doing it until it does.

As I said yesterday, I feel that is one of the things you need to work on. Some girls got creeped out? Good, this means that you have pushed out of your comfort zone!

Exactly what smileyK said, I see this as good progress.

Thanks bros, your comments eased my mind today that I had maybe overstepped the mark last night, but as you say it was my major sticking point and I was out to address it. Dale's comments also helped me to realise it. It was just a bit 'uncalibrated' (sorry for that PUA term). But that will come right with time.

I know if I had been really bad, the bouncer would have told me to leave and he didn't. He was on my side. A single bloke surrounded by girls and going for it. He totally understood the situation. Good man.

Next steps:

1- kino, kino and more kino
2- lead and move them around venue
3- Makeout
4- close, pull or get number

Haha, love it

I was thinking start small and build up but if you want to go in heavy and dial back!

I've just found a woman's black eyeliner pencil in the back pocket of the jeans I was wearing last night.

No idea at all how that got there.

A bad habit I'm getting into is loading up on quite a lot of booze before I do the first approach. It then seems inevitable that I'll end up very drunk by the end of the night (if it's a long one) because as I get in state and get buzzing I drink without thinking how much I'm taking in.

If I approach earlier on maybe after one drink, even just a quick 5 second interaction, it would help me to ease into it and I probably wouldn't get so drunk by the end.

I should try this because I'm sure I've missed opportunities near the end of the night just because my awareness was too hazy. That last half hour can be a great time to pull. I'm comfortable enough now with approaching not to be paralysed by AA to the extent I need to be boozed up. Something to work on.

Kino is way over rated in the PUA sphere in my opinion. A lot of guys when starting out interpret Kino wrong. Guys hear that they have to touch women to attract them, and they go in miscalibrated, inexperienced and uncoordinated. This leads to awkward interactions like Serendipity’s.

I think it’s much better to cultivate being completely comfortable with oneself. A lot of guys with low self esteem are just not comfortable with themselves and when this is the case women especially sniff it out like a bloodhound. If you can’t be comfortable with yourself then how do you expect to ever make a woman feel comfortable?

From personal experience I remember when I felt at a place where I was happy with the person I was and felt comfortable with myself I began to notice in my interactions with women that I wouldn’t use Kino at all yet they would openly touch me. It was like the script had been flipped. From then on I realized Kino really doesn’t matter.

‘Nothing is more threatening yet simultaneously attractive to a woman than a man who is aware of his own value.’ – Rollo Tomassi.

That’s the key right there guys. Rather than going around chasing butterfly’s focus on building a garden beautiful enough they come to you.

I agree but it's difficult in a loud club to escalate without using touch.

No it's not.

If I had to quantify how I escalate in loud club, which is where I'm doing it most of the time, it's way subtler than this PUA kino type stuff. A lot of it's eye contact, your proximity to them, where you are in relation to other people, the subtext of what you're saying. Think subtle.

Better yet stop fucking thinking. There's a problem with this kind of thought:

You can't intellectualize pulling into some step by step practical system like that. Too many variables, too much shit you don't know and too much shit you have no control over. You do not always need to 'kino' a girl to get a make out. You don't necessarily have to lead a girl around to pull. You don't even have to make out with a girl first to pull. Each one of those steps can be switched round in the order or taken out completely, as can most others, because every situation is different. Stop trying to put things in a logical sequence. Learn to shut your brain off and it'll help you develop more of an intuitive feel for these things. That's the only real way to get good.