Yeah I know what you mean about logical sequence, it's not good to think like that. Stay out of the head and just let things unfold in the moment.

FR Friday 31 Jan 14

I hate posting "oughta', shoulda', coulda' reports but it's one of them I'm afraid.

There was no approaching tonight except 5 mins from the end. My wing was sitting with a group of 5 girls. He was getting ignored then when I sat down and spoke to one of them I got ignored as well haha. We were too pissed.

earlier in the night I got a few longish stares from attractive girls (nice validation) but was not in the mood to approach them. The first one was a cute brown eyed girl with long curly dark hair in my local in first 5 mins of the night. Our eyes met across the bar. As she twirled her hair I saw the ring but I could still have approached I suppose.She was with her female friend.

The second IoI I noticed was in another bar later on. Two blondes sitting across the bar. One of them gave me a good 4 second stare and I stared back but again I didn't approach. Despite the fact the ratio in this bar must have been about 4:1 there was not a lot of approaching on the women and the interactions I saw looked shit quality. Even more annoying that I didn't at least try.

I really need to kill this AA, or at least get it to manageable levels. I've done solo cold approaches that have worked out well so why I am back at square one again. Maybe it's mood swings causing it (I didn't go out in a very good mood). My mates don't like me approaching, but I my proper wing, who's keen to approach, never turns up until the later part of the night (the last hour) and we're both too drunk by then. I also felt I was in an aggressive mood and thought I might not take a bad reaction very well.

I know now it's just AA nothing more or less. Some of it is the fact I'm local and not 'abroad' (in a strange place where I don't give a shit). But that's just rationalising it tbh. I should be past this by now. I thought I was.

You have to start somewhere, even if it's from a point of feeling uncomfortable. And it's probably from the point of being a bit scattered and out of state (flying the plane without the manual). I'm looking for a perfect situation that never ever happens. I get annoyed with myself because I feel like I'm letting myself down now when I don't approach. But I don't want to lose that bad feeling. It's a motivator for next time. It makes me angry that I didn't try. Turn negative energy into positive energy.

There are other issues in my life I need to sort out. My logistics suck. There's always POF I suppose.

I feel a bit closer to sorting this out now but it's also getting very tough. I've got through tough things before and I've always found you need a lot of determination to break through. I'm prepared to give it everything I can find in me.

I am sure some girls want to fuck me, or at least are interested, but I just don't give them an excuse by talking to them.