A year ago I was depressed, thought women hated me & were repulsed by me, that I was ugly & too short & had low self confidence & self esteem. I (bizarrly) had a big ego and was quite inward & anxious.

My height probably is a disadvantage, women generally prefer taller man. I can't change that. But there's plenty for whom height won't be an issue, and I know short guys who do just fine.

Women don't hate me nor are they replused by me. I thought this because of my lack of success, being bullied by them at School & through my general lack of self worth. And perhaps women do find me ugly, but the last few months i look in the mirror and actually think I'm alright looking - I deffo suit a bit of facial hair. And as long as I think that who cares if women think I'm ugly.

It might sound like hippy shit but one of the biggest things I've learnt since coming on here & something I think is really important is self love & how you treat others. How are you ever going to be confident about anything & how is a girl ever going to like you if you don't even like yourself first? I love myself a lot more now & I'm happier, I still get down from time to time, but I don't sit all depressed doom & gloom thinking life is shit as much as I used to.

I've also tried to drop my "ego" - stop being someone I'm not by trying to be total outgoing & extroverted and some kind of weird flirt, and try to be a bit nicer & friendly. I've learned its ok to be myself. The trade off with this is that a lot of women like me as a friend or only see me as friendly. Kowalski said in one of my posts a while back that being sexual is more to do with how you walk, your vibe, body language & eye contact - not really to do with what you say. I get this in fits & bursts but its admittedly something I struggle with.
This is a valid point, and me saying "I don't care" is perhaps the wrong response. Of course I care, but I'm not hell bent on it. The truth is it really isn't a priority for me, its just something along with many other things in life would be good if it got a bit better. As I said above, I no longer dwell on being single alll the time, maybe at certain social events I get a bit knarked because everyone is paired up & I'm not.

As for virginity, I've tried to look at it as not a big deal. The only person bothered about it is me (and Shah apparently ). There's no point worrying about it. Of course I'm not stupid - if & when the time comes I'm sure I'll be shit scared, probably blow my load in about 3 seconds & the girl will freak out because I'm a million years old & never done it & I'll probably struggle to enjoy it. But why even worry about it or obsess about it until the time comes? Surely I should just enjoy talking to women, having dates (see next post...) and what not first since that's the logical order this comes in......you wouldn't freak out about mile 26 of a marathon before the race even starts or worry your ass off that you won't be able to do the job before your even offered it would you? (You'd worry about it once your offered it!)