When the girl at the bar freaked out on me I was pretty shocked as she just turned on me out of nowhere, I thought we were getting on fine. I felt total shock, and felt my face feeling flushed/red. The first thought I had was "Fuck - folk are going to think I'm a perv or someting". The bar staff did look kinda shocked - but they were shocked at her. Afew people behind us were the same. As I turned my head in embarrassment, the guy next to me looked at me, raised his eye brows, put his finger to his head in a circular motion and mouthed "C-R-A-Z-Y".....nobody was thinking anything of me at all - it was all the focus on her.

After that, there were a few girls i saw i would have maybe spoken to, but I just chickened out - i put this down to the anxiety of what happened with fuck off girl. But heres the weird thing - all the interactions I had above were when I was on my own - at the bar/smoking etc, not with my friends. After fuck off girl i was next to my friends most of the night and the thoughts going through my head were "My friends will laugh at me if this goes wrong/they will wonder WTF I'm doing etc" - for wehatever reason being with my friends held me back.

I thought about this a lot today, and I don't actually think rejection doesn't bother me that much. After fuck off girl, I felt a bit anxious/embarrassed/wound up for maybe 10 mins but then I just forgot about it, i actually managed to laugh at it telling my friends. Its the whole spotlight effect thing Dan has talked about in his posts - its more the reactions of others I'm scared of. And yet, i can't recall ever having had a negative reaction from others. In fact in my last post my friends cheered me chatting up that engaged giel and were gutted for me when nothing came of it.

Quite interesting, I'd never thought of that. I bet my friends wouldn't really care or mock me - its just some weird excuse on my head. Anbd besides, a "real man" wopuldn't really give a shit about what others around him thinks, he would just do it anyways.