Saturday 22 Feb

Out local again.

This is typical. Because I'm leaving soon, there seems to be attractive women about everywhere here now and they are shooting for me.

Didn't cold approach once tonight but women appeared, we chatted. It was really good. I was in a packed bar with a great band playing. That always gets me going.

The girl I mentioned a few posts ago, the really film star beautiful one even came up to me. We were holding hands before. God this girl is so perfect. When I see her my stomach does backflips and I get butterflies. She's only 20 yo for gawds sake.

I'm still wary of being too keen and scaring hot women off. I should just be going for it now. I basically know what to do. I think this girl is so hot I should be nailing that.

I can't really understand at the moment what it is in myself that is stopping me going for it with her. There's the work that still needs to be done. I'm smelling blood in the water and not taking action. This is what is pissing me off. And I'm taking out my pissed offness on innocent parties, whoever happens to be around. It's not the way I want it to be.

With other girls I had two clear chances and several good interactions but didn't really take it on fully as I should and can.

there was a little blonde girl I felt was made for me. But this really tall guy was in there already. I got talking to Mss Blondie's mate and we got on like a house on fire.

I ended up holding hands and kissing with her. I initiated that. She was enjoying it and so was I. It felt like a huge leap forward for me. From cold approach to physical escalation. It was great. I'm a learner remember.

I patched things up with my mate. The outburst I had last night upset him and did some damage. I did my best to smooth things over between us. I think we are okay now.

I think I make up for being a dick 1% by being such a good friend 99% of the time.

He understood that I'm a very frustrated man.

I keep saying to myself wake your fucking self up man. All the possibilities are there.