I came across some guys from my Secondary school days again 2 days ago (Saturday). There is an earlier post about this previous encounter in this thread.

Prior to going out Saturday I started reading 'The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle'. I got up to the 3rd chapter, with the 2nd chapter emphasis on 'pain both past and present'. A lot of what is in the book so far is making a lot of sense to me in terms of my journey of change and the reasons behind it. As a note, I've realised that I am no longer thinking all the time, my attitude is changing; during confrontation I'm biting the bullet instead of fueling the anger fire. Though I want this change, I don't want to go too far i.e. I don't want to give into confrontation all the time; be a little pussy. I want something in between anger and being a pussy.



When I went out on Saturday I saw these 2 lads from my past; 1 of them I was close mates with, mainly due to our link up in school and junior club football as 'the iron duo'. I shit you not, the reporter from the local paper called us that and it just stuck. Anyway, now to the present day, both of these lads I really don't like. I saw them and immediately felt the anger build up inside of me. It was taking me over, just like before when it then ended up being self destructive i.e. me attacking my progressing etc...



Then I remembered what I read in the book about pain, past and present. And I could feel the last little bit of me that wasn't thinking about the situation, that wasn't analyzing what to do, I slowed it down and made it look up (lifting my head up) before it was totally en-caved in the shell I'd created. In that moment I literally just decided to stop thinking, stop making a big deal about this, stop wrapping myself up around this pain, stop thinking about the pain and then subsequently stop feeling the emotions of the pain i.e. the anger, etc.. It was like a mental kick up the arse.



I began to come back from out of my shell, I stopped thinking about the past and devoted my attention to the present. The best thing about this is that I saw the 2 lads from a distance, meaning that before they even got close to me I had gone through this whole process. When they did pass I blanked them, I had no emotion, no thoughts, I devoted time and attention to what I was doing; which was only pushing a trolley, not exactly a mighty task. I saw these 2 lads again at the self service checkouts and again, I experienced nothing. I actually had 1 thought which was "he looks stupid with fat shoulders and a super small head; reminds me of that alien shopkeeper in 'Men in Black' where they shoot his head off and he has a tiny head for a few seconds before it grows back to full size".



I have not attacked my progression, rather the opposite, I have seen that I have progressed and progressed rapidly. I put out the build up of anger and the spreading anger fire it was causing almost as quickly as it had started, I began to take control. I need to carry this state of devoting my attention to the present into everyday life instead of for only a few seconds/minutes in challenging situations. But, it's a start.



I found my happy present state whilst I was out 1 night walking my dogs. I looked up at the stars and instantly everything else didn't matter, no thoughts or anything. There I found that this was a stepping stone to unlocking the grip my mind has over me. I found that it is possible for me to move into a state where I devote my attention to the present and nothing else.

I will be working on all of this a lot more, especially now that I've seen some very positive results.

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This doesn't necessarily mean that I think everything that Tolle says is true; there's some parts that I've read up to the present day where I think he is totally wrong. Though, I will continue to read as I feel I can take some things from his teachings.