Thursday 19th September

The new canteen girl at work is always really friendly to me, always makes a point of saying hi, asking how i am and how my days going. Noticed this for weeks - however at work I have my work hat on, always thinking about what I need to do for the day & try not to spend too much time talking to folk if I'm away from my desk, its not that i don't take her on, but I don't really have time to talk. She also looks a bit rough, I'd say she's ok but not my type.

i saw her outside smoking, when I'm out I do it to get away from my desk and get 5 mins peace. I saw her standing there and thought I should go over and speak to her but my head started doing this:

"I'm too busy"
"I'm not in the mood"
"I don't know what to say"
"This will be weird" + about another 4-5 excuses.

I burst out laughing in my own head - i just realised....I was coming up with so many excuses not to do this! So i thought, as a test - lets just see how many more excuses my head generates not to talk to her and I stood and let them flow and its crazy what my brain was saying to me not to talk to her haha!!

So then I tried something different; what reasons would I have to go and speak to her:

"She seems to want to talk to me"
"Its just her and me here"
"Its a nice day, weather is good"
"She might want to talk to me"
And a few more......

Its amazing how you can change that train of thought if you you can stand back and be aware of those thoughts, take a minute and look at them from a different angle.

At the end of the day I saw her finishing her shift. She had a leather jacket and a short tartan skirt on as she walked out the door and i thought "Fuck yeah, maybe I would have some of that". Maybe I'll try to speak to her more - but what i experienced in the above was a bit of an eye opener.