I realise that this shield I have described in an earlier post and the unconscious person in front of it is actually an illusion created by my mind, my thoughts, as a way to attempt to defend my true self from both the past and the present.


Have you ever seen the film 'Dave'? I feel like Dave's physical form that the people he comes across on earth see him as. To elaborate; I feel like I am unconsciously walking about, though I know it consciously but powerless to control it, an illusion of my true self. More bluntly, my mind is in control.


My mind controls the past and the present, it puts me in an almost robotic state. For example, I am walking around town and I see 2 girls I could approach.
My concious self is up for the challenge, even relishes the challenge, whereas my unconsciousness (my mind) is in auto-pilot; get from A to B with minimal fuss. Therefore, many times my mind wins and I don't approach, this resulting in my concious self getting frustrated and confused but ultimately blaming it on AA; when it knows that it's not the case. However, if I do approach the only way to describe it is it's like my mind goes into overload and shuts down my unconsciousness revealing my true self; when I approach, successfully or not, for them few minutes I am living in the present day, in the now, free from my mind. That is until my mind's reboot is complete.


This is 1 of the many fundamental reasons why I do not use canned material, I act purely off the cuff whenever I can.



My mind is my trap, I must learn to avoid it wherever possible in order to eventually avoid it completely.