As a general update:

Guess I've kind of "forgotton" about trying to improve myself with woman the last couple of weeks; I've had a few social activites on with friends and within that group all the females are either taken or really good friends where nothing would ever happen. However, i have stumbled upon something:

I'm not sure where this came from, but I've started showing gratitude toward people, being a bit more humble, letting my guard down and genuinly showing an interest in others. The results have been mental.

I've had texts from 14 different people, male & female over the last fortnight. FB comments and notifications etc, its a bit over whelming.

I'm ashamed to admit, beginning to ralise I'm a very selfish inward person. For some reason i have a big ego and I'm a perfectionist. These aren't good qualities. I've always thought I'm a decent, genuine person. Not strictly true. i WANT to be - I've just never showed it. I don't let my full emotions out because of fear of showing them.

I never realised how needy & desperate I come off. I've been texting this girl who is a solid 8. Decided rather than try to make her laugh, and be cocky & pretend I'm the man I'd just chat to her, be pleasant and try and make the convo about her...just go with the flow with no outcome other than to have a good conversation. As the convo went on theres been a few natural opportunities to fit in a few flirty comments. She's started saying i should meet up with her more when I'm in town, started asking me when I'm next out......this is all over text, a girl I;ve known & shes known me for about 6 year. Thats insane.......

I think I'm so stuck in my own head, so internal with my own thoughts, fear and worriesd that I don't see whats going on outwith me, i don't appreciate and take note of whats going on externally, or really LISTEN & ACKNOLWEDGE other people.

Another example is a female friend of 10 years, she always has me round her flat, always cooks for me, I just turn up and expect it as standard. A bit scary but I went out on a limb yesterday and told her I'm taking her out for a meal in the next few weeks as I'm really grateful for what she does for me and i take her for granted. She was over the moon and so happy....she's never reacted toward me like that before. She's a 100% friend but when i took her out she was delighted and we had a great time.

I might sound a bit mental or on something as I type this but its like I look outside and everythings still the same, but its looking like a different world. i think the person i am is just a mask thats been created to cover up the real person beneath all the unplesantries I've experienced. Would make sense why i always seem in conflict with myself & get frustrated if I'm not truly "being myself" which I've not been doing.

I've been trying to be this outgoing, cocky, extroverted cool guy to fit in so people will like me. I'm an introvert; i can still be outgoing - just because I'm not the life and soul of the party doesn't make me uncool perhaps....maybe theres hope for me yet.

i was out with friends last night, stone cold sober (I'm on antibiotics for 3 months = no drink) and had an amazing time.

My looks and height may be related to my problems with woman but I'm definitly convinced the main problem is my mindset and being stuck in my own head with my own thoughts all the time which leads to a lack of confidence. Focussing on external factors & trying to (something I find hard) living in the moment or present I think is a big thing which could help me.