Saturday 20th July

I was at a friends BBQ/Housewarming. There was around 30 people there, of which 3 were single woman. One of them a good friend, the other is known as a bit of a "bike" & the other I don't know too well.

I dunno if its because I'm a bit introverted, but I wasn't even in the mood for going along. Maybe it had something to do with staying up far too late the night before. I was there for about 5 hours before gratiously accepting a lift home.

I didn't really have that many meaningful conversations, all I could think about was getting home for most of the day. A few things I've realised from this are:

1. I really need to get out of my own head and try and enjoy myself during the present moment. No wonder I come across as so uptight.

2. There was a point where me and the single girl were sitting along talking for quite a bit, just general chit chat. I should really have put more effort into the conversation....but I just wasn't in the mood. At one point we both realised we were close to being in the same city for somethign next month & she looked slightly disapointed we would miss each other - i should have pushed here for better conversation or even her number but it never even occured to me until i got home.

3. Not PU reletaed, but i missed a good opportunity in general to socially converse with others and expand my conversation skills.

Overall, I think any kind of change with me is going to take quite some time - this is in total contrast when I was out talking to random strangers in town a couple of weeks back - i was a lot more positive and outgoing whereas yesterday i was pretty negative, not in the mood, and missed an opportunity to push my comfort zone with that girl.