Christmas Eve

Met up with a buddy in town for a warm-up drink. He was pretty down in the dumps as usual but exacerbated more so due to the fact it was Christmas and he desperately craves a girlfriend over the Christmas period. I move the conversation over to more upbeat topics.

We drink up and move on to another venue. I say to my friend 'There's actually quite a few nice girls in here tonight, this is better than I was expecting'. He says 'Where? all I see is a sausage fest'. He's really not looking hard enough I point out where all the sets are. We sit and chill for a bit, then a bit more, then some more. All the while im clocking hot girls walk past and we are not doing anything im just listening to this guy moan.

SHIT!!! I was excited and pumped before going out now I feel that all the life has been sucked out of me!!! ARRRGGHHH!!!!

We move on to another venue where all the hot classy girls I like in my city tend to hangout. We arrive, the place is full with Christmas cheer, a band is playing, a hog roast is being served-up outside the place is awash with young fresh-faced beautiful women (and men). My friend is now moaning about several things;
a) He doesnt like the band
b) He doesnt feel welcome
c) He feels there aren't enough women there (There's plenty!)
d) It's Christmas and he hates being single

My state is gone. I am angry, there's beautiful young women all around me and I'm not acting on it, I feel negative now, I'm in my head. I call Nova, I need to get out of my head I need to hear his positive vibes to get my state up again. I've put the poor guy on the spot a little bit but he does well in giving me a quick pep-talk to fire me up. I hang up.

BOOOOOOMMM!!!! Turn straight to the first girl I see, she's talking to some tall smartly dressed handsome chap, I like her unusual pleated hair-style. I tell her I like her hair and introduce myself to her, she likes the compliment. I introduce myself to the guy we shake hands but he says nothing and just stands watching. After about 30 seconds of chat she says she needs to go to the bar to get another drink. She walks off, I feel like I've been blown out! The guy not wanting to chat walks off leaving me standing there. The girl see's the guy walk off and comes running back to me, she re-initiates the chat and thanks me for saving her from that guy who was boring her to death and used to have a crush on her (he still does by the look of it). The chat fizzles out and becomes interview style questions, I eject.

I see 5 girls seated and watch as one guy jumps in asks some lame question then runs away 20 seconds later. 'Hmmm interesting' I tell myself. I walk over and perch myself next to this gorgeous blonde I'd spotted earlier with very sexy defined cheek bones. My opener is pretty lame but it's enough to get my foot in the door;
Me 'Hi my friend fancies you, but he was too shy to tell you himself'
Her 'Ok, who's your friend? I am married but is he enough to tempt me away from my husband?'
Me (FUCK SHE'S MARRIED!) 'I say I don't know, depends if you find guys like him tempting?' and I point out the ugliest guy I can spot.
She laughs we introduce, I tell her to introduce me to her friends she does, we are all acquainted. I am having a hard time trying to interact with all them due to the noise and the fact there's 5 of them sat round this large table.

My friend comes over and fair-play has the courage to join us accompanied by the guy who randomly - delivers his Chinese takeaway food to him! I introduce them to all the girls, I keep talking to the two closest too me but my friend and his takeaway delivery guy aren't talking to the other girls who at this stage look bored and a little creeped out. So I save them from their misery and eject.

Feeling more in state now, I over hear some girl behind me saying she's a professional dancer doing some work up at Royal Northern College of Music. I turn around and say 'I had an ex girlfriend who was a Dancer she went to Northern Ballet School just up the road from the music college on Oxford Street' She was talking to quite a fit lad at the time. I turned to introduce myself to him and he just vaporised!! She was the second girl that night to thank me for rescuing her from a boring guy!

We went to go sit down with the rest of her friends. She seemed pretty cool and we chatted about dance, art and architecture, I was impressed with her architectural knowledge. I was trying to build comfort I suppose in this stage and wasn't be forthright in my intent. Anyway 20mins in she casually mentions her boyfriend, I now want to introduce her face firmly into my knee!! But I resist and ask her to introduce me to the Indian girl across from us at the table.

Her name is Mindu. In total drunken obnoxious state I say 'Ah Mindu the Hindu - I guess you won't be celebrating Christmas!?' I and I alone am self-amused by my crass joke. 'Err No, I get that a lot' she says. Awkwardness ensues and they all up and leave en-mass. FAIL.

Incidentally the bar manager who tried tooling me a couple of weeks prior as I was chatting up a blonde girl took a swipe at me as he was collecting glasses from the table with all the girls present. I walked on after him and confronted him about it, he seemed quite shocked and I asked for his name and said 'Ben, just do your fucking job and leave me alone'........I think I'm on the verge of being barred from my favorite venue.

My friend has left by this point, YES!! I spot a gorgeous brunette only 19 who I clocked earlier, I say 'Hi I just had to meet you, you look stunning', we shake hands I hold on. She tells me she has a boyfriend. Gutted.

I spot two blonde girls one of whom has ENORMOUS breasts, and has them on display even during the depths of winter. As I go over some black dude gets in there first, I wait til he's had his turn.

'I'm not suprised that guy was interested your breasts are amazing!' I have my arm around her waist, she then puts hers around my waist and says 'Thank you'. Her blonde friend stands the other side of me. I turn to her and say the second distasteful comment of the evening;
'Yours however are like a couple fried eggs on an ironing board, my moobs are bigger'.
The buxom blonde tries not to laugh, I try to play it down but the mood turns sour (again). She asks me to leave. I try to apologise. Leave! some Chode guy sat at their table trying to be the hero says 'I think you should leave'. Again I try to apologise, the buxom blonde is lighting up a cigarrette sat back amused watching this all play out. I look to her, she says 'Stuart, I'm sorry but I think you should leave'. I walk away, before I get into any more trouble I feel its time to go.

Positives
Approached (eventually) genuinely gorgeous girls I was attracted to.
Felt comfortable just wading in on large sets and plonking myself down within their group.
Was not intimidated by the guys, I'm getting to a point where the fact they are even their sometimes just does not even register.
I feel I am progressing at a much faster rate than I did when I was doing this stuff a few years back, I'm just a little miscalibrated at times and drunk.

Negatives
Allowed my friends negativity to get on top of me and found it hard then to draw state from within.
Some of my openers were indirect.
There is a fine line between being 'self-amused' and coming across as a drunken, obnoxious cunt. Particularly if being borderline narcissistic does not come naturally to you. I was miscalibrated.
I am naturally more chilled than high energy, play to my strengths and be cool, calm and collected rather than try to become 'The entertainer'.
Get my alcohol consumption under control.
No closes.

When you fuck up and clearly upset a girl as I did I felt genuinely terrible for it and began apologising profusely, whilst I wanted to apologise I felt even more of an idiot for doing so and I have dwelt on that somewhat as I'm not out to be a dickhead to people. How do you guys deal with such situations??

I am gaffe prone at times when Im just trying to be affable (Just like Larry David).

Cheers fellas.