Evening Gents,

I feel I just took twenty steps back after taking so many forward. I internalised the game, I eventually went out and started sarging, I've been really improving on my game, I thought I'd cured one-itis once and for all.

So in the three years I've been working on my game, this is the lowest point I have experienced to date. I know this is the most gay thing anyone can admit in a forum such as this, but I've just read something that really hurt. I think I may have just lost a girl I was planning on hitting on the next time I see her. Even though I've dated two others in the last week, and I wrote a post last week on another girls altogether, I never realised how much I like this one girl until I just saw that she has blatantly lost interest in me.

She is HB9, she is very young and she is my student... She's 18-19. I repeat before I continue that I am PERMITTED to socialise with students.

I met her in january of this year, I've dated numerous others in that time and not had any interest in anything more with any of them.

In our first lesson together, it was in a class of about 18 students so it was a big one... I called her name as I did the register... she was giggling... playing with her necklace,smiling with her head tilted to one side. She was beyond obvious. She had a crush on the teacher there and then. We played a game where the class had to write a mystery message to every other student in the class... about half the class wrote one for me also. They were anonymoud, but her's said to me (knew her writing immediately) "do you want to go out with me tonight? "

I told her at the end of the lesson that I knew it was her and she said, that she's young and she has a boyfriend, I reminded her that I wouldn't date a student (lie) and basically it's been flirting games since then (with a 3 month period in spain). I didn't move on her because her boyfriend was a student also (common sense, and courtesy), but I know they broke up in about June.

Got back to Italy in September, continued as before. Yesterday she was in the other classroom with the new teacher and I was in another class next to it (there's a glass wall so you can see everything that happens in each others' rooms. She seemed into him. Admittedly he's pretty good looking, although I wouldn't say he's better looking than me (speaking objectively here). I suppose he's the new boy in town. She seemed to like him.

I go on facebook later that evening and she's written a message to another girls student that I know quite well (translated into English):

"you HAVE TO see the new english teacher"
"is he hot?"
"mamma mia! (yes she really said it), he's from new york, classic american. handsome handsome"
"oh damn why wasn't I there... we'll share him!"

etc etc etc

My throat tightened. I feel humiliated. I fell like I've just lost a huge chunk of territory. It really hurt. This is the weird part. Because nothing has bothered me for a long time now, except my ex. She looked at me like she adored me every time I walked into the room. Now I'm old news

I'd never tell her, but she'll never know how much that hurt. For the first time since I left club AFC in 2008, I feel like a chump, like one of those times when you leave a school disco after witnessing one of the dudes putting his tongue down the throat of your school crush.

Damn.