Rosie (I think)

Sheffield is a wonderful city. Home to the old steelworks, Sheffield Wednesday (and United) and Sean Bean. More importantly, it's also home to my mate Will and Corporation, a club where you can buy a quadruple vodka mixer for two quid (two quid? you're out of your mind!). You can also buy a Blue Pint - double vodka, topped off with VK Blue, topped off with a double vodka - for 3 quid.

Obviously I ended up wrecked and hitting on a fit girl from Doncaster (for such a thing exists). Somewhere it fizzled out and she went inside and so, with the smell of pussy in my nostrils, I went hunting.

Off the dancefloor, I asked a girl where the toilets were and when she didn't know, I suggested we sit down and work out the solution to our problem together. Then we got a drink. Then, after she'd said she had a boyfriend and initially spurning my advances, we kissed.

It was incredible - we were all over the club, touching each other up, snogging...I had her up against the wall at one point. Eventually it became too much, and I told her I was going to take her back to mine and fuck her. This went down well, so I was charged with finding my mates to get the key to their house.

Eventually, about 5 minutes before closing time, I found them:

B: Will I've pulled, I need your keys
W: Doors open mate, but it doesn't matter, we're coming back now anyway

Whereupon the lights came on and people began to filter out. The girl led me, having placed my hands on here tits and one of her hands on my crotch (we got a few looks on the way out). Then, disaster. As she got her phone out to tell her mates where she was going, she dropped it under the feet of everyone heading for the exit.

Girl: Shit! Shit I dropped my phone!
B: Fuck...

We searched a bit, but had to give up and come outside. She was not happy, something she proved by going back inside for another look. Whilst in there she found her mates, one of whom, it would appear, knew her boyfriend.

The result? When she came outside, it was like nothing had happened. I said "come on, let's get back to mine" and she, in front of her friends, just went "err...no"

Instant karma I suppose.