I can relate to some of this..

One of my exs was a complete dick to me, and it made me change who I was into someone a lot more confident and like you said, the guy she wanted and now can't have.. Epic feeling when you know she still wants you

Why did the heartbreak make you realise
"u dont need to be a prick to women to be alpha... u dont need to be cold.
u just need to be in charge & protective... and u can still be good to them..
just mean every so often, keep them on their toes." ??