After another night out of achieving nothing I've decided to write a diary of my journey.

19.08.2011

This is long.... feel free to skip to the end, I need to write this!

So I find myself out with a friend on results night. We go vodka revs for a drink, its very quiet, so grab a table and talk about... u guessed it pick up (well I bang on about it for half an hour or so). I'm starting to do this every time I go out, I have all this information from reading all these great posts and no skills whatsoever to implement!

So we head across the street to Rev Cuba. Really nice new venue so we head to bar and get some tasty rum+coke. Anyway there's a bit of salsa going on (a few couples dancing), I've been doing beginners class for the last 4 weeks and I say to my mate its great you should try it. He says a girls giving me the eye, I don't really pay much attention to this, I give the excuse I won't dance as it would leave him propping up the bar, he says thanks. So we finish up and head off to find somewhere else.

Most bars are dead but one place Essence isn't - we head in get to the bar (theme going on here you might be picking up on) so its full of 18yr olds and we say to each we really should do something. Another round, hover near the dance floor and then decide to go back to Vodka Revs.

So we head there (its pretty busy now) get to the bar. hb8 black girl is right infront of me with a guy and girl, shes on her phone. Thoughts flash across my head, nothing comes out - i'm facing her...argghhh. My mate heads off for a piss and then out of the blue a hb5 comes up to me.

hb5: I need someone to kiss me for a bet. I get a free drink blah blah

I don't want this - I'm pretty sober (my intention is not to be drunk when out at the mo) and feel like everyyones watching. Anyway I fluff some convo and them my mate returns, then a girl turns up with a camera for promo. She takes a picture, my mates talking to her and then I'm like fuck this lets get rid of this hb5 so i 2 sec kiss her. BAD IDEA she's pretty wrecked goes off to get a drink off the girl she bet with and then is back - shittttt. Anyway hb5 wants a fag, I don't smoke unless I'm hammered but I persuade my mate to go out for one (not sure why?!) anyway bonus is she has a fit hb8.5 friend outside smoking. hb5 is pissed talking shit, hb8.5 talks and touches me, i stay frosty - I have nothing...wtf!

By this time my mate is wanting to do one so when hb8.5 disappears we leave, not before I take hb5 in and say i want to make sure you find ur friends! again wtf!!

Get back to mine, pint of water each and then my mate goes off home. I feel like I have unfinished business so head off out again. Walk out my door a hb7 with 2 guys, stops and says how much to get in there (i live on the main street where all the trashy bars are) Bit of banter but nothing much, looks like she's out with younger brother maybe, they are waiting to go 10ft away whilst we talk. we each say good luck with the 18yr olds - i could of done so much more here. I head off back up the street to Vodka Revs - feel more free now by myself. Get there massive queues. shit!

Head back to a bar a couple of doors down from where I live, pretty quiet inside, get a drink, a seated 4set, they see me, i want to go and say hi, i feel like it will be fine but I can't do it. Wander around a bit then back home.

FAIL.

My thoughts

I need to face facts. I've always been fairly shy and it isn't until tonight I've realised just how much.

I can't approach. In fact i'm wondering how many times I have actually approached in my 26yrs! I rely on girls approaching me - i'm the man this needs sorting.

Back to basics. I am reading too much PUA stuff. I can't be natural - not yet anyway, I need some lines and routines to get me started and nothing else.

I am weak willed. hb5 should have been told to do one.

Kino. I don't do it!

I want to do these things - salsa, see a girl say something immediately, and for a split second I am and then its gone. I see this as me underneath all my years of shyness but achieveable in the long run.

Day game. Maybe I will find this easier than Night game...