Quote:
Originally Posted by A.D
This is pretty embarrassing to admit but when I was out last night I finally found the reason for not having closed in a loong time. Basically I was out sarging with 2 mates and was feeling great about myself and the night and the atmosphere was perfect for some pulling. Then I noticed countless times where a girl would give me IOIs all over the place and I'd suddenly find myself scared to the point where I literally wanted to get out of there. The worst was when an absolute stunner danced right up next to me and I just desperately tried to strike up a conversation with my mate next to me, anything to get out of the situation (despite having tried so hard to get to this point!). Then when she thought I wasn't interested and went off instead of feeling gutted of a missed opportunity I just felt relieved! I literally have a phobia of women and it's ridiculous. I'm 25 and see myself as a pretty outgoing guy who can pretty much have fun and talk to anyone (although I used to be well shy in my teen years) but when it comes to a girl who I find attractive I'll be terrified to talk to her in any kind of flirty way. Anyone had similar problems? Is there any hope for a chump like me?!! I'm sure I've got a lot of potential but I keep avoiding the countless opportunities placed in front of me!
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Okay for a start you are not a chump, you are on this site, you are posting and you are out doing it.
Your phobia is not with women, its with approaching them, unless there is something in your subcious that is a little more serious, maybe an event in your past but lets assume you are the same as every other guy who is afraid of the approach.
I think you'll find a number of guys on here with similar issues.
So lets break it down a phobia is an irrational fear at present you can't overide the initial panic that sets in, but there are number of ways to combat it.
What you fear is not approaching women but some other aspect of it mostly its a fear of rejection, I was pretty confident to start with my fear was approaching groups it somehow seemed wrong to interupt a group.
It has no rational you are happy to approach men for a chat, but as soon as its a pretty girl you decide in your head 'I can't do this'
There are many cures, some work better for others and combinations of ideas methods work best.
In your case its probabbly lionked with your initial shyness.
I would start there, work on your shyness, which means working on your confidence levels.
In no particular order (with my personal comments)
Use one of the various confidence products out there paul mckenna is supposed to be good but don't quote me
Tyler 'twat' durden's Blue print. some find this useful I find it 19 1/2 hours too long but maybe it works for you.
Some of the David Deangelo videos are quick fix stuff you can use this weekend but is just surface fixing.
NLP is good but requires study, understanding and belief
drink 10 pints short term fix, false confidence
smoke 10 joints even more stupid fix
Neil Strauss stylelife challenge is interesting because although the product is shite the concept is sound. You don't need to buy the book to do this, but its a 30 day plan that slowly builds you up from chattting to strangers, to building yourself up and beliefs up to chatting to girls and running off, to eventually holding conversation. The formula of a step program is common because it works.
Finally stop giving a fuck what girls think, girls get just as nervous 'oh fuck there's a guy talking to me, what do I say, what if he doesn't like me, etc'