I'll never go bareback with a random or a one-nighter. One in three people having chlamydia these days. It's not worth the risk! I made that mistake during uni and having to make the best part of a dozen awkward phone calls was not an experience I'd look forward to again any time soon.

Neither do I fancy another walk to some fucking family planning clinic because you "assume" she's on the pill and you don't find out otherwise until the morning.

Yeah, I've learnt the hard way, but I've learnt.

I used to find party-hats a real ball-ache to get on, but I've found that the more you use them, the easier it becomes. Like anything else, it's just about technique. If you can master walking up to and taking home a complete stranger, you can sure as hell master rolling a rubber-band around Mr Happy.