gents,

I am Nicobar. I have been suffering with mild depression for the past year. took some therapy and the shrink suggested I suffer from loneliness. It then just hit me that I have been living alone for nearly 7 years. My history is detailed below.

I am originally from India. I was a sprinter in my school back home. I was the alpha male in my class. My 100m record for under-15 city record still stands today. Had a girl friend and was with her for 5 years (from 13 to 18yrs) Lost my virginity at 15. I had a hell lot of friends. But one tragic day I lost my coach. And then all hell broke. My career plateaued. Took to steroids. Started having anger issues. Messed everything with my friends and my girlfriend. Failed to obtain any sports scholarship (rightly so as I cheated and but never won anything). I threw it all away.

My parents knew nothing of my problems. But my dad realised something was wrong and sent me to Aberdeen, Scotland to University when I was 19. Made some great friends. But I was not the old self any more. This new guy was a coward. selfless piece of shit. I just isolated myself after I graduated only meeting my friends once in few months. I started hating myself and my confidence was low. Cheated on once. Rejected a million times. I became a wreck. But I got a good job and is the only source of my happiness now. When I come home from work I sit in a corner and think of ways I can hurt myself. But I can't even do that as I don't even have balls for it.
Haven't visited my family in India for three years. How am I supposed to stand in front of them in this state? I have only visited them once in six years.

I am nearly 26 now and I can't let this go on. I need to change and get my life back for my parents. I came across this PUA thing when I was looking for help on confidence building and self help. I am not looking to become a super PUA or something. I just want my life and my confidence back and I am determined to do whatever it takes.

So there you go gents. you are the first people I have given such a detailed account of my life. Thanks to all those who read this far. But I need help. Can you help me?

I want to change. PLEASE HELP!!

Nicobar.