Wow what an awesome load of responses from my first FR – thanks to you all.
CO:
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Perhaps if the wing makes sure they say something as part of the group early on as well, to define themselves as a participant as opposed to an observer, and then they can find an excuse to break off with the obstacle after whoever opens the set has focussed on the target.
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This is what I want to do, without it messing up the dynamic. I'm conscious of not only fucking things up for myself, but my wing too. Tell you what, next time I will go with the philosophy 'say anything', and we'll see what happens. It will either work or we'll have something to laugh about over a brew at the end of the night!
You said CO that you were annoyed at leaving that 2 set in Flute. I reckon that had I managed to engage in some way, it would have made it easier. You were probably (on some level) conscious of me stood there as just an observer and it increased your 'ejection propensity' (haha - can I coin that one).
On further reflection, I think the reason I didn't interject during your chat with that set (sixth formers
) is because I didn't understand their response to your question about the tux people. But then after we left I realised that neither did you - we were like 'speech award ceremony' wtf is that?... We could have just pressed for more information and seen where it took us. And as we were saying - plenty of scope for cheeky banter there.
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We were there on our own terms - not other people's. This felt to me like it was significant.
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Absolutely. This only served to put me in a better state to talk to people generally. And that could be a perfect trigger for an opener...
"Hey, my friend and I are chatting about NLP and how much you can read into people's body language. We're sceptical but we find it interesting. What do you reckon? Do you want to try a little experiment with us?"
Could work. I mean, we were flowing when we talking about that stuff, so it would be totally congruent. Dunno... it's like a spur of the moment opinion opener.
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Anyway, a good night man! Onwards!
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Indeed. I'll speak to you tomorrow fella.
K:
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It is normal behaviour, you will not be judged negatively for it nor will you 'give away your power' or anything else of value.
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I have been influenced by other information sources. One of the mantras is never to give away power, never lean in, let her lean in instead. The thing is, if I just give my elocution a bit of thought, I project just fine most of the time. I sometimes have a tendency to speak quite quickly. Basically, I think I could improve this to some degree, but, as you point out, I shouldn't attach so much significance to this.
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Qualifying just happens when you are being authentic. You don't need to think about it or consciously employ it.
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Great examples. I wonder if I could say things like that on the spot though. I guess if I was totally relaxed and not 'within my own head' then I probably could come up with material of similar quality. I thought the same thing when I was reading more Juggler the other day. He gives accounts of saying things which really work, right on the spot. Perhaps improv games and stuff could help here. I think... no I know I can say funny/cheeky stuff on cue - it's just the frequency with which it comes to me.
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Authenticity will demonstrate more value than you ever could consciously.
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Authenticity is what I am striving for. Kind of relates to that other great post doing the rounds at the moment about honesty and not giving a fuck. I dig Tyler's take on this. I shouldn't have to think about it either. As you say, it should be unconscious.
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This is because physical contact is massively important
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I hear you. I'll prioritise this.
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Chill, talk, be authentic and get your hands on them hot little honies.
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Hehe, thanks for distilling everything for me. I need that sometimes. I can ramble like the best of em
MB:
Dude I'm glad something sparked you to contribute because if we're around the same level then hopefully we can bounce stuff off each other and help each other out. Are you in the Manchester 'collective'? I want to come up next time with CO so it would be good to meet you and everyone else.
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The 'Thoughts-per-minute' gauge goes through the roof!
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Yep, I'm totally the same at the moment. My inner monologue goes into overdrive and I regress into my head. The more you think, the harder it gets. I like Tolle on emptying your head and letting your brain be your servant rather than your master. I think being more present and in the 'now' could help with this.
Above all else - trust yourself. I wonder if the reason we internalise all those thoughts you listed is because we think that we
have to think about the approach before we approach. You run through what you're going to say. You pre-suppose their response. You pre-pre-suppose your response to their response. Why do this? Ok have an idea of what your opener is loosely going to be about before you go up perhaps, but leave it at that. And go with the flow. So easy for me to sit here and type this, I wonder if I could take my own suggestion on board... possibly not! But yea, my point is that I think we fool ourselves into thinking we need to deconstruct the approach before it even happens. If you're in a good place mentally then the approach would take care of itself?
Regarding the rejection stuff, I don't know how I feel about that yet to be honest. If my purpose is purely to open my mouth and utter recognisable sounds at people I don't know, then it's never a rejection. Of course when I progress and start going for more in my interactions then fear of rejection may become an issue.
Are you worried about asking for a number or going in for a kiss and getting blown out? I wonder if perhaps we may be able to gauge from the interaction generally whether a number/snog would be forthcoming anyway?
Thanks again guys. A lot here for me to digest, but as K suggested, I should worry about certain things less. Thanks for that link to the spotlight effect dude.